seriousfic: (Default)
So. Shailene Woodley. Nice girl. Cast as Mary Jane Watson. New Spider-Man movie.

Now, I'm going to put something out there, you can pick it up, you can leave it on the floor, you can pick it up and then put it in the trash, you can make the extra effort and take it to the recycle bin and figure out if it's plastic or glass or whatever, go green, get Al Gore off your back, it is totally up to you.

But. Shailene Woodley.



Six.
seriousfic: (Default)
Okay, so I already made a post on fixing The Amazing Spider-Man, but that was more of a full rewrite thing. This is, like, five minutes, tops. I actually think it might've been the direction they were going in the movie before they cut the entire thing into seafood.

Okay, so Gwen is worried that Peter will die like she's been worrying about her father since he became a cop (you know, the one moment of characterization she has?). She tells him, hey, quit this Spider-Man gig. He's all, yeah, yeah, as soon as I catch my uncle's killer. Then, you know, he catches him. Or the guy gets picked up running a red light. We can even have Aunt May be the one to tell Peter, give her something to do. So now Peter and Gwen can be 2gether 4ever, right? Only now the Lizard's running around and Peter's feeling responsible for that, so he has to keep being Spider-Man, which Gwen isn't happy about. Boom, conflict, theme.

Also, the ending. I guess they were trying to make Gwen's upcoming death more of a plot point by having Peter be responsible for it, but it doesn't play at all as an ominous moment of "this guy hasn't learnt his lesson." Everyone in the story and behind the scenes treats "Promises you can't keep are the best kind" like Peter has just overcome his fear of flying or something. So instead of this stupid, convoluted sequence of Peter-can't-be-with-Gwen, Gwen-guesses-it-was-her-father's-last-wishes, Peter-decides-he-does-want-to-be-with-her-after-all, how about he just lies? They're at the funeral, Peter's comforting her, she asks if her dad said anything before he dies, Peter makes up something like "He asked me to take care of you." They hug, he looks guilty, to be continued.

It'd be dark and uncomfortable, subversive, instead of just a less ballsy replay of the first movie's denouncement. We're four movies into the Spider-Man series, it's an institution now, they're pretty much guaranteed moneymakers. Superhero movies have stopped being a risky proposition and become a cottage industry. Why not be a little punk rock?
seriousfic: (Default)
One of the things that really bugged me about ASM was that none of the stuff had anything to do with the other stuff. In Raimi's Spider-Man, sure, they had to get Uncle Ben's death origin stuff out of the way, but that led in to Norman Osborn as a father figure and the good son/bad son feud between Peter and Harry. Even the Peter/MJ romance didn't just humanize Peter, it showed how Peter was beating Harry at his own game and thus a more desirable 'son' for Norman.

Then you watch ASM and you have the mystery of the dead parents, which has nothing to do with Peter's hunt for his uncle's killer, which has nothing to do with the Lizard (I guess they're both outcasts... even though even before becoming Spider-Man, Peter is getting hit on by the hottest blonde in school... and Curt Connors himself seems to have a cushy job at a giant corporation... for God's sake, he works with Emma Stone all day!). Oh, and none of that has much to go with Denis Leary or Emma Stone either. It's all just... stuff. There's no clear theme.

So, I had a long day at work and here's a rough outline of how to fix that.

I promise no Black Cat or plot to turn New York City into Lizard World. )

So, there you have it. Something that's at least, like, a thing. All the plots introduced are resolved, with room for certain elements to be revisited down the road (although those elements don't dominate the plot). There's a theme, the hero learns something, and we've "stealth-rebooted" the franchise without any scenes of Spider-Man yet again discovering his powers or making a costume.

