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seriousficTitle: Rise Of The Machines
Fandom: Birds of Prey
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 544
Characters/Pairings: Babs/Dinah
Author's notes: Written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shananagin's response to a meme.
Summary: Dinah is feeling horny. Barbara is on a different continent. Luckily, Oracle has a solution.
“Times like these, I miss the JLI,” Dinah slurred.
“When your forehead is all sweaty?” Barbara asked over the radio link.
“No, slattern! I wish I had a transporter so I could be in Gotham doing unstraight things to you instead of in stupid Hong Kong, drinking stupid saki.”
“Actually, I might have a solution for that. Go to your hotel room.”
***
One saki and five minutes later, in Dinah’s hotel room…
“What is that?” Dinah asked, examining the strange contraption on her bed. “Is it, like, a Matrix thing so we can have virtual sex?”
“No, I’m not sure of the virtual sex’s safety, so I’m letting Helena and Zinda test that out. This is a Class-2 Spider harness.”
“Oh, okay. What’s that part that looks like a dildo?”
“A dildo.”
“Ahh. So I strap myself into that and…”
“I fuck you. Over the Internet.”
“…Babsy, that’s retarded.”
“Dinah, be open-minded. With that harness, I can control every aspect of your sexual encounter, from the depth and speed of the thrusting to the force of the nipple clamps!” Barbara sounded like she was controlling the depth and speed just thinking about it.
“Barbara, no! It looks like it’s going to be hunting Sarah Connor after it fucks me!”
“It’s pink! Pink’s a friendly color!”
“Great, so it’s a gay robot assassin.”
“It also doubles as a massage chair for foreplay. And there’s an air freshener so you won’t even smell the motor oil!”
“It has seven dildos! Why would I need that many?”
“Well, if you make a very open-minded friend…”
“I knew this would happen if I wore that Supergirl suit!”
“Look, why don’t you just try out the massage chair and the liquor cabinet, and if you’re comfortable with that, we’ll see how it goes.”
“…there’s a liquor cabinet?”
***
“I can’t believe you put a whipped cream dispenser there!”
“I found it very erotic.”
“You’re not the one who has whipped cream in her—“
”Let’s try again, shall we?”
***
“Oh! Oh! Yes!”
“Hey, Dinah, what kind of lubricant do you prefer: Popping Pink Lemonade or Flashy Fruit Punch?”
“I don’t care. Any! Oh… oh… radish!”
***
“Babs, is it shampooing my hair?”
“It doubles as a personal stylist!”
“It’s a little distracting.”
“Oh, sorry… wait, that’s not shampoo…”
***
“You know it’s also a Kindle and a text messenger?”
Orcl@BC2001: Totally fucking you, baby.
“Babs, it’s still shampooing me!”
“What was that? I’m texting Dick.”
“Could you pay a little attention to me, maybe?”
“Sure, right after I get the sandwich.”
***
“No amount of orgasms is worth this! I still have sawdust in hard-to-reach places!”
“Sorry, I’ll turn on the shower.”
“COLD COLD COLD!”
“Whoops. I think you might have damaged the water heater with that Canary Cry.”
“There are some places tentacles don’t belong, Babs.”
“You’re right, this whole thing lacks that human touch. To be honest, I had to look at pictures of Wonder Woman just to finish. But, I have a back-up plan. Go over to Helena’s room…”
“I’m not fucking Huntress so you can masturbate!”
“Zinda then?”
“Good night, Babs.”
“Maybe you could just pet each others’ hair?”
“…what’s it worth to you?”
“This time, I’ll wear the Supergirl costume.”
“You’re on.”
Fandom: Birds of Prey
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 544
Characters/Pairings: Babs/Dinah
Author's notes: Written for
shananagin's response to a meme.Summary: Dinah is feeling horny. Barbara is on a different continent. Luckily, Oracle has a solution.
“Times like these, I miss the JLI,” Dinah slurred.
“When your forehead is all sweaty?” Barbara asked over the radio link.
