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seriousficTitle: Girlfriends
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Rating: R
Word Count: 3,112
Characters/Pairings: Cara/Kahlan
Previous: Frenemies
Summary: When Kahlan has something to tell Cara, it's not always what she wants to hear.
Cara slept on Kahlan's couch, staring at her bedroom door until she couldn't keep her eyes open. When she woke up, the door was open. Kahlan was in the kitchen. White panties atop miles of legs and a T-shirt stretched hard over her chest. Knowing Kahlan had been sleeping in that made Cara's stomach loop-de-loop. Or it might've just been the bacon she was cooking.
Kahlan realized Cara was awake by the sound of her blanket falling away as she sat up. Kahlan looked and then looked away. Cara was actually dressed more conservatively than her—jeans and a tanktop—but her bare feet and tousled hair kept Kahlan thinking sex. "I made thank-you bacon, for staying with me. It was good—knowing you were there."
"Anytime," Cara replied, finger-combing her hair back into shape.
Kahlan loaded a plate with strips, her kitchen tongs making dainty little snips as she worked. "Don't take this the wrong way, but… could you not talk for a bit? I don't mean to be rude, but I have something to say—something that I really need to say—and it would go best if it were a speech, not a conversation. I mean, I practiced." Finished, Kahlan dropped the tongs and turned off the burner and put the skillet in the sink and took the plate to Cara, setting it down in front of her. "Eat."
Cara picked up a strip of bacon and chewed it dubiously. She didn't want to stuff her face while Kahlan was clearing the air; if only the bacon wasn't so fucking good.
Kahlan took a deep breath and knotted her fingers together. "Thank you… a lot… for being here for me. You didn't owe me anything. But you're a really good friend; even when I'm not. I've been unfair to you lately. Treating you like… well, like a whore. And you're not. I mean, not that anything's wrong with being a, a sex worker, but you're much more than that. Clearly. Obviously. You're kind and supportive and there's so much, so many things, you keep them hidden but they're there. I've seen a piece of it. I could spend a lifetime seeing more."
Cara reached for Kahlan's hands. Kahlan pulled them back, against her chest.
"But that wouldn't be fair to you."
Kahlan rose, circling the room like she was dancing around something, and Cara sat there, guessing that her unspoken promise to keep silent included shaking Kahlan into explaining herself.
"Last night, lying awake in bed, I finally asked myself what other people were going through. What was happening with Denna, and with Richard, and with you. For a long time, I've been doing what's right for me… that's not what I believe in. I believe in putting others first. Being honest with Richard, that was a step in the right direction, but he doesn’t matter to me as much as you. And that wasn't as hard as doing this."
Kahlan stopped, across the room, and through all that space Cara could see the tears, stillborn, in her eyes. She'd worked herself into a cry, like when an ASPCA commercial came on the air. Only worse, because then the waterworks started and Cara could make fun of it, but here she held back, and her eyes were just red and glossy, just broken, strangling Cara. She couldn't breathe.
"I do want to spend my life with you, but as a sister, not as some kind of… sex partner. Because I am a wreck. I actually… God, I actually called you out for going after what you want and being who you are, when I was the one who just tried to be whoever Richard wanted me to be. I'm nothing. I'm shit. I tried to be ready for this, all my life, I tried to improve myself and be mature and learn and I'm… here. I'm making excuses. For being some dumb, stupid slut who agrees to being cheated on."
Cara stood. Kahlan threw out a hand, warding her off.
"And I was actually… arrogant enough to think you wanted me. That you were in love with me! When the truth is, there isn't much to love. Just an idiot little girl who has clearly managed to fuck herself up, despite a life that most people would kill for. So, it was nice of you to let me think we had something…"
Cara started walking toward her and Kahlan lowered her hand, guessing that Cara had gotten her point, bracing herself for a hug or a pat on the head or maybe a kiss on the cheek if she was lucky.