ETA: By the way, I know this all seems very dark and gritty, with themes of guilt, anger, vengeance, broken families, but I see it as more of an Alfonso Cuarón style magical realism movie. Taking the essential unreality of Spider-Man and pushing it away from Raimi's style and into its own thing; not Nolan realism. So something as dark and psychological as Kraven's Last Hunt would "fit" into this universe, especially since we've established Kraven and his feud with Spider-Man while not wasting a whole movie on a legit Kraven Big Bad.
seriousfic: (Default)
So I suppose I should codify this into a review at some point, just like my thoughts on Kirsten Dunst's Mary Jane Watson and Emma Stone's Gwen Stacy (for instance... MJ has a character arc, Gwen does not). But let's start small.

Building up to the release of ASM, a lot of the concern was on Andrew Garfield's Peter Parker. He was spotlighted in trailers looking like he was auditioning for the Trenchcoat Mafia and slamming people into lockers. So, is he a nerd or is he a "lone wolf"?

Well, both, to the film's detriment. Garfield's actual performance has all the tics and awkwardness of a nerd (almost too many), but there's a bit where Spider-Man discovers his powers through skateboarding that is slap-worthy (the movie doesn't have the wit to have its bullies torment Peter for his dated, uncool interest in skateboarding) and for some reason he wears a hoodie everywhere. I kinda thought Tom Cruise drove that into the ground with Mission Impossible: The Ghost Protocol, but apparently it has a few more years before being as "cool" as leather trenchcoats.

Basically, the old movie had no bones about Tobey Maguire being a nerd. He looked like a nerd (Andrew Garfield wears contacts until he inexplicably decides to swap them out for his father's eyeglasses), he got picked on (Garfield actually helps out other people who get picked on, just ineffectually), he was invisible to girls (even before becoming Spider-Man, Garfield's Parker quickly catches the eye of Gwen Stacy). That's because it was important to Raimi to have the audience emphasize with Peter before he became Spider-Man. If Marc Webb were making Harry Potter, Harry would have a cool bachelor pad in the cupboard under the stairs, and be introduced shoving Dursley off Cho Chang.

Just for comparison, did any of you guys watch 21 Jump Street? That movie got being a nerd. It had characters blowing chemicals up "for science," throwing ninja stars at pictures of General Zod, making dorky in-joke references to Star Wars--that's how most nerds act. (Oddly, the Webb film makes Gwen Stacy a science nerd--I guess?--then doesn't have her and Peter bond over science at all.) The old saw is that geeks are just people who are passionate about uncool things. Garfield's Peter never strikes me as that kind of passionate; he's just sorta obsessed with his parents, and he uses his father's work as a cheat sheet to get into Connors' good graces and become a superhero. (Remember all the hubbub about how organic webshooters made Peter less smart? Well, I'm sure those fans will love the portrayal of mechanical webshooters here; Parker just swipes the formula for Oscorp, not that anyone seems to know or care that a major corporation's proprietary technology is being used for vigilantism).

The original had a pitch-perfect character arc at work. Peter starts off as a nerd, gets power and uses it for chicks and revenge, but with his uncle's death he realizes he's no better than his tormentors. He just lacked the power to be a victimizer before. The only thing that separates him from bullies, high school or supervillain, is responsibility. It's not just a nerd-revenge fantasy; it's something larger and more human than that, and Raimi smartly added bits to make Peter's behavior justifiable throughout. He wants money to buy a car to impress Mary Jane, he fights back when attacked by Flash, he lets a robber get away after the guy robbed someone that ripped Peter off--all less on-the-nose than the Lee/Dikto Peter deciding he was just going to be an asshole from now on.

The Marc Webb film--doesn't get it right. It wants to kinda co-opt the outcast thing, while always keeping Peter fuckable. Basically, it makes him Finn Hudson from Glee. He's a loser, but he's the coolest loser. In its telling, Peter is already acting heroically as a nerd (standing up for people who get picked on), then he gets powers and is worried he'll die for a while, then he stays out late working with Curt Connors, then he gets into a fight with his aunt and uncle, lets a robber steal from someone he doesn't like, exit Uncle Ben. The simple power of the original arc is buried underneath this insistence on tying everything to Peter's destiny and his long-lost parents. You never get the feeling that Peter has grown or changed; just that he's reacting to various giant-lizard-related shenanigans.

