seriousfic

So I've been reading the infamous Cassandra Claire's Draco novels. I know, I know. They're well-written to a point... they're intended for Draco fangirls, and those who aren't into Tom Felton can't be blamed for not seeing what's so great about passage after passage about silver hair and pale skin. And there's a kooky overreliance on super-special bloodlines (just about the entire cast is the Heir of something or other), plot coupons, and our intrepid heroes receiving superpowers. Oh, and if you're not a Draco fan, the redemption and subsequent heroism of Draco is really frickin' weird. Given that he's a bullying racist prat, it doesn't take that much time for him to not only turn on his (abusive, natch) father, but to enter into a love triangle with Hermione. You know, the girl he reduced to tears by calling a magic mandingo, then she slapped him? Oh, and the way the character of Fleur Delacour is sexualized and exoticized for the sole purpose of drawing attention to Draco's attractiveness is also, uh, weird.

But most interesting to me is, obviously, the plagiarism. I mean, what could make her think it was acceptable to take someone else's story, in fact stories from multiple people, put it in a genre setting, and profit from that?

Before I begin, a sidenote. Given that Supernatural fan comics tell me the worst thing one can do in fandom is to out someone else, how do we justify me Googling her name and coming up with a Fandom Wank page all about who she is and why she's a nogoodnik? Is it her fault for not using a pseudonym? How long do people intend to punish her for this? I mean, it's not like she did anything really evil, like badmouthing chan.

But questions of guilt and retribution aside (sorry, Marty Scorsese, I know you were interested), her stories actually provide a pretty huge argument against plagiarism... not intentionally, though. Take this excerpt, obviously "influenced" by a Halloween episode of Buffy.

I bet they think they´re so great just because they´re demons, Harry said, looking resentfully across the room. Well, they´re not so great.

Don´t mock the demons, Potter.

Why not? Do you think they can hear us?

No. It´s just...not very classy.

What's this? The snide, acerbic Draco telling someone not to be mocking? The guy who, as characterized by Claire herself, mouths off to everyone from dark wizards to his love interests (yes, plural... sigh)?

You see, originally, that dialogue was between Xander and Giles, where it makes sense. Xander is irreverent, but also scared that the demon might be able to attack him, whereas Giles is prim and proper. It's an exchange that fits into their characters, their relationship, and even the world that Joss Whedon has created, being an irreverent take on mythology. Ripping it out of that universe and shoving it into another is not only wrong, but poor writing.

For the first thing, it's inorganic to the writing. Picture every conversation as a river, with a natural ebb and flow between two points, guiding the reader downstream until he or she has absorbed all the necessary information and development the author wants to convey. Shoehorning any ol' quippy remark in there is like putting in a dam. It takes longer to flow, and the flow is interrupted. I have a tendency to be self-indulgent with my own writing and needing to cut it down to size... I can't imagine cramming in someone else's too. You have to keep up that tension, bam bam bam, not elongate it just to show the reader how clever you are (or, rather, Joss Whedon and his writing staff is). Brevity is the soul of wit, after all.

Not only that, but it doesn't fit the characters. And so it becomes generic wittiness, when we (presumably) want Draco And Harry Wittiness. Other exchanges are similarly inorganic. There's a very tense scene where a "homage" to the hilarious Douglas Adams is placed.

He looked up. His father and Voldemort were staring at him, Voldemort with curiosity and Lucius with an expression that said that all his worst nightmares had just come true in one horrible moment.

"Isn't that your son, Lucius?" the Dark Lord said.

"Hello, Father," said Draco.

Lucius was still looking like someone had force-fed him a lemon that happened to be taped to an enormous brick. "Draco?"

Worst nightmares... horrible moment... force-fed a lemon... one of these things is not like the others... As Mark Twain said, the difference between the right word and almost the right word is like the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. If you want to come up with a description like what Douglas Adams used, but relevant and contextual, then put in the hard work and come up with a line that's dramatic. It's not that hard to do. I mean, she was a BNF? Couldn't she just call up her clique on her red phone made of chocolate and chat with them about what line she could use?

There's the aristocratic, refined Draco saying "And if that doesn't work, then ass-kicking makes a solid backup plan." And of course, Draco regularly quotes his father, who seems to quote Al Capone and some e-mails I got back in the 90s.

"For some reason, the only one of my father's sayings that seems to be sticking in my head right now is when he told me 'There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.'"

How would Lucius Malfoy even know what an express train is? Plus, they used that in the Daredevil movie. When you're cribbing lines from a Ben Affleck vehicle about him romancing Greek Jennifer Garner, something's gone horribly south.

And cribbing lines from Buffy and Blackadder? How do you not think people will notice that?

So, kids, don't plagiarize. Even if you don't get caught, your writing will suffer. Also, never do drugs.

And if you are going to plagiarize, make sure it's something so obscure that no one will ever notice. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go write query letters for my book, Big Barda In Sexy Town. Or, as it will be known in bookstores, Passion Under The Full Moon. With Vampires.