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seriousficTitle: How I Met Your Silurian
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,522
Characters/Pairings: Jenny/Vastra, the Doctor, Amy Pond
Summary: The Doctor plays matchmaker.
It was weird how Jenny thought she owed the Doctor, when she'd been the one to help him. She'd been fresh out of the orphanage with nothing more than a word in the ear of a household looking for a scullery maid. She'd also resolved to leave behind the lingering looks at other girls before she turned into some kind of freak. Then she'd seen the man lying on his back in the snow with a woman in trousers standing next to him. "This isn't helping," she was saying. "You're not helping. I don't much like the British Empire, but aren't we a little obliged to make sure it's not eaten by the color blue?"
Suddenly, the man volleyed up, his hair flopping about like a pound of jelly. "A-ha! Never doubt a Time Lord, Amy. Doubt Time Amateurs, they're always trying to get dinosaurs for pets." Slipping his way to his feet, the man offered his hand to Jenny. "Hello, I'm the Doctor, trust me. Are you familiar with the color blue?"
"Yes?" Jenny said, wondering if this was some test to prove her a deviant.
"Excellent, we're colorblind at the moment, bet we made—"
"Bet you made. For a scarf," Amy said.
"Scarves are cool. Anyway, the color blue has the mumps, probably from that harlot red, they don't even go together, and we need to give it chromatic penicillin. So would it kill you to come to the future with us and tell us if you see any blue that looks suspicious? No, no it won't kill you, so what are we waiting for?"
"Go with you?" Jenny asked. "A strange man and a ginger?"
"Oy!" Amy said.
"Didn't I already say to trust me? I'm the Doctor."
Everyone else she'd met who knew the Doctor said there was lots of running and monsters and some explosions. But really, the Doctor just took her to the 21st century, where they went to things called rock concerts, because blue loved pop music. And the 21st century might have entirely forgotten how to dress, but they had a lot to say in song about how it was alright that Jenny really wanted to see the Doctor's cross ginger woman in many more tiny skirts. In fact, Jenny met a very nice girl who'd suffered some tragic accident leaving rings of metal in her face, but she was still loyal to the Crown according to her God Save The Queen blouse. Not bad for a Colonial. After thirty minutes of Jenny trying to use H.G. Wells' new book to explain her circumstances, the girl took Jenny into a bathroom with the most scandalous things written on the walls. There, Jenny was pretty sure she became a fallen woman.
After that, Jenny spotted a suspicious shade of blue and there was running and moderate exploding and someone named Lady Gaga turned out to be someone else named the Rani. And after the Doctor did something that Jenny didn't understand but that left him seeming very pleased with himself, they took her back to London, as promised.
"If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to blow up my telephone," she told him.
"Don't you worry about that," the Doctor told her. "Between the two of us, there's nothing we can't handle on our own." He and Amy stepped into their blue box and disappeared. And reappeared. The Doctor stepped out, wearing a miner's helmet. "First off, I wear a miner's helmet now, miner's helmet are cool. Second, I need a favor."
"What favor?" Jenny asked, trying to figure out what cool was and why a miner's helmet counted.
Then out came a woman who was either very nauseous or very, very green. "She had better not shed. If she sheds on anything of mine, I'll cut her tail off."
***
Jenny woke up to a cool breeze on her face and Vastra saying "How long do I have to do this?" She jerked up and, while trying not to be impolite to the Doctor's friend, leaned as far down the fainting couch as she could. She was in a proper British sitting room, which made Vastra look all the more green.
Vastra closed the fan she'd been waving and tucked it away in her belt. "Well, don't look at me like that, you're the pink one."
Jenny looked frantically for the Doctor and found him in the corner, trying his hand at cross-stitching, apparently by pricking his hand with the needle a lot.
"When does this become a set of booties?"
"Doctor!"
With one last startled prick of his finger, he set the booties-in-progress aside. "Ah. Hello again. You fainted. That's a little rude when you think about it, I never faint when I'm talking to you."
"Sorry, she's my first dinosaur. I thought I'd be better with dinosaurs," Jenny said. She was still in a fainting mood.
"Dinosaur? Do I call her an ape?"
"You nicknamed her Miss Monkey," the Doctor said gently.
