Smallville 8x19 - Stiletto
Apr. 24th, 2009 02:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficIn which I try to be open-minded and not hate it so much.
Before we get into this, it's important to realize there are almost two Lois Lanes. The pre-Crisis Lois we know best from those Superdickery covers, always with a crazy scheme to uncover Superman's identity and marry him, while he humiliated her. It was either the most dysfunctional "romance" of all time or a very elaborate public S&M game.
Then the post-Crisis Lois got rid of that not-at-all-aging-gracefully obsession on Lois's part and turned Lois into a tough-as-nails reporter who always got her scoop... then she met Superman. This is the Lois that most other media takes their cue from, so even though a lot of people are familiar with the pillbox-hatted Lois, she's firmly in the category of Batman and Robin calling each other "old chum" and disguising themselves as bride and groom.
There's also the Smallville Lois Lane, who was a complete embarrassment until Superman sneezed and gave her Chloe's plot arc. That is how Smallville rolls.
So the premise of this episode is that Lois hasn't gotten a big scoop in a while, so she decides to create a fake superhero identity and use it to A. Get close to the Red-Blue Blur (JUST FUCKING CALL HIM SUPERMAN) and B. Get a front page story interviewing herself.
A is okay.
B is emphatically not.
Because this is LOIS LANE. The General's daughter. Superman's wife. Pulitzer Prize winner, Intergang exposer, Lex basher. SHE DOES NOT TAKE CAREER ADVICE FROM JAYSON BLAIRE. This is like Superman casually ripping Parasite's heart out. NO.
But the other characters did point out that she was full of FAIL and she did learn her lesson, somewhat (although I missed Chloe really ripping into her, as she deserved because MAKING UP A STORY. NO.). And it was fun. For a minute there, it kinda felt like I'd walked into an alternate universe where Birds Of Prey had run for six seasons and SV was doing an affectionate riff on its sister show. Because Lois setting up a fan for her dramatic photos? An all-leather, high-heeled uniform that bites her in the ass? A really poor attempt to disguise her voice when talking to Clark? Funny.
So while it doesn't make up for the insane amounts of character assassination going on here, when combined with my vast antipathy for my show, it just manages to skate by. Congrats, show, on not sucking just enough to be entertaining.
And they did the by-now rote mention of fandom with some minor "teehee!" mention of online fans shipping Red-Blue Blur/Stiletto. Oh, as if there were any universe in which there wouldn't be five hundred people jumping down Stiletto's throat for getting between Superman... fuck it, we're going with that... and Green Arrow. IDK, I feel like a show acknowledging "hey, funny people online writing stories" has become so ubiquitous that you have to do something special with it. At least Supernatural used it to get a shot in at their batshit fandom, WHICH WILL NEVER STOP BEING FUNNY, BECAUSE EVEN SUPERNATURAL THINKS IT'S FANDOM IS BATSHIT. But, god, learn the difference between a reference and a joke. You don't want to be Family Guy, do you? No, mentioning Family Ties is not inherently funny. See?
Now enough of that boring stuff. Onto the Chloe/Davis!
Okay, so Davis wasn't in this episode (boo!) and yet Jimmy was (boooo!)? DOES NOT COMPUTE. It's almost like they think someone cares about Jimmy or something. Oh, he has a death wish and is addicted to drugs. How intriguing. I'm very invested in his pain. DAVIS TURNS INTO A MONSTER AND KILLS PEOPLE BECAUSE HE'S A SPACE ALIEN. Can we please send Jimmy to the farm of useless characters with Kara and Pete yet? He can chase rabbits and run around and all sorts of fun stuff!
But then Chloe got threatened by a thug and I was like "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Davis saved her?" Because there is NO POINT in having a dangerous yet lovable part-time monster in your basement if he doesn't occasionally save you from random thugs. Even Twilight got that right. So for a while I was worried that Clark was going to save her or he was just going to go away, but then? KILLINATION. Yeah, Davis, you work that power of serial killing. Don't pretend you didn't squee.
Don't give me that look. If you have a problem with heroes accidentally killing people (yes, turning into a giant monster counts as an accident), then brother you are watching the wrong show. At least Davis owns his "man, a lot of people end up dead because of me".
HEFTY BAGS. YES. Although if Chloe takes out the trash and cooks the meals, what does Davis do? Possibly eating the occasional scumbag does not count. Head!canon says he spends all day cleaning so that when Chloe gets home she has a clean house, fresh laundry, and a dry martini to greet her. "Oh Davis," she might be heard to say, "it's times like this that make the corpse disposal all worth it. And the fucking."
