Superman/Batman: Apocalypse

[seriousfic]

EEEEEEE, Barda gets a logo in the credits! Okay, it's her hat, but still!


Customer service tech: Hello, this is Ryan, how can I help you today?

Batman: I'm Batman. I'm calling in regards to the intruder alert system I purchased from your company.

Customer service tech: Yes sir, what seems to be the trouble?

Batman: I had an intruder. The alarm worked okay, it went straight to my cell. But the part of the system that was supposed to neutralize the intruder didn't work.

Customer service tech: How so?

Batman: The intruder drove off in the Batboat. And then crashed it.

Customer service tech: Oh.

Batman: I'm also concerned that in a crash, the Batboat explodes instead of not exploding.

Customer service tech: Let me transfer you to my manager.


Man, they really skanked up Lashina's costume. It's just a bra with suspenders now.


Kara gets a pretty excruciating shopping montage where she tries on clothes and ogles high heels, CHICKS AMIRITE? Guys, she's a fucking alien. Shouldn't she be trying to figure out why high heels are high?


The Amazons show up, and walk around in midriff-baring outfits (the warriors are in a very 300-y bra and panty set), as you do with all Amazonian societies. If the male gender ever gets wiped out, any clothing item that touches the belly button will be next to go.


BARDA, HEY GURL! I don't know why you look anorexic or why they shortened you so you're the same height as Superman (removing that great moment where Superman has to hover to look her in the eye) or why they gave you a spear instead of the mighty Mega-Rod, but IDGAF! Mr. Miracle shout-out! Getting called a bitch! Being the only person in the movie who straight-up murders a baddie (without needing a good cry afterwards, Superman. Yeah, I'm sure all those Amazons who died in battle are real sorry you had to sully your hands with killing a bunch of mindless Doomsday clones)! Wonder Woman lesyay! Oh, BARDA.


Of all the things to keep in an adaptation of Jeph Loeb's story, the truly bizarre and out-of-character moment where Wonder Woman and the Amazons decide that the best way to say that they're a good place to train Kara is to try and kidnap her… that stays in? They actually seem to go out of their way to make Wondy bitchy here, giving Bruce a line about how she's getting on her nerve.

Also, they replaced Michael Ironside as Darkseid. Sometimes, I feel like these animated movies are a series of teachable moments on the saying "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." If you know that fans like the casting of Kevin Conroy and Tim Daly, why would you think IRONSIDE needs replacing?

On the bright side, the final fight between Kara and Darkseid is, I think, an addition and it at least gives Kara some agency. Also, they've toned down the incredible Mary-Sueishness of every superhero ever applauding Kara becoming Supergirl to Kara simply getting some props from the Amazons (although I'm not sure she deserves the applause. A bra top, Zor-El, really?).

Comments

[v5-vendetta.livejournal.com]

Except as of the last few years, Cyclops is still a self-righteous pansy, except now he's a self-righteous pansy of the "I did what I fucking had to do to keep us all alive, so fuck you if you don't like what I did to keep your ass still aboveground" variety. In other words, he's willing to be a dick for what he sees as the greater good, but he doesn't want anybody giving him lip over it, not even if it means certain emotionally vulnerable young girls treated like living weapons for most of their lives get recruited for a secret death squad.

Yeah, I'm bitter like that.