“No, slattern! I wish I had a transporter so I could be in Gotham doing unstraight things to you instead of in stupid Hong Kong, drinking stupid saki.”
“Actually, I might have a solution for that. Go to your hotel room.”
***
One saki and five minutes later, in Dinah’s hotel room…
“What is that?” Dinah asked, examining the strange contraption on her bed. “Is it, like, a Matrix thing so we can have virtual sex?”
“No, I’m not sure of the virtual sex’s safety, so I’m letting Helena and Zinda test that out. This is a Class-2 Spider harness.”
“Oh, okay. What’s that part that looks like a dildo?”
“A dildo.”
“Ahh. So I strap myself into that and…”
“I fuck you. Over the Internet.”
“…Babsy, that’s retarded.”
“Dinah, be open-minded. With that harness, I can control every aspect of your sexual encounter, from the depth and speed of the thrusting to the force of the nipple clamps!” Barbara sounded like she was controlling the depth and speed just thinking about it.
“Barbara, no! It looks like it’s going to be hunting Sarah Connor after it fucks me!”
“It’s pink! Pink’s a friendly color!”
“Great, so it’s a gay robot assassin.”
“It also doubles as a massage chair for foreplay. And there’s an air freshener so you won’t even smell the motor oil!”
“It has seven dildos! Why would I need that many?”
“Well, if you make a very open-minded friend…”
“I knew this would happen if I wore that Supergirl suit!”
“Look, why don’t you just try out the massage chair and the liquor cabinet, and if you’re comfortable with that, we’ll see how it goes.”
“…there’s a liquor cabinet?”
***
“I can’t believe you put a whipped cream dispenser there!”
“I found it very erotic.”
“You’re not the one who has whipped cream in her—“
”Let’s try again, shall we?”
***
“Oh! Oh! Yes!”
“Hey, Dinah, what kind of lubricant do you prefer: Popping Pink Lemonade or Flashy Fruit Punch?”
“I don’t care. Any! Oh… oh… radish!”
***
“Babs, is it shampooing my hair?”
“It doubles as a personal stylist!”
“It’s a little distracting.”
“Oh, sorry… wait, that’s not shampoo…”
***
“You know it’s also a Kindle and a text messenger?”
Orcl@BC2001: Totally fucking you, baby.
“Babs, it’s still shampooing me!”
“What was that? I’m texting Dick.”
“Could you pay a little attention to me, maybe?”
“Sure, right after I get the sandwich.”
***
“No amount of orgasms is worth this! I still have sawdust in hard-to-reach places!”
“Sorry, I’ll turn on the shower.”
“COLD COLD COLD!”
“Whoops. I think you might have damaged the water heater with that Canary Cry.”
“There are some places tentacles don’t belong, Babs.”
“You’re right, this whole thing lacks that human touch. To be honest, I had to look at pictures of Wonder Woman just to finish. But, I have a back-up plan. Go over to Helena’s room…”
“I’m not fucking Huntress so you can masturbate!”
“Zinda then?”
“Good night, Babs.”
“Maybe you could just pet each others’ hair?”
“…what’s it worth to you?”
“This time, I’ll wear the Supergirl costume.”
“You’re on.”
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no subject
Date: 2009-05-29 09:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-29 09:33 pm (UTC)What's the point of a cream dispenser if there is nobody to eat it. Unless Dinah has to eat it herself, and nobody is that lonely! Bad design, Babsy!
Nice, funny fanfic. I'm glad it didn't end with a predictable scene of the machine going BOING BOING BOING BOING until it explodes leaving a satisfied, but burned Dinah.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-29 09:42 pm (UTC)That's what will happen once Babs integrates Themyscrian technology. Add Tamaranian technology and it won't even explode!
no subject
Date: 2009-05-29 09:37 pm (UTC)You write the best femslash crack. Great stuff. There were some lines that made me laugh out loud.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-29 11:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-04 02:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-30 01:17 am (UTC)I'm amused in so many wrong ways XD This was brilliant. You have a very strange and awesome mind.