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You'll appreciate my restraint in none of them involving Big Barda.

Also, crazy, but five minutes after this article was posted, someone commented about how poorly written the thing was because I misspelled James Van Der Berk as Josh Van Der Beak. Obviously, the spelling of Dawson Creek's name matters to me about as much as who the president is matters to a Gitmo prisoner, but like all personal criticisms, it is fun to imagine it being voiced by a frentic Jack Bauer on the search for nuclear bombs.


"Chloe, the name of the Varsity Blues star wasn't James Van Der Beak, it was James Van Der Berk! DAMNIT!

I don't know why I'm Chloe in this scenario. I feel I'm at least a Tony.

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