Vacation, all I ever wanted

[seriousfic]

Went to Corpus Christi over the weekend. It was pretty awesome, except for the jellyfish. Which is like saying Jurassic Park didn’t traumatize me as a child, except for the raptors. Seriously, it’s like playing touch football in a minefield. I have a jellyfish scar on my leg. I didn’t even know jellyfish could scar you. This is a badass scar. If it were on my face, you would see me and wonder what I was doing in 7-11 when I clearly led a life of intrigue and danger.

See, sharks? I’ve got no problem with sharks. They’re cool. They’re like the bikers of the sea. Sure, they might shank you, but they’ll look cool doing it.


Sharks: MOTHERFUCKER!

Human: Whoa, easy there! I’m not a seal!

Sharks: …proceed.


Jellyfish? They’re nature’s assholes.


Jellyfish: Motherfucker!

Human: WTF? I was just swimming.

Jellyfish: Hey, I’M WALKING HERE, I’M WALKING HERE!


Douches. The worst part is when you touch the non-stingy part, because then you know the stingy part is right fucking next to you. The feel? It is what despair feels like.

I also got a suntan (read: burn) and went to this aquarium. There, I discovered the lookdown.



Nature’s Dick Tray villain.