My Photoshop skills are poor

[seriousfic]

My first response to any case of two movies having the same premise and coming out at the same time is to want to strip the best parts out of each, much like how Spider-Man came about to finally resolve the eternal conflict between man and spider. Deep Armageddon could feature President Morgan Freeman giving a long speech about sending Bruce Willis to blow up an asteroid with oil drilling. Dante's Volcano could be a serial killer volcano that, after destroying a bucolic small town, sets its sights on L.A. And An Antz's Life could be over in a mere hour and thirty minutes, thus not forcing us to waste any more time on that crap.

Seriously, fucking bugs?

Thus, to take Friends With Benefits and No Strings Attached and turn them into one super movie, we would have to separate the wheat (the ladies) from the chaff (I'm just saying, if we keep pretending the likes of Justin Timberlake are even B-list actors, the day will come when Superman will have to be played by a Brit... TOO. LATE.). But how can you have a romantic comedy without men? It's be like a cosplayer without a Slave Leia outfit, or an MTV reality show without syphilis.


Game-changer.

Best friends Jamie (Mila Kunis) and Emma (Natalie Portman) are unlucky in love. Jamie’s had a dryspell that’s lasted since the last Harry Potter book came out, while Emma just found out that her boyfriend is cheating on her. Also, all guys are more attracted to bottle blondes of ample bosoms, and not Mila Kunis or Natalie Portman. We’ve got a movie coming out where the premise is a super-smart ape and it’s not a comedy, go with it.

Then, during a late night bestie date, they channel-surf across a rerun of The L Word and come up with a plan. To get their dream guys to give them the time of day, they’ll pretend to be lesbians, wait a few weeks for their schedules to be less hectic, then “break up” and score some dudes on the rebound. But over a crazy month of lesbian research, gay pride parades, and a transgendered relationship councilor (Nicolas Cage), they realize their perfect guy might just be a girl…

Included on DVD: Twenty minutes of Kunis and Portman ad-libbing mockery of the lesbian films they watch as research. “Why are we watching Lesbian Vampire Killers? Why are we watching Lesbian Vampire Killers?”

Alternate titles: LLBFFs, More Than Friends With Benefits, Tired Of Watching ‘Imagine Me & You’ Lesbians?

Don't think of me as a pervert, I'm really more interested now in Nicolas Cage's character. Is it too early to start talking spin-off?

Comments

[geonncannon.livejournal.com]

I'd watch the HELL out of that movie. But would Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis be okay with doing lesbian scenes together?

OH WAIT.

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

I would totally watch this.

[http://users.livejournal.com/thrace_/]

It saddens me to think there is an alternate universe where this is real, but WE DO NOT LIVE IN THAT UNIVERSE.

[axolotl-lan.livejournal.com]

I do believe you have hit the motherload of amazing ideas here. Cage is best when he does supporting roles, his transgendered relationship councillor would be a thing of magic.

Also the whole concept is fantastic. I am assuming it also has at least an average episode of true blood levels of nudity?

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

If they're serious about gay rights, they'll have to get naked and show that passionate lesbian sex is nothing to be ashamed of. If Jake Gyllenhall can pretend to be sodomized for Brokeback Mountain, Princess Amidala can fake some frottage.

[mayireadtoday.livejournal.com]

I'd see this -- in theaters even.

[iteari.livejournal.com]

Which is the quickest way to go to the universe that has this?

[nostariel]

I would pay good money to see this. 3D prices, even.