seriousfic

Title: Under peaceful conditions, the warlike attack themselves
Fandom: Glee
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,062
Characters/Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Santana/Brittany
Previous: Part 7
Summary: There's only so much Quinn can take.

When the police arrived, all they found was a knife lying on the floor, blade clean. No Quinn. And Rachel had been standing outside the door the whole time. St. James took it in while Rachel rushed from room to room, asking for Quinn and keeping an eye out for secret passages.

"No sign of a struggle," St. James said. "No sign of forced entry, unless you count us. You sure you didn't cash this favor just to get me alone? You'd better get on that quick, I'm transferring out of the NYPD in a few."

"Even if that were the case, Jesse, I would hardly be so inconsiderate as to have sex in a friend's apartment!"

"Then I have no reason to be here." St. James stood by the door. "I understand that you're worried about your friend, but a lot of people lose someone. They get over it."

"She didn't just lose him. She watched him go."

***

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be

Rachel could hear the singing faintly. It came from down the hall. She'd gotten the super to let her go up and look at Finn's apartment under the pretense of renting it. He'd said he would come up with her later. Rachel doubted it.

Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

It was Quinn's voice, lovely and sad and melancholy. Perfect, in a way. Hearing her brought tears to Rachel's eyes. She wiped them away before she tried the door. It was open.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Opening the door let a blade of light into the apartment. It just hit Quinn's bare foot and continued on to an open window, where the distant beeping of car horns ripped at her singing. Quinn was sitting against the wall, wearing one of Finn's shirts. It was oversized on her, the tails draping down to the knees of her perfect legs, and a tie laid open around her neck. Her hands toyed with either end, lazily attempting to force it into a knot.

"Oh, Quinn…" Rachel said.

Quinn stopped singing, but kept humming. Enough light spilled from the hallway to reflect off the tears that had run down the cheeks. Rachel shut the door behind her and waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness.

"It would have been our anniversary today," Quinn said. She spoke without emotion, but her throat was raw, and it loaded her words with pain. "No, a week from today. I was going to get him a watch. He already has a watch, but it's digital, Velcro strap, I wanted him to get a really nice one. I was going to get Mike to help me pick it out. The money was… the money… why can’t I remember? It was under the mattress in an envelope. I was going to get reservations for a fancy restaurant… Sue could’ve helped…"

"Quinn…" Rachel couldn't think of anything to say. She scoured what she could see of Quinn for some sign, some hint. Anything she could do to make this better. "Everyone is really worried."

"You know, according to Hasidic Jews, God created one perfect soulmate for every man and woman on Earth. Can you imagine… knowing you’ve found yours and then losing him? Knowing you’re all alone, that you’ll never be… complete? You'd be a wretched thing…"

Rachel didn't know how close she could get. How close she should get. The windowsill was large enough to support her weight. She walked past Quinn, hoping a little that Quinn would take her lowered hand, to sit down on it and felt a little chill from the night air circling into the room. She wasn't exactly facing Quinn and she wasn't turning away… she could almost ignore the cuts and bruises and tears if she wanted.

"How can he be your soulmate when I..." Rachel thought better of it. "He's gone, Quinn. You have to accept that or it'll tear you apart."

"Yeah, I've seen him," Quinn interrupted rudely, like Rachel was being stupid. "Don't tell me how to live my life, Berry, you're the one stalking me." She stood up and shuffled closer to Rachel, until she was standing over her, her hands on the glass above Rachel's head. "I mean, I help people. At least I try. Trying is important, trying is something most people don’t even bother with. But I do. I still try not to hurt people. I do try…"

"Is your intention to scare me, Miss Fabray?" Rachel forced out. "Because I don't think you could hurt me. I'm just scared for you."

Quinn shook her head. "You should be scared. Everyone I love gets hurt! But then, you knew that going in, didn’t you!" Quinn banged her fist on the window and Rachel heard it shift a few inches down. "What kind of friend are you, huh? Finn is in a hospital bed and you’re trying to fuck me!"

Rachel bit her lip until it hurt. "That's good, Quinn. You should put some of the blame on other people for a change. But instead of me, why not where it belongs? Kurt Hummel hurt Finn." Quinn was shaking her head, frantically now, saying that she put him in harm's way, that she should've stopped it, but Rachel shouted over her. "It's not my fault and it's not yours. You can’t be everywhere at once and you can’t save everyone and that’s okay! Why do you have to blame yourself for everything?"

Quinn shouted right back "Because I'm--" She turned away at the last moment, her throat closing up. Rachel could never know. Rachel could never be in that kind of danger.

"Because you're the Cheerio?"

Quinn whipped back around. "What? No, I'm not…"

Rachel ripped her shirt open. Underneath, her Cheerio costume still had dried blood on it.