What's weird if that the Marc Webb film is basically a beat-for-beat remake of Raimi's Spider-Man at times, it's just that like an ugly kitbash, it glues on a bunch of superfluous 'stuff'. Just like in the original, Peter gets powers and uses them to accidentally beat up some bullies, but this time it's some random jerks on a subway. Then he humbles Flash non-violently on the basketball court (here, Flash has previously sent Peter home battered and bruised, which Uncle Ben knows), only for the same "beat" of Ben reading Peter the riot act to ensue, leading into the "with great power comes great responsibility" speech (only not in those words and attributed to Richard Parker, just to muddle things).

The worst part is that people are latching onto this movie. Most superhero origin movies, they're kind of awkward. They're adapting comics, after all, which generally consist on an origin issue, then go on for several more issues to introduce the Big Bad and their greatest conflict, so on. So the "hero's origin and his first big adventure" plot arc always flows a little weirdly. People loved the first half of Captain America, where it's just Steve Rogers becoming Cap, but they're not so crazy about him actually being Cap. And people really liked the Batman Begins part where it's beginning, but not so much the microwave bomb plot. Green Lantern and Fantastic Four tried to solve this by basically having the origin be the entire movie, with an ACTION-PACKED THIRD ACT! to balance things out, but it never really works.

What's weird about ASM is that people are going "well, the origin stuff is just a lame retread of the Raimi movie, but then you get to the other half and... it's just lame Lizard stuff. But now the stage is set for a great sequel!" And, you know, I thought the cliche was that origin movies were easy since the superhero has a character arc built-in, but that sequels were hard. Now we're going straight into "okay, it's cool if the first movie is shit, because it's just building to the second one." There's nothing in the first movie to build on. If you just skipped the origin altogether and started off with Peter visiting his uncle's grave; "boy, Uncle Ben, these superpowers are crazy! There's this cute girl named Gwen Stacy I like. I wonder what happened to my long-lost parents?"

Would anyone have minded? I'm serious now; there's nothing that happens in Amazing Spider-Man that can't go backwards. When the second movie comes around, they can just say "oh, he's dating Gwen, that's nice!" or "oh, they're apart, that's sad" and either one will make just as much sense. It's like Basic Instinct. The whole movie is set up to go either way on whether Sharon Stone is innocent, so there's not any point in watching anything but the last thirty seconds. This extends to the long-lost parents. There is nothing revealed about them other than "Oscorp did something shady". The second movie can do anything from "oh, Peter's father is Darth Vader" to "they were both raped by the Kevin Smith Mysterio."

Now, the Raimi films, they had forward momentum. End of the first movie, Harry has a grudge against Spider-Man. Second movie: Harry's grudging on Spider-Man and he enlists Doc Ock to go after him. He finds out who Spider-Man is. Third movie: He goes after Spider-Man/Peter Parker. That's not even mentioning how the Peter/MJ relationship grew.

This is the simplest comic book plotting in the world, but it worked and it engaged the audience. Amazing Spider-Man can't even get that right.
seriousfic: (Spider-Man Night Fever)
Peter: What's this? My dad's old suitcase?

Uncle Ben: Oh yeah. Your father gave that to me before he died. The last thing he said to me before he died was that I keep it safe. It was his dying wish. (beat) I forgot all about it!

Peter: Hmmm… a newspaper clipping hidden inside! It's about my father and someone named Curt Connors! This is brand-new information!

Audience: Uh, if it's from a NEWSPAPER, then it's a matter of public record.

Peter: Maybe if I search for this on Bing, I might find some answers!

Audience: Seriously? That's what leads to this major revelation of your dead father's life? An internet search?

Peter: Well! My father used to work for Oscorp!

