IDF fic: Bed Intruder (Rizzoli/Isles)
Jul. 16th, 2011 06:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficThis might be one of those things that I find amusing and no one else does. Like Pootie Tang. Or that joke just now.
Title: Bed Intruder
Fandom: Rizzoli & Isles
Rating: R
Word Count: 1,298
Characters/Pairings: Jane/Maura
Warning: Depiction of non-con.
Summary: Maura has a rape fantasy. Jane has a headache. Already.
Jane adjusted her new clothes for the thousandth time. With her frame, men's clothes fit surprisingly well, but the strap-on in her pants was big enough to stretch the fly, which made her feel like a teenage boy in biology class. She'd gone all out, borrowing cologne from Korsak and rubbing a finger of scotch over her body to completely wipe out the lilac scent she'd cultivated since being a teenager. Now all she needed was Maura.
She checked her phone again to see the text message, impeccably spelled and punctuated because Maura. "Tonight's the night. Home invasion. Be waiting at my place. Safe word is persimmon." What the hell was a persimmon? "It's a kind of fruit."
A key rattled in the lock. Jane got into character, hiding in the shadows while Maura came in with a bag of groceries. She waited for Maura to put them away before revealing herself, not wanting Maura to 'dramatically' spill perfectly good food. Maybe she was a very polite rapist.
"Hey…" Jane greeted, striding into the doorway of the kitchen.
Maura made an 'eek!' sound. "Who are you? What are you doing in my house?"
Jane pulled back her coat to reveal her holstered gun. She didn't want to point a gun at Maura, even for sex, but it did the job. "Clothes off. Now."
"Oh god! Oh god!" Maura pulled off her clothes with shaking hands. "Please don't hurt me! Jesus, I have two kids, they depend on me, one of them is autistic!"
"Hold up, wait…"
Maura stopped and looked at her. "Yes, strange intruder in my apartment?"
"Alright, persimmon."
"Yes, Jane?"
"What's with the autistic kids?"
Maura put her hands on her hips. "Autistic children need more care. Knowing that, you're less likely to kill me and more likely to just use me sexually."
"I am?"
"Yes!"
"Okay, alright… I just thought we could maybe have sex."
"We will. Once you intimidate me into surrendering my body."
"I thought this was just kinky sex. You know, I break in but you secretly want it, so we do it…" Jane bopped her hips. "Oh, mister man, please don't hurt me, I'll do anything," she said in a falsetto voice.
Maura tightened her grip on her waist. "Women don't want to be raped, Jane."
"It's your fantasy!"
"Yes, but we can still be tasteful, can't we?"
"Yes, fine, whatever. Persimmon off." Jane waved her hand in front of her face, leaving it in game mode. "You want your kids to see their mother again, you'll get in the bedroom!"
"Please don't hurt me…" Whimpering, Maura stepped into the bedroom, taking more of her clothes off. She was down to her underwear now. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tempt you, I didn't think I was dressed like such a slut."
"Well… you were…" Jane said awkwardly.
"Persimmon," Maura said firmly. "Jane, rape is not caused by women's fashion."
Jane closed her eyes and counted to five. "I thought we were role-playing."
"We're role-playing accurately. Is this going to be another LARP fiasco?"
"No. It's fine. Persimmon off." Setting her jaw, Jane growled. "Your attire has nothing to do with my actions… bitch. I just heard too many rape jokes and here we are."
Maura winked at her. "Oh, alright…" She sat on the bed and worked her panties down in little fits. "You should… can you wear a condom? I'm not on the pill, I don't want to get pregnant and I don't want an STD, please… besides, you don't want the police to do a rape kit. You're probably in a sexual offender database, since you're most likely a recidivist."
"Persimmon: I didn't bring a condom. Know why?" Jane pulled down her fly and shook her strap-on at Maura. "Because this is made of plastic!"
"Silicone."
"Whatever!"
"I am trying to accurately portray the concerns a woman going through my ordeal would have. Do you care about realism or do you want to be the Michael Bay of rape fantasies?"
Jane jabbed a finger at Maura. "I am not Michael Bay! Stop calling me that!"
