seriousfic: (Default)
So, umm, apparently David E. Kelly thought he was writing Watchmen? There's a lot of talk about the legality of Diana's actions and a major plot point is if she's associated with the LAPD, which would be bad, because then all her illegal actions would reflect on their cases (basically, Diana is such a shitty superhero that even the LAPD wants nothing to do with her). There's even a line about how Diana is wire-tapping people. Yes, it's some sort of Bush-era metaphor (how original!) in which Wonder Woman is the Bush Administration. Or not. I don't know.

We see Diana chase down a drug dealer and then turn him over to the cops, which a newscaster describes as "Abu Gharibs her quarry." A watching Diana then flips the channel to a critical Dr. Phil and a supportive Nancy Grace. I can't imagine any Diana would care what either of them have to say about her.

Diana is at all times surrounded by Tracie Thoms as Etta Candy (who is her publicist instead of a badass military officer) and Wesley from the Princess Bride, who is the CEO of her company. This whole "superhero running a company" aspect that has never been in continuity is introduced to the audience by a newscaster saying "as we all know" and then saying three lines about the situation. Great exposition there.

Wesley wants Diana to go to the infirmary, even though she's an invincible superhero and all she did was chase down a drug dealer, but she blows him off to go to her Diana Prince identity. This consists of, hilariously, her putting her hair into a ponytail and WEARING A PAIR OF GLASSES. Yes, they actually crib the most nonsensical, grandfather'd in aspect of Superman canon (as well as the "truth, justice, and the American Way" line. Yes, even though Diana isn't America. I know).

And all Diana does in her Diana Prince identity is sit at home and watch TV. And though she has a secret identity, one of her concerns is that her enemies would get to her through her open identity and kill Steve Trevor, which is why she breaks up with him. I just--make sense, damnit!

Also, her cat (because of course she has a cat) is named Sylvester. Mmm, corporate synergy! Shouldn't it be named something Greek?

Then again, maybe not, since no mention is made of Paradise Island, Greek gods, or anything to do with Diana's origin. We get one flashback, which is to Diana breaking up with Steve--because that's the most pressing aspect of her backstory, not how she got her powers or why she fights crime. Apparently, she just went to America and hung out, because she breaks up with Steve specifically to become a crimefighter.

So the first scene (of a WONDER WOMAN SHOW) was of an inner-city youth getting accepted into college and then collapsing because Veronica Cale sold him evil drugs. More on that in a minute, but the kid's mother shows up at Diana and tells her she wants to kill the drug dealer. All Diana says is "leave vengeance to me." I can't help but think that Diana's reaction to homicidal rage should be more, I don't know, even-handed? She's basically the Punisher in this.

Apparently spurred on by meeting the mother, Diana holds a press conference to denounce Veronica Cale (Diana is seemingly very hotheaded in this). She faces the camera and tells Cale "If the police don't get you, I will." Yes, our heroine just threatens to kill someone on national television.

Diana is also a horrible businesswoman, as in a meeting to discuss the Wonder Woman doll they're launching in a week or so, she A. completely ignores what's going on to talk shop with Etta Candy (in the comics, working at TACO BELL was serious business for her) and B. is completely surprised to see how boobtacular her action figure is. Because she didn't look at any of the designs I guess. She has a long rant about all her emotions before going to brood in her office.

Apparently, the Wonder Woman dolls fund all of Diana's crimefighting. Wouldn't, say, a fashion line or a perfume be more her speed? I can't see Beyonce, for instance, raking in most of her dough with Beyonce Barbie.

We don't have time for Diana's background or any of that, but we do have time for Wesley to ask Diana about her relationship with Steve. Good origin story.

Veronica Cale comes in to exchange some lesbian innuendo with Diana, who basically tells her "Give up or I'll kill you." Then she doesn't kill her. The subtext on Cale's part is so thick, and so unreciprocated by Diana, that I think it could count as a case of Psycho Lesbian.

Diana goes to the hospital, first to talk with college kid cut down in the prime of his life, then to interrogate the drug dealer. But even though the show villainizes Cale for using her sexuality to get what she wants, Diana cringeworthingly tells the guard "This outfit opens doors for me." Another detective comes in and lets Diana torture the guy, then doesn't let her use the information she tortured out of him.

And apparently (this is never stated), the lasso can make people tell the truth, but it doesn't compel them to tell the truth, so all Diana can do is slap it on someone and then beat them into talking. She also has a little plane, but it isn't invisible. I'd say David E. Kelley has never read the comics, but watching this, I'm not sure he's read anything. Ever.