Audience: ALL THAT TOOK WAS A SEARCH ON THE INTERNET?

Peter: Well, to be fair, I was using Google before, like a normal person. Bing, that makes all the difference.

Can you spoil a movie where NOTHING HAPPENS? )
seriousfic: (Default)
I'm taking a cue from Cracked in trying to write freakishly enticing article titles. But I'm serious, if these ideas were followed, they would have actually saved money and resulted in a better movie.

One of the big problems surrounding Spider-Man 3 was that for a story revolving around revenge and forgiveness, it had four whole characters all expressing almost the same point: Peter wants revenge for Uncle Ben, Harry wants revenge for his father, Sandman ends up wanting revenge for... I guess his daughter died because Peter stopped him from robbing banks which would've let him pay for a cure to be developed for a disease in a matter of days? Or something? Even Eddie wanted revenge on Peter. With the final lesson being that villains can be nice people too. You'd think Peter would've learned that after the last two villains he fought turned out to be sympathetic. And Eddie was unrepentantly evil, so I guess he should've unlearned that lesson instead of... relearning it?

Also, the way the film chose to get Peter to a place where he wanted revenge was to invoke Uncle Ben's murder, which came off as contrived. So, some other options.

1. Flint Marko was responsible for the deaths of Peter's biological parents. It's true the audience isn't as invested in them as Uncle Ben, but a quick flashback could at least make you sympathize with Peter's feelings of loss and anger (if that's too much to ask, have an emotional scene of him visiting their graves). And if it's too contrived that Peter would lose three members of his family to violent crime (it is), say Marko was a drunk driver, arsonist, or some such.

2. Have Harry attack MJ to get to Peter. Instead of an annoying subplot about Peter and Mary-Jane having drama, then MJ getting kidnapped at the end like always, Harry goes for MJ right off the bat. Don't fridge her; that would make Harry too unsympathetic. But if she were traumatized or severely injured, even unintentionally (Harry goes to confront MJ, accidentally freaks out when he's with her), then we have a vengeful Peter and no reset button hit on their relationship. Plus, we can have the subtext that with MJ out of commission, Peter is a worse man, thematically selling the audience on the importance of their relationship. When MJ wakes up, she forgives Harry and encourages Peter to work it out peacefully.

3. Harry creates Sandman. Just to get away from the "nice guy gets zapped by wacky science experiment" origin, have Harry create his own pet supervillain (possibly choosing Flint because of his connection to Peter, see point one. That makes more sense than someone Peter hates randomly getting superpowers, right?). Harry orders Sandman to kill Spider-Man, Sandman turns out to be a Spidey fan and balks, trying to simply rob banks to get money for his daughter's treatment (originally, Harry offered to use Oscorp resources to find a cure). So ironically, Sandman is more noble than the vengeful Spider-Man, as he just needs the money for his daughter. Which is the point Raimi was going for. Also, it seems like a logical progression for rich bitch Harry to try sending someone else to do his dirty work before trying a weird chemical on himself to get superpowers.

4. Have Mary-Jane tell Harry how Norman Osborn died. Harry won't listen to Peter, but MJ is a third party. She can convince him in a big "Acting!" moment for everyone involved. She could even have been trying to tell him this earlier when he freaked out and hurt her, making him more inclined to listen to her now, also strengthening the theme. MJ's forgiveness of Harry leads to Harry's forgiveness of Peter, which saves the day. This also gives Mary-Jane a nicely feminist "hero moment" without some dumb Michael Bay moment of her grabbing a shotgun and going to town.

5. Kill Sandman's daughter. After she passes away, possibly at the hands of a desperate Harry, Sandman finally gives into vengeance, turns into a kaiju monster, and goes after Spider-Man. Only with Harry's help can Peter defeat him. Harry dies saving Peter, redeeming himself, and Sandman gives up after an impassioned plea from Peter, leading to the 'dust in the wind' ending. We see the lesson that Peter learned, that vengeance doesn't solve anything, and see how he applies it in not seeking revenge for Harry's death. Theme!

