Can we just get a third season of Spectacular Spider-Man?

[seriousfic]

Since the President is black now, racism no longer exists, so I'm just gonna say it. Spider-Man isn't black. Three reasons. First, and most racist, the character is white and it would be distracting to change him into a black man for an adaptation. You know how in the Daredevil movie, they gave Bullseye the whole Matrix look and made Elektra wear some kind of crop-top-thing for her to listen to Evanescence in? And then they recreated the panel where Bullseye stabs her and you're just reminded that that's not what Bullseye and Elektra look like? Also, that the movie blows?

It'd be the same thing here. Everytime Spider-Man pulled off his mask, you'd be reminded that it's an actor playing Spider-Man, and someone decided to make it a black actor because of political correctness and/or a Twitter campaign. There you are, hoping Black Cat shows up, and boom, you're reminded of slavery. It'd be like having a beard on Superman. Sure, maybe the actor looks really cool with a beard, but your hindbrain has been trained by years of experience to know that Superman is clean-shaven.

Second, if Peter Parker's black, then that means Aunt May is black. Aunt May's defining characteristic is that she fixes wheatcakes. Shit. You'd basically be handing a loaded gun to 4chan and saying "You don't have the balls, motherfucker!"

Third, if there's really so much demand for a black Spider-Man, why not make a Static Shock movie? Static's a rich character with a wide fanbase (teamed up with Batman Beyond!) who could still use the exposure of a movie, plus it wouldn't be a remake. I mean, why do we need to see Green Goblin or Doc Ock again because Goblin's suit sucked the first time around and what about Venom, they need to do him right! when you could do Holocaust or Hotstreak? I'm not saying that Static is just a black Spider-Man, but actually doing a black Spider-Man movie would seem like a disservice to Dwayne McDuffie. I don't know, it just seems cooler to me to actually honor a black character created by a black author rather than giving a white character a race-lift for tolerance points.

As a sidenote: Would it not be fine if instead of trying to make Spider-Man younger with sluts and the Devil and idiocy, they just retired Peter Parker and gave him a legacy character who was black or Chinese or Hispanic, and actually young? Hey, it worked for the Atom THOSE FUCKERS.

PLUS, as long as we're on the diversity tack, Static does have a gay sidekick, and you couldn't get that kind of diversity in a Spider-Man movie without it being awkwardly shoehorned in. Imagine they turned Harry into a gay dude, then the next scene rolls along and Norman's talking about what a disappointment Harry is and how awesome Peter is. Unfortunate implications ahoy! I know Norman Osborn is the Big Bad of the Marvel universe, but I don't think he'd go in for homophobia. Not like he's big on the political correctness, but dude does carry a purple purse. He has to be a little tolerant.

BTW, what was up with the costumes in that Daredevil movie? It was like one guy told the costume designer to be super-realistic and make Daredevil look a gimp and someone else told him to give everyone superhero costumes and then the designer got really drunk? I'm just saying, it's hard to take Jennifer Garner seriously as a threat when you can see her belly button.

Comments

[telepresence.livejournal.com]

The campaign is a joke, I wouldn't worry. I mean, I'm sure some fraction of the participants are taking it seriously, but at the core Don Glover is a comedian/comedy writer having a goof.

[mcity.livejournal.com]

I agree with these points and would like to subscribe to your LiveJournal.

And I already did.

So that's sorted.

[hilandercs.livejournal.com]

"it just seems cooler to me to actually honor a black character created by a black author rather than giving a white character a race-lift for tolerance points."

This.

Agreed.

You, my good person, have won the internet for today.

[rann.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I mean, if they did Static Shock but they made him white, wouldn't that be racist? Why is it okay to change a white character into a black character, then?

Oh, sure, I'm sure there's all sorts of arguments about how "White kids have plenty of white heroes to idolize, can't you give one of them to the black kids?" Setting aside the fantastically racist idea that you can only look up to someone of your own race, this argument still offers up a plethora of insulting meanings.

"It's okay to take stuff from white kids/people and give it to black kids/people." "Things about the character are lost when they're changed from black to white, but nothing is lost when changed from white to black, because white people have no cultural identity. (Except racism.)" "Superhero fiction requires affirmative action."

>>Would it not be fine if instead of trying to make Spider-Man younger with sluts and the Devil and idiocy, they just retired Peter Parker and gave him a legacy character who was black or Chinese or Hispanic, and actually young?

Arana would like to say hi from shuffled-into-supporting-character-land, Peter.

[v5-vendetta.livejournal.com]

Speaking of Arana, she's making a comeback in the new Young Allies series by Sean McKeever. Granted, this is the guy that was on Teen Titans during some rather unpleasant arcs for that team and he later left the book in a snit . . . but considering this is the same guy that gave us Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane, I'm inclined to give him one more shot. Oh, and another female Spider-Man legacy from even earlier is going to make a reappearance in the Spider-Man books for the "Grim Hunt" arc. Her name? Julia Carpenter, formerly known as Spider-Woman and currently dubbed Arachne, although considering that a promo image for Young Allies features Arana in Julia's most recent costume, that might not be such a good thing for Julia. Still, I'm hoping this new exposure results in some good things for Arana.