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Aug. 17th, 2009 10:02 am
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[personal profile] seriousfic
Before we start, I'm looking for some betas for a Merlin "dystopian future" AU epic-fic (yes, I know, alright?). It's gen, but with healthy undercurrents of Merlin/Arthur (!), Morgana/Gwen, Arthur/Morgana, Morgana/Nimue, Lancelot/Gwen... really, the only surprise is that there isn't an orgy at the end. I should warn you, the Uther uber is in charge of "Penn/Draco Industries." That's what you're dealing with here.

On to the thinky thoughts!


District 9

Wow. I'll admit, I was a little worried from the trailers that this would just be "racism is bad, GET IT?" sermonizing that we really don't need because, hello, since when do we need an elaborate alien metaphor to say apartheid is bad? Are we afraid of offending Big Apartheid?

But instead, the movie takes this premise of "how would humanity deal with a culture that's really different?" You think it's how to get along with someone who's a different color than you, who likes different sex organs than you, who worships a different god than you? Try a fucking crustacean.

Additionally, the movie has a nicely sly sense of humor (the hero is only in his position because he married the boss's daughter) and some absolutely stunning effects work. The movie wisely plays the protagonist, Wikus van der Merwe, as sort of a middle manager in the banality of evil business, the kind of racist who protests mightily that he's not a racist. Instead of a big production where soaring music plays and he becomes enlightened to the plight of minorities, he's mostly selfish, craven, and self-justifying... rather like you or I would be in his situation. Like Big Trouble In Little China, he's just the protagonist, while Christopher (something of a one-alien resistance movement) is the real hero. It's a nice subversion of the standard "thank God, a white guy to help us po' minorities" plot.


G.I. Joe

Okay, I'll bite. I liked it. A lot, in fact. This has to be one of the bigger surprises of the summer, because someone actually remembered how to make a good dumb action movie. With action sequences that you can actually see! I mean, it's no Iron Man, but it's at least an Incredible Hulk.

Totally putting the nacks to the grimy and gritty cliches, the movie proudly wears the influence of the old Bond movies on its sleeve. All that's missing is a theme song by Tom Jones (speaking of theme songs, they have that Boom Boom Pow song playing during the credits. Anytime a song proudly announces that it's "so 2008," you should realize it has a sell-by date. Why not some kind of remix of that badass 'COBRA! (Cobra!)' song from the animated movie?). How can you hate a movie where the baddies attack via Krang-style drillers, then escape via jetpack?

I know, I know, GI Joe is now an international organization, but if you're going to hate on multi-nation military efforts (ones that are commanded by and primarily made up of Americans anyway), I've got some bad news. Although, yes, Heavy-Duty's accent is terrible, Snake Eyes' lips look terrible, and why is the heroine hooking up with the comic relief?



The biggest criticism you can make is the character of the Baroness. Acknowledging that she's the character (tits) that left the biggest (tits) impression on the kids who watched it (tit-tays!), the script decides to make her into the female lead. Why is somewhat complicated by the fact that she's a villain. So, instead of having her own her villainy or giving her a halfway plausible redemption arc, the movie just arbitrarily declares that she's only ever been evil because she was being mind-controlled by nanobots. It's such a leaden, stupid plot device that it drops off the screen and rolls down the aisle before collapsing in a heap of pathetic by the door.

The entire denouncement is so rushed. Basically, the man who will be Cobra Commander was once the Baroness's brother, but he faked his death after some disfiguring scars and became a villain (because really, who ever heard of a good guy with gnarly scars? Actually, that's a better reason than the movie wanting him to take over the world "for science!"). But he's lonely, so he kidnaps his sister and turns her into the Baroness (and then they never have a scene together in the whole movie. Umm, okay). Of course, Baroness and Destro are in a relationship, so for some reason Cobra Commander also turned his sister into his boss's sex toy, but the movie never even goes near that whole can of worms, so... yeah. It's a plot that could've been interesting, but not in a 90-minute toy commercial.

What's worse is that it could've worked if they'd just left the shocking revelations at Cobra Commander being Rex. Ana deciding to become the Baroness because her brother is alive, albeit fucked up because of her dick boyfriend? That'd be perfectly fine! It'd mean our hero would actually have to own up to his mistakes instead of getting the girl for no real reason.

Admittedly, Spider-Man 2 did kind of the same plot, but that was so much better-executed and gave Otto some agency, since it was about Otto and not Peter's pure and good love for Otto (sorry, slashers).

Also, it's a bit amusing when the plot wraps up with McCullen becoming Destro, Rex becoming Cobra Commander, you think they're going to do something really badass... then they're immediately captured. Guys, I have a hard enough time taking Cobra Commander seriously in that mask, can't you help me out a little bit in not presenting him as a total joke?