"But I get it. You don't think about me that way. I threw myself at you--twice--and you said no, and I respect that. You're not attracted to me. Why would you be? You're used to… what you're used to… and I can't give you that and I'd better stop before I turn this into a pity party, but I promise, if you can ever forgive me for how I've treated you, I won't ever do it again. Not a joke, not a flirt, not a word. We can pretend it never happened. That I never kissed you and you never—what are you doing?"
Cara was close now. She'd started close, seemingly, exerting some weird gravity, a black hole force, like she wasn't getting closer but Kahlan was right up against her already, getting pressed down into her heady scent, and just when she'd blinked her eyes she'd realized what she'd lied to herself about. Cara hadn't been listening. Not for a while. She'd been bringing them together, not that it'd seemed that way when Kahlan had made so many first moves. This just felt like Cara had stopped pulling away.
"What are you doing?" Kahlan asked again, less firmly.
"Not talking," Cara whispered. Like she'd promised. Her fingers flitted up the hem of Kahlan's shirt, pulled back like claws, stretching the material toward Cara. Instantly, Kahlan felt a cool breeze on her exposed stomach. The gust rolled upward, over her skin, up to her nipples and found them already hard. As Cara found them, when she rolled the shirt over Kahlan's breasts and smiled at the sight of her prize.
"Cara," Kahlan whimpered, and she'd said that name so many times, in fondness and exasperation and anger and joy, but never like she'd needed something. Never like a plea.
"Shh," Cara replied, moving her lips to Kahlan's like she was just trying to silence her. "My turn to talk."
And the rest was pleasure. The closeness of Cara, the herness of her, it blotted out things. Left only the kiss. Didn't let Kahlan remember her shirt clearing her skin, or the sound it made as it landed in a ball on the floor, or the sudden cool air on her body. No, all she felt was Cara's hands, warm, so warm, like a fireplace on a winter night. How could Kahlan have ever thought she was cold? She burned hot, Kahlan's little furnace.
And God, if Cara's hands were where she needed them, twisting her nipples or caressing her lips or even groping her ass (how many times had Richard done that, but never like Cara, Kahlan was sure), then Kahlan was sure she would blank out again, wake up after Cara had had her wicked way, feeling the same tingly aftershocks as when Richard was convinced to go down on her instead of giving her jewelry for a special occasion, and it would almost be worth it only Kahlan wanted to feel everything. Funny as hell. Just then, they actually needed to take it slow.
Slow like Cara's hands, starting at the lines of Kahlan's cheekbones as if to hold her in place for another kiss (and good thing too, because Kahlan thought she might melt, thought she might end up on the floor without even being fucked there like she wanted, so desperately wanted). And when they did kiss, those hands (slowly, with all the time in the world) moved down Kahlan's throat (they could choke her, they could collar her like a dog, they could pull her around by the hair and all those options sounded perfect) and down her shoulders (Cara could shake her, she could slap her) and down her ribs (she could scratch, or bite, or claw) and to her hips (or a nice, hard spanking) and they circled her waist, almost spanning her taut belly because Cara's fingers were so long and slender and callused and oh, Kahlan knew, she knew exactly what Cara could do, with those fingers, those long, slender, callused fingers. It would be just like what Kahlan did to herself, only so different, so Cara.
Cara saw Kahlan thinking it, saw the thought light a fire in her eyes, and she smiled. A predator's smile, for a predator who'd caught prey. She'd said her piece.
"You want this," Cara said, only she wasn't speaking anymore. Her voice was a kind of touch, a kind of fucking, and those rough, husky words actually blotted out Cara's fingers as they gently, so gently, pulled Kahlan's panties aside like a bomb squad would move a wire. "Right here. Right now. Fast and hard and dirty, like only I can give you. Isn't that right?"
"You're always right," Kahlan said weakly. She actually grinned at the fact that she'd managed to talk.