"I will if you start raping me right! Persimmon on!" Maura threw herself down on the bed. "Just… please be gentle…"
Jane cleared her throat to get a good masculine growl going. "I'll be whatever I want to be… bitch." She pulled Maura's panties the rest of the way off and flung them across the room, then pressed Maura facedown into the mattress as she pulled a small tube of Astroglide from her pocket. She used her knee to hold Maura down as she squeezed some out and rubbed it over the strap-on.
"Persimmon. What are you doing?" Maura demanded.
Jane closed her eyes and counted to ten, ruining it a little by talking as she counted. "I'm lubing up, Maura, so this strap-on dildo can fit into your vagina."
"You're a rapist, Jane, do you think a lot of rapists bring K-Y to a rape?"
"I don't know, I don't work sex crimes! And it's a good thing too, because have you watched SVU? Those people are messed up!"
"Well, rapists don't particularly care if their victims get hurt!"
"This one does! Because I thought I was just inflicting emotional pain, which wouldn't count because it's just your stupid fantasy, but apparently you want to go to a… a vagina hospital!"
"My fantasy is not stupid! Stop dictating female sexuality! And if you'd bothered to check, you would see that I'm already well-lubricated!"
Jane's eyebrows shot up. "Really?" Jane reached down. "Jesus. You're fucking leaking."
Maura's voice grew husky. "Yeah, your frustration is actually helping me get into character."
"That's my motivation? Being frustrated by you and the constant Walt Whitman references and the three hours you made me spend Saturday looking at toy dogs and Terrence Malick films, why would you own all of them on DVD even when there are only four!?"
"That's it…" Maura raised her ass like a cat in heat. "Take it out on me. Take it out on me hard."
Jane thought about it. Doing whatever she liked to Maura, being as rough as she wanted to be, and Maura loving every second of it.
"Persimmon," Jane growled before shoving Maura down and mounting her. "Listen up, slut. You're gonna lie there and shut the hell up while I fuck you. If you're a good little girl and don't make a bunch of fucking noise, maybe I won't ream that cute little ass. But no matter how you beg or squirm or fucking cry, I'm going inside you and making you come. Got it?"
Maura whimpered with arousal.
Jane grabbed a pillow and threw it down next to Maura's face. "Bite it."
Maura did, then her eyes bulged and a scream died in her throat as Jane shoved and pushed and shoved, entering her with eight inches all at once. When she felt the crisp fabric of Jane's slacks press into her ass, Maura actually swore. "Oh motherfucker."
Jane cracked her neck and took a moment to enjoy the sight of Maura skewered. As always, now that they understood each other, nothing could stop them.
"Persimmon: I love you."
"Love you too, babe."
***
"Are you feeling alright, doc?" Korvak asked, watching Maura squirm a little in her office chair. She reached down to adjust the bag of ice in her lap and then cooed in relief.
"Just fine. I fell," Maura explained. "Off a… skateboard."
"Well… hope you start feeling better." He handed her the files Jane wanted her to go over.
"Mmm. Is that a new cologne?"
"Yeah, Jane liked it too. She asked to borrow some for her brother. It's Lion Paw Balm."
Maura sighed dreamily. "Smells like rape."
Korvak backed away slowly.
Title: Bed Intruder
Fandom: Rizzoli & Isles
Rating: R
Word Count: 1,298
Characters/Pairings: Jane/Maura
Warning: Depiction of non-con.
Summary: Maura has a rape fantasy. Jane has a headache. Already.
Jane adjusted her new clothes for the thousandth time. With her frame, men's clothes fit surprisingly well, but the strap-on in her pants was big enough to stretch the fly, which made her feel like a teenage boy in biology class. She'd gone all out, borrowing cologne from Korsak and rubbing a finger of scotch over her body to completely wipe out the lilac scent she'd cultivated since being a teenager. Now all she needed was Maura.
She checked her phone again to see the text message, impeccably spelled and punctuated because Maura. "Tonight's the night. Home invasion. Be waiting at my place. Safe word is persimmon." What the hell was a persimmon? "It's a kind of fruit."
A key rattled in the lock. Jane got into character, hiding in the shadows while Maura came in with a bag of groceries. She waited for Maura to put them away before revealing herself, not wanting Maura to 'dramatically' spill perfectly good food. Maybe she was a very polite rapist.