Yes, Chloe, there is blood on your hands. There is also Clark-but-BETTAH in your basement. PRIORITIES. And next week, MAKE-OUT PARTY! I demand Legend of the Seeker or better fanservice. Possibly Clark and/or Jimmy walking by and being like "NOOOOOOOOOO!" I will accept cuddling and naked-sheet-wrappery. I will accept Chloe and Davis all sprawled out and sweaty and making smutty jokes and eyebrow porn because THERE WAS SEX.
You owe me Smallville. Don't think I've forgotten the time you implied Jimmy was into bondage. I can never forget...
Before we get into this, it's important to realize there are almost two Lois Lanes. The pre-Crisis Lois we know best from those Superdickery covers, always with a crazy scheme to uncover Superman's identity and marry him, while he humiliated her. It was either the most dysfunctional "romance" of all time or a very elaborate public S&M game.
Then the post-Crisis Lois got rid of that not-at-all-aging-gracefully obsession on Lois's part and turned Lois into a tough-as-nails reporter who always got her scoop... then she met Superman. This is the Lois that most other media takes their cue from, so even though a lot of people are familiar with the pillbox-hatted Lois, she's firmly in the category of Batman and Robin calling each other "old chum" and disguising themselves as bride and groom.
There's also the Smallville Lois Lane, who was a complete embarrassment until Superman sneezed and gave her Chloe's plot arc. That is how Smallville rolls.
So the premise of this episode is that Lois hasn't gotten a big scoop in a while, so she decides to create a fake superhero identity and use it to A. Get close to the Red-Blue Blur (JUST FUCKING CALL HIM SUPERMAN) and B. Get a front page story interviewing herself.
A is okay.
B is emphatically not.
Because this is LOIS LANE. The General's daughter. Superman's wife. Pulitzer Prize winner, Intergang exposer, Lex basher. SHE DOES NOT TAKE CAREER ADVICE FROM JAYSON BLAIRE. This is like Superman casually ripping Parasite's heart out. NO.
But the other characters did point out that she was full of FAIL and she did learn her lesson, somewhat (although I missed Chloe really ripping into her, as she deserved because MAKING UP A STORY. NO.). And it was fun. For a minute there, it kinda felt like I'd walked into an alternate universe where Birds Of Prey had run for six seasons and SV was doing an affectionate riff on its sister show. Because Lois setting up a fan for her dramatic photos? An all-leather, high-heeled uniform that bites her in the ass? A really poor attempt to disguise her voice when talking to Clark? Funny.
So while it doesn't make up for the insane amounts of character assassination going on here, when combined with my vast antipathy for my show, it just manages to skate by. Congrats, show, on not sucking just enough to be entertaining.
And they did the by-now rote mention of fandom with some minor "teehee!" mention of online fans shipping Red-Blue Blur/Stiletto. Oh, as if there were any universe in which there wouldn't be five hundred people jumping down Stiletto's throat for getting between Superman... fuck it, we're going with that... and Green Arrow. IDK, I feel like a show acknowledging "hey, funny people online writing stories" has become so ubiquitous that you have to do something special with it. At least Supernatural used it to get a shot in at their batshit fandom, WHICH WILL NEVER STOP BEING FUNNY, BECAUSE EVEN SUPERNATURAL THINKS IT'S FANDOM IS BATSHIT. But, god, learn the difference between a reference and a joke. You don't want to be Family Guy, do you? No, mentioning Family Ties is not inherently funny. See?
Now enough of that boring stuff. Onto the Chloe/Davis!
Okay, so Davis wasn't in this episode (boo!) and yet Jimmy was (boooo!)? DOES NOT COMPUTE. It's almost like they think someone cares about Jimmy or something. Oh, he has a death wish and is addicted to drugs. How intriguing. I'm very invested in his pain. DAVIS TURNS INTO A MONSTER AND KILLS PEOPLE BECAUSE HE'S A SPACE ALIEN. Can we please send Jimmy to the farm of useless characters with Kara and Pete yet? He can chase rabbits and run around and all sorts of fun stuff!
But then Chloe got threatened by a thug and I was like "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Davis saved her?" Because there is NO POINT in having a dangerous yet lovable part-time monster in your basement if he doesn't occasionally save you from random thugs. Even Twilight got that right. So for a while I was worried that Clark was going to save her or he was just going to go away, but then? KILLINATION. Yeah, Davis, you work that power of serial killing. Don't pretend you didn't squee.