"Mmm." Cara bit Kahlan's smile. Sent the most teasing, taunting bit of pain through her nerves. Like she was losing her virginity all over again. When she let go, Kahlan's lips snapped back against her teeth, and then it was all pleasure. It was that cool breeze again, against her pussy. "I'm going to touch you now," Cara said, her finger by Kahlan's core, stirring the air. Kahlan could've sworn she felt the heat of it, oscillating nearer and further. "Thank me."
"Thank you, Mistress Cara," Kahlan said. She didn't grin this time. She wasn't even sure she'd spoken.
"You don't have to call me Mistress." Cara fell silent as she entered Kahlan, her middle finger like a flag planting on virgin territory, claiming it, making it hers. She waited for the long, drawn-out moan that they always made, so familiar and so different because it was Kahlan. Then she spoke. "We're friends, after all."
And when she was done… when her finger was all the way in… Cara extended her pointer finger from her tightly coiled fist. Brought it up slowly, let its nail slide over Kahlan's labia. Didn't give her a moment's rest. They were friends. After all.
"I'm going to give you another finger now," Cara said. More like breathed. It was getting to her, that this was Kahlan, this heat and tightness and panting, demanding need was her fucking roommate. It was making her want to force the bitch to her knees and wrench her hair out of her scalp and drag her mouth to cunt, make her drink, just like leading a horse to water only a woman was more obedient when Cara held the reins. "Thank me."
But she wouldn't. It was Kahlan. She was special. She deserved the best.
"Thank you soooo much," Kahlan gasped, her brow furrowed, her body in all kinds of knots.
--and Cara gave her more to be thankful about--
"Thank me. Thank me!"
--until Kahlan was filled up, practically fisted--
"Yes, yes!"
--and Cara's clit was clawing at her panties and her hard, rough denim like a prisoner in a cage—
"Ungrateful little--!"
--and Kahlan would've come if she could, but she couldn't, it just felt too good—
"Th—th—"
--then her body couldn't take anymore, it was too ready and not nearly ready enough, it was used to wanting this and not used to having it—
"Thank you, Cara!"
--and nothing was blotted out, not a damn thing.
She felt everything, every breath of air on her flesh, every inch of skin on Cara's fingers, everything, everything, everything, it was all inside her and it was all her orgasm.
"Thank you so fucking much!"
--and her voice turned hoarse and her legs turned to water and she fell, Cara's fingers slipping out of her, all four of them, her bare ass slapping the kitchen floor and her breasts bouncing and her teeth snapping and her body swaying, for a moment, as she sat up, still trying to say the words with no air in her lung, and then she flopped backward onto the forgiving coolness of the tiles and laid there, thankful.
"You're welcome," Cara said, licking her fingers clean.
She knelt down and pulled Kahlan's panties the rest of the way off. Wouldn't want them to get dirty after all. Wet.
Much later, after Cara had laid down beside Kahlan and petted her hair and licked a little of the sweat from her breasts, Kahlan stopped shaking. She turned to Cara and said first thing "Can I do that to you?"
Cara could only nod. For once, Kahlan had left her speechless.
That night, it wouldn't be the last time.
***
They laid in bed, eating reheated bacon and drinking tea. And Cara had always thought she was a coffee girl.
"Cara?" Kahlan said. She'd said that name in fondness and exasperation and anger and joy and need, but never so lovingly.
Cara swallowed her bacon. "Yes dear?"
Kahlan raised an eyebrow, as if to say "Pet names already?" without being bitch enough to say it. "I was just wondering about the sex dungeon routine?"
"The sex dungeon routine?" Cara repeated, flashing a certain grin.
"I'm not complaining. Actually, I wouldn't be adverse to… experimentation. I was just wondering, why you?"
Cara rolled onto her back, licking her fingers clean. "I've thought about it. I used to think 'what's wrong with me?' Then I realized something's wrong with everyone, so then I thought 'okay, why this?'"
"And?" Kahlan prompted, folding an arm over her breasts. For a moment, Cara had been distracted.
