Fic: The LESBIAN Trap (ASSBAR)
Aug. 13th, 2008 08:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficTitle: The LESBIAN Trap
Fandom: All-Star Batman and Robin (you heard me)
Rating: R
Word Count: 724
Characters/Pairings: Barbara/Diana/Dinah, Bruce, Dick
Summary: Bruce teaches his ward about lesbians.
They part and flow together like statues of CLAY, melting, very poetic. Very beautiful, so long as you’re at a DISTANCE. Once you get in close, with the BINOCULARS and the MICROPHONES, you can see them as animals. Fighting as SAVAGELY as any lioness ever did on the Serengeti. But it’s not BLOOD they’re after. It’s just the thrill of the HUNT.
Batman lowered his binoculars. His ward, partner, RESPONSIBILITY, Dick Grayson, didn’t. Age ten. Probably hadn’t even thought of girls yet. Still pure for all his youthful idiocy. Best to inoculate him now, before sex could get its HOOKS into him.
“Look at them,” Batman growled. “The princess doesn’t want men; no, she wants to BE a man.” Diana is still beautiful, even with her hair cut short like a RAZED forest and her perfect body turned into a WEAPON of muscles rather than the decadent SOFT thing it was meant to be. “And the little one wants a man, but she wants attention more. Dykes are TRES CHIC.” Barbara is still wearing her mask, protecting her PRECIOUS secret identity. What would her father think of her, staying out late, fighting crime? Going DOWN on an Amazon WARRIOR.
He stayed silent on the subject of Dinah. She was a mystery worthy of the great detective. He’d given her HOT MEAT like it was THANKSGIVING, and she was still riding Diana’s THIGH like a RODEO CLOWN. Those TITS had looked good up close, but they looked BETTER stretched out by Amazon TEETH, one step away from love, one step away from blood. Suspended like a BIRD on the WIRE, his BLACK CANARY.
The hunt chases a new SCENT, the animals hunger for FRESH meat. Little Barbara Gordon is served up, pulled away from the BLACK HOLE SUCTION of Diana’s WOMANLY NEED and hit from both sides. Batman wonders if it’s ZEUS sending down those thunderbolts, but then HE isn’t the one being WORSHIPPED. It’s DINAH after that cheerleader ass and DIANA sniffing around that hairless pussy.
“Pay close attention, punk,” Batman says. “This is how Gotham gets you. Makes the men cold, hard. When the women can’t get love from their man, they turn to their girlfriends. HEH. Don’t think they’re weak for wanting some LOVE AND AFFECTION, they’re wired that way. But we can’t give it to them, even when the alternative is this. Our lover is LADY GOTHAM, and she TAKES IT UP THE ASS.”
But it’s not love and affection Diana wants. With a body like that and an itinerary like hers, she could go anyplace and have any MAN she wants. Island full of WOMEN… wonder how someone’d turn out. They’d turn out WRONG, that’s how. Now she wants to be treated like ROYALTY. Royally FUCKED is more like it. No one makes LOVE in Gotham, they fuck. But these girls are beyond even that, the BITCHES. They RUT like dogs in heat.
Barbara Gordon’s being PLUNDERED like a sinking ship by the COLD SEA. Diana’s pumping out AGGRESSION and Barbara’s GORGING herself, not sure she can HANDLE it even as she begs Dinah to DOUBLE-TEAM her. The Irish lass is happy to oblige; maybe she was raised by a SINGLE MOTHER. It would explain a LOT.
“I’m coming with Wonder Woman, I’m coming with Wonder Woman, I’m coming with Wonder Woman!” Barbara shrieks. “How cool is that!?”
Between the two of them, Barbara’s howling like a coyote caught in a bear trap. But it’s a LESBIAN trap, designed to snap shut on the unwary, the innocent, the young. She thought it was cute when it was all SOFT KISSES and listening to K.D. LANG MUSIC, but now she sees it for what it really is as her orgasm BURNS HER ALIVE. The omega wolf is eaten alive by the alphas, picked clean to skin and bones and an AFTERGLOW like debris settling from an explosion.
“If Gotham can’t break you, it’ll bend you. The cold bitch got into their minds and turned them against the male sex. There’s hope for them, but we can’t force it. I tried that once and got PEPPER SPRAY in my eyes. All we can hope is that in time, they’ll realize that the next best thing to a dick is a dick.”
“Dude, don’t you ever shut up? I’m trying to watch this.”
Fandom: All-Star Batman and Robin (you heard me)
Rating: R
Word Count: 724
Characters/Pairings: Barbara/Diana/Dinah, Bruce, Dick
Summary: Bruce teaches his ward about lesbians.
They part and flow together like statues of CLAY, melting, very poetic. Very beautiful, so long as you’re at a DISTANCE. Once you get in close, with the BINOCULARS and the MICROPHONES, you can see them as animals. Fighting as SAVAGELY as any lioness ever did on the Serengeti. But it’s not BLOOD they’re after. It’s just the thrill of the HUNT.
Batman lowered his binoculars. His ward, partner, RESPONSIBILITY, Dick Grayson, didn’t. Age ten. Probably hadn’t even thought of girls yet. Still pure for all his youthful idiocy. Best to inoculate him now, before sex could get its HOOKS into him.
