LotS fic: Hen Night! (Cara/Kahlan)
Jul. 12th, 2010 02:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficSo things are looking a little dire in the other Cara story -- have you seen how many comments I'm getting? :( -- so here's another installment in the happy-go-lucky courtship of Kahlan Amnell by the soldier Cara Mason.
Title: Hen Night
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,191
Characters/Pairings: Cara/Kahlan, Richard/Denna, mention of Cara/Triana
Previous: Do you take this woman?
Summary: Cara and Kahlan are almost married. But when Kahlan hears a prophecy that Cara will cheat on her, will it be matrimony or cacophony?
Kahlan clutched the fabric to her chest as she rushed home, fast as a schoolgirl. Her wedding dress was almost ready! She had just been to the dressmaker's, where she liked to just sit and watch it be worked on. And for the past week, Cara had been retired from the service and all Kahlan's to do with as she wished. Which, in this case, was planning their nuptials. It was such a load off to be able to trust Cara's fine tactical mind with seating arrangements and food arrangements and arrangement arrangements (since they didn't want people sitting in the food).
Cara, of course, would be wearing her D'Haran dress uniform at the wedding, which Kahlan would've objected to if she didn't cut such a dashing figure in it. Besides, she was starting to find those tight leather trousers rather flattering. Now, although it was of course bad luck for the first bride to see the second bride's dress before the wedding, surely superstition wouldn't mind if Cara saw the fabric the dress would be made out of.
She threw open the door to her cottage, where Cara was sleeping on the couch until she and her fellow soldiers finished building a cabin out in the woods (where they couldn't wake the neighbors). "Cara, I have something you've got to see!"
"So do I, Kahlan." Cara stepped out of the shadows. Her clothes didn't. "Do you know how the blue-tailed sea hawk mates? Some birds attract mates with gifts of small insects or displays of plumage, but the blue-tailed sea hawk simply sees a willing mate…" Cara pulled Kahlan so close, so fast, that the brunette let out a little gasp. "And does what comes naturally."
"That's nice, Cara." Kahlan struggled free. "But it's not our wedding night, is it?"
"Kahlan, I've been out of the service for a week. That's the equivalent of three leaves. By all rights, you shouldn't be able to walk right now."
"The wedding's tomorrow. You can wait that long."
"I can. I just thought we should get in some practice."
"Like I need it." Kahlan found Cara's clothes and threw them to her. "Just think of how romantic it will be, after all that waiting, when you take me out of my wedding dress—"
"Rip you out."
"Don't even think it, the dress will be made from honeysilk like this." Kahlan held up the fabric. "When you take me out of my wedding dress, lower me to the bed, tell me you love me," Kahlan clasped her hands together at the thought, "and then we make love to each other, gloriously encapsulating our feelings for all time…"
"Kahlan, please, I skipped the Army's course on resisting torture."
"It's torture to talk about our feelings?"
"It's torture to hear you talk about things that are an entire twenty-four hours away," Cara growled. She held the clothes in front of her breasts, knowing that would tantalize a bit more than a straight-on view. "This is like getting to eat out at a fancy restaurant every month, then suddenly having to eat gruel for weeks on end."
"If I'm the fancy restaurant you're eating out, what's the gruel in this metaphor?"
"Masturbation."
"See, you can practice that. I love dinner and a show."
***
Of course, there was another tradition they would be following besides a lack of premarital sex (even if Cara felt that Kahlan had severely misunderstood the concept, not that she was complaining). The hen night.
"Kahlan," Cara stopped her before she went out of the door. "I just want you to know that, despite your lack-of-sex-based torturing, I will be faithful to you."
"Oh, I don't have to worry," Kahlan smiled. "Not with Richard planning your party."
***
"First, a game of ten-pin," Richard said, leading Cara off. "Then, we sample some lager from that bar in the foothills. Then, a little something called caber-tossing!"
***
"Welcome to the Sisters of the Light: Prophecy and Day Spa!" the middle-aged woman said to Kahlan and her friends, handing them a menu. "We'll be starting you off with a mineral treatment, then some mud wraps, a mud bath, a little aromatherapy…"
"Is the aroma mud?" Kahlan asked.
"Yes. Then a mud-based facial, a mud peel, mud waxing, and then a pedi."
"There is a lot of mud in your spa treatment."
"It's medieval times, what do you expect?"
***
"Welcome to Denna's House of Pleasure," Denna said. "You must be the new dancer."
