seriousfic

Sigh. Another Cliff Notes adaptation. I don't know why you would pick, for a project that has to be condensed into a movie that's a little over an hour, a story that's acclaimed because of its sprawling, epic storytelling that draws together so very many characters. And then why you would leave in Pacifist!HalJordan, which will never be anything but insultingly stupid. (By the way, anything else think it's kind of weird that, in the same story that deifies Hal's refusal to kill, Wonder Woman is reimagined as a bloodthirsty avenger?)

1. The movie actually makes Pacifist!Hal (look, an ace pilot is someone who has shot down five enemy planes! That's what the word means! You can't have an ace pilot who doesn't shoot down planes!) worse. Right at the end of the Korean War, Hal is shot down (why is he even flying if the war is over?). He parachutes toward a Korean soldier and drop-kicks him, then they get into a fight. Hal tries to tell him that the war is over, but the soldier doesn't listen, and Hal is forced to kill him. Gee, idjit, why would he think he's at war with the guy who kicked him in the face? I wonder!

2. Of the storylines they kept in, they also give the Martian Manhunter a pretty big plot. Which is weird, since the only thing he does at the climax is get a headache.

3. They bring in the ol' conflict between capes and the government, showing a bunch of Army soldiers aiming guns at superheroes like Adam Strange, Green Arrow, and the Blackhawks. Wait, I thought the Blackhawks were a unit in the Air Force. It's not like they go around beating up purse snatchers and thumbing their nose at the cops. They cash checks from Uncle Sam.

4. Oh, and for the climax, Green Arrow gets in an airplane and flies up to fight the bad guys. I take this as tacit admission that his superpower is worthless.

5. As for LucyLawless!Wondy, she's barely in the movie. They also conflate her with Queen Hippolyta, showing another Amazon complaining that she spends too much time in Man's World, suggesting they get a new leader, and then trying to assassinate her (!). Guys, peace-loving amazons? Loyal followers of their democratically-elected leader? They're not Klingons, is what I'm getting at.

6. A guy does die by being eaten by a T-Rex and then blowing up its head with some grenades. That's exactly how I want to go out.

7. Man, Superman's inspiring speech is really uninspiring. You can't just say "Who's with me!" That fist-pumping collective "Yeah!" has to be earned.

8. A bit more hilarious is Wonder Woman showing up in the middle of battle and shouting "Fight to your last breath!" Yeah, I think they came up with that on their own.