The Invisible Man rolls over and says "I don't know, but my ass hurts like hell."

So Wonder Woman and Superman are a couple now. For some reason.

I guess the first question is... why? Does anyone even ship that? I know there are some dudebros who talk about how "Wonder Woman is the only chick strong enough to take Superman's super-load!", but c'mon, they're not actually going to buy a comic. It's like deciding to write Aquaman as a gay character because every internet comment section has one guy going "Aquaman talks to fish, so gay!"

Like, I know Batman/Wonder Woman is a thing. I'd argue it's probably bad for the characters, but fuck it, worse things have happened. And I could see it happening in terms of synergy. Justice League movie comes out, Batman is a swinging single thanks to the reboot, he and Wondy have chemistry, they go on a date in a solo movie, it'd fly.

Meanwhile, you have an Academy-Award-nominated actress playing Lois in the Superman movie coming out next year. You know there's going to be a love story. And DC Comics knows women--they need more birth control pills the more they have sex and they'll probably leave the theater wanting more of that Clark/Lois lovey-dovey stuff. So they go to the comic store. They hear there's been a reboot lately, Superman has started from scratch, so they pick up the TPB with a big one on it. No Clois. They pick up the next one. No Clois. They pick up the next one. Superman fucks Wonder Woman. Well, no Clois happening, better go sew something, since they're ladies. Well done, DC Comics, you've created a love story that doesn't appeal to women. Which is good if you're writing for gay men, but c'mon, the bathroom of the Republican National Convention has done more to appeal to gay men than DC Comics.

This kinda speaks to me of the problem of half-assing reboots (not the bathroom of the Republican National Convention, Clark/Diana). I think The Amazing Spider-Man benefited, at least a little, from having the Raimi movies end on a final pleasing note. So with the Peter/Gwen relationship, there's no implication that he's stepping out on Mary Jane, and they're free to tell a story about disregarding the dying wishes of a police officer who was killed in the line of duty for snuggles. Now if they'd done a soft reboot, like the DC Universe has done, and just said "Oh, I know we spent three movies in love, but me and MJ broke up off-screen," people would be against it from the get-go.

I really do think that if "New Earth" had ended with Superman and Lois riding off into the sunset, and then made it clear that they were resetting things to tell a new, separate story, people would be greeting this Clark/Diana news as an interesting exploration of the characters instead of going "Wait, Clark and Lois still aren't getting back together?" No one cares that Clark Kent wasn't initially dating Lois in Smallville, or that Peter Parker wasn't married to Mary Jane in Ultimate Spider-Man, because those weren't positioned as continuations of the story, they were seen as brand-new stories.

But by saying "This is the same DC Universe you know and love, only better!" you're inviting comparisons between what came before and what's being done now. So when Mr. Freeze is a creepy stalker instead of a tragic figure, people don't see it as an interesting new take on the character, they see it as a downgrade.

I think ending the DC Universe and then restarting it could've been the story of a lifetime. It'd been done before. Whatever Happened To The Man of Tomorrow, The Dark Knight Rises, The Dark Knight Returns, they all put a big 'The End' on the character while clearing the way for new stories to be told with the characters. So it sucks that the biggest DC Comics event of our time was done to save Dan Didio's job.

Also, why is Wonder Woman wearing heels in the picture? Is the Amazon not tall enough?