Diana has dinner with a senator who's in bed with Cale (possibly literally; see: evil sexualized villain). He says that Diana "genetically isn't human." That's literally the only explanation we get of Diana's powers or origin or anything. For all we know, she might be one of the X-Men.

By the way, Diana's brilliant defense of her brazenly illegal actions is that with the wars, the recession, and unemployment, the U.S. government has bigger fish to fry. You could use that argument for everything. "Why are you stopping me from drinking and driving, don't you know there's a war on!?"

For the record, Veronica Cale's evil plan: She's developing a super-soldier serum for the military and, instead of testing it on, you know, lab animals or something, she's using it on third-world country people who are smuggled into the country (because she can't just test her stuff out of the country). BUT she's also testing it on ghetto kids, which is how Diana gets wind of all this in the first place. Cale ALSO keeps around the failed experiments just for Diana to find and expose, instead of killing them and burning the bodies like a good evil overlord. ALSO, even though Diana has the drug dealer in custody for, what, hours or even days, Cale does nothing to move the facility that's been compromised, even though Diana openly says she's gunning for her. This isn't an idiot plot. It's a developmentally disabled plot.

Of course, Diana is in the swimsuit and HIGH HEELS to go into action. In the comics, Diana puts on armor when she knows she's in for a fight. Here, she takes off her pants.

At the facility, Cale bitches out Diana for all the illegal shit she's done, which is then never tackled, even though Diana has an open identity in this... in fact, an entire corporation! Do you think if Steve Jobs went around throwing pipes through people's throat, he could just go back to work the next day? And also, it's extremely wise for Cale to be there when she knows Diana is coming and Diana has threatened her repeatedly. Diana puts Cale in a chokehold before dropping her. Good lord, THIS is our arch-villain?

So, how does all the legal stuff sort out? Well, it turns out the attorney working Diana's case is Steve Trevor (cough CONFLICT OF INTEREST cough cough) and he immediately dismisses the case. So even though the show has repeatedly emphasized how evil Veronica Cale is for cheating the system and using friends in high places to manipulate shit, Diana does THE EXACT SAME THING and it's played for laughs. She's yukking it up after murdering multiple people a few hours ago.

Also, Steve is married now--it would be really easy for his beau to be Etta Candy, like in the comics, because Tracie Thoms is really playing an entirely different character, but whatever--so I guess they're taking the wildly popular "superhero pervs on a married ex" plot angle from Superman Returns.

Then Diana goes home, as Diana Prince, and has no friends other than her cat, as shown when she starts a Facebook page. I guess Wesley and Etta Candy and even Steve Trevor don't have Facebook accounts.

All in all, if they wanted to make a show about a ruthlessly, corrupt corporate executive who moonlights as a superhero, they should've made an Emma Frost TV show. She wouldn't have complained about her action figure's breasts being too big.

They managed to take Wonder Woman's complicated mythology and not only make it cheap and shabby, but actually make it more convoluted. I was watching it with [livejournal.com profile] prozacpark and she got confused trying to follow the Diana Prince/Diana Themyscira/Wonder Woman concept, while Diana's origin wasn't even touched on. Wonder Woman isn't a character that you can assume a background familiarity with. If you start a Superman or Spider-Man series in media res, people will know what's going on, but you have to take time to introduce Wonder Woman. You can't just say "hey, Wonder Woman" and launch straight into some meta-y critique of the superhero genre, especially when it seems like it's written by someone who's never read a superhero comic in his life.

ETA: By the way, Tracie Thoms (a black woman) plays Etta Candy, a traditionally white (and husky, but she's thin here of course) character. It's worth noting that in the comics, Etta Candy is a badass colonel, while here, she makes Astrid in Fringe look like an A-list character. While Wesley gets all the facetime with Diana, she's a thankless assistant who exists only to remind Diana of her meetings. Read what you like into that.

It's also a little odd that Diana has a secret identity, but all her friends know about it, since I thought the point of a secret ID was mining drama from having to hide it from people. Here, all Diana would have to do if worst came to worst is come up with another cover identity.
seriousfic: (Barda is not the world's best cook)
Title: Sex pollen is not a toy
Fandom: Justice League
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,425
Characters/Pairings: Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, Wonder Woman, Power Girl, Miss Martian
Summary: When Booster and Beetle are infected with sex pollen, are there sexy results? Look at the rating. What do you think?

M'gann couldn't take even the glint of the Bat-glare. 'It's Booster Gold and Blue Beetle! I just wanted them to be happy! I'm sorry! I'll never do it again! Please don't send me to Roswell to be dissected, or part of a crappy teen drama!' )
seriousfic: (The motherfucking princess)
Freddy pulled the trigger again. Just like all the other bullets, his shot hit her bracer, held diagonally across her abdomen. On the news reports, the footage was never good enough to see how the bullet didn't spark like in the movies, it kinda melded with the bracers like mercury.