Richard smiled in embarrassment. "C'mon, Denna, we're here for Cara. Be nice."
"Only because you love me up. Come on, Cara, I'm sure we can find some sex worker that suits your fancy. Naughty librarian, right?"
"Kahlan is not a librarian," Cara said, arms crossed. "She does occasional work with libraries. And I'm here because Richard said it would be fun, not for… deviant sex games."
"Oh, are you sick?"
"I'm engaged."
"Yes, lot of that going around," Denna said, casting an eye on Richard, who gulped. "Well, come along then. Before you commit to shrimp, let's see if we can gorge you on grade-A beef."
"Actually," Richard said, "we agreed on a lady dancer…"
"No, you didn't." Denna tapped her finger on Richard's nose. "Because I know my Richie-itchie would never want to look at another woman, now would he?"
"No, of course not, it's just Cara is a lesbian."
"No," Cara interjected, "I just don't want to have sex with you."
"I get those two mixed up a lot."
"You don't want to have sex with Richard?" Denna put an arm around Cara's shoulders. "Let me buy you a drink, Mrs. Kahlan…"
***
The dancer was a man, but he was pretty good, judging by how many times Richard averted his eyes. Then, as the dancer did a split to remove his pants, he didn't.
"Wait a minute, I know those abs! Those are Rahl abs!" Richard got up on stage and ripped off the dancer's hood. "Darken!"
Darken Rahl stared back at him. "Hello brother."
"There is a family resemblance," Denna said, sitting next to Cara and six empty martinis. "Abs-wise."
"This is classic Darken!" Richard said. "What's the plan this time?"
"Oh, nothing. I thought I'd just ruin another of your chances at happiness, in this case playing soldier."
"Hold on, Richard. Maybe it's the Nim's Island Iced Tea, but since when do you have a brother?" Cara asked.
Richard sighed. "Cara, Denna, allow me to introduce you to my brother, Darken Rahl, crown prince of D'Hara and shit."
"But then… that would make you Richard Rahl!"
"Yeah." Richard palmed his forehead. "I am kind of a big deal."
"Richard doesn't want to be king," Darken muttered darkly. "He wants to run off and be a woods guide, or a war wizard, or a soldier. Anything so long as it involves a copious lack of responsibility."
"Darken, you clearly want to be king more than I do. Why can't you do it?"
"It is true. I just can't wait to be king." Darken turned to stare darkly into the middle-distance. "No one saying 'do this.' No one saying 'stop that.' No one saying 'see here.'"
"Now see here!" Richard said. "If you keep pulling these weird stunts like stripping at my best friend's bachelorette party, I'm going to assume the crown just so I can banish you! And then I'm going to abdicate and put Jensen in charge!"
"He's done this before?" Cara asked.
"Once, when I was sixteen, he told me that the House of Rahl was served by a bunch of bisexual dominatrix assassins who dressed up in skintight red leather when they weren’t hanging around a group bath."
"Do you?"
"No. We have nuns. Old nuns. Nuns who really aren't happy to find naked sixteen-year-olds in their sacramental pool."
"You laughed," Darken reminded him.
"Those were screams! Screams of fear!"
"Oh. You sounded like you were laughing."
"You are not messing up my best friend's wedding, just like you didn't mess up Chase's Bar Mitzvah last year. Remember, how I foiled you? I foiled you big-time."
"Really? Did you think exotic dancing was my only weapon? I've brought a little gift for Cara's special day."
Triana walked out of the shadows. She sat down on Cara's table. "Hello, Cara. It's been a while."
Cara stared, wide-eyed. "Triana…"
"Wait a minute!" Denna cried. "So my boyfriend is royalty?"
***
"Mmm. You should get married every day," Dennee said, melting into her mudbath.
"That'd be hard to afford. Although I'm sure we'll have a wedding night quite often," Kahlan prodded.
"Eww! Don't taunt me with your wedded bliss. Sometimes I feel like Finn only stays with me because he's brain-washed or something."
"Good evening, ladies," Verna said, entering with a clipboard. "Are you enjoying your complimentary mud tea?"
"It's… great."
"Good, good. Are you ready for your prophecy?"
"Absolutely." As Verna left, Kahlan gave Dennee a look. They crossed their fingers. "Babies, babies, babies…"
A fit, trim man in chic robes stepped into the mud-room. "Hello, I'm Nathan. I'll be your prophet today. And who's the special lady?"
Kahlan raised her hand and dropped it when she dripped mud outside the tub.
"Hello Kahlan."