The blonde took her time eating another strip, just to show she didn't appreciate the new view. "I got into it as a sub. At first I thought I'd just let someone spank me, but pretty soon there were whips and chains and handcuffs… It was like being nothing. Just a conduit for someone else's pleasure. But at the same time, I was so important. I could've stopped it all with one word. I just didn't."
"And then?"
"Then I wondered what it would be like to seem to have all the power… to be inflicting the pain… and yet, someone else is at the wheel. Asking for it. It'd be like… being real. Being a person."
Kahlan said nothing. Just moved against Cara and held her, surprised at how easily Cara accepted it. She'd never have thought of the woman as a cuddler. But then, she'd been foolish about a lot of things.
Slowly, like she was reading hieroglyphics, Kahlan's fingers moved over the lines of Cara's muscles, the curves of her body… the borders of the scar on her back. The one argument against her flesh's perfection.
"You can ask," Cara said. It was just an exhale.
Kahlan came at it sideways. Trying to spare Cara all the pain. "I notice things. Your family never shows up. Never calls. I talk about my parents all the time, but you don't. And I would've noticed if you were uncomfortable, even back then. It's like you're just… numb there."
"So, what, you think I lost my virginity during a daddy-daughter talk?" Cara snapped. Not angry, but bitter. Angry over other people who'd asked, or assumed, or gossiped.
"No. I think you don't want to talk about it. Not with someone who doesn't care an awful lot."
"And you do?" At any other time, a phrase like that from Cara would've been laden with sarcasm. This was just… needing confirmation.
"I do. I couldn't care more."
"My parents never touched me. They didn't hit me or anything. You have to care to do that. Daddy checked out when I was just old enough to remember him leaving. He didn't close the door all the way. And after that, I guess my mom thought that if he wasn't going to raise me, why should she?"
Kahlan kept trying to spare Cara the pain, when those nerves had been burnt out a long time ago. She knew anything she said would hurt, so she just nuzzled the side of Cara's neck, breathing in her pure, clean scent.
"I actually remember my dad more than my mom. At least he had… exit, stage right. My mom just wasn't there. But some matches were. I set some drapes on fire, stayed to get burnt, the firefighters pulled me out. It was on the six o'clock news. After that, I was in foster care. My 'family' didn't care, they just needed the money, but at least they gave me three square meals. I got myself emancipated at sixteen, worked whatever jobs I could, earned a scholarship. Came here. Met you."
"You're very brave," Kahlan said softly.
"What's brave about it? What else was I gonna do? If there was a button I could've pushed to get into the Brady Bunch, I would've pushed it."
"Well then, you're modest."
"Nah." Cara put on a ghetto accent. "I'm a hot bitch. I knows it."
"Stop," Kahlan ordered playfully, giving Cara a squeeze. Then, serious again. "You don't have to play some kind of part with me."
"Alright. But it's really not a big deal. It's in the past. You can't change it."
"Maybe we can change us." Kahlan shifted them again, molding herself around Cara like she could form a shield, keeping out even the things that had already gotten in. "It'll be spring break soon. I know you usually have an orgy, but maybe you could come home with me. My mom always fixes more than enough food. And, uh, you know… I do have to tell them I've gone gay sooner or later. But you don't have to, I mean, I could just build up to that. I'm gay, then I have a girlfriend, then my girlfriend is a dominatrix…"
"I'll go to your parents' house." Cara amended herself, "I'd love to go to your parents' house. Even if you are moving awfully fast. First surrendering your virtue, now showing me off to your family…"
"Wait until I say I love you. It's coming. Sooner than you think, it's happening."
"I'll hold my breath."
"Any day now."
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Rating: R
Word Count: 3,112
Characters/Pairings: Cara/Kahlan
Previous: Frenemies
Summary: When Kahlan has something to tell Cara, it's not always what she wants to hear.
Cara slept on Kahlan's couch, staring at her bedroom door until she couldn't keep her eyes open. When she woke up, the door was open. Kahlan was in the kitchen. White panties atop miles of legs and a T-shirt stretched hard over her chest. Knowing Kahlan had been sleeping in that made Cara's stomach loop-de-loop. Or it might've just been the bacon she was cooking.