ETA: Would anyone be interested in a Peter/MJ fic... set in the Marvel Adventures universe? You know you want to see Storm and Giant-Girl get all protective of little Spidey. "She might be Mystique! You wouldn't want to kiss Mystique, would you?"

Date: 2009-08-17 05:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rdfox.livejournal.com
Simple way to solve all those problems in the first five minutes of the inevitable sequel:

In the pre-title sequence, we see the doctors at the military prison's hospital (because really, where else are they gonna put her for deprogramming?) scanning Ana with some sort of super-science ultrascanner (which just happens to conveniently require her to be naked, albeit with the mechanism positioned just right so that they don't have to edit the scene when it hits TV), and declare that, after two years of treatments, she's now 100% nanobot-free. And while the doctor is telling her how she can go back to having a normal life, she's getting dressed...

...and, stepping out from behind it in her "civvies," comments, "But who said I ever wanted a normal life?" and drives a scalpel through the doctor's eye into his brain, killing him.

She then proceeds to break CC and Destro out of the prison singlehandedly (with Destro telling CC, "I told ye the plan would work!", or vice-versa), slaughtering a bunch of guards en route, and as they flee the now-burning prison, we cut to Flint being informed of the breakout.

He makes a call to call up the team, and we cut to the title sequence... with a Bill Conti-penned variation on the classic '80s cartoon theme.

There you go, five minutes of titillation, violent action, retconning the whole "Baroness didn't WANT to be evil!" thing, CC and Destro's capture being shown to be planned from the start (to take the heat off the organization), and having the King Of Epic Action Music do a great nostalgia kick for the thirtysomethings who watched the show as a kid AND a much better song with no expiration date.

Date: 2009-08-17 06:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mylenn.livejournal.com
This sounds awesome and really really wish it could be what happens. Well thought out! :)

Date: 2009-08-17 06:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seriousfic.livejournal.com
I feel anything that could give Duke more angst is too dangerous. (Tho it does make one appreciate the oeuvre of Brendan Fraiser more.)

Date: 2009-08-17 06:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rocaw.livejournal.com
I kept thinking Baroness is just as badass as I remember!! Yay!! Then they went with mind control. *headdesk*

Date: 2009-08-17 07:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilpocketninja.livejournal.com
Her accent. Where did it GO? D:

I could've forgiven the copious amounts of poorly thought out romance in my toy commercial if she'd had the sexy accent. Or at least adopted it for a while. But that might've required acting, and, well...

Date: 2009-08-17 07:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilpocketninja.livejournal.com
Also to answer book end question:
I WOULD. The world needs more MA fic.

Date: 2009-08-17 09:56 pm (UTC)
ext_26832: (Default)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/thrace_/
Technically, the song proudly declares itself 3008, while you are 2000-and-late. Thanks for that, Black Eyed Peas.

Date: 2009-08-18 11:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lurkslikefox.livejournal.com
I confess, I giggled in glee all the way through GI Joe. And was stunned to find out that Snake-Eyes was played by Ray Park, cos Ray Park just doesn't have lips like that. Of course, nothing on God's green earth has lips like that.

Also... small children having knock-down drag-out fights? Awesome.

I want anything set in the Marvel Adventures verse. Easily the best thing produced by Marvel.

re: GI Joe

Date: 2009-10-18 06:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] trancer21.livejournal.com
I honestly wanted to hate this but it's over the top ridiculousness totally won me over, ie, Duke and Ripcord's 'training sessions' that lasts like less than a day! I love that the 'Joes' were some of the most incompetent black-op's in charge of saving the world. The tagline to this movie is 'when all else fails, they don't'. Which should come with the addendum - 'except, they totally do.. which is, like, ALL THE TIME!'. I mean, honestly, was I *supposed* to be rooting for COBRA? That and you know the movie's in trouble when it spends more time on the background/motivations of its villains as opposed to its heroes. I'm with Storm Shadow - Snake Eyes was kind of a passive-aggressive dick. Although, technically, it would have been easier to get rid of him by posting 'Are You Missing A Caucasian Child In Japan?' posters rather than killing his Master but, you know, dojo's aren't known for their printers.

Re: GI Joe

Date: 2009-10-18 07:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seriousfic.livejournal.com
And just the mere fact that they have a training montage for people who've already been asked to join, in the middle of a crisis (when they could be, you know, doing something). But there's always time for a montage!

I think I would've rooted for Cobra if Destro and Baroness were an actual couple, instead of the Doctor and his faithful brain-washed companion. Because let's be honest, I would ship that so hard. Taking over the world as foreplay is a yes.

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