Fic: Brokeback Primatech (Heroes)
Feb. 1st, 2008 12:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficTitle: Brokeback Primatech
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Mohindar/Sylar, Nathan/Peter
Word Count: 374
Summary: Where the revelation of Sylar's pregnancy destroy his relationship with Mohindar... or save it? A parody.
“Mmm, Mohindar, you taste of curry,” Sylar said as he collapsed back into bed.
“And you taste of…” Mohindar licked his lips. “Oatmeal?”
“Well, I am a cereal killer. Good night, honey bunny.” Sylar rolled over to go to sleep.
Mohindar turned a light on. “Wait, Sylar, we need to talk about something.”
“Is it Molly? Aren’t her grades improving? She’s been such a little downer since I killed her family…”
“No, it’s not that… I’m unfulfilled.”
“Sexually?”
“Romantically. And sexually. Remember how we used to make love?”
***
Sylar firmly took hold of Mohindar, jamming his tongue… there.
“OOH, YES, OOH!”
So Mohindar stroked his penis before driving it… harder, faster, better!
“YEAH, OHMIGOD, YES!”
And Sylar bared his teeth and bit down just… hard.
“YESYESYES!”
***
“It’s been a long time since I’ve had italics,” Mohindar said wistfully.
“Mohindar,” Sylar said, “I ate the brain of a man who knew for sure how to bring the fire back into a relationship.”
***
“Aren’t these the most darling drapes?” Sylar asked in the shopping center, slurping on a brain he’d put in a blender and then chilled. He called it a brainfreeze. “And they’d hide a blood splatter so well.”
“Red? Yes, that’d look good… for a brothel.” Mohindar grabbed another curtain. “Look, these would go well with the wallpaper.”
Suddenly, Sylar looked downcast. “Mohindar, there’s something I must confess… I don’t like the wallpaper.”
“No!” Mohindar screamed. “No, that’s not true! That’s impossible!”
“I’m sorry, Mohindar, I’ve hidden the truth for so long… you just seemed so excited about it, but inside, I die a little every time I see that wallpaper.”
“OUR LOVE IS A LIE!” Mohindar wailed, as he ran off crying.
“Wait! Wait! You can’t leave me, I’M CARRYING YOUR CHILD!”
Mohindar stopped. “You’re… what?”
“It’s true. I went to the doctor this morning. We’re going to have a baby.”
Mohindar hugged his man-mommy. “Oh, I’ve never been so happy! I’m going to make an honest supervillain out of you, Sylar. Be my wife?”
Suddenly, Peter and Nathan Petrelli appeared, holding hands.
“Didn’t he kill your father?” Nathan asked.
“Isn’t he your brother?” Mohindar retorted.
“…touché.”
They parted ways, having one last barbed exchange for the road.
“Freaks.”
“Italians.”
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Mohindar/Sylar, Nathan/Peter
Word Count: 374
Summary: Where the revelation of Sylar's pregnancy destroy his relationship with Mohindar... or save it? A parody.
“Mmm, Mohindar, you taste of curry,” Sylar said as he collapsed back into bed.
“And you taste of…” Mohindar licked his lips. “Oatmeal?”
“Well, I am a cereal killer. Good night, honey bunny.” Sylar rolled over to go to sleep.
Mohindar turned a light on. “Wait, Sylar, we need to talk about something.”
“Is it Molly? Aren’t her grades improving? She’s been such a little downer since I killed her family…”
“No, it’s not that… I’m unfulfilled.”
“Sexually?”
“Romantically. And sexually. Remember how we used to make love?”
***
Sylar firmly took hold of Mohindar, jamming his tongue… there.
“OOH, YES, OOH!”
So Mohindar stroked his penis before driving it… harder, faster, better!
“YEAH, OHMIGOD, YES!”
And Sylar bared his teeth and bit down just… hard.
“YESYESYES!”
***
“It’s been a long time since I’ve had italics,” Mohindar said wistfully.
“Mohindar,” Sylar said, “I ate the brain of a man who knew for sure how to bring the fire back into a relationship.”
***
“Aren’t these the most darling drapes?” Sylar asked in the shopping center, slurping on a brain he’d put in a blender and then chilled. He called it a brainfreeze. “And they’d hide a blood splatter so well.”
“Red? Yes, that’d look good… for a brothel.” Mohindar grabbed another curtain. “Look, these would go well with the wallpaper.”
Suddenly, Sylar looked downcast. “Mohindar, there’s something I must confess… I don’t like the wallpaper.”
“No!” Mohindar screamed. “No, that’s not true! That’s impossible!”
“I’m sorry, Mohindar, I’ve hidden the truth for so long… you just seemed so excited about it, but inside, I die a little every time I see that wallpaper.”
“OUR LOVE IS A LIE!” Mohindar wailed, as he ran off crying.
“Wait! Wait! You can’t leave me, I’M CARRYING YOUR CHILD!”
Mohindar stopped. “You’re… what?”
“It’s true. I went to the doctor this morning. We’re going to have a baby.”
Mohindar hugged his man-mommy. “Oh, I’ve never been so happy! I’m going to make an honest supervillain out of you, Sylar. Be my wife?”
Suddenly, Peter and Nathan Petrelli appeared, holding hands.
“Didn’t he kill your father?” Nathan asked.
“Isn’t he your brother?” Mohindar retorted.
“…touché.”
They parted ways, having one last barbed exchange for the road.
“Freaks.”
“Italians.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 07:13 pm (UTC)This is hilarious. I love it!
-M
no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 07:15 pm (UTC)“Didn’t he kill your father?” Nathan asked.
“Isn’t he your brother?” Mohindar retorted.
“…touché.”
LMAO..aw man i laughed out loud in the library. Opps. Great job :)
no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 07:45 pm (UTC)E for Effort! ♥
no subject
Date: 2008-02-02 03:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-02 06:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-03 12:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-03 05:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 09:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 09:50 pm (UTC)I love that Mohinder got to give the burn! I also liked his line about the brother. Yay snarky Mohinder! (but yes, spelled with an E)
no subject
Date: 2008-02-02 03:37 am (UTC)Haha, hilarious fic.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-02 04:49 am (UTC)Genius. "I have your baby in me, Giraffe!"
no subject
Date: 2008-02-02 07:16 am (UTC)Oh god, i hurt my stomach muscles laughing at the end.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-02 10:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-03 12:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-06 06:38 pm (UTC)“It’s been a long time since I’ve had italics,” Mohindar said wistfully.
*sporfleDIEZ*
“Aren’t these the most darling drapes?” Sylar asked in the shopping center, slurping on a brain he’d put in a blender and then chilled. He called it a brainfreeze.
Can't ... breathe ...
“I’m sorry, Mohindar, I’ve hidden the truth for so long… you just seemed so excited about it, but inside, I die a little every time I see that wallpaper.”
“OUR LOVE IS A LIE!” Mohindar wailed, as he ran off crying.
Eheheheheheheee ...
I’m going to make an honest supervillain out of you, Sylar. Be my wife?”
And lo, the fangirls did SQUEE!
“Didn’t he kill your father?” Nathan asked.
“Isn’t he your brother?” Mohindar retorted.
“…touché.”
Eheheehhehehehee!
“Freaks.”
“Italians.”
*sporfles*
(Btw, your layout is the same as mine! I was very confused when I followed your linky!)