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seriousficMost porn fics are filled with characters who arbitrarily hook up, change characterizations on a dime to fit the "storyline," and speak glaringly bad dialogue. So you'd think setting one in Glee would make for a fic that's very faithful to canon. Unfortunately, instead of being "Glee with sex," the fic World of Quinn is more like "Glee with brain damage and crippling self-esteem issues."
We start off with a recap of Quinn's character, I guess for people who don't watch the show but think the chicks are hot.
Her two best friends and fellow cheerleaders Santana Lopez and Britney Pierce joined her in the Glee club. They were the two biggest sluts in the school but differed in the fact Santana was a huge bitch while Britney was a blonde airhead.
FEMINISM!
Quinn did have one secret she kept mostly to herself. Although giving off the hard-to-get, innocent vibe, she was so incredibly horny all of the time. At first she gave into her urges and used Noah Puckerman, better known as Puck, as her fuck toy until he got her pregnant. Since then she went the conservative route and used a dildo or vibrator but they were not doing the job of late.
I love how the one consistent character trait Quinn has on the show is completely disregarded one paragraph into this story. I suppose next we'll hear about how much Will hates rapping. But enough of that, time for some girl talk!
“Not yet. He’s taking slow since I was knocked up once he thinks I don’t want to rush into things,” Quinn answered.
“You’re horny as hell though. I sit beside you in the locker room and I can smell you’re pussy all the time. Just material rubbing against you has you ready to cum,” Santana shared.
...I think that's less sexy than a potential medical problem. I checked 'odorous vagina' and 'constant arousal' on WebMD and it said it might be cancer.
Quinn wasn’t a lesbian by any stretch but she had made out with both Brittany and Santana at parties to get the attention of boys. It wasn’t a novel trick as most girls in high school used this to make boys want them even more. But at this very second she would have sworn off guys all together to get with her best friend. She just had to get the naïve Brittany to spread her legs for her.
Okay, let's remember that Quinn isn't a lesbian. I'm sure that'll be important later on.
“I can’t believe I’m getting shot out of a cannon tomorrow,” Brittany said, bring up that conversation again.
All of a sudden an idea came to Quinn. In the movies, people did things they’d regret when faced with the prospect of their certain death including having sex with whoever was nearest to them. That’s how she’d get into Brittany pants! Make her even more nervous for her cannon ride.
Oh, come on, the only way anyone on Glee would have sex for such a stupid reason is if it cock-blocked Brittana.
“Should we have protection,” Brittany asked as Quinn kissed along her inner thigh.
“What do you mean,” Quinn replied, thoroughly confused.
“You know, like a condom,” Brittany answered.
“I think we’ll risk it just this time. Since you’ll probably die tomorrow and all,” Quinn retorted. She was use to Brittany’s insanely stupid questions or statements after this long of them being friends, but she still was surprised with how the dumb the girl could be.
Yes, STDs being transmitted by lesbian sex and using some sort of dental dam to prevent this? What a ridiculous notion! Hats off to you, dear author, for your brilliant satire!
Quinn couldn’t believe that Brittany was enjoying herself as much as she was, after all this was her first time eating pussy. She liked to think that her inexperience was made up for by the fact she was so damn horny and the thought of eating Brittany’s cum made her so wet.
But she's not a lesbian!
Britt heard the girl scream then felt her body tremble before finally feeling her warm cum come gushing onto her tongue. She couldn’t help but compare the taste to the sweetest, tastest pineapple she’d ever eaten so she did her best not to waste a single drop.
Great, now I can never listen to the Spongebob Squarepants theme song again.
So Brittany goes off to have more unprotected sex with Artie, who has a ten-inch dick (large penises and a lack of condoms are the only themes here, like doves in a John Woo movie). Quinn wakes up the next morning and is horny again, so she takes matters into her own hands.
She had never fingered herself before but the risk of Coach Sue catching her with less than 100% devotion to the team today would mean death.
Oral sex, intercourse, lesbian sex, sex toys, sure... but fingering? What do you think she is, some kind of sex fiend?
So she has sex with Sam (who has a nine-inch penis, in case you were wondering, and I know you weren't).