Dennee gasped. "Kahlan, he knows your name! It's magic!"
"No, I just read the sign-in scroll."
"Oh."
"In the future."
"Ah!"
He knelt down by Kahlan's bath. "Ready to know your future?"
Kahlan smiled. "Oh, I just want to know if I'll have kids." She kept smiling. "And how many. And if they'll be pretty."
"Well, let's see." Nathan closed his eyes. Then they snapped open. "Oh dear. Perhaps it might be better if we move on to the mud colonic."
Dennee sat up. "Listen here, buster! We came here for a prophecy! If all we wanted was mud, we would've waited for it to rain!"
"Okay, alright…"
"You're good at that," Kahlan side-whispered.
"I have kids."
"Kahlan, I hate to tell you this," Nathan said. "But Cara will be with another woman tonight."
"Oh no he dinn't!" "Oh no she won't!"
***
At the moment, however, the only wrestling going on was Richard and Darken on the lawn, leaving Cara alone with Triana. And Denna, technically, but she had celebrated with a drink four times. Now she was singing "who's the princess, who's the princess, it's me!" Meanwhile, Triana straddled Cara's lap and did some stretches that looked like they did a lot of good for her abs.
"You can't deny our attraction, Cara. You may have run when things got too extreme, but you live for extremes. The scratching, the biting, the whips, the rabbit-fur gloves… you'll never get that from Kahlan."
"Triana. You tried to pee on me. It was gross."
"But I don't want that anymore! I want you! I love you enough to let go of urine."
"You don't love me. You just love my doggy style."
"I love you enough to just… stay awake at night and watch you sleep."
"Aww… wait, recently?"
"Don't cloud the issue. Just think it over while I go over there and rub hot oil over myself."
***
Kahlan charged toward the House of Pleasure, still covered in mud, prompting cries of "Mudman, he's real, just like the Weekly D'Haran News says!" and "I knew that was what she looked like without make-up!" Kicking the door down, she found Cara crouched over the back of an oiled-up Triana. She put her hands on her hips.
"Doggy style? But that's our position."
"Kahlan! She said she had a pimple!" Cara jumped up, her face frozen in shock. This was the worst. She had been trying to be nice to Triana, like Kahlan would be, and now it might make her lose Kahlan forever!
"Don't worry, Cara, I trust you. And the way she eats, I'm not surprised."
Triana huffed.
"I suppose it has been a little unfair of me to arbitrarily cut off your access to my sexiness. Especially when you've already been so patient, staying chaste while you were in the Army."
Cara smiled, relieved she wasn't in trouble. "To be honest, I cheated on you a little… with my Agiel."
Kahlan smiled right back. "I forgive you. But you see, a prophet told me you would be sleeping with another woman tonight."
"Kahlan, I would never--!"
"Cara, I'm not Richard. I believe in prophecy. So you are going to sleep with Triana tonight." She sat down next to Triana. "We both are."
Cara broke into a wide, crazy-eyed smile.
"I'm not sure I want to," Triana said, "after that crack about me eating habits. I am at a very healthy weight for my height!"
"I know, Triana." Kahlan ran a hand over her body. "You carry all your weight right where it counts."
Cara bit her lip as Kahlan illustrated with a pinch. Then she reached for some more hot oil.
A few minutes later, Denna woke up to finish the last verse of her princess song, saw what was going on in front of her, and poured out her martini.
Cara and Kahlan will return in… a PWP!
Title: Hen Night
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,191
Characters/Pairings: Cara/Kahlan, Richard/Denna, mention of Cara/Triana
Previous: Do you take this woman?
Summary: Cara and Kahlan are almost married. But when Kahlan hears a prophecy that Cara will cheat on her, will it be matrimony or cacophony?
Kahlan clutched the fabric to her chest as she rushed home, fast as a schoolgirl. Her wedding dress was almost ready! She had just been to the dressmaker's, where she liked to just sit and watch it be worked on. And for the past week, Cara had been retired from the service and all Kahlan's to do with as she wished. Which, in this case, was planning their nuptials. It was such a load off to be able to trust Cara's fine tactical mind with seating arrangements and food arrangements and arrangement arrangements (since they didn't want people sitting in the food).
Cara, of course, would be wearing her D'Haran dress uniform at the wedding, which Kahlan would've objected to if she didn't cut such a dashing figure in it. Besides, she was starting to find those tight leather trousers rather flattering. Now, although it was of course bad luck for the first bride to see the second bride's dress before the wedding, surely superstition wouldn't mind if Cara saw the fabric the dress would be made out of.