6. Simplify the symbiote. Have Professor Connors be studying the symbiote, for whatever reason, when Peter happens by the lab. The symbiote notices Peter's a superhuman and escapes to bond with him. Much less random than a meteor landing. The symbiote in this scenario can be a science experiment Connors is giving an opinion on or an alien lifeform he's been sent (say, a sample from a NASA probe that no one knows is alive until Peter walks in). Peter gets rid of the symbiote--and that's it. The general audience think the church bell killed it, while comic book fans know that as soon as Eddie walks into a confessional, it's back on. Just have a shot of it flowing into a crack in the stone, seemingly dead. Then the next movie can spend the first act on Eddie's grievances with Peter before he goes to the church and gets slimed. We can also quickly turn it into a buddy movie, with Peter applying the lesson of forgiveness he learned in this movie to team up with Venom and go after Carnage.

7. Have Kaiju!Sandman attack the Daily Bugle. This is just a thought, but instead of having MJ in danger for the umpteenth time, have the Sandman rampaging through the city, attacking the Daily Bugle. The audience cares about the characters there just as much as MJ, and it would be really fun to have J. Jonah Jameson as a damsel in distress.

8. Have Harry responsible for Peter's fall from grace. Okay, so it is an organic progression that after two movies, New York has learned to trust Spider-Man and made him a hero, and Peter can get a big head from this (although what this has to do with the theme of him being vengeful I don't know. Maybe the symbiote feeds on general bad behavior, like leaving the caps off toothpaste?). This should still tie into the plot. Have Harry run a smear campaign which takes away Peter's beloved fame, making him more angry and vengeful. Harry should be coming at Peter from all sides!

9. Eliminate Gwen Stacy's character. What's the point of introducing this character two movies after the Green Goblin? So she can be killed off in a different circumstance, only now she isn't even the woman Peter loves, but just a good friend? If you're going to do a temptation subplot, use Black Cat. That's actually an easier sell--Gwen wouldn't go after Peter when he's with MJ, but Black Cat wouldn't know that Spider-Man's in a relationship. Hence, Black Cat hitting on him is more sympathetic than Gwen hitting on him. Not that Felicia should show up in this movie; we're still playing with Peter's fear of losing MJ.

So it goes A. Peter wants MJ, but can't have her. B. Peter wants MJ, gets her. C. Peter has MJ and their relationship is still in the "first blush" cutie stage, then he almost loses her. D. (Spider-Man 4, if it ever gets made) Peter and MJ have been together long enough for problems to develop in their relationship.

That's much better than Peter and MJ getting together, then immediately being at loggerheads, wouldn't you say?

10. No amnesia storyline. This is a really blunt way to get Harry out of commission while the movie does other things (see: Sandman spending half an hour in a drainage pipe). If you're not going to deal with Green Goblin just yet, have him play possum to lure Peter into a false sense of security. Or just have him struggling with the decision to go after Peter until the plot's ready. More thematic material--Harry tries to forgive Peter, but can't, which is the beginning of the end for him.
seriousfic: (Default)
So I was thinking about Spider-Man 3 the other day (which is more than Avi Arad ever did. BOOSH!) and man, Raimi really got screwed two ways there. I mean, firstly, Venom was never going to happen. He wasn't a fan of the character and more than that, it's obvious the kind of grim gritty grim darkness that fans would want to see the storyline handled with just wasn't in his wheelhouse. His conception of Spider-Man's character and reality just had too much playfulness to indulge in that kind of cynicism. I mean, can you imagine the WB saying to Chris Nolan "Hey, loved Dark Knight, but for the third movie, you should put in Clayface. He's really popular with the fans, so just think of a way to make a walking mass of sentient clay work in your little movie film. Also, can Batman make more wisecracks?"

