Potterdammerung was just the beginning...

[seriousfic]

Doesn't it strike anyone else as odd that both parties in the election have chosen candidates who could be described as... wanky?

With this first-time-in-history convergence of race and gender, neither side can make an attack without seeming bigoted. For instance...

1: I'm not so sure about Obama's plan to fix social security.

2: Oh, it's because he's black, isn't it?

Or...

2: If McCain dies, can we really trust Palin with the executive office?

1: We can't because she's a woman, is that what you're saying?

It will soon reach the point, if it hasn't already, where not only will coded words like "uppity" and "shrill" be wanky to throw around, but even synonyms for them will be non-kosher.

With McCain, we can probably throw in ageism, and Biden... well, okay, Biden's a white guy, therefore there can be no wank for mocking him, but experience tells us he's probably gay, or at least bicurious. Remember how we all thought John Edwards was homosexual, but then he turned out to be way too heterosexual? Same princple, reversecd. Biden must've at least experimented in college, I mean c'mon!

Then there's Breaking Dawn. Could it just be coincidence that an incomplete draft is leaked to the web, leading Meyer (is that how it's spelled? I don't even care enough to Google it) to flounce from her own fandom? The sixth Harry Potter film is delayed. It's all the work of a single individual.

Yes, one individual... but with multiple bodies. A hive mind. Some have suggested it could be a hive vagina, but other sources indicate there is no hive vagina. Aliens that feed on wank (no, not like in your 28-part erotic Star Trek fanfic with both Kirk/Spock and Picard/Q). Nature is full of scavengers that feed on conflict... does it beggar belief that a far more advanced race could feed on psychic conflict? No, belief is firmly unbeggared. And like all aliens, this hive mind has been living among us in secret, watching our world with envious eyes, and slowly drawing their plans against us.

PUT ON THE SUNGLASSES!

Comments

[tamburlaine.livejournal.com]

Fandom Wank is for the weak. It puts wank on at 10, in surround sound. It doesn't criticize "topical events in Fandom" as much as amplify them for a bunch of pretentious, teeth-gnashing women to use in some useless meta blood sacrifice, complete with all sorts of symptoms of hysteria. What goes on there is practically devoid of all traces of lulz. Such pleasures have been abandoned like Olmec ceremonial sites; in place of lulz we have these masturbatory Roman feasts (vomitorium, madam, on comments page 3), where the albeit truthful ridiculousness of fandom is gobbled down into the gullets of sad, sad women and regurgitated in the form of a feeble "I see what you did there."

SORRY, I PREFER CAPSLOCK FOR MY FANDOM COMMENTARY. ENOUGH OF FANDOM WANK'S LOOSE OLD SANDY VAGINA. ALSO: who_anon. A DYING STAR, BUT LOLOLOL.

AND CAN I JUST SAY THAT IMHO IF YOU PUT LIPSTICK ON A PIG IT'S STILL A PIG.

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah...

[parsimonia.livejournal.com]

I don't think FW even takes itself that seriously, to be honest. I generally look at it as a place for people to look at the extreme silliness and fuckedupedness (if Firefox spellchecker will forgive me the word) of fans. Who cares what people's motivations are for reading it or taking part in it? While it's not always "for the lulz", they have rules against trolling the wankers themselves, and never post stuff about minors. Not really hurting anyone, other than offending your sense of taste when it comes to internet communities, is it?

[tamburlaine.livejournal.com]

K.

[mcity.livejournal.com]

I like how you make this post on a LJ whose default icon is Seriouscat.

[tamburlaine.livejournal.com]

The layers of sarcasm and irony and srs business are layered like the rings of a jawbreaker. Take it slow.

[parsimonia.livejournal.com]

Er, have you only just discovered Fandom_Wank?

[mymatedave.livejournal.com]

But you're still missing the most wanky part of the situation. If anyone ever makes a point of voicing these concerns, they get shouted down by being called a hypocrit.

I've seen shipper flamewars that are only slightly more crazy then this, and those people are certifiable.

[mcity.livejournal.com]

>It will soon reach the point, if it hasn't already, where not only will coded words like "uppity" and "shrill" be wanky to throw around, but even synonyms for them will be non-kosher.

"Lipstick on a pig". That's all I'm sayin'.

[runa27.livejournal.com]

In some ways I curse the fact that I know all this, but... it's actually not Breaking Dawn that was leaked. Breaking Dawn was the final book in the crackfest that was Twilight, and while a number of spoilers did leak out (which, hilariously enough, were proven true simply by the fact that her or her publisher's very stupid lawyers tried to C&D, basically confirming that the crazyass material was legit), the actual book did not have any of its drafts leaked before its early-August release.

The book that DID get its draft leaked was another one that Meyer was working on and had only gotten about 12 chapters into, and was not actually a sequel but a retelling of the first book in the series from Edward's perspective, entitled Midnight Sun. You can verify this through Meyer's own website, where she posted the "clean draft" or whatever you want to call it.

I highly recommend anyone remotely curious about it though, just check out cleolinda's journal postings on the matter, because if nothing else, they're a more entertaining way of keeping up with it. Particularly funny about this situation is the possibility that the guy who plays Edward in the upcoming movie may well have been the one who leaked it, (since he had access to one of the early drafts, and if you listen closely to his statements regarding the role, does not seem to like his character much, though he apparently claims he "doesn't think" he leaked it. Oh, Rob! XD How very lovably stoned you always come across as... Meyer, for her part, claims to know just from the exact wordings of the PDF's text exactly who had to have leaked it, but refuses to say, making it slightly more likely in many folks' opinion that it was RPatz's copy that got leaked since of course, that would make her flounce less effective and potentially hurt the movie ticket sales, which would in turn hurt her ability to make more money off the series).

It's actually ironic that you bring up politics in the same post, because I remember picking up last week's Time magazine, which was mostly centered on Gov.Palin, and being so totally annoyed (well, mildly annoyed, really; by "totally" I mean "definitely" rather than "extremely") that they actually covered the whole Midnight Sun flap... in a brief aside that took all of two sentences and a single image, mind you, but still.

PS: I thought the very definition of politics was "wank that people vote based on"? :P I mean, for goodness sakes, when Kennedy ran against Nixon, he hired a guy to play pranks on him, including having children in Chinatown hold up signs with a harmless greeting in English and a snarky political dig in Chinese... and tricking Nixon into smiling and posing with them up until the point at which he was informed of the translation and angrily tore up the signs in front of the press. Not to mention at that year's Democratic Convention, they poked fun of Nixon's "Nixon's The One" slogan by having a bunch of folks dress up like pregnant nuns carrying signs saying just that! *sigh* Compared to today's wank, that stuff was MUCH more fun, though, don't you think? I mean, hell, a few decades ago one of the folks running for Prez was able to win while poking fun of his opponent's tendency to use sunflower motifs with "Sunflowers Die In November"! I mean, compare that to current slogans like "Change You Can Believe In", and there's no contest which is several degrees awesomer, no? :P