Yikes III

Last bit of Clare-bashing (clashing?) before the review.

And Luke, moving so swiftly that Clary almost did not see him do it, seized a scalpel from the bedside table and flung it. It flipped twice in the air and sank point-first into Blackwell’s throat, cutting off his growling retort. He gagged, eyes rolling up to the whites, and fell to his knees, hands at his throat. Scarlet liquid pulsed between his spread fingers.

You mean blood? No, I shouldn’t make assumptions.

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen:

She was clutching her sketchpad, her bright hair escaping out of its braids. He leaned against the door frame, ignoring the kick of adrenaline the sight of her produced. He wondered why, not for the first time. Isabelle used her beauty like she used her whip, but Clary didn’t know she was beautiful at all. Maybe that was why.

Hi there, Madonna/Whore complex. Haven't seen you around these parts in a few centuries. What're you up to in a children's book?

Because, you know, men just hate women who are confident in their sexuality.

Not quite a haiku (Or: I'm feeling ever so slightly pretentious)

I was thinking of how to describe my novel in its as-yet-unwritten query letter:

It's all of the things I love about storytelling and none of the things I hate.

But then, that's everyone's novel. (Icon relevant.)

This belongs in a Hollows novel

Ivy: Rachel, get on the computer and check if the werewolves are still at the docks.

Rachel: Just a minute, I have to Tab through all the links.

Ivy: Just use the mouse and click on it.

Rachel: I'm not using the mouse. I prefer the keyboard.

Ivy: But the mouse is so easy to use!

Rachel: I'm just not interested in using the mouse!

Ivy: Why don't you try it and see if you like it?

Rachel: No. I am so certain that the keyboard is superior that I don't even need to look at the mouse!

Ivy: Why don't you watch me use the mouse and then you'll see how much fun it is?

Rachel: ...

Ivy: It's so easy, I can even use it with my tongue. See?

Rachel: I-I NEED TO CHANGE MY PANTS FOR UNRELATED REASONS! *runs*

Yatta!

Okay, the world is once more a rational place. I, who've written several hundred thousand words about superheroes fucking (not to mention, yeah, original prose), have managed to complete a query letter.

The trick is to summarize your story like every word is being read by Don LaFontaine. Although, quick tip: Not every sentence can begin "In a world where justice is outlawed and freedom is a memory". Only some of them.

ETA: Roger Ebert, after losing his voice to cancer, can now speak again with a computer program that's recreated his old voice from episodes of At The Movies. Can we do that with Don LaFontaine? I know we can't get much from movie trailers, but honestly, how many "In a worlds" are there at the cineplexes? Aside from Avatar. "In a world where really tall blue cat things have sex by sticking their hair into each other, then use that same hair to mind-control beasts, and are cruelly exploited so that humanity can mine Unobtainium... c'mon, seriously?"