And the solution Raimi came up with was pretty good, even if it only showed up half-formed for the film--that the symbiote doesn't make Peter cool, it just makes him a geek who acts like a dick. And maybe that just wasn't what fans wanted. Maybe they really wanted that Nutty Professor arc of Peter coming to see it's better to be a lovable loser than a cool jock.

More than that, but the Venom arc is actually really uncinematic. Not in that it's undramatic or cerebral, but that it just doesn't fit into a traditional three-act structure. To do the storyline any justice, you have to have Peter get the symbiote (you can see both how rushed the film was and how much Raimi didn't give a shit in Venom's origin on-screen: a fucking meteor lands next to Peter), then you have to have the symbiote turn Peter into a monster, then he gets rid of the symbiote, and then FINALLY you get to Venom. So obviously Peter gets infected somewhere in the first act, then you can't just have him say "This thing sucks!" and get rid of it five minutes later, so the second act is Peter being a jerk, which leaves only the third act for Venom. Which is what happened in the final movie.

Now, what might've worked was to make Eddie getting the symbiote into a cliffhanger ending. Of course, Spider-Man 2 already ended on "Oh no, a supervillain knows Spider-Man's secret identity", so that leaves Spider-Man 4 with "Oh no, a supervillain knows Spider-Man's secret identity and Peter... doesn't give a shit about kicking his ass." But even so, there's a work-around. You could have some Venom vs. Spidey antics in Spider-Man 4, leading to Carnage and the classic scenario of them working together against him. You could even get really fancy and have some sort of symbiote apocalypse/Maximum Carnage scenario. And if Spidey and Venom aren't enough, you can always call in an expert on evil entities running around possessing people and turning them into monsters...


If you'll excuse me, I have to go masturbate vigorously to this idea now.
seriousfic: (Spider-Man Night Fever)
Sometimes, I get this weird feeling that people from Scans_Daily are hanging out here. Not, like, trolling me or anything paranoid like that, but that there are people who are interested in my take on the news and they come here. Narcissistic of me, I know, but I recognize a few names. But guys, if you're all that interested in my commentary, I do have sockpuppets.


lol j/k... OR AM I?

Anyway, you're going to love this post. I was thinking about the Spider-Man reboot yesterday... this was possibly more than the people doing the reboot have done... and I was thinking of the how so far, the changes they've made to justify a reboot have lacked rhyme or reason.

It's an upcoming comic book movie. As a comic fan, I'm sure to be unfailingly optimistic. )

So, what are some things they could've done to set apart Spider-Man from... Spider-Man? Thinking caps on.

Can I bring this around to attractive women kissing? Let's find out! )
seriousfic: (Spider-Man Night Fever)
Hello, inevitable readers from [livejournal.com profile] box_in_the_box's link. So, as some of you may know, Peter Parker is now dating a character named Carlie Cooper, who is basically Anthony from For Better Or Worse without the moustache with a very faint moustache. She's a love interest who is utterly perfect for Peter, and if you don't believe, you can just ask every character in the Spider-Man comics. And in a move that is not at all out of a mix between Greek tragedy and a metafictional Stephen King novel, she's named after Joe Quesada's daughter. However, I got a look at the script for the next issue, and I think that might have backfired on them…

Warning: This is the most fucked-up thing I've written in, like, two entire weeks. )
seriousfic: (Spider-Man Night Fever)
Yes, the last "oh god, what have you done to Spider-Man's history!" story. Let's start at the beginning. One of writer J. Michael Straczynski's friends was involved in an affair. Naturally, details are a bit fuzzy, but suffice to say the complicated feelings this stirred up gave JMS the idea of dirtying Gwen's character a little. Now, while it's a good idea in theory to take the saint-like Gwen's memory and then reveal she was a real, flawed person, I find the idea that she cheated on Peter to be uncreative, and fail-y in how the concept of a flawed Gwen jumps immediately to sex. I just feel there are other, less juvenile ways to tell that kind of story. Ways that don't make you want to take a shower.


