Smallville 10x8 - Frak this
Nov. 20th, 2010 09:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficHey everybody, do you like Deathstroke? Superpowered mercenary, code of honor, one eye, whole brood of morally ambiguous kiddies, punched Zatanna in the ovaries once? Well, to paraphrase Patton Oswalt, how would you like to see him when he was just a douchey military officer with two eyes? Played by Michael Hogan! Yes, before anyone calls Smallville uncreative, when the time came to cast a famously one-eyed character, they got an actor famous for playing a character with one eye. Still, it'll all be worth it if they try to make it believable that Colonel Tigh is hopping around with a samurai sword, knocking all the superheroes around. Possibly while screaming about Gaius frakkin' Baltar.
Aside from that, this episode was hella boring. Arthur Curry returned. While he was offscreen, he learned that he was actually the King of Atlantis, met another Atlantean, and got married. We didn't see that because Jimmy Olsen taking drugs was more interesting. Anyway, now he's back and blowing up oil rigs, which lands him in trouble with Clark. Because it's only cool to blow up buildings when they're in the middle of heavily-populated areas.
Of course, they're really prisons for superheroes (how did he come to that conclusion? Wouldn't Occam's Razor suggest that they're for the dozens of supervillains the superheroes are capturing?), but AC doesn't explain this and Clark doesn't ask, leading to the obligatory superhero fight... which they don't have the budget for, so Clark gets splashed. Later, they explain this extreme lack of communication skills by saying everyone was scared of the government. Personally, I think they're all just dumbasses.
Meanwhile, all the anti-hero fervor (no, this has nothing to do with Image Comics) has led to the passage of the Vigilante Registration Act -- cough, cough -- in which vigilantes would begin working for the government. Which would make them cease to be vigilantes, so maybe they should come up with a better name? Perhaps the Superhero Registration Act? Although I'd hate for there to be some kind of Civil War between people who prefer the old name and proponents of the new one.
Ollie offers to sign up for it to test the waters, since he's already revealed his identity. Naturally, when he tells Lois about this life-changing decision, she's entirely focused on why Clark hasn't talked to her about this. Didn't you get her text, Clark? Well, you didn't text her back!
So, since the VRA is working exactly as it's supposed to and the good treatment of the first vigilante to sign up (a beloved celebrity figure, even!) could potentially lead to others joining up and the entire situation being resolved without violence, Slade immediately betrays him, spouting about truth, justice, and the American Way. Have they been filming in Vancouver so long that they've forgotten that's actually Superman's catchphrase? This is all explained as Darkseid's influence. Okay, so TPTB have realized their plots are so stupid they require an explanation, perhaps now we can work on plots that are actually good?
Oh, and Clark is exposed to Kryptonite while an entire military base explodes around him, but afterward he just shows up at the barn, lifting hay. Can anything at all hurt him? He fought Doomsday without getting a scratch, survived being tossed off a building while turned human by Blue Kryptonite... what's next? Is he going to watch the Ring videotape and give Samara a spanking? Say Candlejack and get some free rope? Have sex with Paris Hilton without using protection?
And in one of two interesting scenes, Mera -- that's AC's wife. And comics fans, if Aquaman wasn't enough to get you to start watching, how about Aquaman's significant other? How's that for a heavy hitter? -- is swimming with some dolphins when Lois approaches. Seeing her, Mera strips out of her wetsuit, both because humanity is the only civilization with a nudity taboo in the DC universe and because, well, this is just how women react to Lois Lane. They get into a banter-off, natch.
"Spoken like one who can never be satisfied by men of her own kind," Mera snipes at one point. Hey, it's not Lois's fault she can't be satisfied by men, she was born that way!
Then later, Lois visits the Watchtower, where she meets Tess and they eye-fuck for approximately forever. Seriously, they smile at each other so much that it's illegal in the state of Kentucky. Clark gives everyone the rundown on Darkseid, who has been downgraded from God of Evil, Ruler of Apokolips to, like, seriously bad vibes, man. Seriously, they can talk him up all they like, but he doesn't strike me as so much as job for Superman as a job for the Care Bears.
Who, by the way, are about 20% less gay than Lois.
Aside from that, this episode was hella boring. Arthur Curry returned. While he was offscreen, he learned that he was actually the King of Atlantis, met another Atlantean, and got married. We didn't see that because Jimmy Olsen taking drugs was more interesting. Anyway, now he's back and blowing up oil rigs, which lands him in trouble with Clark. Because it's only cool to blow up buildings when they're in the middle of heavily-populated areas.