She threw open the door to her cottage, where Cara was sleeping on the couch until she and her fellow soldiers finished building a cabin out in the woods (where they couldn't wake the neighbors). "Cara, I have something you've got to see!"
"So do I, Kahlan." Cara stepped out of the shadows. Her clothes didn't. "Do you know how the blue-tailed sea hawk mates? Some birds attract mates with gifts of small insects or displays of plumage, but the blue-tailed sea hawk simply sees a willing mate…" Cara pulled Kahlan so close, so fast, that the brunette let out a little gasp. "And does what comes naturally."
"That's nice, Cara." Kahlan struggled free. "But it's not our wedding night, is it?"
"Kahlan, I've been out of the service for a week. That's the equivalent of three leaves. By all rights, you shouldn't be able to walk right now."
"The wedding's tomorrow. You can wait that long."
"I can. I just thought we should get in some practice."
"Like I need it." Kahlan found Cara's clothes and threw them to her. "Just think of how romantic it will be, after all that waiting, when you take me out of my wedding dress—"
"Rip you out."
"Don't even think it, the dress will be made from honeysilk like this." Kahlan held up the fabric. "When you take me out of my wedding dress, lower me to the bed, tell me you love me," Kahlan clasped her hands together at the thought, "and then we make love to each other, gloriously encapsulating our feelings for all time…"
"Kahlan, please, I skipped the Army's course on resisting torture."
"It's torture to talk about our feelings?"
"It's torture to hear you talk about things that are an entire twenty-four hours away," Cara growled. She held the clothes in front of her breasts, knowing that would tantalize a bit more than a straight-on view. "This is like getting to eat out at a fancy restaurant every month, then suddenly having to eat gruel for weeks on end."
"If I'm the fancy restaurant you're eating out, what's the gruel in this metaphor?"
"Masturbation."
"See, you can practice that. I love dinner and a show."
***
Of course, there was another tradition they would be following besides a lack of premarital sex (even if Cara felt that Kahlan had severely misunderstood the concept, not that she was complaining). The hen night.
"Kahlan," Cara stopped her before she went out of the door. "I just want you to know that, despite your lack-of-sex-based torturing, I will be faithful to you."
"Oh, I don't have to worry," Kahlan smiled. "Not with Richard planning your party."
***
"First, a game of ten-pin," Richard said, leading Cara off. "Then, we sample some lager from that bar in the foothills. Then, a little something called caber-tossing!"
***
"Welcome to the Sisters of the Light: Prophecy and Day Spa!" the middle-aged woman said to Kahlan and her friends, handing them a menu. "We'll be starting you off with a mineral treatment, then some mud wraps, a mud bath, a little aromatherapy…"
"Is the aroma mud?" Kahlan asked.
"Yes. Then a mud-based facial, a mud peel, mud waxing, and then a pedi."
"There is a lot of mud in your spa treatment."
"It's medieval times, what do you expect?"
***
"Welcome to Denna's House of Pleasure," Denna said. "You must be the new dancer."
Richard smiled in embarrassment. "C'mon, Denna, we're here for Cara. Be nice."
"Only because you love me up. Come on, Cara, I'm sure we can find some sex worker that suits your fancy. Naughty librarian, right?"
"Kahlan is not a librarian," Cara said, arms crossed. "She does occasional work with libraries. And I'm here because Richard said it would be fun, not for… deviant sex games."
"Oh, are you sick?"
"I'm engaged."
"Yes, lot of that going around," Denna said, casting an eye on Richard, who gulped. "Well, come along then. Before you commit to shrimp, let's see if we can gorge you on grade-A beef."
"Actually," Richard said, "we agreed on a lady dancer…"
"No, you didn't." Denna tapped her finger on Richard's nose. "Because I know my Richie-itchie would never want to look at another woman, now would he?"
"No, of course not, it's just Cara is a lesbian."
"No," Cara interjected, "I just don't want to have sex with you."
"I get those two mixed up a lot."
"You don't want to have sex with Richard?" Denna put an arm around Cara's shoulders. "Let me buy you a drink, Mrs. Kahlan…"
***
The dancer was a man, but he was pretty good, judging by how many times Richard averted his eyes. Then, as the dancer did a split to remove his pants, he didn't.
"Wait a minute, I know those abs! Those are Rahl abs!" Richard got up on stage and ripped off the dancer's hood. "Darken!"
Darken Rahl stared back at him. "Hello brother."