"Hey…" Jane greeted, striding into the doorway of the kitchen.
Maura made an 'eek!' sound. "Who are you? What are you doing in my house?"
Jane pulled back her coat to reveal her holstered gun. She didn't want to point a gun at Maura, even for sex, but it did the job. "Clothes off. Now."
"Oh god! Oh god!" Maura pulled off her clothes with shaking hands. "Please don't hurt me! Jesus, I have two kids, they depend on me, one of them is autistic!"
"Hold up, wait…"
Maura stopped and looked at her. "Yes, strange intruder in my apartment?"
"Alright, persimmon."
"Yes, Jane?"
"What's with the autistic kids?"
Maura put her hands on her hips. "Autistic children need more care. Knowing that, you're less likely to kill me and more likely to just use me sexually."
"I am?"
"Yes!"
"Okay, alright… I just thought we could maybe have sex."
"We will. Once you intimidate me into surrendering my body."
"I thought this was just kinky sex. You know, I break in but you secretly want it, so we do it…" Jane bopped her hips. "Oh, mister man, please don't hurt me, I'll do anything," she said in a falsetto voice.
Maura tightened her grip on her waist. "Women don't want to be raped, Jane."
"It's your fantasy!"
"Yes, but we can still be tasteful, can't we?"
"Yes, fine, whatever. Persimmon off." Jane waved her hand in front of her face, leaving it in game mode. "You want your kids to see their mother again, you'll get in the bedroom!"
"Please don't hurt me…" Whimpering, Maura stepped into the bedroom, taking more of her clothes off. She was down to her underwear now. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tempt you, I didn't think I was dressed like such a slut."
"Well… you were…" Jane said awkwardly.
"Persimmon," Maura said firmly. "Jane, rape is not caused by women's fashion."
Jane closed her eyes and counted to five. "I thought we were role-playing."
"We're role-playing accurately. Is this going to be another LARP fiasco?"
"No. It's fine. Persimmon off." Setting her jaw, Jane growled. "Your attire has nothing to do with my actions… bitch. I just heard too many rape jokes and here we are."
Maura winked at her. "Oh, alright…" She sat on the bed and worked her panties down in little fits. "You should… can you wear a condom? I'm not on the pill, I don't want to get pregnant and I don't want an STD, please… besides, you don't want the police to do a rape kit. You're probably in a sexual offender database, since you're most likely a recidivist."
"Persimmon: I didn't bring a condom. Know why?" Jane pulled down her fly and shook her strap-on at Maura. "Because this is made of plastic!"
"Silicone."
"Whatever!"
"I am trying to accurately portray the concerns a woman going through my ordeal would have. Do you care about realism or do you want to be the Michael Bay of rape fantasies?"
Jane jabbed a finger at Maura. "I am not Michael Bay! Stop calling me that!"
"I will if you start raping me right! Persimmon on!" Maura threw herself down on the bed. "Just… please be gentle…"
Jane cleared her throat to get a good masculine growl going. "I'll be whatever I want to be… bitch." She pulled Maura's panties the rest of the way off and flung them across the room, then pressed Maura facedown into the mattress as she pulled a small tube of Astroglide from her pocket. She used her knee to hold Maura down as she squeezed some out and rubbed it over the strap-on.
"Persimmon. What are you doing?" Maura demanded.
Jane closed her eyes and counted to ten, ruining it a little by talking as she counted. "I'm lubing up, Maura, so this strap-on dildo can fit into your vagina."
"You're a rapist, Jane, do you think a lot of rapists bring K-Y to a rape?"
"I don't know, I don't work sex crimes! And it's a good thing too, because have you watched SVU? Those people are messed up!"
"Well, rapists don't particularly care if their victims get hurt!"
"This one does! Because I thought I was just inflicting emotional pain, which wouldn't count because it's just your stupid fantasy, but apparently you want to go to a… a vagina hospital!"
"My fantasy is not stupid! Stop dictating female sexuality! And if you'd bothered to check, you would see that I'm already well-lubricated!"
Jane's eyebrows shot up. "Really?" Jane reached down. "Jesus. You're fucking leaking."