Kahlan realized Cara was awake by the sound of her blanket falling away as she sat up. Kahlan looked and then looked away. Cara was actually dressed more conservatively than her—jeans and a tanktop—but her bare feet and tousled hair kept Kahlan thinking sex. "I made thank-you bacon, for staying with me. It was good—knowing you were there."
"Anytime," Cara replied, finger-combing her hair back into shape.
Kahlan loaded a plate with strips, her kitchen tongs making dainty little snips as she worked. "Don't take this the wrong way, but… could you not talk for a bit? I don't mean to be rude, but I have something to say—something that I really need to say—and it would go best if it were a speech, not a conversation. I mean, I practiced." Finished, Kahlan dropped the tongs and turned off the burner and put the skillet in the sink and took the plate to Cara, setting it down in front of her. "Eat."
Cara picked up a strip of bacon and chewed it dubiously. She didn't want to stuff her face while Kahlan was clearing the air; if only the bacon wasn't so fucking good.
Kahlan took a deep breath and knotted her fingers together. "Thank you… a lot… for being here for me. You didn't owe me anything. But you're a really good friend; even when I'm not. I've been unfair to you lately. Treating you like… well, like a whore. And you're not. I mean, not that anything's wrong with being a, a sex worker, but you're much more than that. Clearly. Obviously. You're kind and supportive and there's so much, so many things, you keep them hidden but they're there. I've seen a piece of it. I could spend a lifetime seeing more."
Cara reached for Kahlan's hands. Kahlan pulled them back, against her chest.
"But that wouldn't be fair to you."
Kahlan rose, circling the room like she was dancing around something, and Cara sat there, guessing that her unspoken promise to keep silent included shaking Kahlan into explaining herself.
"Last night, lying awake in bed, I finally asked myself what other people were going through. What was happening with Denna, and with Richard, and with you. For a long time, I've been doing what's right for me… that's not what I believe in. I believe in putting others first. Being honest with Richard, that was a step in the right direction, but he doesn’t matter to me as much as you. And that wasn't as hard as doing this."
Kahlan stopped, across the room, and through all that space Cara could see the tears, stillborn, in her eyes. She'd worked herself into a cry, like when an ASPCA commercial came on the air. Only worse, because then the waterworks started and Cara could make fun of it, but here she held back, and her eyes were just red and glossy, just broken, strangling Cara. She couldn't breathe.
"I do want to spend my life with you, but as a sister, not as some kind of… sex partner. Because I am a wreck. I actually… God, I actually called you out for going after what you want and being who you are, when I was the one who just tried to be whoever Richard wanted me to be. I'm nothing. I'm shit. I tried to be ready for this, all my life, I tried to improve myself and be mature and learn and I'm… here. I'm making excuses. For being some dumb, stupid slut who agrees to being cheated on."
Cara stood. Kahlan threw out a hand, warding her off.
"And I was actually… arrogant enough to think you wanted me. That you were in love with me! When the truth is, there isn't much to love. Just an idiot little girl who has clearly managed to fuck herself up, despite a life that most people would kill for. So, it was nice of you to let me think we had something…"
Cara started walking toward her and Kahlan lowered her hand, guessing that Cara had gotten her point, bracing herself for a hug or a pat on the head or maybe a kiss on the cheek if she was lucky.
"But I get it. You don't think about me that way. I threw myself at you--twice--and you said no, and I respect that. You're not attracted to me. Why would you be? You're used to… what you're used to… and I can't give you that and I'd better stop before I turn this into a pity party, but I promise, if you can ever forgive me for how I've treated you, I won't ever do it again. Not a joke, not a flirt, not a word. We can pretend it never happened. That I never kissed you and you never—what are you doing?"
