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seriousficJonah Hex movie exists.
You know, call me cynical, but I think something like this happened.
Lowly Peon Screenwriter: Good news, sir! Josh Brolin has signed on to play Jonah Hex!
High-powered Hollywood Producer: Who's that again?
Screenwriter: He's this badass cowboy, who's all grizzled and scarred...
Producer: Stop. The American public doesn't like Westerns.
Screenwriter: Oh. Okay. I guess we'd better spend all this money on something else then.
Producer: Don't talk crazy! We'll make a Western, but we'll make it entirely for people who find Westerns boring and stupid! So add a bunch of cool stuff. Like, uh... his name is Hex, right? So he can do magic. Make him barf up a crow.
Screenwriter: Oh. Umm... I think I could make that work. Make it a horror thing, really atmospheric and scary...
Producer: And America likes sci-fi shit, so give him a lot of cool gadgets like, uh, gatling guns on his horse. And a gun that shoots dynamite.
Screenwriter: Right, okay...
Producer: And his girlfriend? Megan Fox. Playing a hooker.
Screenwriter: Sir, this is a grim, gritty western, isn't it? Shouldn't we cast someone who is even slightly believable as an Old West hooker, rather than the most attractive woman in America? Maybe someone roughly the same age as her love interest?
Producer: Did you forget the Golden Rule? All female roles must be cast with the youngest, hottest actress available, regardless of their talent or suitability. That's why we got Natalie Portman for that Harriet Tubman biopic.
Screenwriter: It's just that Jennifer's Body was a flop, and if America didn't want to see Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried make out, why would they want to watch Megan Fox and a charbroiled Josh Brolin paw at each other?
Producer: Why does America want to watch blue cat-people fuck? Oh, that reminds me, put in an environmental message. And make the villain try to take over America with aliens or vampires or something. I can't come up with everything!
You know, call me cynical, but I think something like this happened.
Lowly Peon Screenwriter: Good news, sir! Josh Brolin has signed on to play Jonah Hex!
High-powered Hollywood Producer: Who's that again?
Screenwriter: He's this badass cowboy, who's all grizzled and scarred...
Producer: Stop. The American public doesn't like Westerns.
Screenwriter: Oh. Okay. I guess we'd better spend all this money on something else then.
Producer: Don't talk crazy! We'll make a Western, but we'll make it entirely for people who find Westerns boring and stupid! So add a bunch of cool stuff. Like, uh... his name is Hex, right? So he can do magic. Make him barf up a crow.
Screenwriter: Oh. Umm... I think I could make that work. Make it a horror thing, really atmospheric and scary...
Producer: And America likes sci-fi shit, so give him a lot of cool gadgets like, uh, gatling guns on his horse. And a gun that shoots dynamite.
Screenwriter: Right, okay...
Producer: And his girlfriend? Megan Fox. Playing a hooker.
Screenwriter: Sir, this is a grim, gritty western, isn't it? Shouldn't we cast someone who is even slightly believable as an Old West hooker, rather than the most attractive woman in America? Maybe someone roughly the same age as her love interest?
Producer: Did you forget the Golden Rule? All female roles must be cast with the youngest, hottest actress available, regardless of their talent or suitability. That's why we got Natalie Portman for that Harriet Tubman biopic.
Screenwriter: It's just that Jennifer's Body was a flop, and if America didn't want to see Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried make out, why would they want to watch Megan Fox and a charbroiled Josh Brolin paw at each other?
Producer: Why does America want to watch blue cat-people fuck? Oh, that reminds me, put in an environmental message. And make the villain try to take over America with aliens or vampires or something. I can't come up with everything!
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no subject
Date: 2010-04-30 01:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-02 09:30 pm (UTC)