On tumblr, there's this hugely popular crossover called Superwholock

What if prestige shows did the same crossovers? Hell, Justified is already canonically the same universe as Karen Sisco, so...

INT. ART'S OFFICE - DAY

Raylan and Karen stand in front of Art's desk, managing to look like sassy GQ motherfuckers just standing there.

ART: It looks like Evil Neal McDonough is running circles around us. What we need is someone who has experience with this character!

RAYLAN: I know a guy...

EXT. OCEAN BEACH - DAY

Hank Dolworth and Britt Pollack are in their pool repair truck. Raylan leans against the door like he's pulled them over for speeding. Karen sits on the hood of Raylan's sedan.

BRITT: Look, thanks for getting me early release and everything, but Harlan County? That's a little outside our jurisdiction.

KAREN: We could always throw in a legit PI license. Leave a nice comment on your website.

BRITT: We have a website?

HANK: It's a Facebook page. And we'll take the case.

RAYLAN: Sure you don't want to tweet about it?

INT. AVA'S HOUSE -- DAY

Meanwhile, Ava is examining a meth rock under a magnifying glass. She turns to Boyd Crowder, gives him the nod.

BOYD: Well, my urbane friend, it would appear your drugs are all you claim to be. And seeing as how the Bennett clan's marijuana trade has gone up in a most negative smoke, it would see it's time to go into the meth business. You provide the meth, I'll provide the muscle. The only question is, what do I call you?

Across from him, a bald man puts on a black hat.

WALT: The name's Heisenberg. And you don't call me. I call you.

SHIELD

So the talk now is of a Nick Fury movie. As a comic fan, it's my duty to have a pitch. Here we go.

1. Don't make it the Samuel L. Jackson Show. He's getting on in years and after several movies of him being the chessmaster, it'd be odd seeing him pull a Star Trek and start personally leading missions. Make him more like Nate Ford in Leverage. In fact, make this entire movie like Leverage. In the old comics, they had Dum-Dum Dugan and Sitwell as an ensemble; Agent Coulson and Maria Hill can fill the same roles.

2. Jim Steranko. Give him an executive producer credit, at least. The whole "exaggerated reality" thing that characterizes the Marvel Movieverse has already been done sublimely in the Mission: Impossible and Daniel Craig Bond movies, but Captain America showed a willingness to go uber-pulpy (it was like Sky Captain And The World of Tomorrow, but with a plot!). The way to go is to turn that up to eleven. Think GI Joe: Rise of Cobra, which actually did a good job of having a new wonderful toy every scene. Hire Tarsem to translate those trademark Steranko visuals (I know he's more striking as a Thor director, but he kinda already made his Thor movie in Immortals. Just throw money at him and tell him to do a spy movie. The SHIELD guys should be using Asgardian toys, Stark devices, magic, whatever, not just really cool smartphones. In fact, have Tony Stark cameo as the Q-branch guy. "And for the lovely Natasha, a little something I like to call the Widow's Bite."

3. Speaking of which, don't do Black Widow or Hawkeye solo movies. Give them a big "Mr. And Mrs. Smith" film. Moreover, since I'm sure Captain America 2 will do a Winter Soldier storyline, throw Bucky in. He can be the Wolverine of the movie, the fun tension in a film full of tight-knit, competent professionals. He's traumatized, he's badass, he's unstable, and Black Widow kinda has a thing for him. Love triangles: always fun. Say the team needs to go undercover as a power couple, but the mark knows who Hawkeye is, so it has to be Bucky and Natasha. Delicious.

4. It's not just a spy movie, it's a Marvel spy movie. People shouldn't just be going to Dubai, they should be going to Marvel Dubai. When they need information, they go to see the Abomination in prison, or Justin Hammer, or Loki. In a pinch, someone might chug gamma-irradiated blood and Hulk out for a few minutes to make a getaway, or call in War Machine for air support. I know it runs the risk of having too much fanservice and not enough movie, but a bunch of pretty people running around in black leather and kickboxing isn't going to set this movie apart. It has to do things Tom Cruise couldn't do in a million years.

5. The Heli-Carrier crashes. If it doesn't happen in Avengers, it has to happen here. Tradition, you know?

Glee superhero AU: Under peaceful conditions, the warlike attack themselves (Rachel/Quinn) 3/11

Title: Under peaceful conditions, the warlike attack themselves
Fandom: Glee
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,074
Characters/Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Santana/Brittany
Previous: Part 2
Summary: Just what Quinn always wanted. Rachel Berry with a Lois Lane complex.

