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seriousficPresented for your consideration... you know how Indiana Jones and Star Wars have LEGO sets? Sure, we don't know how it happened, but it led to the LEGO video games that are pretty fun. But have you ever asked yourself a terrifying question... what if you stapled LEGO to a property without the appropriate pop culture cache that would impress a child enough to want to play with a LEGO set of it? What if whatever anonymous, thankless Swedish wizards who protect the innocence of the LEGO brand were replaced with some foul genetic mixture of Mark Millar and a morning host on FM radio? Is it possible for something to not only be charmless, not only aggressively charmless, but to be some sort of anti-charm weapon, capable of shorting out a Deschanel sister from forty yards out?
Ladies, gentleman, I give you Kre-O Battleship.
Yes. Just as Battleship is a malformed clone of Transformers, it has now mated with a malformed clone of LEGO and formed an even more fearsome hybrid, an Uruk-hai of branding, if you will. There is so much wrong with that video that to enumerate all of it would summon the Beast and make human blood flow as rivers, so I will confine my bile to one section. The humans need time to rearm, so they pretend to surrender, saying "We surrender! We give up!" and displaying a white flag.
Ignoring the ability of humanity and hostile alien to communicate well enough to display the intent to surrender, which in all likelihood would instead be interpreted by extraterrestrial life as "readiness to anally mate in exchange for Richard Matheson's fax number," humanity then turns around and un-surrenders, actually saying "You fell for that? It's go time!" (because Kre-Os can only speak in obnoxious catch phrases. Oh God. Oh God. Is that what the LEGOs are saying in their magical gibberish language? Is that what the SIMS are saying?)
Are you really regurgitating a reference to Rob Schneider's time on SNL? You sons of whores. YOU SONS OF WHORES!
Ignoring that, fake-surrendering is pretty much a war crime. It means that the next time someone tries to surrender to the aliens, it's only common sense for them to assume it's a trick and just kill them to the last man. So, if the aliens came across a boatful of nuns, orphans, and kittens, and they tried to surrender... yeah.
Are you proud of yourself, Kre-O Taylor Kitsch? Is this, at last, what Kre-O Coach Taylor taught you?
Ladies, gentleman, I give you Kre-O Battleship.
Yes. Just as Battleship is a malformed clone of Transformers, it has now mated with a malformed clone of LEGO and formed an even more fearsome hybrid, an Uruk-hai of branding, if you will. There is so much wrong with that video that to enumerate all of it would summon the Beast and make human blood flow as rivers, so I will confine my bile to one section. The humans need time to rearm, so they pretend to surrender, saying "We surrender! We give up!" and displaying a white flag.
Ignoring the ability of humanity and hostile alien to communicate well enough to display the intent to surrender, which in all likelihood would instead be interpreted by extraterrestrial life as "readiness to anally mate in exchange for Richard Matheson's fax number," humanity then turns around and un-surrenders, actually saying "You fell for that? It's go time!" (because Kre-Os can only speak in obnoxious catch phrases. Oh God. Oh God. Is that what the LEGOs are saying in their magical gibberish language? Is that what the SIMS are saying?)
Are you really regurgitating a reference to Rob Schneider's time on SNL? You sons of whores. YOU SONS OF WHORES!
Ignoring that, fake-surrendering is pretty much a war crime. It means that the next time someone tries to surrender to the aliens, it's only common sense for them to assume it's a trick and just kill them to the last man. So, if the aliens came across a boatful of nuns, orphans, and kittens, and they tried to surrender... yeah.
Are you proud of yourself, Kre-O Taylor Kitsch? Is this, at last, what Kre-O Coach Taylor taught you?