Quinn was pleasantly surprised that Sam was wielding such a long tool and she planned on showcasing all of her oral skills on him. She’d perfected the art when dating Finn and fooling around with Puck last year as she found that daily blowjobs kept both boys extremely happy.
I'll say! And now, onto the romance.
Being turned on by her boldness, Sam gave in to her request and slid his bulbous head into her tight hole. The boy couldn’t believe how unbelievably snug her pussy was considering she’d pushed a kid out of her no less than 6 months ago.
I never thought I'd say this, but Glee characters, stop having graphic sex and go back to singing Lady Gaga songs.
The "cannon" storyline proceeds along the lines of the Superbowl episode, with Finn talking the girls out of the Cheerios, but this time, Quinn is so aroused by this that she jumps him in the locker room. Which I guess means that she stayed hot and bothered while watching him perform Thriller in zombie make-up. That's a special kind of love.
And now, get ready for the kind of sensual dialogue that'll heat up your computer monitor.
“You feel so warm on my penis,” Finn noted.
“Oh shit, I forgot a condom again,” Quinn thought to herself.
Did I mention your monitor is heating up because it's about to explode? Oh, and Santana watches, adding voyeurism to the mix, and a little more dirty talk worthy of Alien Sex Files 3: I Want To Be-reamed.
“That boy is about to cum,” Santana noted from the dark corner she was hiding in.
“I need to figure out a way to use this secret to my advantage,” Santana said while her mind raced a mile a minute.
I love the idea that Santana constantly narrates her sex life, like Rorschach in a skirt.
Then Will and Emma have sex, which has nothing to do with Quinn, even though the name of the fic is World of Quinn. Damnit, it's the principle of the thing!
Up until this point, Will had known Emma to be a reserved virgin due to her severe germaphobia. What the redhead had been keeping to herself was that she was so horny all the time and she just couldn’t take it anymore, germs be damned.
Now I want an inspirational medical drama where doctors cure mental patients by making them really horny. I've already got a development deal with Fox. It'll be airing after House.
Then the story proceeds to the Blame It On The Alcohol episode, and now I'm a bit creeped out that the author apparently watches the show regularly. It's like someone doing a really detailed, canon-compliant Jurassic Park fanfic, while insisting that the dinosaurs were all nymphomaniac supermodels.
However, this time around, Santana blackmails Quinn into having a threesome with her, so that she can get Sam when Quinn dumps him for Finn. And yet, this all does make more sense than Artie/Brittany.
“Sam won’t go for it. He’ll never allow himself to cheap on me. It’s not in his character,” Quinn told her.
“Make him or else the whole school finds out that you’re a two-timing slut,” Santana threatened.
“You’d seriously stab your best friend in the back,” Quinn asked.
“I love you Quinn but I love sex more. That boy gets me so wet just looking at him so yeah, I’ll fuck you over to get a chance with him,” Santana answered without an ounce of remorse.
1. Doesn't the entire school already think Quinn's a "two-timing slut" for having sex with Puck?
2. Shouldn't Quinn know by now that Santana would stab her in the back for the last bag of Cheetos?
3. Isn't Sam already cheating on Kurt by being with Quinn, or have I just been on tumblr too much?
Never mind, onto the party!
All while this was going on, Quinn made sure to keep an eye over Sam. She wanted him drunk so that his strong morals would be compromised but not so drunk that he’d pass out or not remember what was going to happen.
Ah, Mel Gibson drunk. So they get Sam drunk enough to have sex with his girlfriend and a bisexual cheerleader... yeah, I'm guessing that took negative-five drinks... and hey, two hot chicks, one hot guy... how can this not be sexy?
Quinn couldn’t help but squirm her tongue further and further into Santana’s wet opening. It tasted better than she could have ever imagined. When she had done the same thing to Brittany a week earlier, Quinn noted how sweet the blonde tasted as she had a pineapple flavor about her. Santana’s was different, unique to her. It was a mixture of fresh strawberries with a hint of lemon, but only the acidity and not the sourness.
Okay, now you're just confusing Kool-Aid with vaginas. And remember, Quinn isn't a lesbian.