"It was clever. Alliteration."
The Doctor looked like he was going to correct her, but then rubbed his chin. "I don't know… that might be clever for this century… I never do remember when fart jokes are in vogue. Jenny, back to you, this is Vastra. She's a Silurian. In a couple hundred years, her species, who used to live on this planet, will wake up and your peoples will get along famously. Buuut, she woke up early and I can't put her back, she's actually something of a martyr in the future, so we discussed alternatives—"
"Where am I?" Jenny demanded. She no longer felt like fainting.
"221B Baker Street," the Doctor answered, bounding from his chair and, for some reason, putting on a deerstalker cap and chomping on a pipe. "There's been something of a vacancy in the timeline—had to chronal-shift the whole lot of them to the 21st century. Hope they won't be any trouble there. So if you could just fill in—Vastra, you're a detective, aren't you? Of course you are, brilliant detective, but you don't know anything about humanity. And Jenny, you're a human! Already you compliment each other so well. It'll be just like Moonlighting, just without the unresolved sexual—well, I guess that's up to you now, isn't it?"
"You want us to live together?" Vastra asked with a minimum of blinking.
"You can't just live on the streets. And Jenny, you need a job. You can be Vastra's maid. Not that you're messy, Vastra. I'll do some psychic paperwork, set you up as the long-lost heir of something or other, get you some living money. We'll say you have a skin condition." The Doctor waggled his fingers together, pleased with his ingenuity.
"Your plan is to tell everyone I'm diseased?" Vastra growled.
"It's Victorian England, everyone's diseased!"
Jenny crossed her arms.
"Look, you both owe me one, maybe two. So just give this a chance. You know I hate to impose on you, but my entire race died because they were wankers, and my girlfriend left me for me, and my boyfriend got sucked into another dimension…" He looked to be nearing tears. "So if this one thing could go right for me…"
"Oh, alright!" Vastra hissed.
"Brilliant, I have to dash and the inspector is about to stop off with your first case, so I'll just leave you to it." He practically dove out the window to get away.
Vastra and Jenny looked at each other for a long minute. Then the doorbell chimed.
"If you're the maid, shouldn't you get it?"
Jenny got up to do that, no longer wondering why the Doctor had so many enemies.
"Jenny Watson, thank God, if you're here then Shirley Holmes must be in." The inspector doffed his hat. "The Crown Jewels have been stolen!"
***
Thirty-six hours later, they'd solved the case. More or less.
"I told you the Duchess couldn't have done it," Jenny gloated, enjoying a little too much how she'd held her own against Vastra. "She never had opportunity."
"Of course she did. For five whole minutes after midnight, she could've hidden the jewels in her ovipositor…"
"Humans don't have ovipositors!"
"And whose fault is that?"
The carriage had finally taken them to the house serving as their home. They got out, and before Vastra had even gotten to the door, she was stripping out of the garments of the era. Jenny tried to shield her with her body until they were inside, where Vastra could hang her cloak and skirt on the hall tree, leaving her in breeches and a shirt like a man's.
"Well, I suppose you have a point, technically, about solving the case. So it'd be unfair to make you cook dinner."
"You cook?"
"I don't always like my meat raw."
Jenny stood there a moment after Vastra tail-flicked her way into the kitchen. She decided she'd better help Vastra. She didn't want her deciding arsenic would add flavor. Besides, it was fascinating to watch Vastra. Her scales had the most healthy glow…
In fact, Vastra was quite attractive.
For a lizard.
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,522
Characters/Pairings: Jenny/Vastra, the Doctor, Amy Pond
Summary: The Doctor plays matchmaker.
It was weird how Jenny thought she owed the Doctor, when she'd been the one to help him. She'd been fresh out of the orphanage with nothing more than a word in the ear of a household looking for a scullery maid. She'd also resolved to leave behind the lingering looks at other girls before she turned into some kind of freak. Then she'd seen the man lying on his back in the snow with a woman in trousers standing next to him. "This isn't helping," she was saying. "You're not helping. I don't much like the British Empire, but aren't we a little obliged to make sure it's not eaten by the color blue?"