Maybe America is finally ready to learn of Gwen's $1500 a day Fabergé egg habit.

Moreover, I would ask why you would want to develop the character of a dead woman, especially when Spider-Man's supporting cast was so conspicuously absent from the JMS run. Weren't we overdue for a nice Robbie Robertson yarn?

OSBORN! )
seriousfic: (Cat/Spider)
I think I've got it! So we all know Spider-Man 3 kinda blew, but it's understandable. They had already done Doc Ock and Green Goblin. It's not Sam Raimi's fault that he didn't get Venom. But what else could he do to close out the trilogy? Green Goblin II? We already saw that. Giving him a skateboard does not magically make James Franco > Willem Dafoe.

Here's what they should've done, though. The Sinister Six. The thing is, a lot of Spider-Man's rogue gallery just can't carry a movie. Can you really picture Tobey Maguire fighting the the Kangaroo for two hours? (I can. It's strangely erotic.)

But if you take five TV or character actors, your Robert Englunds, your Lance Henricksens, your wrestlers-turned-actors (looking at you, Rhino), and throw them together under Harry Osborn's leadership, you've got yourself a movie. Let's say Harry is really fucking pissed. Not only did Spider-Man kill his father, but it was his best friend the whole time! The whole time, he was being lied to, manipulated, stabbed in the back. No, it's not enough to kill Spider-Man. He has to DESTROY him.

In the movie, as you'll recall, Harry just doses himself with goblin serum and goes out to kill Peter on a glider. Because that worked out so well for his father. Geez, at least wait until he's on the crapper or something.

So here, Harry uses his resources to recruit and equip five supervillains, thus saving us the trouble of doing a movie where freakin' Mysterio has a deep personal connection to Peter Parker, or giving them all backstories. They like money and they weren't held enough as children. That's it. We've got Chameleon and Mysterio to frame Spider-Man for murder and even make him look like a literal spider-monster. Vulture and Kraven the Hunter to dog his steps. And Black Cat to seduce him as part of that whole broken spirit thing. You could even make that into a plot twist, saving it until the very end and then having Harry announce "We're not the Sinister Six. Technically, we're the Sinister Seven."

See, on their own, all of them are pretty lame (except for BC, but still, ridiculously hot is not a superpower and neither is being really lucky). Kraven's a Most Dangerous Game rip-off, and no one's ever going to top Ice-T's seminal "Surviving The Game". Vulture is an old guy who can fly, so he's basically like any Goblin ever, only he can't climb stairs and he doesn't have explosives. Mysterio's defining characteristic is, depending on the writer, either have a fishbowl for a head or being raped (thanks Kevin Smith!). And Chameleon's power is looking like someone he isn't really. So if you tried to shoot him, his defense would be making it look as if you shot, say, Tim Curry. Monster. Oh, but feel free to replace any of these guys with the Rhino. If Sam Raimi thinks he can get an entire movie out of Malkovich!Vulture, who am I to argue?

Warning: Contains no emo disco-dancing. )
seriousfic: (Cat/Spider)
Look, Marvel, if you write Peter Parker as a creeper, I'm going to write fics where he's a caring human being. Cause and effect, baby.

Title: Don’t look at my face (unless you want to see my eyes)
Fandom: Spider-Man
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,033
Characters/Pairings: Peter/Felicia
Author’s notes: Written for [livejournal.com profile] prozacpark’s birthday, since I herd u liek Peter/Felicia. (Helen, if your feedback doesn’t begin “fuck yeah Peter/Felicia!”, I’ll be extremely disappointed.) This takes place back when Peter and Felicia were first dating, in Spectacular Spider-Man volume one.
Summary: There’s the morning after, and then there’s the morning after-and-oh-yeah-she-ripped-off-my-secret-identity-protecting-mask-during-our-incredibly-hot-spontaneous-sex.