“Do you have a condom on,” Quinn asked after not feeling the rubber grind against her.
“No, I didn’t bring one,” he confessed.
“What? Who doesn’t bring a condom to a party,” she screamed.
“Just fuck me instead then,” Santana butted in. “I know boys love going bareback and I’m all about satisfying my man.”
Quinn, honey, you've had unprotected sex about twenty times in this fic. It's about time you just buy them yourself. And hey, everyone in this story has a ten-inch penis, so at least you won't have to buy different sizes.
“Slut,” the blonde said to her friend.
“I may be a slut but I’m the slut that your boyfriend is fucking right in front of you,” Santana replied.
It's like the Lincoln-Douglas debates, if Lincoln and Douglas were having sex with a guy named Chord Overstreet. I'm sorry, but seriously, how is that not a Streets of Rage character?
“You know what Sam, you’re a little dry,” Santana noted. “Why don’t you get your girlfriend to suck you off so you glide better?”
“Good idea,” he replied as he pulled out of the Latino’s tight hole and presented his cock to Quinn.
“No way! That thing was just in her ass. It’s nasty to put it in my mouth,” the blonde answered.
“Do you think it’s nasty Sam, or would it turn you on to have a girl take your cock into her mouth from her ass,” Santana asked.
“It makes me so hot,” Sam answered.
Eww! I'm going back to thinking of a Lincoln/Douglas threesome.
Oh yeah, Abe, emancipate his pants...
They both were already resting on their knees so they leaned forward to rest on their hands as well. They moved their face until finally their lips made contact. It started off with them just pressing together until Blaine escalated things. Gaping his mouth, he stuck his tongue out and into Rachel’s mouth, who had mirrored his action.
“I thought he was gay,” Puck asked.
“Apparently not as gay as we thought,” Kurt replied as the group watched the pair continue to wrestle with each other tongues.
“Whoa,” Blaine screamed after a solid minute of kissing.
“That was amazing,” Rachel gushed, looking flushed in the face.
The gang continued to play and drink for another 10 minutes. By that time, they had mostly all kissed each other and were all quite drunk. Tina and Mike had already left the game, presumably to find a room to have sex. Artie had wheeled away and was now passed out on a nearby couch. Kurt, still upset at Blaine for his heterosexual make out with Rachel had stormed off.
Man, this story is so ridiculous. That would never happen on the show. Never! Then Brittany has sex with Finn and Puck. Good to know they've gotten over the time they both had sex with a blonde cheerleader by both having sex with a blonde cheerleader.
“Damn that feels nice,” Brittany swore before returning her lips around Puck’s dick.
“Oh man, you’re totally going to love this mouth,” Puck panted to his buddy. “It’s like a vacuum cleaner that doesn’t ever run out of steam.”
…but then how would you get your penis out of it?
Puck wasted no time by plowing strongly into her pink opening. Despite possessing a teen pussy that tightens after every sexual encounter, Brittany was well adapt at sex.
A vagina that gets tighter and tighter every time it's penetrated sounds like some awful Neil Gaiman curse. Meanwhile, Rachel and Blaine have sex.
“Alright so should we get to the good stuff now,” Blaine asked as Rachel continued to deep throat his length.
“Oh…you want to have sex,” Rachel asked.
“Yeah. I thought you knew. I want to see if I’m gay or not and the only way is by having sex with a girl,” he explained.
“I figured the blowjob by a girl would answer that question,” she replied.
“A blowjob could be done by anyone. The true test is sex,” he told. “You have had sex before, right?”
But remember, Blaine isn't by any stretch heterosexual.
“For sure,” Rachel lied.
Even though she wasn’t prepared to have sex, she desperately wanted to gain life experience. In her mind, what better event was there then either turning a gay guy straight or confirming he was in fact gay. And there was no way he could tell she was still a virgin as she popped her own cherry last year the first time she used her dildo.
For a girl who's so obsessed with Broadway, Rachel doesn't know a lot about how homosexuality works.
