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seriousficBefore we start, I'm looking for some betas for a Merlin "dystopian future" AU epic-fic (yes, I know, alright?). It's gen, but with healthy undercurrents of Merlin/Arthur (!), Morgana/Gwen, Arthur/Morgana, Morgana/Nimue, Lancelot/Gwen... really, the only surprise is that there isn't an orgy at the end. I should warn you, the Uther uber is in charge of "Penn/Draco Industries." That's what you're dealing with here.
On to the thinky thoughts!
District 9
Wow. I'll admit, I was a little worried from the trailers that this would just be "racism is bad, GET IT?" sermonizing that we really don't need because, hello, since when do we need an elaborate alien metaphor to say apartheid is bad? Are we afraid of offending Big Apartheid?
But instead, the movie takes this premise of "how would humanity deal with a culture that's really different?" You think it's how to get along with someone who's a different color than you, who likes different sex organs than you, who worships a different god than you? Try a fucking crustacean.
Additionally, the movie has a nicely sly sense of humor (the hero is only in his position because he married the boss's daughter) and some absolutely stunning effects work. The movie wisely plays the protagonist, Wikus van der Merwe, as sort of a middle manager in the banality of evil business, the kind of racist who protests mightily that he's not a racist. Instead of a big production where soaring music plays and he becomes enlightened to the plight of minorities, he's mostly selfish, craven, and self-justifying... rather like you or I would be in his situation. Like Big Trouble In Little China, he's just the protagonist, while Christopher (something of a one-alien resistance movement) is the real hero. It's a nice subversion of the standard "thank God, a white guy to help us po' minorities" plot.
G.I. Joe
Okay, I'll bite. I liked it. A lot, in fact. This has to be one of the bigger surprises of the summer, because someone actually remembered how to make a good dumb action movie. With action sequences that you can actually see! I mean, it's no Iron Man, but it's at least an Incredible Hulk.
Totally putting the nacks to the grimy and gritty cliches, the movie proudly wears the influence of the old Bond movies on its sleeve. All that's missing is a theme song by Tom Jones (speaking of theme songs, they have that Boom Boom Pow song playing during the credits. Anytime a song proudly announces that it's "so 2008," you should realize it has a sell-by date. Why not some kind of remix of that badass 'COBRA! (Cobra!)' song from the animated movie?). How can you hate a movie where the baddies attack via Krang-style drillers, then escape via jetpack?
I know, I know, GI Joe is now an international organization, but if you're going to hate on multi-nation military efforts (ones that are commanded by and primarily made up of Americans anyway), I've got some bad news. Although, yes, Heavy-Duty's accent is terrible, Snake Eyes' lips look terrible, and why is the heroine hooking up with the comic relief?
The biggest criticism you can make is the character of the Baroness. Acknowledging that she's the character (tits) that left the biggest (tits) impression on the kids who watched it (tit-tays!), the script decides to make her into the female lead. Why is somewhat complicated by the fact that she's a villain. So, instead of having her own her villainy or giving her a halfway plausible redemption arc, the movie just arbitrarily declares that she's only ever been evil because she was being mind-controlled by nanobots. It's such a leaden, stupid plot device that it drops off the screen and rolls down the aisle before collapsing in a heap of pathetic by the door.
The entire denouncement is so rushed. Basically, the man who will be Cobra Commander was once the Baroness's brother, but he faked his death after some disfiguring scars and became a villain (because really, who ever heard of a good guy with gnarly scars? Actually, that's a better reason than the movie wanting him to take over the world "for science!"). But he's lonely, so he kidnaps his sister and turns her into the Baroness (and then they never have a scene together in the whole movie. Umm, okay). Of course, Baroness and Destro are in a relationship, so for some reason Cobra Commander also turned his sister into his boss's sex toy, but the movie never even goes near that whole can of worms, so... yeah. It's a plot that could've been interesting, but not in a 90-minute toy commercial.
What's worse is that it could've worked if they'd just left the shocking revelations at Cobra Commander being Rex. Ana deciding to become the Baroness because her brother is alive, albeit fucked up because of her dick boyfriend? That'd be perfectly fine! It'd mean our hero would actually have to own up to his mistakes instead of getting the girl for no real reason.
Admittedly, Spider-Man 2 did kind of the same plot, but that was so much better-executed and gave Otto some agency, since it was about Otto and not Peter's pure and good love for Otto (sorry, slashers).
Also, it's a bit amusing when the plot wraps up with McCullen becoming Destro, Rex becoming Cobra Commander, you think they're going to do something really badass... then they're immediately captured. Guys, I have a hard enough time taking Cobra Commander seriously in that mask, can't you help me out a little bit in not presenting him as a total joke?
ETA: Would anyone be interested in a Peter/MJ fic... set in the Marvel Adventures universe? You know you want to see Storm and Giant-Girl get all protective of little Spidey. "She might be Mystique! You wouldn't want to kiss Mystique, would you?"