Cara was close now. She'd started close, seemingly, exerting some weird gravity, a black hole force, like she wasn't getting closer but Kahlan was right up against her already, getting pressed down into her heady scent, and just when she'd blinked her eyes she'd realized what she'd lied to herself about. Cara hadn't been listening. Not for a while. She'd been bringing them together, not that it'd seemed that way when Kahlan had made so many first moves. This just felt like Cara had stopped pulling away.
"What are you doing?" Kahlan asked again, less firmly.
"Not talking," Cara whispered. Like she'd promised. Her fingers flitted up the hem of Kahlan's shirt, pulled back like claws, stretching the material toward Cara. Instantly, Kahlan felt a cool breeze on her exposed stomach. The gust rolled upward, over her skin, up to her nipples and found them already hard. As Cara found them, when she rolled the shirt over Kahlan's breasts and smiled at the sight of her prize.
"Cara," Kahlan whimpered, and she'd said that name so many times, in fondness and exasperation and anger and joy, but never like she'd needed something. Never like a plea.
"Shh," Cara replied, moving her lips to Kahlan's like she was just trying to silence her. "My turn to talk."
And the rest was pleasure. The closeness of Cara, the herness of her, it blotted out things. Left only the kiss. Didn't let Kahlan remember her shirt clearing her skin, or the sound it made as it landed in a ball on the floor, or the sudden cool air on her body. No, all she felt was Cara's hands, warm, so warm, like a fireplace on a winter night. How could Kahlan have ever thought she was cold? She burned hot, Kahlan's little furnace.
And God, if Cara's hands were where she needed them, twisting her nipples or caressing her lips or even groping her ass (how many times had Richard done that, but never like Cara, Kahlan was sure), then Kahlan was sure she would blank out again, wake up after Cara had had her wicked way, feeling the same tingly aftershocks as when Richard was convinced to go down on her instead of giving her jewelry for a special occasion, and it would almost be worth it only Kahlan wanted to feel everything. Funny as hell. Just then, they actually needed to take it slow.
Slow like Cara's hands, starting at the lines of Kahlan's cheekbones as if to hold her in place for another kiss (and good thing too, because Kahlan thought she might melt, thought she might end up on the floor without even being fucked there like she wanted, so desperately wanted). And when they did kiss, those hands (slowly, with all the time in the world) moved down Kahlan's throat (they could choke her, they could collar her like a dog, they could pull her around by the hair and all those options sounded perfect) and down her shoulders (Cara could shake her, she could slap her) and down her ribs (she could scratch, or bite, or claw) and to her hips (or a nice, hard spanking) and they circled her waist, almost spanning her taut belly because Cara's fingers were so long and slender and callused and oh, Kahlan knew, she knew exactly what Cara could do, with those fingers, those long, slender, callused fingers. It would be just like what Kahlan did to herself, only so different, so Cara.
Cara saw Kahlan thinking it, saw the thought light a fire in her eyes, and she smiled. A predator's smile, for a predator who'd caught prey. She'd said her piece.
"You want this," Cara said, only she wasn't speaking anymore. Her voice was a kind of touch, a kind of fucking, and those rough, husky words actually blotted out Cara's fingers as they gently, so gently, pulled Kahlan's panties aside like a bomb squad would move a wire. "Right here. Right now. Fast and hard and dirty, like only I can give you. Isn't that right?"
"You're always right," Kahlan said weakly. She actually grinned at the fact that she'd managed to talk.
"Mmm." Cara bit Kahlan's smile. Sent the most teasing, taunting bit of pain through her nerves. Like she was losing her virginity all over again. When she let go, Kahlan's lips snapped back against her teeth, and then it was all pleasure. It was that cool breeze again, against her pussy. "I'm going to touch you now," Cara said, her finger by Kahlan's core, stirring the air. Kahlan could've sworn she felt the heat of it, oscillating nearer and further. "Thank me."
"Thank you, Mistress Cara," Kahlan said. She didn't grin this time. She wasn't even sure she'd spoken.
