seriousfic

On Lana Lang (knew we were going to get here, didn’t you?): she’s actually tolerable when she has a narrative function and actual characterization. Although the consistently whispery line readings is annoying. Just say the damn line, would ya?

Wanting to escape being the Homecoming Queen/head cheerleader that everyone loves is a pretty rich bitch girl problem, but at least it’s a problem. The thing is that Clark’s infatuation with her, and the ensuing “star-crossed romance” that is still going to this day, is so easy to see as immature.

He “falls in love” while not even being able to speak to her due to a Kryptonite necklace she wears (which doesn’t give her a freakish mutation because…? Writers? Hello?). He spies on her through a telescope in his barn (which is depicted as cute and romantic, unlike when a freak of the week videotapes her. Videotaping someone, EVIL AND STALKERISH. Watching someone through binoculars, ROMANTIC.), he accidentally uses x-rayvision to check her out in the locker room… basically, his entire relationship with her boils down to “she’s hot.”

So, once Chloe’s love for Clark comes on the scene, it’s all over. Show-killer. Because Chloe’s feelings for Clark are based on friendship and personality and who he actually is. Clark choosing Lana over her is like someone choosing a fold-out of Pamela Anderson over the cute girl who loves playing LEGO Star Wars with him. It just seems shallow.

Also, maybe it’s just me, but Chloe is much hotter than Lana. Lana is “ehh, I wouldn’t kick her out of bed, unless she was eating crackers, is she eating crackers?” Chloe is “Sex? You? Me? CANCEL MY WEEKEND PLANS, TELL THE PRESIDENT HE CAN WAIT!”

I’m still a bit surprised they never ‘went there’ with Clark/Chloe. I know SV has really flailed about, and still is, going from the “Superman as a teenager” show to the “Superman as Superman” show, but how cool would it have been if Clark and Chloe had gotten together, then a rogue plot device forced Chloe to assume the identity/pen name of Lois Lane? You could even wipe her memory of Clark’s secret so there was the classic Clois “trying to figure out who Superman is” plot arc, while Clark tries to find a way around whatever mental block Brainiac or whoever is using on her. Then Davis comes along, willing to be there for Chloe while Clark has to keep her at arm’s length…

See what I mean about potential? Even now, it’s hard to stop thinking about how Smallville could’ve been great sci-fi instead of… Smallville. But to sum up, the most obvious subtext is that Lana is an infatuation, someone who Clark will inevitably see is wrong for him, whereas Chloe is the kind of character you expect the hero to realize he loves in the third reel. Clark staying fixated on Lana is like a visible symptom of his continued immaturity or, more personally, Duckie not getting the girl. We expect him to move on, so when he doesn’t, it gets frustrating fast.

Also, the plot device of "it looks like Clark is going to get somewhere with Lana, BUT OH NOES, he needs to save the day!" was old-hat back in the sixties when Stan Lee used it to keep Peter Parker and the Girl of the Week apart.

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