Suddenly, the man volleyed up, his hair flopping about like a pound of jelly. "A-ha! Never doubt a Time Lord, Amy. Doubt Time Amateurs, they're always trying to get dinosaurs for pets." Slipping his way to his feet, the man offered his hand to Jenny. "Hello, I'm the Doctor, trust me. Are you familiar with the color blue?"
"Yes?" Jenny said, wondering if this was some test to prove her a deviant.
"Excellent, we're colorblind at the moment, bet we made—"
"Bet you made. For a scarf," Amy said.
"Scarves are cool. Anyway, the color blue has the mumps, probably from that harlot red, they don't even go together, and we need to give it chromatic penicillin. So would it kill you to come to the future with us and tell us if you see any blue that looks suspicious? No, no it won't kill you, so what are we waiting for?"
"Go with you?" Jenny asked. "A strange man and a ginger?"
"Oy!" Amy said.
"Didn't I already say to trust me? I'm the Doctor."
Everyone else she'd met who knew the Doctor said there was lots of running and monsters and some explosions. But really, the Doctor just took her to the 21st century, where they went to things called rock concerts, because blue loved pop music. And the 21st century might have entirely forgotten how to dress, but they had a lot to say in song about how it was alright that Jenny really wanted to see the Doctor's cross ginger woman in many more tiny skirts. In fact, Jenny met a very nice girl who'd suffered some tragic accident leaving rings of metal in her face, but she was still loyal to the Crown according to her God Save The Queen blouse. Not bad for a Colonial. After thirty minutes of Jenny trying to use H.G. Wells' new book to explain her circumstances, the girl took Jenny into a bathroom with the most scandalous things written on the walls. There, Jenny was pretty sure she became a fallen woman.
After that, Jenny spotted a suspicious shade of blue and there was running and moderate exploding and someone named Lady Gaga turned out to be someone else named the Rani. And after the Doctor did something that Jenny didn't understand but that left him seeming very pleased with himself, they took her back to London, as promised.
"If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to blow up my telephone," she told him.
"Don't you worry about that," the Doctor told her. "Between the two of us, there's nothing we can't handle on our own." He and Amy stepped into their blue box and disappeared. And reappeared. The Doctor stepped out, wearing a miner's helmet. "First off, I wear a miner's helmet now, miner's helmet are cool. Second, I need a favor."
"What favor?" Jenny asked, trying to figure out what cool was and why a miner's helmet counted.
Then out came a woman who was either very nauseous or very, very green. "She had better not shed. If she sheds on anything of mine, I'll cut her tail off."
***
Jenny woke up to a cool breeze on her face and Vastra saying "How long do I have to do this?" She jerked up and, while trying not to be impolite to the Doctor's friend, leaned as far down the fainting couch as she could. She was in a proper British sitting room, which made Vastra look all the more green.
Vastra closed the fan she'd been waving and tucked it away in her belt. "Well, don't look at me like that, you're the pink one."
Jenny looked frantically for the Doctor and found him in the corner, trying his hand at cross-stitching, apparently by pricking his hand with the needle a lot.
"When does this become a set of booties?"
"Doctor!"
With one last startled prick of his finger, he set the booties-in-progress aside. "Ah. Hello again. You fainted. That's a little rude when you think about it, I never faint when I'm talking to you."
"Sorry, she's my first dinosaur. I thought I'd be better with dinosaurs," Jenny said. She was still in a fainting mood.
"Dinosaur? Do I call her an ape?"
"You nicknamed her Miss Monkey," the Doctor said gently.
"It was clever. Alliteration."
The Doctor looked like he was going to correct her, but then rubbed his chin. "I don't know… that might be clever for this century… I never do remember when fart jokes are in vogue. Jenny, back to you, this is Vastra. She's a Silurian. In a couple hundred years, her species, who used to live on this planet, will wake up and your peoples will get along famously. Buuut, she woke up early and I can't put her back, she's actually something of a martyr in the future, so we discussed alternatives—"
"Where am I?" Jenny demanded. She no longer felt like fainting.
