Tonight on Smallville, Lois opens a portal to Hell with her clumsiness. Two dead.

[seriousfic]

In other news, CLARK KENT HAS BEEN INSIDE LOIS LANE AND HE'S STILL NOT SUPERMAN. I mean, Jesus, show, go stand in the corner and think about what you've done. Also, I know there isn't a formal guide to this, but it might be polite to let a woman know your secret identity at some point. What if Zod decided he was going to ruin Clark's day and kill his gal pal? Doesn't Lois deserve to know the risks? Does Clark not trust Lois? Is she good enough to fuck but not good enough to share the secret with Chloe, Ollie, and the entire Justice League? Come on.

***

And no sooner have I written that then Zod poses as the Blur to get Lois to do his bidding. Which would never have happened if Clark had just been trusting and honest. Way to go, oh Man of Tomorrow. Thanks for making world domination just a little bit easier.

***

Clark and Lois go to a bed and breakfast to have sex for the first time and make a big production of it. Ollie and Chloe like each other, so they have sex, and they go to a bed and breakfast to have more sex, because they are goddamn adults.

***

Chloe: I'm not in a relationship with Ollie. We're just having fun. It's just sex. Meaningless, hot, sweaty sex. What's the big deal with that?

Ghost of Davis Bloom: MOTHERFUUUU--!

***

Oh God, how can I describe Smallville Silver Banshee? I was perfectly fine with her just being a CGI effect that possessed people - that had a modicum of effectiveness to it - but to fight Clark, she turns into this... glam rock... girl Bigfoot... leg warmers... Jem is truly outrageous, truly truly truly outrageous! Also, Scottish accent.

***

Clark tries to BURN HIS WAY THROUGH Silver Banshee's lethal voice. Yes, with heatvision. He tries to incinerate sound. Now, Clark's faster than the speed of sound, right? Why doesn't he just go around it? Is he literally so stupid that he charges the deadly sonic blast head-on? Yes. Yes, he absolutely is. In fact, he's so stupid that he thinks SOUND. BURNS.

There's stupid and then there's stupid and then there's Avatar and then there's Clark!

Comments

[nonky.livejournal.com]

Chloe: I'm not in a relationship with Ollie. We're just having fun. It's just sex. Meaningless, hot, sweaty sex. What's the big deal with that?

Ghost of Davis Bloom: MOTHERFUUUU--!

I know! The poor guy is debuted as Chloe's obsessive love interest, actually shacks up with her and puts all his hopes of any kind of future down to her influence on his life. And now, NOW, when every other man in her life has either split or died, Chloe is suddenly allowed to just date? Seems awfully convenient, doesn't it? Remind anyone of any other really good thing that happened to her in recent years that got suddenly and brutally erased from history?

Yeah, I don't watch the show, but this is classic SV. They set Chloe up for extreme misery and then the next year she's not supposed to be bothered by it. She's casual sex Chloe, ready for fun! Sure she is - and she's not traumatized either by the death of her beloved husband/drug-addicted abuser, or her serial killer stalker/sweetly-devoted Kryptonian lover! Also, it doesn't need to make sense in context all the time which of those scenarios is the reality. Character development in SV isn't about the things that happen to someone and how they react.

Show, if you'd gone balls out and written Davis as crazed and violent, I'd have been unhappy, but I'd have gone with it. He certainly had the obsessive qualities that might turn into a really bad thing for Chloe once he fixated on her as his cure. You might even have gone as far as him taking her with him on the run, and possibly mistreating her. But you don't get to play it like a guilty but fulfilling relationship she is guilty of having, then switching it from an affair to a friendship turned assault!

Why not? Well, mostly because your take on Chlark has that covered.

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

I could buy Chloe not wanting to get into a relationship after the country music shenanigans of last season, but they played it like Chloe was just some kind of free spirit instead of someone who got romance-slapped like a character on a Joss Whedon show. Just, so weird. And now I wish Davis had been devoted to someone who didn't have thirty values of Issues and could've at least sent him a clear signal instead of being "I am all about you, or Clark, or Jimmy, or myself."

Yes, I now think the obsessive, guilt-ridden killer was too good for Chloe.

[nonky.livejournal.com]

Weird how that happens on Smallville, isn't it? No matter what someone does that seems defining to their character, apparently it washes off. Davis was maybe right to try to kill her. *shakes head*

And yes, if Chloe is this cool with casual hookups for fun and convenience, there is no way she was not having sex with Davis unless she really, really didn't want to. I do not understand what it takes to make a relationship explicitly acknowledged on SV.

The Chlark was a near miss, and always fell through. Chimmy happened because they got married, otherwise who would have known? Chlavis happened, but we're led to believe it didn't because that makes more sense for the nonsense they flipped over for season 9.

And now Chlollie is happening, but it's not serious at all. Because it would be laughable for someone so like Lois to hold Oliver's attention in a serious way? Because Oliver is so reprehensibly ugly Chloe could never commit to him?

What's up show? What is up with that? At a certain point storytelling is just random moments without overall context, and when that is the case you have no plan. Do they think we don't notice?

[paraxdisepink.livejournal.com]

Surfing friends of friends:

now think the obsessive, guilt-ridden killer was too good for Chloe./i> I've been saying this since the season finale. I don't watch the show anymore, but there isn't enough profanity to describe how I feel about Chloe these days. Considering Ollie (who blackmailed her), Clark, and Jimmy, she only likes guys who treat her like shit (err mindrape) and abuse her. So fuck you, Chloe. I hope you die you stupid Stockholm syndrome cunt.

And Allison Mack thinks she's some kind of female role model? Fuck you too, Allison.

I guess Chloe changes every ep so she can be whatever Lois isn't. Nothing against Lois.

God I hate Chloe.

[northern-star.livejournal.com]

One of my friends directed me to your entry - thought I'd laugh. lol! This is pretty much everything I was thinking while the episode was going on, but reading your review made it so much funnier... lol!

There's stupid and then there's stupid and then there's Avatar and then there's Clark!

*dissolves in a fit of giggles*

(and also... *friends you* which, hopefully, is okay!)

[morwen_peredhil]

Chloe: I'm not in a relationship with Ollie. We're just having fun. It's just sex. Meaningless, hot, sweaty sex. What's the big deal with that?

Ghost of Davis Bloom: MOTHERFUUUU--!

Feel the miraclehate! (I was going to say it sounds like Chloe is a completely different character, and then I remembered that on SV that's par for the course.)

[sinanju.livejournal.com]

This is why I'm glad I finally gave up on Smallville. Even the glorious Allison Mack wasn't enough to make me keep enduring the stupidity and the character lightswitching, to say nothing of sidelining Chloe in favor of that waste of space they call Lois.

The only thing that could lure me back now is if the Chlollie sex was filmed in glorious NC-17 pornovision. Then at least I'd get to see Chloe naked.

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

You know, Clark/Lois and Ollie/Chloe going to the same sex place could've been lulzy, but they kinda half-assed it. There was just some awkwardness. There should've been handcuff shenanigans or heart-covered boxers, not some boring business with a villain who haunts a bed and breakfast.

Say, did you get my e-mail?

[tgirl78.livejournal.com]

This is hilarious, because I thought the same exact thing while watching. What has happened to Smallville!? Ahhhh!! I don't have much to say because you have said it all perfectly. Except (and you know what I'm going to say here)...

Blue cats are sexy! And awesome! Why am I the only one who see's this!!? Avatar was AWESOME!