Going dark...
Nov. 30th, 2011 02:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficHG looked around her room. It didn't resemble her usual chambers. In fact, it most resembled a sleazy motel. A lovely dark-haired woman was there with her. The kind of person HG wouldn't have minded being in a sleazy motel with, only the fact that they were mirror images made things awkward.
HG: HG Wells, I presume.
Helena: Quite. For simplicity's sake, let's refer to you as HG and myself as Helena.
HG: To make things even simpler, let's leave the periods out of my abbreviated name. Do you know what we're doing here? I thought I was due to romance Agent Bering.
Helena: Likewise, I have yet to regain my memories of the Regents' betrayal.
HG: Ah, you're in the unnamed Bering and Wells piece?
Helena: Don't act so smug. Your series is named Bronze and Kittens. And where are the kitty-cats, my dear?
HG: It has a better name on LJ.
Helena: Yes. Repairwork. How very double meaning. In case you haven't realized it yet, I believe our author's computer has died.
HG: It As I deduced. Furthermore, he must be posting from his little sister's computer.
Helena: I was wondering where all the pictures of Johnny Depp came from. What makes yo usay our author's a man?
HG: Isn't it obvious? No one who writes this much about lesbians is a woman. Even lesbians are less hung up on lesbianism than 'dudes'.
Helena: Have you ever read a man's take on female intercourse? Everyhiing is gushing and spurting--it's like they think we've got a sprinkler system down there. No-no-n, it must be a woman.
HG: What was that just now? "Everyhiing"? "No-no-n"? Dear God, does this word processor even have spell check? Crivvens! We're in WordPad! On Windows 95!!!
Helena: Without a proper computer, our stories are stuck in limbo. And Myka was just about to have my baby at that.
HG: I haven't even kissed her yet! And let's not forget the origional fiction.
Caleb: I was just about to avenge my mentor's death! And our author still hasn't figured out Cath's character.
Cath: I look like Donna Noble, but I'm naked more!
Quinn: She promised me a director's cut of Under Warlike Conditions. Rachel and I were going to have a love scene! I spent that entire longfic running around as a superhero, wearing a skirt, and no one ever got under it.
Helena: So you're coming down on our author being a woman?
Quinn: How can she be a straight man? She watched Glee!
HG: Let's be rational for a moment. ALl we have to do is get him--
Helena: Or her.
Quinn: Or ze. What? I'm just pointing out there are other options.
HG: All we have to do is get out author another computer and our stories can continue. He has fans, right? Surely, they'll just give him a laptop?
Helena: That only works for BNFs. Which she isn't.
HG: Simple solution there. We make it a BNF.
Cath: 'It' makes them sound like a robot.
HG: Who asked you, you Catherine-Tate-looking nudist?
Helena: How can anyone become a BNF in this state? We don't even have dialogue tags!
HG: Helena, we invented science fiction. I think we can impress some preteen girls on their way to a game of Yu-Gi-Oh. Cath, you'll be Professor McGonagel. Just put some clothes on first, you'lre teaching children. Caleb, you'll be Ron.
Caleb: I can't even do a non-Southern accent, now you want me to do a British one? Y'all?
HG: Quinn, you're Hermione.
Quinn: Aren't you forgetting that Hermione has bushy brown hair and a know-it-all attitude?
HG: We'll get you a wig. Helena, we're British, cross-dressing is in our blood. You and I will be Messners Harry and Draco. And we're goign to put on the greatest Harry/Draco fic ever written!
To be continued...?
HG: HG Wells, I presume.
Helena: Quite. For simplicity's sake, let's refer to you as HG and myself as Helena.
HG: To make things even simpler, let's leave the periods out of my abbreviated name. Do you know what we're doing here? I thought I was due to romance Agent Bering.
Helena: Likewise, I have yet to regain my memories of the Regents' betrayal.
HG: Ah, you're in the unnamed Bering and Wells piece?
Helena: Don't act so smug. Your series is named Bronze and Kittens. And where are the kitty-cats, my dear?
HG: It has a better name on LJ.
Helena: Yes. Repairwork. How very double meaning. In case you haven't realized it yet, I believe our author's computer has died.
HG: It As I deduced. Furthermore, he must be posting from his little sister's computer.
Helena: I was wondering where all the pictures of Johnny Depp came from. What makes yo usay our author's a man?
HG: Isn't it obvious? No one who writes this much about lesbians is a woman. Even lesbians are less hung up on lesbianism than 'dudes'.
Helena: Have you ever read a man's take on female intercourse? Everyhiing is gushing and spurting--it's like they think we've got a sprinkler system down there. No-no-n, it must be a woman.
HG: What was that just now? "Everyhiing"? "No-no-n"? Dear God, does this word processor even have spell check? Crivvens! We're in WordPad! On Windows 95!!!
Helena: Without a proper computer, our stories are stuck in limbo. And Myka was just about to have my baby at that.
HG: I haven't even kissed her yet! And let's not forget the origional fiction.
Caleb: I was just about to avenge my mentor's death! And our author still hasn't figured out Cath's character.
Cath: I look like Donna Noble, but I'm naked more!
Quinn: She promised me a director's cut of Under Warlike Conditions. Rachel and I were going to have a love scene! I spent that entire longfic running around as a superhero, wearing a skirt, and no one ever got under it.
Helena: So you're coming down on our author being a woman?
Quinn: How can she be a straight man? She watched Glee!
HG: Let's be rational for a moment. ALl we have to do is get him--
Helena: Or her.
Quinn: Or ze. What? I'm just pointing out there are other options.
HG: All we have to do is get out author another computer and our stories can continue. He has fans, right? Surely, they'll just give him a laptop?
Helena: That only works for BNFs. Which she isn't.
HG: Simple solution there. We make it a BNF.
Cath: 'It' makes them sound like a robot.
HG: Who asked you, you Catherine-Tate-looking nudist?
Helena: How can anyone become a BNF in this state? We don't even have dialogue tags!
HG: Helena, we invented science fiction. I think we can impress some preteen girls on their way to a game of Yu-Gi-Oh. Cath, you'll be Professor McGonagel. Just put some clothes on first, you'lre teaching children. Caleb, you'll be Ron.
Caleb: I can't even do a non-Southern accent, now you want me to do a British one? Y'all?
HG: Quinn, you're Hermione.
Quinn: Aren't you forgetting that Hermione has bushy brown hair and a know-it-all attitude?
HG: We'll get you a wig. Helena, we're British, cross-dressing is in our blood. You and I will be Messners Harry and Draco. And we're goign to put on the greatest Harry/Draco fic ever written!
To be continued...?
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no subject
Date: 2011-11-30 08:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-30 09:39 pm (UTC)Merry Christmas!
Date: 2011-12-03 09:23 pm (UTC)Spoilers for the holiday special.