"There is a family resemblance," Denna said, sitting next to Cara and six empty martinis. "Abs-wise."
"This is classic Darken!" Richard said. "What's the plan this time?"
"Oh, nothing. I thought I'd just ruin another of your chances at happiness, in this case playing soldier."
"Hold on, Richard. Maybe it's the Nim's Island Iced Tea, but since when do you have a brother?" Cara asked.
Richard sighed. "Cara, Denna, allow me to introduce you to my brother, Darken Rahl, crown prince of D'Hara and shit."
"But then… that would make you Richard Rahl!"
"Yeah." Richard palmed his forehead. "I am kind of a big deal."
"Richard doesn't want to be king," Darken muttered darkly. "He wants to run off and be a woods guide, or a war wizard, or a soldier. Anything so long as it involves a copious lack of responsibility."
"Darken, you clearly want to be king more than I do. Why can't you do it?"
"It is true. I just can't wait to be king." Darken turned to stare darkly into the middle-distance. "No one saying 'do this.' No one saying 'stop that.' No one saying 'see here.'"
"Now see here!" Richard said. "If you keep pulling these weird stunts like stripping at my best friend's bachelorette party, I'm going to assume the crown just so I can banish you! And then I'm going to abdicate and put Jensen in charge!"
"He's done this before?" Cara asked.
"Once, when I was sixteen, he told me that the House of Rahl was served by a bunch of bisexual dominatrix assassins who dressed up in skintight red leather when they weren’t hanging around a group bath."
"Do you?"
"No. We have nuns. Old nuns. Nuns who really aren't happy to find naked sixteen-year-olds in their sacramental pool."
"You laughed," Darken reminded him.
"Those were screams! Screams of fear!"
"Oh. You sounded like you were laughing."
"You are not messing up my best friend's wedding, just like you didn't mess up Chase's Bar Mitzvah last year. Remember, how I foiled you? I foiled you big-time."
"Really? Did you think exotic dancing was my only weapon? I've brought a little gift for Cara's special day."
Triana walked out of the shadows. She sat down on Cara's table. "Hello, Cara. It's been a while."
Cara stared, wide-eyed. "Triana…"
"Wait a minute!" Denna cried. "So my boyfriend is royalty?"
***
"Mmm. You should get married every day," Dennee said, melting into her mudbath.
"That'd be hard to afford. Although I'm sure we'll have a wedding night quite often," Kahlan prodded.
"Eww! Don't taunt me with your wedded bliss. Sometimes I feel like Finn only stays with me because he's brain-washed or something."
"Good evening, ladies," Verna said, entering with a clipboard. "Are you enjoying your complimentary mud tea?"
"It's… great."
"Good, good. Are you ready for your prophecy?"
"Absolutely." As Verna left, Kahlan gave Dennee a look. They crossed their fingers. "Babies, babies, babies…"
A fit, trim man in chic robes stepped into the mud-room. "Hello, I'm Nathan. I'll be your prophet today. And who's the special lady?"
Kahlan raised her hand and dropped it when she dripped mud outside the tub.
"Hello Kahlan."
Dennee gasped. "Kahlan, he knows your name! It's magic!"
"No, I just read the sign-in scroll."
"Oh."
"In the future."
"Ah!"
He knelt down by Kahlan's bath. "Ready to know your future?"
Kahlan smiled. "Oh, I just want to know if I'll have kids." She kept smiling. "And how many. And if they'll be pretty."
"Well, let's see." Nathan closed his eyes. Then they snapped open. "Oh dear. Perhaps it might be better if we move on to the mud colonic."
Dennee sat up. "Listen here, buster! We came here for a prophecy! If all we wanted was mud, we would've waited for it to rain!"
"Okay, alright…"
"You're good at that," Kahlan side-whispered.
"I have kids."
"Kahlan, I hate to tell you this," Nathan said. "But Cara will be with another woman tonight."
"Oh no he dinn't!" "Oh no she won't!"
***
At the moment, however, the only wrestling going on was Richard and Darken on the lawn, leaving Cara alone with Triana. And Denna, technically, but she had celebrated with a drink four times. Now she was singing "who's the princess, who's the princess, it's me!" Meanwhile, Triana straddled Cara's lap and did some stretches that looked like they did a lot of good for her abs.
"You can't deny our attraction, Cara. You may have run when things got too extreme, but you live for extremes. The scratching, the biting, the whips, the rabbit-fur gloves… you'll never get that from Kahlan."