( But that was really cool how you saved me—didn't save me. The look on your face was so heroic. It shocked me. I would've been less surprised if you'd belted out Barbra Streisand. But then, I am always disappointed when people don't belt out Barbra Streisand. Her works are surprisingly applicable to everyday life. )

Reviews

The Gray



It's like that, but with Liam Neeson. What more do you want, a lollypop?

Man On A Ledge

Okay, not all movies can be great. It's a given that most movies are going to be average. That's what the word average means. They come on TNT and you're like "oh, that's on?" and maybe you watch it, but you don't buy the DVD. That's Man On A Ledge. It's really their own fault. This movie was made by people who weren't creative enough to realize they could call this movie Man On The Edge. I mean, there's a fairly important character who gets shot toward the end, and the movie just kinda forgets about him. Next scene, everyone's celebrating and proposing marriage and coming back from the dead, so did he live or are they all just cool with that guy dying because he was kind of a prick?

Also, they cast Sam Worthington in the lead. Now, Sam Worthington has his place. If you need someone who can look cool while shooting people, or punching people, or stabbing people, or other activities that don't require a convincing American accent, he's your guy (and not Shia LeBeouf, Hollywood). But here, he has to play a guy pretending to threaten to jump off a ledge. So pretty much all he does is talk. And it's not like he's talking about interesting stuff. We, because of the trailers that have played in front of every movie for six months, know that he's just bullshitting the hostage negotiators while the real action happens across the street. So maybe David Mamet could take scenes that the audience knows are basically bullshit and make them interesting. But whoever they got to write this, can't. It's like spending an entire movie with the stripper that Danny Ocean hires to distract the guards instead of watching George Clooney and his amazing band of character actors steal shit (or engage in asshole fourth-wall nonsense, if you're watching Ocean's Twelve).

I will say this, Jamie Bell and Genesis Rodriguez: Cute Jewel Thieves are fun, even if Genesis Rodriguez (G-Rod?) spends 75% of the movie in a top cut down to her bra--just the thing to wear when you're going to be drilling into bank vaults and setting off explosives, et al--and the other 25% in a high-tech catsuit. Amazing how the latest in garment technology is always incorporated into catsuits when it's for women. We can make women's garments bulletproof but we can't make them two-pieces? Odd.

Okay, that's a lie, she spends one percent in lingerie. Just checking, but if your boyfriend is Jamie Bell and he sees you in lingerie and he says you look like a piece of art, would your reaction really be "oh, gross"? C'mon, what more do you want from him? Is he just supposed to not say anything while his hot girlfriend who he loves is in lingerie? Man's just trying to have some fun while he pulls a jewelry heist to prove his brother's innocence.

By the way, The Closer plays Suzie Morales, and she always says her last name with this weird emphasis, so is she supposed to be Hispanic? I don't know, she doesn't curse in Spanish when she's irritated like Genesis Rodriguez does. Then again, she never does get very annoyed. She's possibly the only scumbag reporter in a Hollywood thriller who ends up with no comeuppance. Maybe they're saving that for the sequel, Man On A Ledge 2: During A Rainstorm.

Oh, sorry, I didn't mention Elizabeth Banks. She plays a hard-living, world-weary, bitter old police officer--no, really, gets out of bed at three PM after a one-night stand with tequila. I didn't buy it. Her backstory--and I'm not spoiling anything here, this "mystery" gets revealed five minutes after she shows up--is that she's a hostage negotiator who had a jumper commit suicide on her, so now the entire police department hates her. I'm not really a law enforcement expert, I haven't even seen Homicide: Life On The Streets, but would anyone's reaction to a negotiator who lost a person be "Nice job not getting someone killed, bitch"? Wouldn't they, I don't know, sympathize with her? I know the screenplay wants her to be an underdog so we like her, but she can just be fucked up from having someone die on her watch, we don't need every cop in New York to treat her like a Roald Dahl protagonist. Or does that happen in other professions? "Oh, you lost a patient, Dr. Ferguson? Why don't you go fuck off and die, cocksucker? Hey, Fireman Joe, you didn't get that kid out of a burning building? Fuck your mother! Yo, Private Tom, great job saving that guy from the IED that exploded under his Humvee. Not!"

Anyway, watch The Gray instead. The sooner we all stop pretending Sam Worthington is a real actor, the better.


Although The Gray doesn't have this. Maybe they could've had a scene where Liam Neeson had to break into a bank vault? A bank vault would be very safe from timber wolves. Just spitballing here.