seriousfic

Short version: A ~~wizard~~ god did it!

You know, they could've either done this as a talky finale or an action-packed finale in which someone shot Cavil in slow-motion while saying something witty like "Let's see you resurrect now, motherfrakker!" Instead, we got a talky finale in which Cavil went out like a bitch. It's interesting how mixing "we must stop the cycle of violence" with "big violent finale!" results in a watered-down mess of mixed messages. Did I say interesting? I meant predictable.

Was there any real reason they couldn't send a Raptor in to say "Hey guys, how about a trade, Hera for resurrection?" You know, try that before the suicide mission?

For all his Big Bad wannabe posturing, Cavil went out like a bitch.

Even the characters comment on how arbitrary the opera house ended up being!

Even the characters comment on how unbelievable it is that the humans all agree to become agrarian overnight!

Really, Admiral Hoshi and President Romo? I realize we can't leave behind anyone who was in the opening credits, but that was some major bullshit. That's like putting R2-D2 in charge of the Rebel Alliance while Luke and the gang go to rescue Leia.

Tyrol, haven't four years on Galactica taught you to rein in your murderous impulses until later? Store up that hatred, man!

Hey, the Cylons promised to leave humanity alone and depart in peace! That makes the... fifth time?

KARA DISAPPEARED? WTF WTF WTF?

Lee: Kara, how did you end up as a corpse in a Viper? Kara...

Kara: I'm Batman. I can breathe in space. And be a corpse.

A non-explanation that blatant is so incredibly contemptuous of the audience that I'm surprised Mark Millar isn't involved. Oh, just have her have a threesome with Lee and Sam. At least there's some visceral satisfaction there and polygamy should totally be part of the utopian human-cylon society. See, that would be edgy and progressive.

So Adama flies off to spend the rest of his life tending Laura's grave. See, finale, that's just being ridiculously THIS IS THE END! We get it, it's just as much the end if he goes to visit Lee once in a while.

What exactly would have changed if they'd found Not!Earth instead of Real!Earth a half season ago?

Oh, Lee, ever heard that those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it? Not remembering the past counts.

So, we learned that Head!Six and Head!Baltar are really angels (OR ARE THEY?) working for God (or is He?) on a plan to... do... something. Whew, glad we cleared that up.

You know, "two survivors and their names are Adam and Eve and OMG THEY R TEH FIRST HUMANS!" is one of those sci-fi cliches that really needs to die. Right up there with talking a computer to death with emotions and paradoxes. I mean, damn, that's grown fucking whiskers, it has.

Okay, Baltar becoming a farmer did earn a sniffle (which makes sense because it's the one thing that had some continuity before the previous episode). As did Helo being alive. HELO! Damn, they made me work for that one.

So Sam got closure from... that flashback he had last episode. I suppose it's a little more subtle than him saying "You know, I've always wondered what the inside of the sun would look like."

No, really, Kara DISAPPEARS? What the... you know, if you're going to make God a main character, why not just have Him bring Billy and Gaeta and Gina and Cain back to life so everyone can have a fun slumber party? I mean, seriously now, put the deus back in the ex machina.

So, we never did figure out what blew up the Cylon colony on Earth? I would really like to know how humanity managed that. I mean, we're good, but we're not that good.

And Tyrol becomes a hermit, reaching closure on the plot thread we started way back in... last episode. Seriously, didn't he have a kid? I could've sworn he had a kid. Can his ending include not being a deadbeat dad, please?

I guess when everyone said humans and Cylons needed to become a single race, the Centurions weren't invited. I'M SO RONERY...

I didn't like this the first time I saw it. When it was called The Matrix Revolutions. GOOD DAY, SIR!

Not having plot bunnies about Tyrol acquiring a Head!Boomer. Stop asking.

So the mysterious one hour of Adama's time turned out to be... a job interview. That was worthwhile.

As did it turning out that Roslin approves of her MILF status.

As did Kara turning out to be a bird that flew out of Lee's apartment that one time. To represent her DISAPPEARING.

DISAPPEARING!!!

ETA:

Isn't it an amazing coincidence that after millenia of Sumerian gods and Babylonian gods and whatnot, a bunch of people just happened to think Zeus and Hera and Athena would be good names for some gods? Because that's an amazing coincidence. As is today's fashion turning out to be exactly like it was 150,000 years ago. As is our language turning out exactly the same, only with frak instead of fuck. But, wait, our paper has corners. I guess it's totally believable.

And man, did Baltar's cult ever turn out to be a waste of time. You know, they could've used that to set up the agrarian ideal that the fleet went for, which would've been more believable, maybe even had some irony in Baltar using his hated background as a farmer to appeal to the common folk of the fleet, but no, it's just a dangling plotline that only served as an excuse for Gaius to be on screen.