There's more, but I like pictures of Naya Rivera and would like to look at them in the future without screaming. And since the next chapter is Santana/Kurofsky, I'd better get started on bleaching my eyeballs while it's still early.
We start off with a recap of Quinn's character, I guess for people who don't watch the show but think the chicks are hot.
Her two best friends and fellow cheerleaders Santana Lopez and Britney Pierce joined her in the Glee club. They were the two biggest sluts in the school but differed in the fact Santana was a huge bitch while Britney was a blonde airhead.
FEMINISM!
Quinn did have one secret she kept mostly to herself. Although giving off the hard-to-get, innocent vibe, she was so incredibly horny all of the time. At first she gave into her urges and used Noah Puckerman, better known as Puck, as her fuck toy until he got her pregnant. Since then she went the conservative route and used a dildo or vibrator but they were not doing the job of late.
I love how the one consistent character trait Quinn has on the show is completely disregarded one paragraph into this story. I suppose next we'll hear about how much Will hates rapping. But enough of that, time for some girl talk!
“Not yet. He’s taking slow since I was knocked up once he thinks I don’t want to rush into things,” Quinn answered.
“You’re horny as hell though. I sit beside you in the locker room and I can smell you’re pussy all the time. Just material rubbing against you has you ready to cum,” Santana shared.
...I think that's less sexy than a potential medical problem. I checked 'odorous vagina' and 'constant arousal' on WebMD and it said it might be cancer.
Quinn wasn’t a lesbian by any stretch but she had made out with both Brittany and Santana at parties to get the attention of boys. It wasn’t a novel trick as most girls in high school used this to make boys want them even more. But at this very second she would have sworn off guys all together to get with her best friend. She just had to get the naïve Brittany to spread her legs for her.
Okay, let's remember that Quinn isn't a lesbian. I'm sure that'll be important later on.
“I can’t believe I’m getting shot out of a cannon tomorrow,” Brittany said, bring up that conversation again.
All of a sudden an idea came to Quinn. In the movies, people did things they’d regret when faced with the prospect of their certain death including having sex with whoever was nearest to them. That’s how she’d get into Brittany pants! Make her even more nervous for her cannon ride.
Oh, come on, the only way anyone on Glee would have sex for such a stupid reason is if it cock-blocked Brittana.
“Should we have protection,” Brittany asked as Quinn kissed along her inner thigh.
“What do you mean,” Quinn replied, thoroughly confused.
“You know, like a condom,” Brittany answered.
“I think we’ll risk it just this time. Since you’ll probably die tomorrow and all,” Quinn retorted. She was use to Brittany’s insanely stupid questions or statements after this long of them being friends, but she still was surprised with how the dumb the girl could be.
Yes, STDs being transmitted by lesbian sex and using some sort of dental dam to prevent this? What a ridiculous notion! Hats off to you, dear author, for your brilliant satire!
Quinn couldn’t believe that Brittany was enjoying herself as much as she was, after all this was her first time eating pussy. She liked to think that her inexperience was made up for by the fact she was so damn horny and the thought of eating Brittany’s cum made her so wet.
But she's not a lesbian!
Britt heard the girl scream then felt her body tremble before finally feeling her warm cum come gushing onto her tongue. She couldn’t help but compare the taste to the sweetest, tastest pineapple she’d ever eaten so she did her best not to waste a single drop.
Great, now I can never listen to the Spongebob Squarepants theme song again.
So Brittany goes off to have more unprotected sex with Artie, who has a ten-inch dick (large penises and a lack of condoms are the only themes here, like doves in a John Woo movie). Quinn wakes up the next morning and is horny again, so she takes matters into her own hands.
She had never fingered herself before but the risk of Coach Sue catching her with less than 100% devotion to the team today would mean death.
Oral sex, intercourse, lesbian sex, sex toys, sure... but fingering? What do you think she is, some kind of sex fiend?
So she has sex with Sam (who has a nine-inch penis, in case you were wondering, and I know you weren't).
Quinn was pleasantly surprised that Sam was wielding such a long tool and she planned on showcasing all of her oral skills on him. She’d perfected the art when dating Finn and fooling around with Puck last year as she found that daily blowjobs kept both boys extremely happy.