"Triana. You tried to pee on me. It was gross."
"But I don't want that anymore! I want you! I love you enough to let go of urine."
"You don't love me. You just love my doggy style."
"I love you enough to just… stay awake at night and watch you sleep."
"Aww… wait, recently?"
"Don't cloud the issue. Just think it over while I go over there and rub hot oil over myself."
***
Kahlan charged toward the House of Pleasure, still covered in mud, prompting cries of "Mudman, he's real, just like the Weekly D'Haran News says!" and "I knew that was what she looked like without make-up!" Kicking the door down, she found Cara crouched over the back of an oiled-up Triana. She put her hands on her hips.
"Doggy style? But that's our position."
"Kahlan! She said she had a pimple!" Cara jumped up, her face frozen in shock. This was the worst. She had been trying to be nice to Triana, like Kahlan would be, and now it might make her lose Kahlan forever!
"Don't worry, Cara, I trust you. And the way she eats, I'm not surprised."
Triana huffed.
"I suppose it has been a little unfair of me to arbitrarily cut off your access to my sexiness. Especially when you've already been so patient, staying chaste while you were in the Army."
Cara smiled, relieved she wasn't in trouble. "To be honest, I cheated on you a little… with my Agiel."
Kahlan smiled right back. "I forgive you. But you see, a prophet told me you would be sleeping with another woman tonight."
"Kahlan, I would never--!"
"Cara, I'm not Richard. I believe in prophecy. So you are going to sleep with Triana tonight." She sat down next to Triana. "We both are."
Cara broke into a wide, crazy-eyed smile.
"I'm not sure I want to," Triana said, "after that crack about me eating habits. I am at a very healthy weight for my height!"
"I know, Triana." Kahlan ran a hand over her body. "You carry all your weight right where it counts."
Cara bit her lip as Kahlan illustrated with a pinch. Then she reached for some more hot oil.
A few minutes later, Denna woke up to finish the last verse of her princess song, saw what was going on in front of her, and poured out her martini.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-07-12 07:20 pm (UTC)Now I can't wait for Wedding night!!
no subject
Date: 2010-07-12 07:29 pm (UTC)Awesome: "No, of course not, it's just Cara is a lesbian."
"No," Cara interjected, "I just don't want to have sex with you."
"I get those two mixed up a lot."
I can't breathe: "Wait a minute, I know those abs! Those are Rahl abs!" -- the whole Richard-Darken Rahl exchange is THE BEST EVER!
Oh wow: "Cara, I'm not Richard. I believe in prophecy. So you are going to sleep with Triana tonight." She sat down next to Triana. "We both are."
no subject
Date: 2010-07-12 08:00 pm (UTC)"See, you can practice that. I love dinner and a show."
*snorts*
PWP yes plz.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-12 08:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-12 10:02 pm (UTC)"Cara, I'm not Richard. I believe in prophecy. So you are going to sleep with Triana tonight." She sat down next to Triana. "We both are."
PWP LIKE NOW PLZ!
And Stripper!Rahl FTW XD
no subject
Date: 2010-07-12 10:45 pm (UTC)"If I'm the fancy restaurant you're eating out, what's the gruel in this metaphor?"
"Masturbation."
"See, you can practice that. I love dinner and a show."
LOL, this bit is hilarious! Hell, the whole fic just made me laugh like crazy! And then my family was looking at like I'd lost it!
no subject
Date: 2010-07-12 11:38 pm (UTC)"Welcome to the Sisters of the Light: Prophecy and Day Spa!"
best thing ever: Cara bit her lip as Kahlan illustrated with a pinch. Then she reached for some more hot oil.
LOL. I really really can't wait for the next chapter.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-13 12:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-13 06:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-13 12:36 am (UTC)OMG! BEST EVER!!!
Now I have to calm down... so I can write my own Crack!Fic lol
no subject
Date: 2010-07-13 12:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-13 12:59 am (UTC)You so totally need to do a PWP for this. Stat. *nods*
no subject
Date: 2010-07-13 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-13 04:22 am (UTC)Denna is the best! Lmao
no subject
Date: 2010-07-13 04:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-13 06:13 am (UTC)"Triana. You tried to pee on me. It was gross." *point-laugh-snort* AHHHH, hilarious.
More more more!
no subject
Date: 2010-07-13 06:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-13 07:25 pm (UTC)This is so insane and I love it.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-05 11:04 pm (UTC)Great!
no subject
Date: 2011-01-10 10:39 am (UTC)