![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficYou know, what they really should have done was Grindhouse-style fake trailers for a Gambit movie, a Deadpool movie, an Emma Frost movie, et al. It would've been more honest and it would've avoided the "character shows up for thirty seconds, does the cool thing you saw in the trailer, then says some shitty dialogue and goes away." Remember how in X2, they spend the entire movie really exploring Nightcrawler and his motivations and his personality and what made him unique (you know, the exact opposite of what they did to Cyclops, Bryan Singer? Don't think you're getting off the hook)? Well, in Wolverine, every character gets boiled down to one character trait and they just parrot that for the three or so scenes they're in.
Even Wolverine is a supporting character in his own movie. And the "pivotal relationships" with Silverfox, Stryker, and Sabretooth (err... Victor Creed. Or yes, actually Sabretooth, just pre-a-lot-of-hair-extensions. They don't really say, part of the problem in a movie where by definition no character can get closure) all develop off-screen. Just to give you an example, Logan goes on one mission with the Weapon X guys. ONE! Yes, that's great, show us a team of cool badasses doing morally ambiguous work for the government, then quickly cut away so we can hear an OMG relevant Native American legend. That's great. That's good moviemaking. I don't know why anyone would want to see an entire movie about Logan's beginnings as a killer for the government... oh, wait, THAT'S WHY THEY MADE THE MOVIE?
For a movie that doesn't even top two hours, it's just unbelievably rushed. The movie only really lingers on the action sequences, where Logan and Creed growl and slash at each other, but never seem to damage each others' clothes. I guess Wolverine got his wifebeater made out of adamantium too.
And, for all of you wondering about Emma Frost, you know how in the comics she's a total badass, a really important character, headmistress of the school, leader of Generation X? In the movie, she's a damsel in distress plot device. They literally could've had anyone in her role, from Dazzler to the Ten-Eyed Man, and the only difference would be in the FX.
The really disappointing thing is that this completes the X-Men movies' slide from pop art cinema into generic summer action mediocrity. All the cool pathos and humanity that Bryan Singer brought to the franchise, all the moments where Bobby ices up a warm drink or Logan tells Rogue he'll take care of her, are gone in favor of cheap special effects (the scene where Logan sees his metal claws for the first time looks like something out of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, which was supposed to be cartoony). Being a mutant doesn't mean anything, so Logan might as well be going into space and hanging out with the Shi'ar, because it has about as much relevance to themes of discrimination and minority rights.
Special note should be made of Victor Creed, who makes a great villain because he's a dark mirror of Logan (ooh, how long did that idea take to come up with? *dismissive wanking motion*) except he's weaker, doesn't heal as well, and he doesn't have an adamantium skeleton. That's good, because I really hate it when the heroes aren't as strong as the bad guys and have to work to win. It's not badass. Logan is badass in this movie. He works with his HANDS in a LUMBERJACK CAMP, then he goes home to his LOG CABIN to HAVE SEX with his beautiful LADYFRIEND. Then he puts on a LEATHER JACKET and RIDES A MOTORCYCLE INTO A HELICOPTER EXPLOSION. EXTREEEEEME!!!
I did wonder, going in, how they could ever craft a satisfying movie because by the nature of the story, Logan forgets everything once he gets his adamantium skeleton. So the things that happen in the part before he gets his adamantium won't have anything to do with the things that happen after, and any character development Logan does will have the reset button hit on it. You can play that for tragedy, and they do try a little, but it just comes out as cheap bathos. And they completely cheat anyway, unless I forgot the part in X-Men where Logan said "the first thing I remember is waking up on Three Mile Island. Weird, huh?"
I guess I was kinda hoping that Professor X would have something to do with Logan's amnesia, since they hinted at him knowing more than he was telling in X2, but instead they go in the most plot-holey direction imaginable. How does adamantium manage to break through adamantium? Shouldn't two indestructible objects just bounce off each other? And does Logan still have two holes in his skull and/or two bullets in his brain, because you'd think that would make it hard to walk around and growl witty dialogue about the animal within.
Finally, minus ten for having a character do the tired "I'd kill you, but then I'd be just as bad as you are" to a baddie who then goes on to commit unspeakable atrocities. Just once, I'd like one of these goody two-shoes to be honest and say "I'd kill you, but then I'd be just as smart as you are."
Or "Well, yeah, except for the raping little girls part. And the eating old people part. And the running over little kids with a Hemi. And the part about putting ground glass in cotton candy. In fact, why am I still talking to you?" *BANG BANG BANG*
Also, I know this is a period piece, but could they really not think of a better way to control a brainwashed super-assassin than TYPING COMMANDS LIKE 'DECAPITATE' INTO A DOS INTERFACE?
Even Wolverine is a supporting character in his own movie. And the "pivotal relationships" with Silverfox, Stryker, and Sabretooth (err... Victor Creed. Or yes, actually Sabretooth, just pre-a-lot-of-hair-extensions. They don't really say, part of the problem in a movie where by definition no character can get closure) all develop off-screen. Just to give you an example, Logan goes on one mission with the Weapon X guys. ONE! Yes, that's great, show us a team of cool badasses doing morally ambiguous work for the government, then quickly cut away so we can hear an OMG relevant Native American legend. That's great. That's good moviemaking. I don't know why anyone would want to see an entire movie about Logan's beginnings as a killer for the government... oh, wait, THAT'S WHY THEY MADE THE MOVIE?
