Immortals

I feel like stupid is an adjective that gets thrown around too much to describe cinema. Certainly, a movie like Battleship is stupid. It's about Rihanna fighting aliens. And Con Air is a movie where Nic Cage gets sent to jail for defending his pregnant wife and ends up on a hijacked plane full of maximum-security convicts. That's dumb.

Immortals is silly. It's not obnoxiously stupid, to the point where you're thinking about how stupid each and every character's motivations are when you're supposed to be looking at Megan Fox's midriff (you know which movie you are, movie). But if fridge logic is stopping in front of the fridge to think of plot holes, you're going to be spending ten minutes burning out the little light in there.

Which isn't to say it's un-fun. There's like a bar graph or something of a movie offering 'spectacle', that Michael Bay thing which is code for loud, meaningless jumbles of CGI and THX, and SPECTACLE, which this movie offers--amazing visuals and artistry in service of a plot with more excuses than a twelve-year-old who broke a window.

I don't like to say this too often, but I could write a better story than this. I'll prove it, too. Let's break this down.

( Spoilers? )