Maura's voice grew husky. "Yeah, your frustration is actually helping me get into character."
"That's my motivation? Being frustrated by you and the constant Walt Whitman references and the three hours you made me spend Saturday looking at toy dogs and Terrence Malick films, why would you own all of them on DVD even when there are only four!?"
"That's it…" Maura raised her ass like a cat in heat. "Take it out on me. Take it out on me hard."
Jane thought about it. Doing whatever she liked to Maura, being as rough as she wanted to be, and Maura loving every second of it.
"Persimmon," Jane growled before shoving Maura down and mounting her. "Listen up, slut. You're gonna lie there and shut the hell up while I fuck you. If you're a good little girl and don't make a bunch of fucking noise, maybe I won't ream that cute little ass. But no matter how you beg or squirm or fucking cry, I'm going inside you and making you come. Got it?"
Maura whimpered with arousal.
Jane grabbed a pillow and threw it down next to Maura's face. "Bite it."
Maura did, then her eyes bulged and a scream died in her throat as Jane shoved and pushed and shoved, entering her with eight inches all at once. When she felt the crisp fabric of Jane's slacks press into her ass, Maura actually swore. "Oh motherfucker."
Jane cracked her neck and took a moment to enjoy the sight of Maura skewered. As always, now that they understood each other, nothing could stop them.
"Persimmon: I love you."
"Love you too, babe."
***
"Are you feeling alright, doc?" Korvak asked, watching Maura squirm a little in her office chair. She reached down to adjust the bag of ice in her lap and then cooed in relief.
"Just fine. I fell," Maura explained. "Off a… skateboard."
"Well… hope you start feeling better." He handed her the files Jane wanted her to go over.
"Mmm. Is that a new cologne?"
"Yeah, Jane liked it too. She asked to borrow some for her brother. It's Lion Paw Balm."
Maura sighed dreamily. "Smells like rape."
Korvak backed away slowly.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-07-17 12:54 am (UTC)Thank you for having this wrong didily wrong wrong sense of humour. :)
ROFL *holds sides*
hilarious!
Date: 2011-09-17 02:36 am (UTC)Looooool
Date: 2011-07-17 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-17 01:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-17 02:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-17 03:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-17 03:34 am (UTC)"Do you care about realism or do you want to be the Michael Bay of rape fantasies?"
"What's with the autistic kids?"
Maybe she was a very polite rapist.
MY FAV LINES.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-17 03:56 am (UTC)I loved that they kept saying "Persimmon on" "Persimmon off", like they were pausing a video game. Between the bad acting inherit in roleplaying and the attempt at realism, the funniest outweighs any possible sense of wrongness.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-17 04:03 am (UTC)I'm not sure I'll ever look at persimmons the same way....I'm not sure I've ever seen a persimmon to begin with, but if I ever do, you've probably ruined me hahaha well done.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-17 06:21 am (UTC)The whole way they went about it, just too hilarious and yes, I can see Maura making this difficult for Jane!
And if I were Korsak I would totally not believe a skateboarding accident caused that! Bicycle maybe, but definitely not skateboarding... But of course, that dreamy sigh from Maura probably killed off any curiosity Korsak might EVER have about her!!! XPPPPPP
Thanks for sharing this truly awesome and hilarious fic! I hope you write more of them in the future! (Mm, also love the irony of your username in relation to this fic...!)
P.S. I hate persimmons, but in this case, I'm totally fine with seeing it over and over again.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-17 06:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-17 07:13 am (UTC)That was just hilarious! I could easily picture them going persimmon on and off for hours!
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Date: 2011-07-17 07:51 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2011-07-18 04:01 am (UTC)loved it :)
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Date: 2011-07-18 06:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-18 03:22 pm (UTC)i laughed so hard!!
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Date: 2011-07-18 05:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-18 09:48 pm (UTC)Thanks for taking a matter that would usually have people all "Omg! Not funny! How dare you! Your obvious humour makes it not okay all over again!" and totally scoring.
Additionally, this was hilarious right up until Maura swore. From then on I was mostly just biting my lip. Oh Maura, why so yummy while losing your manners?
no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 05:16 am (UTC)Thank you.
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Date: 2011-10-21 06:27 pm (UTC)