seriousfic

So I, like, tried to write a part with Pepper and Holmes, but then I got bored and decided to just post this.



Title: Elementary, My Dear Pepper
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes/Iron Man
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 835
Characters/Pairings: Tony Stark, John Watson
Summary: For reasons too complicated to be explained ever, Pepper and Watson have switched places. Tony is used to this brave new world.

( It had been one thing when they were roommates in college. Watson had appreciated the medical experience, which would surely come in handy if he was ever on a game show where all the questions pertained to symptoms of venereal diseases. On the whole, in fact, Watson would say he'd seen Stark's dick more than the entirety of the female gender. )

Let me sum up Iron Man 2 for you. In the middle, there's a scene where Nick Fury (unforgivably not played by Stephen Lang) tells Tony Stark that he needs to work on something, so his agents will be holding Tony captive in his house until he's finished with it. It's a good scene, with a witty location and Scarlett Johannson in a catsuit.

Then we see Agent Coulson from the first movie at Tony's house, where he tells Tony that he can't leave until he's done with the project. Then Agent Coulson says he has to leave, there's some continuity porn in New Mexico he has to investigate. It's a fun scene with a great wink to an Easter egg in the original.

Then in the next scene, Tony goes out to buy some strawberries.

Now, you've probably enjoyed all these scenes. You're probably also wondering why the hell they brought in Agent Coulson if he was going to leave five minutes later, and what was the point of SHIELD locking Tony down if he can apparently just walk right out the backdoor like it ain't no thang.

And that's the problem. Someone, somewhere, thought "Hey, we're doing a sequel. It has to be better than the original. The original had one story... what if we had ten stories? Then it would be ten times better!" And there you go. There's just so much STUFF that none of it has any impact or heft.

( Let's go down the numbers. )

Title: Obi
Fandom: Iron Man movieverse
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 476
Characters/Pairings: Tony Stark, Obadiah Stane, references to Tony/Pepper
Summary: Tony doesn't have a dad, but Obadiah does his best.

( Hi Obi, it's me. Do you know if I'm in love with Pepper? )

Title: The Award for Outstanding Unachievement in a Superhero goes to…
Fandom: Iron Man
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Tony/Pepper, Rhodes
Word Count: 1,032
Summary: Pepper Potts has the worst job in the world. (Except maybe for all the others.)

( It’s the commencement speech that finally does it. Pepper’s been hounding him about it for five months (not counting the time he spent imprisoned by terrorists) and then she walks in on him being cut out of his suit. Literally cut out of it. It’s so banged up that Rhodey is using an circular saw on it. )

Title: Armored
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: implied Tony/Pepper
Word Count: 695
Summary: Pepper wonders what it takes to build an Iron Man.

( Little sexy, isn’t it? It’s okay. Girls go crazy for a sharp-dressed man, or so I’m told. )