I'll say! And now, onto the romance.
Being turned on by her boldness, Sam gave in to her request and slid his bulbous head into her tight hole. The boy couldn’t believe how unbelievably snug her pussy was considering she’d pushed a kid out of her no less than 6 months ago.
I never thought I'd say this, but Glee characters, stop having graphic sex and go back to singing Lady Gaga songs.
The "cannon" storyline proceeds along the lines of the Superbowl episode, with Finn talking the girls out of the Cheerios, but this time, Quinn is so aroused by this that she jumps him in the locker room. Which I guess means that she stayed hot and bothered while watching him perform Thriller in zombie make-up. That's a special kind of love.
And now, get ready for the kind of sensual dialogue that'll heat up your computer monitor.
“You feel so warm on my penis,” Finn noted.
“Oh shit, I forgot a condom again,” Quinn thought to herself.
Did I mention your monitor is heating up because it's about to explode? Oh, and Santana watches, adding voyeurism to the mix, and a little more dirty talk worthy of Alien Sex Files 3: I Want To Be-reamed.
“That boy is about to cum,” Santana noted from the dark corner she was hiding in.
“I need to figure out a way to use this secret to my advantage,” Santana said while her mind raced a mile a minute.
I love the idea that Santana constantly narrates her sex life, like Rorschach in a skirt.
Then Will and Emma have sex, which has nothing to do with Quinn, even though the name of the fic is World of Quinn. Damnit, it's the principle of the thing!
Up until this point, Will had known Emma to be a reserved virgin due to her severe germaphobia. What the redhead had been keeping to herself was that she was so horny all the time and she just couldn’t take it anymore, germs be damned.
Now I want an inspirational medical drama where doctors cure mental patients by making them really horny. I've already got a development deal with Fox. It'll be airing after House.
Then the story proceeds to the Blame It On The Alcohol episode, and now I'm a bit creeped out that the author apparently watches the show regularly. It's like someone doing a really detailed, canon-compliant Jurassic Park fanfic, while insisting that the dinosaurs were all nymphomaniac supermodels.
However, this time around, Santana blackmails Quinn into having a threesome with her, so that she can get Sam when Quinn dumps him for Finn. And yet, this all does make more sense than Artie/Brittany.
“Sam won’t go for it. He’ll never allow himself to cheap on me. It’s not in his character,” Quinn told her.
“Make him or else the whole school finds out that you’re a two-timing slut,” Santana threatened.
“You’d seriously stab your best friend in the back,” Quinn asked.
“I love you Quinn but I love sex more. That boy gets me so wet just looking at him so yeah, I’ll fuck you over to get a chance with him,” Santana answered without an ounce of remorse.
1. Doesn't the entire school already think Quinn's a "two-timing slut" for having sex with Puck?
2. Shouldn't Quinn know by now that Santana would stab her in the back for the last bag of Cheetos?
3. Isn't Sam already cheating on Kurt by being with Quinn, or have I just been on tumblr too much?
Never mind, onto the party!
All while this was going on, Quinn made sure to keep an eye over Sam. She wanted him drunk so that his strong morals would be compromised but not so drunk that he’d pass out or not remember what was going to happen.
Ah, Mel Gibson drunk. So they get Sam drunk enough to have sex with his girlfriend and a bisexual cheerleader... yeah, I'm guessing that took negative-five drinks... and hey, two hot chicks, one hot guy... how can this not be sexy?
Quinn couldn’t help but squirm her tongue further and further into Santana’s wet opening. It tasted better than she could have ever imagined. When she had done the same thing to Brittany a week earlier, Quinn noted how sweet the blonde tasted as she had a pineapple flavor about her. Santana’s was different, unique to her. It was a mixture of fresh strawberries with a hint of lemon, but only the acidity and not the sourness.
Okay, now you're just confusing Kool-Aid with vaginas. And remember, Quinn isn't a lesbian.
“Do you have a condom on,” Quinn asked after not feeling the rubber grind against her.
“No, I didn’t bring one,” he confessed.
“What? Who doesn’t bring a condom to a party,” she screamed.
