seriousfic

Title: Marry The Knight
Fandom: Batman
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 11,329
Characters/Pairings: Bruce/Harley/Ivy, Selina Kyle, Lois Lane, Barbara Gordon
Summary: How do you stop Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy from marrying rich and killing their husbands for the inheritance? Well, if you’re Bruce Wayne, you can always marry them yourself.

Fixing Harley with a stare, Ivy revealed her garter belt, and the small vial enclosed in it. “Something I won’t be giving to the next man to get married.” She held out the vial to Harley. “A custom-made STD by yours truly. The minute that man penetrates you, his days are numbered.”

“But, uhh—I kinda prided myself on always having safe sex.”

Ivy patted her on the head. “Don’t worry about it. You’ll just be a carrier. The virus will have no effect on you, and in twenty-four hours, it’ll pass through your system. You just have to bed our dearly to-be-departed husband before then.”

“Righto!” Harley saluted smartly. “Is it fruit-flavored?”

Ivy smiled. “Harl, you ask the most incisive questions. Find out.”

Title: Dress Crossing
Fandom: Batman
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,896
Characters/Pairings: Harley/Ivy
Summary: Written for the DC Kink Meme. Harley likes to dress up as Batgirl. Ivy likes to defeat and ravish Batgirl. It’s nice when couples do things together.

( No! You vile villain! I am pure and chaste, like Bella Swan! You’ll have to ravish me! )

Title: Tree of Knowledge
Fandom: Batman
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,194
Author’s notes: Written for the Steph Needs More Love challenge.
Characters/Pairings: Stephanie Brown, Harley/Ivy, references to Tim/Steph
Summary: To be a good Robin, you have to learn things Batman won’t teach you.

( Sunday evening and the pickings are slim. Despite what the media says, Gotham isn’t all crime, all the time. It mounts like a fever, ebbs like a bleed. Steph tries to listen to the city like the other Bats do, to let it tell her where it hurts, but the only thing she’s ever heard from Gotham is a long, violated cry. )

Current Music: Josh Groban - You Are Loved

Title: Cutting off the petals so you can get to the thorns
Fandom: The Dark Knight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,194
Timeline: Post-movie. Follows Too Good To Be True and features fanon from Everyone Breaks, although reading neither is necessary.
Characters/Pairings:

galamb_borong asked for Joker/Harley/Ivy in the threesome meme. This is probably more Joker/Harley car-crashing into Harley/Ivy.
Summary: Breaking up is hard to do.

( The condo they shared was modest even by the Gotham housing market, but Pam’s plants and Harleen’s murals made it feel like a mansion. They were so different, their lives almost at cross-purposes. Pam was the exterior, her flora cresting the windows and transoms like curious children poking their heads out, while Harleen was the interior. In the closets and pantries where only mushrooms grew, her paintings glowed in the dark like the skeleton of their home. )

Title: The Pearl Anniversary
Fandom: DC Comics
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Barbara/Harley/Ivy/Selina
Word Count: 1,105
Warning: Sex pollen shenanigans!
Summary: Written for the DCU femslash porn battle. Barbara/Harley/Ivy/Selina: old school rock. With the help of their latest mind-control subject, Batgirl, Harley and Ivy punish Selina for double-crossing them.

( It wasn’t nice double-crossing Harley and Ivy. They told me all about how naughty you were while they fucked me and fucked me and fucked me— )

Title: The Heartbreak Wait
Fandom: Batman
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Harley/Ivy
Word Count: 746
Summary: Ivy waits for Harley like the sun waits for what it’s shining on to bloom, or like a plant waits during winter.

( This was where Harley was supposed to make some dumb joke or hug Ivy or suggest milkshakes to celebrate, Ivy picking up the tab of course. But Harley wasn’t there. Harley was with HIM. )

Title: Her Finest Work
Fandom: Batman
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Harley/Ivy
Word Count: 465
Summary: What no one grasped was that plants lived a long time. Redwoods could live for hundreds of years. Next to them, a human lifespan was nothing at all.

( The roses were coming in nicely. They had grown from the soil with deep roots, down all the way to the coffinwood. And like barbed wire, like poison ivy they circled the headstone to let all know to keep their distance. It was well-tended, too. Pamela visited every day to water them, and talk to them, and sometimes just feel the texture of their vibrant bulbs and pretend it was a warm cheek, a belly, a wrist, an expanse of skin instead. )

Title: Hollow Be Thy Name
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: The Joker, Harley Quinn
Word Count: 1,023
Summary: The Joker has a talk with God.

( God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. – Voltaire )

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Entries tagged with character: harley quinn

Batman fic: Marry The Knight (Bruce/Harley/Ivy)

Batman fic: Dress Crossing (Harley/Ivy)

Robin fic: Tree of Knowledge (Steph)

Batman fic: Cutting off the petals so you can get to the thorns (Joker/Harley/Ivy)

The Pearl Anniversary (DCU, Barbara/Harley/Ivy/Selina: old school rock)

Fic: The Heartbreak Wait (Batman)

Fic: Her Finest Work (Batman)

Fic: Hollow Be Thy Name (Batman comics)

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