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seriousficTitle: Hell’s Belles
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Peter/MJ, Mephisto
Word Count: 652
Summary: Mephisto bought a piece of Peter and Mary-Jane's souls. He's about to face the worst case of buyers' remose imaginable.
Time could pass fast when it wanted to. Mephisto looked at his prizes, the two glowing pieces of soul he’d taken. The part of Mary-Jane Watson-Parker… just Watson, now… and Peter Parker’s souls that had grown in each others’ company, now his to torture with the fact that they would forever be incomplete. They could watch their old/new life at leisure, but why stop there?
He sped it up. He could show it to them over and over again, and later the bliss of the children they would never have, but for now he would just show them the lonely end they would reach. Apart, even in death.
Only, something was going wrong. Mephisto watched, horrified as Peter and Mary-Jane met up once again in the real world. And very quickly caught each others’ eyes, kissed, laid together, were married…
“Impossible!”
Pregnancy, child, family, first day of school, first day of college, grandchildren…
“You!” Mephisto whirled on the Parker spirit, which made an exaggeratedly pouty face. The Mary-Jane spirit joined in, an arm wrapped around her husband’s waist. “You tricked me!”
“Tricked is such an ugly word.”
“We prefer fooled.”
“Scammed.”
“Cheated.”
“Ripped-off.”
“Conned.”
“Hoodwinked.”
“Flimflammed.”
“Bamboozled.”
“Enough!” Mephisto span back to the portal. At long last, old age… retirement… a legacy! And together, even in death! Madness! “How!?”
“It’s easy, really.” The Parker spirit plopped himself down into Mephisto’s throne, Mary-Jane falling across his lap. “When you have a little faith.”
The Mary-Jane spirit chimed in. “We put our heads together. We knew that to break up our marriage, you’d need some kind of… what’d you call it dear?”
“Chronological reboot.”
“So we talked to Dr. Strange.”
“Sorcerer Supreme!” Mephisto hissed in fury.
“That would be the one,” Peter nodded. “He did the mystical equivalent of a message in a bottle, a spell that would be activated by the reboot and kinda… nudge us together, destiny-wise.”
“The rest was just natural attraction, love…”
“Raw, naked sex appeal.”
“Thanks, hon.”
“I was talking about myself.” Peter patted her on the rump. “Guess there’s something to that old soulmates hacksaw after all. So, now I get Aunt May back… and Mary-Jane.”
“You… You!”
Peter looked around hell, noting the sulfur and brimstone. “This place could do with some sprucing up.”
Mephisto’s flames went blue-hot. “Disgusting!” He fired jets of pure rage at them, which harmlessly passed through them.
“Err, Einstein? We’re not really here. We’re just souls, remember?”
“And you can only affect damned souls, can’t you?”
“Right you are, Mrs. Parker.”
“Thank you, Mr. Parker.”
Peter stood and walked up to Mephisto, utterly uncowed by the devil towering over him. “See, the way I see it is this: We’re not trapped in here with you. You’re trapped in here with us. By the way, bunky… your shoelaces are untied.”
Mephisto looked down at his cloven hooves. “I don’t have shoe-“
Peter quickly grabbed his loincloth and wrenched it upward. Mephisto gasped, sputtered, and fell. Even after an eternity of tormenting the damned, that was a new kind of pain.
Peter looked at MJ, smiled. “Melvined.”
Mary-Jane laughed. “You know, this place wouldn’t look so bad with some throw rugs… maybe some roses… less geysers of flame.”
“No, I like those. They’re very,” Peter threw up the horns, “rock. Maybe we could have a concert in here. The damned must be up for it after a thousand years of Celine Dion music. Do you think the Rolling Stones are in hell?”
“They’re not dead yet.”
“What, still?”
“Yeah, I know. Is Keith Richards a mutant or something?”
“We could ask Magneto. You think he’s down here?”
“Magneto’s not dead.”
“But he was decapitated. Oh, wait, yeah, that was Xorn.”
“No, that was someone else pretending to be Xorn.”
“Someone pretending to be Xorn pretending to be Magneto got decapitated?”
“Yep.”
“Well, I’ll be damned. Or not!”
They laughed. That joke never got old.
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Peter/MJ, Mephisto
Word Count: 652
Summary: Mephisto bought a piece of Peter and Mary-Jane's souls. He's about to face the worst case of buyers' remose imaginable.