"You don't have to call me Mistress." Cara fell silent as she entered Kahlan, her middle finger like a flag planting on virgin territory, claiming it, making it hers. She waited for the long, drawn-out moan that they always made, so familiar and so different because it was Kahlan. Then she spoke. "We're friends, after all."
And when she was done… when her finger was all the way in… Cara extended her pointer finger from her tightly coiled fist. Brought it up slowly, let its nail slide over Kahlan's labia. Didn't give her a moment's rest. They were friends. After all.
"I'm going to give you another finger now," Cara said. More like breathed. It was getting to her, that this was Kahlan, this heat and tightness and panting, demanding need was her fucking roommate. It was making her want to force the bitch to her knees and wrench her hair out of her scalp and drag her mouth to cunt, make her drink, just like leading a horse to water only a woman was more obedient when Cara held the reins. "Thank me."
But she wouldn't. It was Kahlan. She was special. She deserved the best.
"Thank you soooo much," Kahlan gasped, her brow furrowed, her body in all kinds of knots.
--and Cara gave her more to be thankful about--
"Thank me. Thank me!"
--until Kahlan was filled up, practically fisted--
"Yes, yes!"
--and Cara's clit was clawing at her panties and her hard, rough denim like a prisoner in a cage—
"Ungrateful little--!"
--and Kahlan would've come if she could, but she couldn't, it just felt too good—
"Th—th—"
--then her body couldn't take anymore, it was too ready and not nearly ready enough, it was used to wanting this and not used to having it—
"Thank you, Cara!"
--and nothing was blotted out, not a damn thing.
She felt everything, every breath of air on her flesh, every inch of skin on Cara's fingers, everything, everything, everything, it was all inside her and it was all her orgasm.
"Thank you so fucking much!"
--and her voice turned hoarse and her legs turned to water and she fell, Cara's fingers slipping out of her, all four of them, her bare ass slapping the kitchen floor and her breasts bouncing and her teeth snapping and her body swaying, for a moment, as she sat up, still trying to say the words with no air in her lung, and then she flopped backward onto the forgiving coolness of the tiles and laid there, thankful.
"You're welcome," Cara said, licking her fingers clean.
She knelt down and pulled Kahlan's panties the rest of the way off. Wouldn't want them to get dirty after all. Wet.
Much later, after Cara had laid down beside Kahlan and petted her hair and licked a little of the sweat from her breasts, Kahlan stopped shaking. She turned to Cara and said first thing "Can I do that to you?"
Cara could only nod. For once, Kahlan had left her speechless.
That night, it wouldn't be the last time.
***
They laid in bed, eating reheated bacon and drinking tea. And Cara had always thought she was a coffee girl.
"Cara?" Kahlan said. She'd said that name in fondness and exasperation and anger and joy and need, but never so lovingly.
Cara swallowed her bacon. "Yes dear?"
Kahlan raised an eyebrow, as if to say "Pet names already?" without being bitch enough to say it. "I was just wondering about the sex dungeon routine?"
"The sex dungeon routine?" Cara repeated, flashing a certain grin.
"I'm not complaining. Actually, I wouldn't be adverse to… experimentation. I was just wondering, why you?"
Cara rolled onto her back, licking her fingers clean. "I've thought about it. I used to think 'what's wrong with me?' Then I realized something's wrong with everyone, so then I thought 'okay, why this?'"
"And?" Kahlan prompted, folding an arm over her breasts. For a moment, Cara had been distracted.
The blonde took her time eating another strip, just to show she didn't appreciate the new view. "I got into it as a sub. At first I thought I'd just let someone spank me, but pretty soon there were whips and chains and handcuffs… It was like being nothing. Just a conduit for someone else's pleasure. But at the same time, I was so important. I could've stopped it all with one word. I just didn't."
"And then?"
"Then I wondered what it would be like to seem to have all the power… to be inflicting the pain… and yet, someone else is at the wheel. Asking for it. It'd be like… being real. Being a person."
Kahlan said nothing. Just moved against Cara and held her, surprised at how easily Cara accepted it. She'd never have thought of the woman as a cuddler. But then, she'd been foolish about a lot of things.
