The Burlesque Saga: Part 2
Dec. 9th, 2011 08:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousfic-Kirsten Bell, playing the bitchy head dancer who sabotages Christina Aguilera's dazzling young ingenue (isn't Xtina a bit old to play that role? I mean, she's been around since the 90s, right?) (and as if her sabotage wouldn't be immediately detected and punished, since the movie makes a point of how moral Cher is), gets called a slut. By wise old Stanley Tucci at that. How feminist, chick flick. And no, there isn't any indication that she has sex with loads of men.
-In fact, Aguilera is the one who has sex with a guy the same night he breaks up with his fiance. Isn't there a rule against that? I mean, she snapped her legs shut on him like a beartrap!
-The movie also makes a point of Bell being an alcoholic. At the end, she gets a bit of a redemption arc (she apologizes and Cher says "Okay." Her villainy is so half-assed that this feels about right) and yet, the alcoholism is never addressed. I guess they were saving that for the sequel? Maybe about a second, ee-vil burlesque club owned by Madonna with Pink as its star dancer?
-Speaking of Stanley Tucci, of course he plays a gay man. That guy is so good at playing sensitive gay men that I'm worried it will turn out that in real life he's cheating on his wife with porn star twins or something. He ends up having sex with another man, with neither of them knowing the other's name. Oh, those promiscuous gays!
-Alan Cumming is in this movie. I don't think they hired him, I think he just shows up whenever a movie is this fab-ulous! He gets a... vaudeville strip routine?... where he's having a threesome, but it's funny because...? I don't know, maybe that's the next big thing in porn. Some guy will be getting a blowjob, then he'll turn to the camera and say "What's the deal with these cock-hungry redhead sluts?"
-You know how I know this movie is gay? With the plot involving Kirsten Bell being a stripper, Cam Gigandet gets naked more than Veronica Mars.
-Speaking of the plot, it involves Cher trying to save her club from getting foreclosed on (thus reducing the job market for Modern Dance majors by 100%). Now, I'm not known for my financial savvy, but perhaps if they spent less money on elaborate backdrops, fancy costumes, and props and more on dancers who will--how to put this delicately--take off their clothes, they'd be in the black.
-If this were made in the days where B-movies were retitled often to be played to new audiences, this could safely assume the monkier of Fag Hag: The Motion Picture. It even turns out that not only is Stanley Tucci a father figure to the dancers and Cher's best friend, but he had drunken sex with Cher at one point. Now I don't know how drunk a gay man would have to be to have sex with, say, Jaime Murray, but with Cher? They must've been pumping absinthe into his veins.
-Another good name would be Showgirls 2: The Next Generation, since both movies seem to take place in a world where exotic dancers are A-list celebrities. Of course, in our world, Kelsey Grammar's wife is a celebrity, so can I move to that one?
-In fact, Aguilera is the one who has sex with a guy the same night he breaks up with his fiance. Isn't there a rule against that? I mean, she snapped her legs shut on him like a beartrap!
-The movie also makes a point of Bell being an alcoholic. At the end, she gets a bit of a redemption arc (she apologizes and Cher says "Okay." Her villainy is so half-assed that this feels about right) and yet, the alcoholism is never addressed. I guess they were saving that for the sequel? Maybe about a second, ee-vil burlesque club owned by Madonna with Pink as its star dancer?
-Speaking of Stanley Tucci, of course he plays a gay man. That guy is so good at playing sensitive gay men that I'm worried it will turn out that in real life he's cheating on his wife with porn star twins or something. He ends up having sex with another man, with neither of them knowing the other's name. Oh, those promiscuous gays!
-Alan Cumming is in this movie. I don't think they hired him, I think he just shows up whenever a movie is this fab-ulous! He gets a... vaudeville strip routine?... where he's having a threesome, but it's funny because...? I don't know, maybe that's the next big thing in porn. Some guy will be getting a blowjob, then he'll turn to the camera and say "What's the deal with these cock-hungry redhead sluts?"
-You know how I know this movie is gay? With the plot involving Kirsten Bell being a stripper, Cam Gigandet gets naked more than Veronica Mars.
-Speaking of the plot, it involves Cher trying to save her club from getting foreclosed on (thus reducing the job market for Modern Dance majors by 100%). Now, I'm not known for my financial savvy, but perhaps if they spent less money on elaborate backdrops, fancy costumes, and props and more on dancers who will--how to put this delicately--take off their clothes, they'd be in the black.
-If this were made in the days where B-movies were retitled often to be played to new audiences, this could safely assume the monkier of Fag Hag: The Motion Picture. It even turns out that not only is Stanley Tucci a father figure to the dancers and Cher's best friend, but he had drunken sex with Cher at one point. Now I don't know how drunk a gay man would have to be to have sex with, say, Jaime Murray, but with Cher? They must've been pumping absinthe into his veins.
-Another good name would be Showgirls 2: The Next Generation, since both movies seem to take place in a world where exotic dancers are A-list celebrities. Of course, in our world, Kelsey Grammar's wife is a celebrity, so can I move to that one?
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no subject
Date: 2011-12-09 03:49 pm (UTC)I disagree... look at Cher. There's a chance he thought she was a drag queen. "Hey, wait a second, there's no... ah, hell, I've gone this far."
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Date: 2011-12-09 07:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-09 07:58 pm (UTC)