Time could pass fast when it wanted to. Mephisto looked at his prizes, the two glowing pieces of soul he’d taken. The part of Mary-Jane Watson-Parker… just Watson, now… and Peter Parker’s souls that had grown in each others’ company, now his to torture with the fact that they would forever be incomplete. They could watch their old/new life at leisure, but why stop there?
He sped it up. He could show it to them over and over again, and later the bliss of the children they would never have, but for now he would just show them the lonely end they would reach. Apart, even in death.
Only, something was going wrong. Mephisto watched, horrified as Peter and Mary-Jane met up once again in the real world. And very quickly caught each others’ eyes, kissed, laid together, were married…
“Impossible!”
Pregnancy, child, family, first day of school, first day of college, grandchildren…
“You!” Mephisto whirled on the Parker spirit, which made an exaggeratedly pouty face. The Mary-Jane spirit joined in, an arm wrapped around her husband’s waist. “You tricked me!”
“Tricked is such an ugly word.”
“We prefer fooled.”
“Scammed.”
“Cheated.”
“Ripped-off.”
“Conned.”
“Hoodwinked.”
“Flimflammed.”
“Bamboozled.”
“Enough!” Mephisto span back to the portal. At long last, old age… retirement… a legacy! And together, even in death! Madness! “How!?”
“It’s easy, really.” The Parker spirit plopped himself down into Mephisto’s throne, Mary-Jane falling across his lap. “When you have a little faith.”
The Mary-Jane spirit chimed in. “We put our heads together. We knew that to break up our marriage, you’d need some kind of… what’d you call it dear?”
“Chronological reboot.”
“So we talked to Dr. Strange.”
“Sorcerer Supreme!” Mephisto hissed in fury.
“That would be the one,” Peter nodded. “He did the mystical equivalent of a message in a bottle, a spell that would be activated by the reboot and kinda… nudge us together, destiny-wise.”
“The rest was just natural attraction, love…”
“Raw, naked sex appeal.”
“Thanks, hon.”
“I was talking about myself.” Peter patted her on the rump. “Guess there’s something to that old soulmates hacksaw after all. So, now I get Aunt May back… and Mary-Jane.”
“You… You!”
Peter looked around hell, noting the sulfur and brimstone. “This place could do with some sprucing up.”
Mephisto’s flames went blue-hot. “Disgusting!” He fired jets of pure rage at them, which harmlessly passed through them.
“Err, Einstein? We’re not really here. We’re just souls, remember?”
“And you can only affect damned souls, can’t you?”
“Right you are, Mrs. Parker.”
“Thank you, Mr. Parker.”
Peter stood and walked up to Mephisto, utterly uncowed by the devil towering over him. “See, the way I see it is this: We’re not trapped in here with you. You’re trapped in here with us. By the way, bunky… your shoelaces are untied.”
Mephisto looked down at his cloven hooves. “I don’t have shoe-“
Peter quickly grabbed his loincloth and wrenched it upward. Mephisto gasped, sputtered, and fell. Even after an eternity of tormenting the damned, that was a new kind of pain.
Peter looked at MJ, smiled. “Melvined.”
Mary-Jane laughed. “You know, this place wouldn’t look so bad with some throw rugs… maybe some roses… less geysers of flame.”
“No, I like those. They’re very,” Peter threw up the horns, “rock. Maybe we could have a concert in here. The damned must be up for it after a thousand years of Celine Dion music. Do you think the Rolling Stones are in hell?”
“They’re not dead yet.”
“What, still?”
“Yeah, I know. Is Keith Richards a mutant or something?”
“We could ask Magneto. You think he’s down here?”
“Magneto’s not dead.”
“But he was decapitated. Oh, wait, yeah, that was Xorn.”
“No, that was someone else pretending to be Xorn.”
“Someone pretending to be Xorn pretending to be Magneto got decapitated?”
“Yep.”
“Well, I’ll be damned. Or not!”
They laughed. That joke never got old.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-01-02 07:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-02 07:21 pm (UTC)Very funny. Love that Parker wit.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-03 05:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-03 06:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-09 12:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-02 09:42 pm (UTC)Please write comics sometime in the near future.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-02 11:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-03 12:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-09 10:18 pm (UTC)“Yeah, I know. Is Keith Richards a mutant or something?”
Oh, oh my god, I can't breathe.