Peter didn’t wake up in his own bed on October 3rd. He knew this because, firstly, it was actually soft, and second, because there were arms twined over his chest. They were also soft. )
seriousfic: (Spider-Man Night Fever)
If I'd been really honest with the pairings, it'd be something like "references to Thor/Ororo, Tony/Natasha, and Felicia being Felicia."

Title: Spidey’s Got A Girlfriend 2: Girlfriend Harder!
Fandom: Marvel Adventures Avengers
Rating: PG
Word Count: 5,585
Characters/Pairings: Peter/MJ, Jan, Ororo, the Avengers, and special guest Spider-love interests!
Last Part: Spidey’s Got A Girlfriend!
Summary: So Peter’s dating someone. Someone secret. Well, what if she’s a shapeshifter or a stalker or an alien? Or all three? It’s a good thing Peter has friends like Jan and Ororo to find out who he’s dating, and if she’s a shapeshifting alien stalker.

Jan pointed a finger in Tigra’s face. “Are you now or have you ever been Spidey’s girlfriend?” )
seriousfic: (Spider-Man Night Fever)
Title: Spidey’s got a girlfriend!
Fandom: Marvel Adventures Avengers
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3,168
Characters/Pairings: Peter/MJ, the Avengers, Dr. Doom
Summary: The Avengers were born to handle emergencies no single superhero could withstand, like alien invasions, doomsday plots, and Spider-Man getting lucky (!).

“Ah, for christ’s sake!” Logan jerked out of his nap. “Isn’t it obvious the boy’s been getting some trim? He reeks of redhead!” )
seriousfic: (Spider-Man Night Fever)
Title: It’s The Fight That Counts
Fandom: Spider-Man comics
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,942
Characters/Pairings: Peter/MJ, Felicia Hardy, a number of surprise guests
Summary: Mary-Jane just found the perfect birthday present for Peter. The only problem is, Felicia did too.

You did not just compare my feelings for Spider to *Twilight*, hooker. )
seriousfic: (Spider-Man Night Fever)
Title: What Friends Are For
Fandom: Marvel comics
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,488
Characters/Pairings: Peter/MJ
Author’s Notes: Betaed by [livejournal.com profile] lurkslikefox
Summary: Mary-Jane learns Peter’s a virgin. She decides to help him with that.

Hey, I know you’re not an expert, but it works better if you’re not wearing clothes. )
seriousfic: (Spider-Man Night Fever)
Title: The Cost of Wearing Masks
Fandom: Spider-Man movieverse
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,600
Author’s Note: Betaed by [livejournal.com profile] htbthomas. Takes place after the events of Spider-Man 2, assuming Spider-Man 3 never happened.
Next Part: Chapter 2
Characters/Pairings: Peter/MJ, Harry Osborn, Otto Octavius
Summary: As Harry Osborn descends into madness and Otto Octavius returns from the grave, Peter has just one thing on his mind: Mary-Jane called off her wedding to be with him. Holy shit.

Then again, maybe he had been lucky to get an excuse to clear his head before facing Mary-Jane. She’d literally stopped her wedding for him. Awful lot of pressure to put on a guy. )
seriousfic: (Cat/Spider)
So, it's done and betaed. My definitive critique of Brand New Day/fix-it fic/darkfic/straight-up shippiness. The one good story I could see being built from One More Day. Bon appetit.

Title: I Remember I Told You ‘I Love You’ (but it might’ve just been a dream)
Fandom: Spider-Man BND
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4,186
Next Part: Chapter 2
Author’s Note: Betaed by [livejournal.com profile] lurkslikefox.
Characters/Pairings: Peter/Felicia, Heroes for Hire, references to Peter/MJ
Summary: When Peter took Mephisto’s deal, it was only because he knew he would find Mary-Jane again. He never thought he’d find Felicia Hardy first.

Next Part: Chapter 2

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