"221B Baker Street," the Doctor answered, bounding from his chair and, for some reason, putting on a deerstalker cap and chomping on a pipe. "There's been something of a vacancy in the timeline—had to chronal-shift the whole lot of them to the 21st century. Hope they won't be any trouble there. So if you could just fill in—Vastra, you're a detective, aren't you? Of course you are, brilliant detective, but you don't know anything about humanity. And Jenny, you're a human! Already you compliment each other so well. It'll be just like Moonlighting, just without the unresolved sexual—well, I guess that's up to you now, isn't it?"
"You want us to live together?" Vastra asked with a minimum of blinking.
"You can't just live on the streets. And Jenny, you need a job. You can be Vastra's maid. Not that you're messy, Vastra. I'll do some psychic paperwork, set you up as the long-lost heir of something or other, get you some living money. We'll say you have a skin condition." The Doctor waggled his fingers together, pleased with his ingenuity.
"Your plan is to tell everyone I'm diseased?" Vastra growled.
"It's Victorian England, everyone's diseased!"
Jenny crossed her arms.
"Look, you both owe me one, maybe two. So just give this a chance. You know I hate to impose on you, but my entire race died because they were wankers, and my girlfriend left me for me, and my boyfriend got sucked into another dimension…" He looked to be nearing tears. "So if this one thing could go right for me…"
"Oh, alright!" Vastra hissed.
"Brilliant, I have to dash and the inspector is about to stop off with your first case, so I'll just leave you to it." He practically dove out the window to get away.
Vastra and Jenny looked at each other for a long minute. Then the doorbell chimed.
"If you're the maid, shouldn't you get it?"
Jenny got up to do that, no longer wondering why the Doctor had so many enemies.
"Jenny Watson, thank God, if you're here then Shirley Holmes must be in." The inspector doffed his hat. "The Crown Jewels have been stolen!"
***
Thirty-six hours later, they'd solved the case. More or less.
"I told you the Duchess couldn't have done it," Jenny gloated, enjoying a little too much how she'd held her own against Vastra. "She never had opportunity."
"Of course she did. For five whole minutes after midnight, she could've hidden the jewels in her ovipositor…"
"Humans don't have ovipositors!"
"And whose fault is that?"
The carriage had finally taken them to the house serving as their home. They got out, and before Vastra had even gotten to the door, she was stripping out of the garments of the era. Jenny tried to shield her with her body until they were inside, where Vastra could hang her cloak and skirt on the hall tree, leaving her in breeches and a shirt like a man's.
"Well, I suppose you have a point, technically, about solving the case. So it'd be unfair to make you cook dinner."
"You cook?"
"I don't always like my meat raw."
Jenny stood there a moment after Vastra tail-flicked her way into the kitchen. She decided she'd better help Vastra. She didn't want her deciding arsenic would add flavor. Besides, it was fascinating to watch Vastra. Her scales had the most healthy glow…
In fact, Vastra was quite attractive.
For a lizard.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 04:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 07:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 02:55 am (UTC)(Your icon, OMG!)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 04:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 05:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 02:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 05:37 pm (UTC)This is so cute.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 05:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 03:00 am (UTC)Hmm... maybe someone should write Donna Noble meeting Vastra and Jenny...
no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 06:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 03:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 07:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 03:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 08:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 09:43 pm (UTC):D
Loved the fic. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 03:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 04:58 am (UTC)ZIM SEES WHAT YOU DID THERE. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 09:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 05:19 pm (UTC)I see what you did there
no subject
Date: 2011-06-25 06:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-25 05:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-25 09:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-26 12:48 am (UTC)I loved the Miss Monkey name calling and Jenny with the lizard remark.
I picture them with a lot of banter for their first meeting and this was in my opinion really well written ^^
no subject
Date: 2011-06-26 03:34 pm (UTC)Loved the style of this!
no subject
Date: 2011-06-28 07:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 04:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 06:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 09:30 am (UTC)Just one tiny point of criticism, that isn't really criticism but more of a technicality; I noticed you have a tendency to name characters (Amy, Vastra) in descriptions or after dialogue before Jenny has learned their names. Since Jenny is your point of view character, this seems a little out of place. Might be something you want to watch in future writing? (Sorry if I'm totally out of line here, I'm honestly just trying to be supportive and find ways for your writing to get even more awesome.)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 10:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-11 12:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-26 07:30 am (UTC)Erin