Quinn backed away, singing to herself again. When I was young, I fell in love Rachel knew, which meant she would worry, she would see the Cheerio swing into action and know that each time, Quinn might not come home. I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead And her enemies, if they had one hint, one clue that Rachel wasn't just another girl, that she knew about the Cheerio, that she meant something to the Cheerio…

Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.

"It wasn't that hard to figure out," Rachel said, standing. "The way you disappear whenever trouble arrives, just as the Cheerio makes an entrance." She walked toward Quinn, refusing to let her get away again. She would grab onto Quinn and hold onto her as she leapt across the rooftops if she had to. "Even the way you blame yourself makes more sense. I probably wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been looking, but I had to know what you and Finn had. And I got too close. All I wanted to do was learn how to hum your song, but now it's stuck in my head. I know how people look at me, like I'm a freak. And I feel like a freak, I do, I just push it aside. You make me feel normal. I want to make you feel that. I want us to feel… the way I hope we really are."

Quinn's song dissolved to mumbling, to humming. To silence. Then she looked up and her face brightened like the sun had risen just for her.

"I love you..."

Rachel shut her eyes before more than one tear could slip out. "Oh God… Quinn, that's… I'm not used to hearing things like that."

She opened her eyes. Quinn was looking past her, over her shoulder. She extended her hand and it clenched like someone had taken in. Then Quinn rose to her feet like a puppet drawn by strings.

"Finn," she said gently.

***

Everything was as it was supposed to be. The music was playing again and the furniture was back and Finn was there and it didn't matter how, but still Quinn asked "Tell me this is real. Please."

Finn crushed her face against his chest and his arms around her were so strong that she knew he'd never let her go again.

"Of course it's real," Quinn heard, the sound so powerful it vibrated into her body.

And something else, in her ear. A persistent little buzzing. Maybe an insect.

"What's that noise?"

"What noise?" Finn laughed.

"I could've sworn I... Never mind. It's not important."

Finn smiled benevolently. He forgave her. He always would. "Quinn… there's a way that we can be together, always."

"Tell me."

Finn walked toward the window, leading her along.

***

All Rachel could do was watch as Quinn stood there, transfixed by something invisible. "Come back to me," she whispered.

Quinn took a step toward the window.

Rachel had a waking nightmare of Quinn going out that window, and Rachel didn't care that she could swing off of buildings or survive a punch from a giant robot. She just grabbed Quinn and shook her. "No! Quinn, I know it seems bad, but it's not that bad, it is not hopeless. Trust me!"

Quinn kept walking and Rachel wasn't strong enough to hold her back. She felt small and useless and worthless. But she wouldn't give up on Quinn, ever.

Rachel ran in front of the window and held herself in front of it, arms spread. Quinn's outstretched hand brushed against Rachel's face and she stopped, eyes flickering, focusing, a moment of lucidity.

"Please, stay here," Rachel begged. "With me."

"I'm Finn's," Quinn muttered. "I can't be someone else."

"You are someone else. Someone stronger than this! The woman he fell in love with would never take the easy way out!"

Quinn's hand wavered between them. Rachel grabbed it with both hands and squeezed with all her might. Through that superhuman toughness and ancient weariness, she needed Quinn to see her. To see all of her, how she loved Quinn, how lost she'd be without her.

Quinn blinked like she didn't know where to look. "I'm not that person anymore. I don't have any strength without him."

"You don't need Finn. The strength's inside you. I see it, even if you don't. Please. Don't give up and... and I won't give up on you."

The curtains blew in the wind, drifting across both of them.

"I can hear him." Quinn's head bowed. "I can hear Finn in my head… he says I have to choose but I can't. I don't know what to do."

Rachel hadn't let go of Quinn's hand. "He's right, Quinn. You have to choose, but you don't have to choose him. You can have a new life, you can be whoever you want to be. You've done so many amazing things already. You've saved people. You saved me, remember? You are so special, and you give so much to everybody around you. Now, I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart, please, choose me. I need you more than he does. I know the world can hurt sometimes and I know how tempting it is to give up. But I will never give up on you. Please don't give up on me. Please, give us a chance."

Quinn looked at Rachel, finally, and there was something in her gaze, some warmth, like she was seeing something she couldn't say no to. Her brow furrowed, as if she had to cry but there were no tears left. "I can't see him now."

Quinn felt to her knees and Rachel was right there with her, wrapping her up in an embrace, kissing her ear and the side of her neck and rubbing her back to try to show her just how relieved she was. Until finally she just pressed her forehead against Quinn's and held on.

Quinn mumbled. "I just... I wanna feel better, Rachel."

"I know, Quinn. We can do this together. I'll help you. I know that I can help you."

"How do you know?"

"Because you've already helped me and you weren't even trying."

***

Quinn had a good dream. Someone was singing to her and she didn't see Finn's face.