On to the thinky thoughts!
District 9
Wow. I'll admit, I was a little worried from the trailers that this would just be "racism is bad, GET IT?" sermonizing that we really don't need because, hello, since when do we need an elaborate alien metaphor to say apartheid is bad? Are we afraid of offending Big Apartheid?
But instead, the movie takes this premise of "how would humanity deal with a culture that's really different?" You think it's how to get along with someone who's a different color than you, who likes different sex organs than you, who worships a different god than you? Try a fucking crustacean.
Additionally, the movie has a nicely sly sense of humor (the hero is only in his position because he married the boss's daughter) and some absolutely stunning effects work. The movie wisely plays the protagonist, Wikus van der Merwe, as sort of a middle manager in the banality of evil business, the kind of racist who protests mightily that he's not a racist. Instead of a big production where soaring music plays and he becomes enlightened to the plight of minorities, he's mostly selfish, craven, and self-justifying... rather like you or I would be in his situation. Like Big Trouble In Little China, he's just the protagonist, while Christopher (something of a one-alien resistance movement) is the real hero. It's a nice subversion of the standard "thank God, a white guy to help us po' minorities" plot.
G.I. Joe
Okay, I'll bite. I liked it. A lot, in fact. This has to be one of the bigger surprises of the summer, because someone actually remembered how to make a good dumb action movie. With action sequences that you can actually see! I mean, it's no Iron Man, but it's at least an Incredible Hulk.
Totally putting the nacks to the grimy and gritty cliches, the movie proudly wears the influence of the old Bond movies on its sleeve. All that's missing is a theme song by Tom Jones (speaking of theme songs, they have that Boom Boom Pow song playing during the credits. Anytime a song proudly announces that it's "so 2008," you should realize it has a sell-by date. Why not some kind of remix of that badass 'COBRA! (Cobra!)' song from the animated movie?). How can you hate a movie where the baddies attack via Krang-style drillers, then escape via jetpack?
I know, I know, GI Joe is now an international organization, but if you're going to hate on multi-nation military efforts (ones that are commanded by and primarily made up of Americans anyway), I've got some bad news. Although, yes, Heavy-Duty's accent is terrible, Snake Eyes' lips look terrible, and why is the heroine hooking up with the comic relief?
The biggest criticism you can make is the character of the Baroness. Acknowledging that she's the character (tits) that left the biggest (tits) impression on the kids who watched it (tit-tays!), the script decides to make her into the female lead. Why is somewhat complicated by the fact that she's a villain. So, instead of having her own her villainy or giving her a halfway plausible redemption arc, the movie just arbitrarily declares that she's only ever been evil because she was being mind-controlled by nanobots. It's such a leaden, stupid plot device that it drops off the screen and rolls down the aisle before collapsing in a heap of pathetic by the door.
The entire denouncement is so rushed. Basically, the man who will be Cobra Commander was once the Baroness's brother, but he faked his death after some disfiguring scars and became a villain (because really, who ever heard of a good guy with gnarly scars? Actually, that's a better reason than the movie wanting him to take over the world "for science!"). But he's lonely, so he kidnaps his sister and turns her into the Baroness (and then they never have a scene together in the whole movie. Umm, okay). Of course, Baroness and Destro are in a relationship, so for some reason Cobra Commander also turned his sister into his boss's sex toy, but the movie never even goes near that whole can of worms, so... yeah. It's a plot that could've been interesting, but not in a 90-minute toy commercial.
What's worse is that it could've worked if they'd just left the shocking revelations at Cobra Commander being Rex. Ana deciding to become the Baroness because her brother is alive, albeit fucked up because of her dick boyfriend? That'd be perfectly fine! It'd mean our hero would actually have to own up to his mistakes instead of getting the girl for no real reason.
Admittedly, Spider-Man 2 did kind of the same plot, but that was so much better-executed and gave Otto some agency, since it was about Otto and not Peter's pure and good love for Otto (sorry, slashers).
Also, it's a bit amusing when the plot wraps up with McCullen becoming Destro, Rex becoming Cobra Commander, you think they're going to do something really badass... then they're immediately captured. Guys, I have a hard enough time taking Cobra Commander seriously in that mask, can't you help me out a little bit in not presenting him as a total joke?
ETA: Would anyone be interested in a Peter/MJ fic... set in the Marvel Adventures universe? You know you want to see Storm and Giant-Girl get all protective of little Spidey. "She might be Mystique! You wouldn't want to kiss Mystique, would you?"
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re: GI Joe
Date: 2009-10-18 06:59 am (UTC)Re: GI Joe
Date: 2009-10-18 07:06 am (UTC)I think I would've rooted for Cobra if Destro and Baroness were an actual couple, instead of the Doctor and his
faithfulbrain-washed companion. Because let's be honest, I would ship that so hard. Taking over the world as foreplay is a yes.