He still had one bullet left. As long as he had that, he thought she was obliged to be wary. "Big tough super-lady," he spat. "Needs fucking armor to protect her."

She seemed amused. Held her arms at her side. Freddy didn't wait. He pulled the trigger.

The bullet hit her face, leaving a mote of powder burn, and ricocheted. Diana's arm blurred and when Freddy could see it again, her fingers were inches from his face, the bullet pinched between them.

"They're not to protect me."
seriousfic: (Barda is not the world's best cook)
Trying for something a little different here. Instead of smut, a domestic-y look at how Scott/Barda/Diana would probably work in canon. Good evening for Diana = wine, sparring, and sex y/y? Written for [livejournal.com profile] dcx3's Ladies Choice Challenge. It's for threesomes involving at least two women, in case anyone on my f-list happens to be interested in that.

Title: One Moment Between Three People
Fandom: DC comics
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,206
Characters/Pairings: Scott/Barda/Diana
Summary: Diana just happened to be in Barda and Scott’s neighborhood while she was flying her invisible jet.

She dug up a bottle of wine that a vineyard had given her for saving their fields from Despero. They’d been more excited by the photo op than saddened over the damage. She hadn’t had time to get drunk, and hadn’t had anyone to do it with, but at the back of her mind it seemed ungracious to not enjoy the wine. This seemed an elegant solution to that. )
seriousfic: (The motherfucking princess)
Title: Armor
Fandom: Wonder Woman
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 546
Characters/Pairings: Diana/Io
Summary: There’s a reason Io loves Diana.

You have just no idea how special you are, do you? )
seriousfic: (The motherfucking princess)
Title: Hunter’s Lair
Fandom: Wonder Woman
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3,462
Timeline: Sequel to Hunter’s Bird.
Characters/Pairings: Diana/Selina/Donna/Io, references to Donna/Kory
Acknowledgments: Thanks to Tracy for betaing this.
Summary: When Selina drops in on Diana and Io’s date night, it looks like Diana’s affections will be split. But the princess has other ideas.

Donna’s a younger version of me. I try not to hold it against her. )
seriousfic: (Default)
Title: Distraction and Incentive
Fandom: DC Comics
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Barda/Diana, mention of Scott/Barda and Diana/Io
Word Count: 1,100
Summary: Written for the DCU femslash porn battle. Barda/Diana: "my husband thinks you're pretty"; Diana teaches Barda a lesson in love.

My lips aren’t enough for you? My hands aren’t enough for you? *This* isn’t enough for you? )
seriousfic: (Bros Before Hoes)
Title: Infamous Last Words
Fandom: JLA
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Bruce/Clark, Diana
Word Count: 861
Summary: The world’s greatest heroes are moments from death. Now is the time for… embarrassing personal revelations?

“We’re seconds from death. Clark, anything you’d like to say?” “At least we had a few laughs.” )
seriousfic: (The motherfucking princess)
Have you ever had a plot development strike you like lightning out of the blue?

Your story is puttering along in one direction, nicely following the road map you laid out at the beginning of the trip, when suddenly you see a detour and the plot (which is a notorious backseat driver) starts saying "Oooh, oooh, the world's largest ball of twine, let's go see it, canwe-canwe-canwe?" And you just have to say yes because, hey, it's the world's largest ball of twine.

I was at work today, contentedly writing a Batman-Joker action scene (this is the second Batman longfic I've written with Bruno as the Joker's henchmanperson. I swear, [livejournal.com profile] seriousfic is not to Nazi transsexuals as [livejournal.com profile] box_in_the_box is to MILFs) when it occurred to me... what if someone took pictures of the tryst Diana had with Kory and Donna and posted them online (shut up, it's a valid question. What else am I gonna think about, who would win in a fight between Spider-Man and Superman? Spidey, of course, once he mixed up some Kryptonite webbing...)?

Well, Kory would probably want to know what the big deal was since on her world blah blah no-sexuality-taboo-cakes, Donna would freak and Diana would be okay with people seeing her naked, depending on the circumstances. Makes sense for her to be a fan of art, erotica, and boobies the female form, given her background. Of course, all three of them would want to knock around photographer dude for invading their privacy, but at least one of them would say "You could've just asked."

Then I thought, what if someone broke into the Themysciran Embassy's safe and stole the sex tape Dinah and Diana made in Girlfriend? Say... President Luthor (it's set during Greg Rucka's run on Wonder Woman) pulling a Watergate to try to find something incriminating. And then trying to blackmail Diana with it?