“Just fuck me instead then,” Santana butted in. “I know boys love going bareback and I’m all about satisfying my man.”
Quinn, honey, you've had unprotected sex about twenty times in this fic. It's about time you just buy them yourself. And hey, everyone in this story has a ten-inch penis, so at least you won't have to buy different sizes.
“Slut,” the blonde said to her friend.
“I may be a slut but I’m the slut that your boyfriend is fucking right in front of you,” Santana replied.
It's like the Lincoln-Douglas debates, if Lincoln and Douglas were having sex with a guy named Chord Overstreet. I'm sorry, but seriously, how is that not a Streets of Rage character?
“You know what Sam, you’re a little dry,” Santana noted. “Why don’t you get your girlfriend to suck you off so you glide better?”
“Good idea,” he replied as he pulled out of the Latino’s tight hole and presented his cock to Quinn.
“No way! That thing was just in her ass. It’s nasty to put it in my mouth,” the blonde answered.
“Do you think it’s nasty Sam, or would it turn you on to have a girl take your cock into her mouth from her ass,” Santana asked.
“It makes me so hot,” Sam answered.
Eww! I'm going back to thinking of a Lincoln/Douglas threesome.
Oh yeah, Abe, emancipate his pants...
They both were already resting on their knees so they leaned forward to rest on their hands as well. They moved their face until finally their lips made contact. It started off with them just pressing together until Blaine escalated things. Gaping his mouth, he stuck his tongue out and into Rachel’s mouth, who had mirrored his action.
“I thought he was gay,” Puck asked.
“Apparently not as gay as we thought,” Kurt replied as the group watched the pair continue to wrestle with each other tongues.
“Whoa,” Blaine screamed after a solid minute of kissing.
“That was amazing,” Rachel gushed, looking flushed in the face.
The gang continued to play and drink for another 10 minutes. By that time, they had mostly all kissed each other and were all quite drunk. Tina and Mike had already left the game, presumably to find a room to have sex. Artie had wheeled away and was now passed out on a nearby couch. Kurt, still upset at Blaine for his heterosexual make out with Rachel had stormed off.
Man, this story is so ridiculous. That would never happen on the show. Never! Then Brittany has sex with Finn and Puck. Good to know they've gotten over the time they both had sex with a blonde cheerleader by both having sex with a blonde cheerleader.
“Damn that feels nice,” Brittany swore before returning her lips around Puck’s dick.
“Oh man, you’re totally going to love this mouth,” Puck panted to his buddy. “It’s like a vacuum cleaner that doesn’t ever run out of steam.”
…but then how would you get your penis out of it?
Puck wasted no time by plowing strongly into her pink opening. Despite possessing a teen pussy that tightens after every sexual encounter, Brittany was well adapt at sex.
A vagina that gets tighter and tighter every time it's penetrated sounds like some awful Neil Gaiman curse. Meanwhile, Rachel and Blaine have sex.
“Alright so should we get to the good stuff now,” Blaine asked as Rachel continued to deep throat his length.
“Oh…you want to have sex,” Rachel asked.
“Yeah. I thought you knew. I want to see if I’m gay or not and the only way is by having sex with a girl,” he explained.
“I figured the blowjob by a girl would answer that question,” she replied.
“A blowjob could be done by anyone. The true test is sex,” he told. “You have had sex before, right?”
But remember, Blaine isn't by any stretch heterosexual.
“For sure,” Rachel lied.
Even though she wasn’t prepared to have sex, she desperately wanted to gain life experience. In her mind, what better event was there then either turning a gay guy straight or confirming he was in fact gay. And there was no way he could tell she was still a virgin as she popped her own cherry last year the first time she used her dildo.
For a girl who's so obsessed with Broadway, Rachel doesn't know a lot about how homosexuality works.
There's more, but I like pictures of Naya Rivera and would like to look at them in the future without screaming. And since the next chapter is Santana/Kurofsky, I'd better get started on bleaching my eyeballs while it's still early.
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Date: 2011-07-03 07:05 pm (UTC)At least Glee does it on purpose.
(I'd say "ironically", but that sounds hipstery and pretentious.)