“Look at them,” Batman growled. “The princess doesn’t want men; no, she wants to BE a man.” Diana is still beautiful, even with her hair cut short like a RAZED forest and her perfect body turned into a WEAPON of muscles rather than the decadent SOFT thing it was meant to be. “And the little one wants a man, but she wants attention more. Dykes are TRES CHIC.” Barbara is still wearing her mask, protecting her PRECIOUS secret identity. What would her father think of her, staying out late, fighting crime? Going DOWN on an Amazon WARRIOR.
He stayed silent on the subject of Dinah. She was a mystery worthy of the great detective. He’d given her HOT MEAT like it was THANKSGIVING, and she was still riding Diana’s THIGH like a RODEO CLOWN. Those TITS had looked good up close, but they looked BETTER stretched out by Amazon TEETH, one step away from love, one step away from blood. Suspended like a BIRD on the WIRE, his BLACK CANARY.
The hunt chases a new SCENT, the animals hunger for FRESH meat. Little Barbara Gordon is served up, pulled away from the BLACK HOLE SUCTION of Diana’s WOMANLY NEED and hit from both sides. Batman wonders if it’s ZEUS sending down those thunderbolts, but then HE isn’t the one being WORSHIPPED. It’s DINAH after that cheerleader ass and DIANA sniffing around that hairless pussy.
“Pay close attention, punk,” Batman says. “This is how Gotham gets you. Makes the men cold, hard. When the women can’t get love from their man, they turn to their girlfriends. HEH. Don’t think they’re weak for wanting some LOVE AND AFFECTION, they’re wired that way. But we can’t give it to them, even when the alternative is this. Our lover is LADY GOTHAM, and she TAKES IT UP THE ASS.”
But it’s not love and affection Diana wants. With a body like that and an itinerary like hers, she could go anyplace and have any MAN she wants. Island full of WOMEN… wonder how someone’d turn out. They’d turn out WRONG, that’s how. Now she wants to be treated like ROYALTY. Royally FUCKED is more like it. No one makes LOVE in Gotham, they fuck. But these girls are beyond even that, the BITCHES. They RUT like dogs in heat.
Barbara Gordon’s being PLUNDERED like a sinking ship by the COLD SEA. Diana’s pumping out AGGRESSION and Barbara’s GORGING herself, not sure she can HANDLE it even as she begs Dinah to DOUBLE-TEAM her. The Irish lass is happy to oblige; maybe she was raised by a SINGLE MOTHER. It would explain a LOT.
“I’m coming with Wonder Woman, I’m coming with Wonder Woman, I’m coming with Wonder Woman!” Barbara shrieks. “How cool is that!?”
Between the two of them, Barbara’s howling like a coyote caught in a bear trap. But it’s a LESBIAN trap, designed to snap shut on the unwary, the innocent, the young. She thought it was cute when it was all SOFT KISSES and listening to K.D. LANG MUSIC, but now she sees it for what it really is as her orgasm BURNS HER ALIVE. The omega wolf is eaten alive by the alphas, picked clean to skin and bones and an AFTERGLOW like debris settling from an explosion.
“If Gotham can’t break you, it’ll bend you. The cold bitch got into their minds and turned them against the male sex. There’s hope for them, but we can’t force it. I tried that once and got PEPPER SPRAY in my eyes. All we can hope is that in time, they’ll realize that the next best thing to a dick is a dick.”
“Dude, don’t you ever shut up? I’m trying to watch this.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-08-13 01:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-13 01:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-13 05:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 03:28 pm (UTC)THEY'RE BIGGER THAN REGULAR LETTERS! START SENTENCES AND SHIT! CREATE SOME PROPER NOUNS AND MOTHERFUCKING ACRONYMS! HELLS YES!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-13 06:35 pm (UTC)It's perfect Asbar crack. Absolutely perfect.
Oh, mummy.
*dies*
no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 03:26 pm (UTC)Then Bruce would give the reader a thumb's up and say "I love being the goddamn Batman!"
no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 03:36 pm (UTC)What, literally running him over with a locomotive?
Thumbs-up Bruce sounds like fun though.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 03:40 pm (UTC)Although with genders reversed, obviously, because the Goddamn Batman ain't no homo! "It's only GAY if balls TOUCH," he might be heard to say. "And Superman's a GODDAMN KRYPTONIAN! It's MORE like BESTIALITY! You wouldn't call a MAN gay if he had SEX WITH a female GOAT!"
no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 03:43 pm (UTC)*snigger snigger snigger*
I'm slightly scared at how well you channel the Goddamn Batman.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-13 06:35 pm (UTC)You also owe me a new keyboard.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 03:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 04:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 04:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 04:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 04:50 pm (UTC)"MY CITY! I--cannotdenyher. My city SCREAMS! She is my... mother, my... lover. AndIamher... SPIRIT!"
no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 04:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-13 11:48 pm (UTC)I think I might love you--just a little--for writing this fic. I can actually see Miller writing something like this in ASBAR, provided you throw in a bit more misogyny and someone getting their teeth knocked out.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 03:23 pm (UTC)liberalstupid than he is.It would probably be the best thing Jim Lee's ever drawn.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-14 01:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-15 03:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-15 07:28 pm (UTC)That's the most utterly brilliant CRACK I've read in ever such a LONG time.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-18 02:02 am (UTC)*rolls about shrieking with glee*
I can't begin to express the face-cracking strain of the grin that's on my face right now. RAWK-OH-RIFFIC. Ohhh, I loved this fic so much. You made me actually glad I bought the "goddamn" thing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-01 04:46 am (UTC)I am afraid that vaginas will COME in the night and eat me.
Save me Batman!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-14 07:29 pm (UTC)