Movie review: Tamara
Jun. 19th, 2010 12:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficIt's a cheapo horror flick, so as I describe the plot, you can probably finish the sentence for me. Tamara is a put-upon, "unattractive" student with a crush on her teacher. After her classmates pull a prank on her, she accidentally gets dead, because in horror movies, social embarrassment gives people a -12 to saving throws. ("Toilet paper stuck to my shoe, oh no, I fall out window!") But being murdered activates a spell Tamara was casting, causing her to be reborn as a hot chick. That's right, the forces of darkness upgraded her wardrobe and gave her a sassy new 'do. It's probably because Satan and What Not To Wear are owned by the same parent company.
So anyway, Tamara sets out to kill her tormentors and seduce her teacher away from his wife (which he's not too thrilled about. On an unrelated note, his wife is a dead ringer for Dina Meyer. I spent the entire movie waiting for the end credits to see if it was her. But it wasn't. True story.). And because it would be pretty boring to see an omnipotent killing machine work her way through some jerks, there are also some goody-two-shoes tangentially involved in the prank. Because it takes a village to commit manslaughter.
Basically, it's a mix of Species and every horror film ever made in the 80s. You might think there's some Carrie in there, but once Tamara comes back to life, she's a cartoon, all slinking around with her bra showing and lezzing out on a victim before she takes her revenge. Why would she do that? No idea. There are a few lines about how she was traumatized by being buried "alive," but either she dug her way out (which is impossible) or she used magic to get out, in which case what's the big dealio? You'd think she'd be a little thankful to her victims for inadvertently making her into a slamming hottie, but no, serial killing's the way to go.
Anyway, I would've liked it if it had been more of a character study, and actually delved a little into her psychology instead of going straight to the tight T-shirts and mass murder. As is, it kinda works best as an unintentional comedy. How can you not laugh when Tamara uses magic to force a student to commit suicide one piece at a time, while a teacher bangs on the window gently as if trying to get his attention. Only after someone gets a knife through the eye does he think to break the glass. Then in the next scene, someone says "he took the easy way out." The guy's having a close-casket funeral! Hilarious!
At the end, the teacher sacrifices himself to kill Tamara and save his wife. I think that's going above the call of duty. Lotta guys would've just gone "sorry, honey, I gotta go have sex with the magical hottie now. What are ya gonna do?" But that would be kinda a weird way to end a movie.
Oh, and if you see a magically brainwashed zombie whaling on your friend, do you...
A. Run up and knock her out while she's distracted.
B. Say "Hey!" so she has ample warning. That way it'll be a fair fight!
If you choose A, you'll probably survive accidentally killing the class nerd/Satanist.
So anyway, Tamara sets out to kill her tormentors and seduce her teacher away from his wife (which he's not too thrilled about. On an unrelated note, his wife is a dead ringer for Dina Meyer. I spent the entire movie waiting for the end credits to see if it was her. But it wasn't. True story.). And because it would be pretty boring to see an omnipotent killing machine work her way through some jerks, there are also some goody-two-shoes tangentially involved in the prank. Because it takes a village to commit manslaughter.
Basically, it's a mix of Species and every horror film ever made in the 80s. You might think there's some Carrie in there, but once Tamara comes back to life, she's a cartoon, all slinking around with her bra showing and lezzing out on a victim before she takes her revenge. Why would she do that? No idea. There are a few lines about how she was traumatized by being buried "alive," but either she dug her way out (which is impossible) or she used magic to get out, in which case what's the big dealio? You'd think she'd be a little thankful to her victims for inadvertently making her into a slamming hottie, but no, serial killing's the way to go.
Anyway, I would've liked it if it had been more of a character study, and actually delved a little into her psychology instead of going straight to the tight T-shirts and mass murder. As is, it kinda works best as an unintentional comedy. How can you not laugh when Tamara uses magic to force a student to commit suicide one piece at a time, while a teacher bangs on the window gently as if trying to get his attention. Only after someone gets a knife through the eye does he think to break the glass. Then in the next scene, someone says "he took the easy way out." The guy's having a close-casket funeral! Hilarious!
At the end, the teacher sacrifices himself to kill Tamara and save his wife. I think that's going above the call of duty. Lotta guys would've just gone "sorry, honey, I gotta go have sex with the magical hottie now. What are ya gonna do?" But that would be kinda a weird way to end a movie.
Oh, and if you see a magically brainwashed zombie whaling on your friend, do you...
A. Run up and knock her out while she's distracted.
B. Say "Hey!" so she has ample warning. That way it'll be a fair fight!
If you choose A, you'll probably survive accidentally killing the class nerd/Satanist.
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no subject
Date: 2010-06-19 05:31 pm (UTC)Teee!
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Date: 2010-06-19 05:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-19 06:37 pm (UTC)