Slowly, like she was reading hieroglyphics, Kahlan's fingers moved over the lines of Cara's muscles, the curves of her body… the borders of the scar on her back. The one argument against her flesh's perfection.
"You can ask," Cara said. It was just an exhale.
Kahlan came at it sideways. Trying to spare Cara all the pain. "I notice things. Your family never shows up. Never calls. I talk about my parents all the time, but you don't. And I would've noticed if you were uncomfortable, even back then. It's like you're just… numb there."
"So, what, you think I lost my virginity during a daddy-daughter talk?" Cara snapped. Not angry, but bitter. Angry over other people who'd asked, or assumed, or gossiped.
"No. I think you don't want to talk about it. Not with someone who doesn't care an awful lot."
"And you do?" At any other time, a phrase like that from Cara would've been laden with sarcasm. This was just… needing confirmation.
"I do. I couldn't care more."
"My parents never touched me. They didn't hit me or anything. You have to care to do that. Daddy checked out when I was just old enough to remember him leaving. He didn't close the door all the way. And after that, I guess my mom thought that if he wasn't going to raise me, why should she?"
Kahlan kept trying to spare Cara the pain, when those nerves had been burnt out a long time ago. She knew anything she said would hurt, so she just nuzzled the side of Cara's neck, breathing in her pure, clean scent.
"I actually remember my dad more than my mom. At least he had… exit, stage right. My mom just wasn't there. But some matches were. I set some drapes on fire, stayed to get burnt, the firefighters pulled me out. It was on the six o'clock news. After that, I was in foster care. My 'family' didn't care, they just needed the money, but at least they gave me three square meals. I got myself emancipated at sixteen, worked whatever jobs I could, earned a scholarship. Came here. Met you."
"You're very brave," Kahlan said softly.
"What's brave about it? What else was I gonna do? If there was a button I could've pushed to get into the Brady Bunch, I would've pushed it."
"Well then, you're modest."
"Nah." Cara put on a ghetto accent. "I'm a hot bitch. I knows it."
"Stop," Kahlan ordered playfully, giving Cara a squeeze. Then, serious again. "You don't have to play some kind of part with me."
"Alright. But it's really not a big deal. It's in the past. You can't change it."
"Maybe we can change us." Kahlan shifted them again, molding herself around Cara like she could form a shield, keeping out even the things that had already gotten in. "It'll be spring break soon. I know you usually have an orgy, but maybe you could come home with me. My mom always fixes more than enough food. And, uh, you know… I do have to tell them I've gone gay sooner or later. But you don't have to, I mean, I could just build up to that. I'm gay, then I have a girlfriend, then my girlfriend is a dominatrix…"
"I'll go to your parents' house." Cara amended herself, "I'd love to go to your parents' house. Even if you are moving awfully fast. First surrendering your virtue, now showing me off to your family…"
"Wait until I say I love you. It's coming. Sooner than you think, it's happening."
"I'll hold my breath."
"Any day now."
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no subject
Date: 2012-05-10 08:24 pm (UTC)has no words...
just "awesome!"
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Date: 2012-05-10 09:09 pm (UTC)" I'm gay, then I have a girlfriend, then my girlfriend is a dominatrix…"
-priceless :)
Thanks for sharing.
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Date: 2012-05-10 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-11 03:03 am (UTC)The last exchange was SO SQUISHY!
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Date: 2012-05-11 04:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-11 06:36 am (UTC)Wonderfully written again, thank you for the insights into the alternative universe for the lovers.
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Date: 2012-05-11 07:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-11 05:16 pm (UTC)Love how Cara convinced Kahlan that she wanted her. :)
Waiting for more :)
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Date: 2012-05-13 10:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-24 07:46 pm (UTC)"I'm going to touch you now.Thank me."Uggghhhhh I can't get over this!
Is the next one coming up soon?Can't wait!
no subject
Date: 2012-06-17 12:19 am (UTC)