Of course, they're really prisons for superheroes (how did he come to that conclusion? Wouldn't Occam's Razor suggest that they're for the dozens of supervillains the superheroes are capturing?), but AC doesn't explain this and Clark doesn't ask, leading to the obligatory superhero fight... which they don't have the budget for, so Clark gets splashed. Later, they explain this extreme lack of communication skills by saying everyone was scared of the government. Personally, I think they're all just dumbasses.
Meanwhile, all the anti-hero fervor (no, this has nothing to do with Image Comics) has led to the passage of the Vigilante Registration Act -- cough, cough -- in which vigilantes would begin working for the government. Which would make them cease to be vigilantes, so maybe they should come up with a better name? Perhaps the Superhero Registration Act? Although I'd hate for there to be some kind of Civil War between people who prefer the old name and proponents of the new one.
Ollie offers to sign up for it to test the waters, since he's already revealed his identity. Naturally, when he tells Lois about this life-changing decision, she's entirely focused on why Clark hasn't talked to her about this. Didn't you get her text, Clark? Well, you didn't text her back!
So, since the VRA is working exactly as it's supposed to and the good treatment of the first vigilante to sign up (a beloved celebrity figure, even!) could potentially lead to others joining up and the entire situation being resolved without violence, Slade immediately betrays him, spouting about truth, justice, and the American Way. Have they been filming in Vancouver so long that they've forgotten that's actually Superman's catchphrase? This is all explained as Darkseid's influence. Okay, so TPTB have realized their plots are so stupid they require an explanation, perhaps now we can work on plots that are actually good?
Oh, and Clark is exposed to Kryptonite while an entire military base explodes around him, but afterward he just shows up at the barn, lifting hay. Can anything at all hurt him? He fought Doomsday without getting a scratch, survived being tossed off a building while turned human by Blue Kryptonite... what's next? Is he going to watch the Ring videotape and give Samara a spanking? Say Candlejack and get some free rope? Have sex with Paris Hilton without using protection?
And in one of two interesting scenes, Mera -- that's AC's wife. And comics fans, if Aquaman wasn't enough to get you to start watching, how about Aquaman's significant other? How's that for a heavy hitter? -- is swimming with some dolphins when Lois approaches. Seeing her, Mera strips out of her wetsuit, both because humanity is the only civilization with a nudity taboo in the DC universe and because, well, this is just how women react to Lois Lane. They get into a banter-off, natch.
"Spoken like one who can never be satisfied by men of her own kind," Mera snipes at one point. Hey, it's not Lois's fault she can't be satisfied by men, she was born that way!
Then later, Lois visits the Watchtower, where she meets Tess and they eye-fuck for approximately forever. Seriously, they smile at each other so much that it's illegal in the state of Kentucky. Clark gives everyone the rundown on Darkseid, who has been downgraded from God of Evil, Ruler of Apokolips to, like, seriously bad vibes, man. Seriously, they can talk him up all they like, but he doesn't strike me as so much as job for Superman as a job for the Care Bears.
Who, by the way, are about 20% less gay than Lois.
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no subject
Date: 2010-11-21 04:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-21 04:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-21 06:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-22 03:00 am (UTC)"Yes, central casting? We used the woman you sent us and when it came time to film the fight scene, she knocked Tom Welling out. He's still unconscious. Also, she's apparently dragged Erica Durance to a hotel room. We'd really like her back."
no subject
Date: 2010-11-22 03:06 am (UTC)Did you see the clip of her on some sports science show where she choked out the host? It's disturbing yet kind of adorable and maybe a smidgen hot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n38fLoH540Q#t=3m40s
no subject
Date: 2010-11-21 07:22 pm (UTC)Seriousfic is made of sterner stuff than me.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-21 08:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-21 05:33 am (UTC)Like, if and when Clark ever DOES have a throw-down with Darkseid, they'll immediately cut to Toyman and the Prankster engaging in witty word games in the next room while completely misunderstanding the fight that's going on.
"Do you think Death could possibly be a set of skis?
"No, no, no ... Death is 'not.' Death isn't. Take my meaning? Death is the ultimate negative. Not-being. You can't not be on a set of skis."
"I've frequently not been on skis."
"No, no ... what you've been is not on skis."
no subject
Date: 2010-11-21 05:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-21 05:50 am (UTC)... Appearances ... can be deceptive ... Osborn Cox ....
no subject
Date: 2010-11-21 05:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-21 06:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-21 10:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-21 11:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-26 02:45 am (UTC)