Further thought: I'd been treating Diana's bisexuality the way fandom usually treats bisexuality. "They get to have sex with hot people of the same sex, but otherwise everything is exactly the same as canon." Perfectly reasonable, given that writing a cogent gay Bruce Wayne (or anybody) would be outside the scope of most fics. ("My parents are DEAAAAAD!... and I like COOOOOCK!") But if Diana were bisexual, what the hell reason would she have to be coy about it?

Think about it. In canon, Diana is straight but a supporter of gay rights. Now, what could be a bigger support than knowing that the female superhero is LGBT? Canonically, she's straight and she wouldn't lie, but in an AU where she's bisexual?

In my personal fanon, Diana lost her virginity growing up on Themyscira (I know, I know, "we're all her mother," but there were a couple thousand Amazons on Paradise Island and she couldn't have known all of them growing up), thus avoiding an undue emphasis on who deflowered her when she came to Man’s World, if at all, and then... what? She comes to Man's World, and as Perez's naive stranger-in-a-strange-land, perhaps talks with Julia Kapatelis. Diana gets the memo that Man’s World can be… touchy about this sort of thing and decides that the Mission comes first, she’ll just not talk about it ("No comment, no comment."), and after the world has stopped being so hung up on bloodshed, then she can get to work on equal rights.

Time passes, and Diana matures (I kinda hate the common criticism that every writer portrays Diana as a different character, when clearly she’s going through a character arc from young woman to big goddamn heroine. Note how lately she’s become a mentor to Cassie and others), and when the issue is pulled back into her attention… well, why should she give the impression she’s ashamed of it. True, it’s her personal business, but she’s not going to hide. She was the goddess of truth, for Christ’s sake! The same way she wouldn’t deceive by keeping a secret identity (Heinberg, Picoult), she wouldn’t lie by omission when the benefits of coming out of the closet (giving hope and inspirations to tens, perhaps hundreds, of millions) far outweigh the negatives (bigots wouldn’t like her).

And, of course, Barbara would be totally passive-aggressive about the whole thing, because Dinah is her hetero life partner and got punk’d on Diana’s watch, so grrrrrr.

Also, I think it would be awesome if Diana’s response to “do as we say or we’ll out you to the world” was to appear on the cover of every gay magazine on newsstands, find the high school the blackmailer’s kids attend and give a speech about tolerance in the gym, then (for good measure) start flying couples to Themyscira in her invisible jet to perform gay marriages. I mean, what about that is not badass?
seriousfic: (Default)
With spring break coming, I'm going to be working nine and a half hour shifts. Cleaning up after kids and teenagers. Oh, this is going to make me hate humanity, isn't it?

I read through Greg Rucka's run on Wonder Woman and it's made me so want to plot out the Big Gay Love Triangle between Diana, Io, and Artemis. So far, I've got two chapters and the certainty that while Artemis is all about the strap-ons, Io likes cuddling. It is a bit annoying how an entire arc depends on Diana's book being New! And Controversial! And not only is the book (what we read of it) just standard liberal boilerplate, thus matching the intended audience of the comic book, but due to the desire not to offend anyone (probably editorially mandated, true), the comic book's presentation of a controversial book is in and of itself completely non-controversial. The only opponents we see are Lex Luthorette (who hates Wondy unreasonably already) and a boo-hiss Jack Thompson wannabe. And inside the book, there's this kinda bullshit like a picture of a protest with signs like "No blood for oil!" and then a caption that says "Wonder Woman supports this kind of public protest" or something like that. No shit, Diana supports the Constitutional right to assembly? She'd better, otherwise it'd kinda be awkward for her to be wearing the American flag as a bathing suit.

And, of course, in the DC Universe, there was no Iraqi War, so I guess that sign should've read "No hypothetical blood for oil! Hypothetical blood for solar power! Hybrid cars rule!"

I mean, I can see why they did it, as if you make Wonder Woman into a gay marriage supporter, you'd have to turn another A-lister into a gay marriage opposer, and then everybody would be hating on them and the audience would remember that they read comic books to get away from politics.

So I kinda wish that they're given Diana a book that was genuinely controversial and given her some opponents who were realistic. Like some guy pointing out that her gods are complete jerkasses (you'd think the Richard Dawkinses of the DC universe would be all over that. In fact, I'd love a story where Scott Free and Big Barda get followed around by protesting atheists. "We didn't like the old gods, what makes you think we need new ones?"), or asking how a woman from an island with Zero Population Growth can talk about overpopulation or teen pregnancy and not be talking completely out her ass. You know, "the perfect parent is someone with no children" syndrome?

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