Don't give me that look. If you have a problem with heroes accidentally killing people (yes, turning into a giant monster counts as an accident), then brother you are watching the wrong show. At least Davis owns his "man, a lot of people end up dead because of me".
HEFTY BAGS. YES. Although if Chloe takes out the trash and cooks the meals, what does Davis do? Possibly eating the occasional scumbag does not count. Head!canon says he spends all day cleaning so that when Chloe gets home she has a clean house, fresh laundry, and a dry martini to greet her. "Oh Davis," she might be heard to say, "it's times like this that make the corpse disposal all worth it. And the fucking."
Yes, Chloe, there is blood on your hands. There is also Clark-but-BETTAH in your basement. PRIORITIES. And next week, MAKE-OUT PARTY! I demand Legend of the Seeker or better fanservice. Possibly Clark and/or Jimmy walking by and being like "NOOOOOOOOOO!" I will accept cuddling and naked-sheet-wrappery. I will accept Chloe and Davis all sprawled out and sweaty and making smutty jokes and eyebrow porn because THERE WAS SEX.
You owe me Smallville. Don't think I've forgotten the time you implied Jimmy was into bondage. I can never forget...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 02:51 pm (UTC)YES. And if it weren't for all the blood and body parts presumably strewn around the basement (which, yeah, Davis had better have cleaned up himself), I'd assume they had crazy, adrenaline-rushy sex up against the wall right after Davis turned back.
Don't think I've forgotten the time you implied Jimmy was into bondage. I can never forget...
Not just you. Pink fuzzy handcuffs. The horror. THE HORROR.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 04:55 pm (UTC)But he killed the thug? Doesn't that count for anything?
I'd assume they had crazy, adrenaline-rushy sex up against the wall right after Davis turned back.
He had to go out of the basement to comfort her. Why else would it take her until the next scene to bandage that cut?
no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 07:27 pm (UTC)Heh. Yeah, that does count for a lot. Maybe not to the point of Chloe tidying up lengths of intestine, ripped-off limbs, and random gobbets of meat, though. Kind of kills the romance of having an alien serial killer boyfriend if you have to do that.
Speaking of tidying up, I can't believe Chloe thought dumping the bits of AJ into the dumpster outside the Talon was a good way to dispose of the body. She really is about thisclose to snapping, which I very much hope she does by means of sexing up Davis. (Might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb, Chloe.) Even though that thing that happened in the "Beast" preview was probably from a dream or something because Smallville just sucks that hard.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 07:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 05:31 pm (UTC)can they be those carnivorous, evil rabbits from Xena, because that would so pone.
morwen_peredhil
Against a wall, damn straight. Besides, Davis *expended that much energy* as to need a cartful of lasagna *with Chloe* what does that tell us?
Damn right I squeed.
Yes, Chloe, there is blood on your hands. There is also Clark-but-BETTAH in your basement. PRIORITIES. And next week, MAKE-OUT PARTY!
yes. that. sometimes I wish they'd give us a true blood(tv) amount of ahh...lovescenage!
no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 06:15 pm (UTC)I think everyone would win with that one. The ladies get Shower-Scene-But-BETTAH, while the menfolk get Allison Mack Attack. But then we'd have to go back to watching Clark and Lois! If only we could have thirty minutes of smoldering gazes and borderline-inappropriate dialogue, followed by ten minutes of UNF. Then in the next episode, Lex comes back and starts a detective agency with Chloe and Davis.
You can have that one for free, Smallville.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 08:14 pm (UTC)Anyway Clark and Lois sheeps eyes and *that*. DO NOT WANT!
but yes, we need thirty minutes of smoldering gazes and borderline-inappropriate dialogue, followed by ten minutes of UNF. maybe multiply that a few times for kicks.
On teeny thought. If Lex came back and started a detective agency with Chloe and Davis(too much win!). What would the show be called? the Lex Luthor and Davis show or v/v? how to decide the credit placement?!
ah, show. if only it grew a braincell in its bipolarity.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 09:16 pm (UTC)I haven't watched this ep yet, but I am so there! Allison Mack's Chloe is really the ONLY reason I'm still watching. I once shipped her with Clark, but dammit she deserves better now. And what does it say that serial-killing alien menace Davis seems like the better man?
Sad.
But yeah--I'll gladly sit through Shower-Scene-But-BETTAH for the Allison Mack Attack.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 06:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 06:58 pm (UTC)Because everyone watching would die from severe attacks of awesome.
Oh man, I wish Davis and Chloe had their own spin off. How badass would that be? They could just go around killing off criminals and then having dirtywrong sex afterward.