More Indiana Jones 4 bits
Aug. 17th, 2009 09:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficThe Rifftrax commentary, where every time there's a lull in the action someone mockingly hums the Indiana Jones theme, really sums up the desultory plot. There's only one real action sequence and it involves Shia LeBeouf leading an army of monkeys from vine to vine. The frenzied "and then they escape from the pit of venomous snakes! And then Indy fights a huge Nazi on a taxiing airplane! And then Indy chases after the Ark in a truck!" is gone, baby, gone.
Dovchenko, the big Russian guy, gets taken out by Indy and SHIA LEBEOUF with, like, three kicks. Later, there's the standard "scrappy hero versus invulnerable giant"... with, once again, the guy who got taken out by SHIA LEBEOUF. Nazi Mechanic, you are missed.
Since the plot revolves around a search for a city of gold, wouldn't "Indiana Jones And The City of Gold" have been a better title? At least people know about that, rather than the crystal bullshit skulls. They didn't call Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom "Indiana Jones And The Scrap Of Paper With Sanskrit On It."
Why is Marion playing second-fiddle to fucking SHIA LEBEOUF? Couldn't she have come to Indy for help finding Oxley? Really, who thought Indy fans would prefer to spend time with Shia LeBeouf than MARION RAVENWOOD? It's like making a Lethal Weapon movie and saying "you know what, we're not bringing back Mel Gibson, but how's about Zac Efron?"
SHIA LEBEOUF. I just can't get over that. Did we really need to spend that much effort creating a new, and utterly desultory, 'hero' (I can't mock this enough) to wring the last few cents out of the franchise? There never, ever, ever needed to be a backdoor pilot for "Mutt Williams And The Eregiously Overused CGI."
And what's with the scene where Indy and a jeep full of Russian soldiers are driving side by side, separated only by some foliage--the Russians are firing full auto at them--and the leaves stop the bullets? I know it's too much to ask for observance of the laws of physics in IJATKOTCS, but bullets can actually pass through things. At that point, I wouldn't be surprised if Mutt held up a sheet of paper and deflected bullets like Superman.
Basically, you should buy a ticket to District 9 so less movies like this one are made.
ETA: What the fuck was up with the Mac character? They should've made that guy Sallah, you know, John Rhys-Davies's character. Then, him betraying Indy would have an actual emotional impact. And instead of him being a triple agent, make him just a double agent who really is working for the CIA against the Russians (and, of course, survives to see the wedding). Who wouldn't mark out for that?
Dovchenko, the big Russian guy, gets taken out by Indy and SHIA LEBEOUF with, like, three kicks. Later, there's the standard "scrappy hero versus invulnerable giant"... with, once again, the guy who got taken out by SHIA LEBEOUF. Nazi Mechanic, you are missed.
Since the plot revolves around a search for a city of gold, wouldn't "Indiana Jones And The City of Gold" have been a better title? At least people know about that, rather than the crystal bullshit skulls. They didn't call Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom "Indiana Jones And The Scrap Of Paper With Sanskrit On It."
Why is Marion playing second-fiddle to fucking SHIA LEBEOUF? Couldn't she have come to Indy for help finding Oxley? Really, who thought Indy fans would prefer to spend time with Shia LeBeouf than MARION RAVENWOOD? It's like making a Lethal Weapon movie and saying "you know what, we're not bringing back Mel Gibson, but how's about Zac Efron?"
SHIA LEBEOUF. I just can't get over that. Did we really need to spend that much effort creating a new, and utterly desultory, 'hero' (I can't mock this enough) to wring the last few cents out of the franchise? There never, ever, ever needed to be a backdoor pilot for "Mutt Williams And The Eregiously Overused CGI."
And what's with the scene where Indy and a jeep full of Russian soldiers are driving side by side, separated only by some foliage--the Russians are firing full auto at them--and the leaves stop the bullets? I know it's too much to ask for observance of the laws of physics in IJATKOTCS, but bullets can actually pass through things. At that point, I wouldn't be surprised if Mutt held up a sheet of paper and deflected bullets like Superman.
Basically, you should buy a ticket to District 9 so less movies like this one are made.
ETA: What the fuck was up with the Mac character? They should've made that guy Sallah, you know, John Rhys-Davies's character. Then, him betraying Indy would have an actual emotional impact. And instead of him being a triple agent, make him just a double agent who really is working for the CIA against the Russians (and, of course, survives to see the wedding). Who wouldn't mark out for that?
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Date: 2009-08-18 07:18 pm (UTC)PS
Date: 2009-08-18 07:20 pm (UTC)One o'clock, tomorrow. Only reason I didn't see it on opening was because the theatre hadn't put it in their system on Thursday yet.