seriousfic

Title: Marry The Knight
Fandom: Batman
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 11,329
Characters/Pairings: Bruce/Harley/Ivy, Selina Kyle, Lois Lane, Barbara Gordon
Summary: How do you stop Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy from marrying rich and killing their husbands for the inheritance? Well, if you’re Bruce Wayne, you can always marry them yourself.

Fixing Harley with a stare, Ivy revealed her garter belt, and the small vial enclosed in it. “Something I won’t be giving to the next man to get married.” She held out the vial to Harley. “A custom-made STD by yours truly. The minute that man penetrates you, his days are numbered.”

“But, uhh—I kinda prided myself on always having safe sex.”

Ivy patted her on the head. “Don’t worry about it. You’ll just be a carrier. The virus will have no effect on you, and in twenty-four hours, it’ll pass through your system. You just have to bed our dearly to-be-departed husband before then.”

“Righto!” Harley saluted smartly. “Is it fruit-flavored?”

Ivy smiled. “Harl, you ask the most incisive questions. Find out.”

Title: When You Wish Upon A Fishnet Stocking
Fandom: Smallville
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,603
Characters/Pairings: Chloe, Zatanna, Clark, Lex, Lois, Tess, Jimmy, references to Chloe/Davis and Clark/Lois
Author’s Notes Spoilers for 8x17 Hex.
Summary: When one of Zatanna’s spells goes out of control, everyone in Metropolis starts having their wishes granted. A surprising amount of references to the 1988 film Willow ensue.

( Zatanna! How would you like it if Davis used a wish to make wild monkey love to you? … Don’t think about it! That’s my wish-husband you’re fantasizing about! )

Title: If You Loved Me (Which You Don’t)
Fandom: Smallville
Rating: PG
Word Count: 465
Timeline: Takes place after 8x06 Committed
Characters/Pairings: Clark/Lois
Summary: Lois is very adamant that lie detectors don’t work.

( The first week, it was just awkward silences giving way to conspicuous mentions of dates Lois was going on. Clark tolerated that; even squelched the overprotective instinct he got. The second week, Lois sent an “interesting” article on how lie detectors weren’t admissible in court to Chloe and CCed it to him. The third week, her idle conversations tended to revolve around the many ways one could beat a lie detector. By the fourth week, Clark had had enough. )

Title: Bereft
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Lois Lane, Batman
Word Count: 1,333
Summary: Seven months after Superman goes missing, Batman arrives to pick up some of the pieces.

( Bank robbery foiled, crooks say Gotham’s Batman to thank. )