For a movie that doesn't even top two hours, it's just unbelievably rushed. The movie only really lingers on the action sequences, where Logan and Creed growl and slash at each other, but never seem to damage each others' clothes. I guess Wolverine got his wifebeater made out of adamantium too.
And, for all of you wondering about Emma Frost, you know how in the comics she's a total badass, a really important character, headmistress of the school, leader of Generation X? In the movie, she's a damsel in distress plot device. They literally could've had anyone in her role, from Dazzler to the Ten-Eyed Man, and the only difference would be in the FX.
The really disappointing thing is that this completes the X-Men movies' slide from pop art cinema into generic summer action mediocrity. All the cool pathos and humanity that Bryan Singer brought to the franchise, all the moments where Bobby ices up a warm drink or Logan tells Rogue he'll take care of her, are gone in favor of cheap special effects (the scene where Logan sees his metal claws for the first time looks like something out of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, which was supposed to be cartoony). Being a mutant doesn't mean anything, so Logan might as well be going into space and hanging out with the Shi'ar, because it has about as much relevance to themes of discrimination and minority rights.
Special note should be made of Victor Creed, who makes a great villain because he's a dark mirror of Logan (ooh, how long did that idea take to come up with? *dismissive wanking motion*) except he's weaker, doesn't heal as well, and he doesn't have an adamantium skeleton. That's good, because I really hate it when the heroes aren't as strong as the bad guys and have to work to win. It's not badass. Logan is badass in this movie. He works with his HANDS in a LUMBERJACK CAMP, then he goes home to his LOG CABIN to HAVE SEX with his beautiful LADYFRIEND. Then he puts on a LEATHER JACKET and RIDES A MOTORCYCLE INTO A HELICOPTER EXPLOSION. EXTREEEEEME!!!
I did wonder, going in, how they could ever craft a satisfying movie because by the nature of the story, Logan forgets everything once he gets his adamantium skeleton. So the things that happen in the part before he gets his adamantium won't have anything to do with the things that happen after, and any character development Logan does will have the reset button hit on it. You can play that for tragedy, and they do try a little, but it just comes out as cheap bathos. And they completely cheat anyway, unless I forgot the part in X-Men where Logan said "the first thing I remember is waking up on Three Mile Island. Weird, huh?"
I guess I was kinda hoping that Professor X would have something to do with Logan's amnesia, since they hinted at him knowing more than he was telling in X2, but instead they go in the most plot-holey direction imaginable. How does adamantium manage to break through adamantium? Shouldn't two indestructible objects just bounce off each other? And does Logan still have two holes in his skull and/or two bullets in his brain, because you'd think that would make it hard to walk around and growl witty dialogue about the animal within.
Finally, minus ten for having a character do the tired "I'd kill you, but then I'd be just as bad as you are" to a baddie who then goes on to commit unspeakable atrocities. Just once, I'd like one of these goody two-shoes to be honest and say "I'd kill you, but then I'd be just as smart as you are."
Or "Well, yeah, except for the raping little girls part. And the eating old people part. And the running over little kids with a Hemi. And the part about putting ground glass in cotton candy. In fact, why am I still talking to you?" *BANG BANG BANG*
Also, I know this is a period piece, but could they really not think of a better way to control a brainwashed super-assassin than TYPING COMMANDS LIKE 'DECAPITATE' INTO A DOS INTERFACE?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-05-03 12:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-03 12:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-03 01:14 am (UTC)Sorry. I'm sorry. (I'm really not. Pain is entertaining.) I lost all faith in the X-movie franchise with X-3. There were perhaps two redeemable scenes in that one, and both of those were due entirely to Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian enjoying they fact that they were getting paid obscenely for this shit. From a start of two genuinely good, smart but accessible superhero movies to this is a sad and concise illustration of how basically any crap churned out will make enough money to make somebody happy.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-03 04:11 am (UTC)And I was so excited at the prospect that the voice Scott was hearing was a time-traveling Jean Grey instead of Uncanny Valley!Xavier...
no subject
Date: 2009-05-03 08:15 am (UTC)And he really didn't behave like someone with over 100 years of life experiance to look back on. He spends most of his time wondering round like a total n00b. The only part of that film I liked unreservedly was the sequence at the beginning with all the wars they'd fought in.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-03 09:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 04:37 am (UTC)What the shit? No, seriously - what the shit? No can has Sabertooth?
♪ I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay. ♪
Sooo...it's bad, then?
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 04:44 am (UTC)Logan: I thought you were dead!
Woman: No! I was alive all along! And I'm working for Stryker!
Logan: No! You never loved me!
Woman: No! Actually I DID love you!
Logan: No! Now you're dead for realzor!
See what I mean about rushed?
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 07:11 pm (UTC)God... I really wanna know what the "jump into my
black vanhelicopter kiddies" scene was all about since I mean... Gambit could have evac'd the kids and actually been useful.... and the instant trust for the creepy old man who seemed to have miraculous timingWTF Xavier, does this mean you knew about the island and what was going down with those kids all along and couldn't be arsed to do a damned thing about it?. Yeaaaaaaaaaaah. But hey there was some Scott/ Emma and damnit I will choose to believe that Emma was mindcontrolling the bitch useless ladyfriend into believing they were sisters so that someone would actively be trying to rescue her and played up the demure a bit to snag onto Cyclop's hero-factor. Additionally she is hiding the secondary mutation of her awesome psychic skills until Xavier reveals where cerebro is then bam time for a coup and X-men first class will become about the development of Emma into the white queen of wicked awesome and her crew of hellions that she will recruit to teach and stuff.no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 04:07 am (UTC)