Glee superhero AU: Under peaceful conditions, the warlike attack themselves (Rachel/Quinn)

Title: Under peaceful conditions, the warlike attack themselves
Fandom: Glee
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,583
Characters/Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Santana/Brittany
Previous: Part 5
Summary: Fight! Fight! Fight!

( Yeah, I know, we're all monsters on the inside, yadda yadda, let's just skip ahead to the part where I win. Although if you insist, we can pause at beating the hell out of each other. )

Momma and Poppa would be proud

I will say this for Elementary. It's living up to its forebears in fandom. The show HASN'T EVEN COME OUT YET and already Lucy Liu is causing more wanking than that time she kissed Calista Flockhart. On this very f-list, I've seen support, disapproval, and someone saying that fem!Watson should be played by a white woman. No, they gave examples of preferred casting that just happened to be white women, but still, chaos. This whole project is what the Joker would do if he wanted to reduce fandom to anarchy. "An Americanized Sherlock! Sherlock is played by one of Benedict Cumberbatch's recent co-stars! Watson is an Asian woman! Watson is now a disgraced surgeon! Wanna know how I got these scars?"

It's almost enough to make you forget that it's CBS and thus the end result will be so beige that five minutes into the pilot we'll forget why we were so offended in the first place. Not because it's good, but because it'll be so forgettable.

On the bright side, this paves the way for my book where Sherlock is a French woman and Watson is a female New York homicide detective. It'll be like Rizzoli & Isles, but on purpose. You know what I'm talking about.

HUBRISSSSSSSS!

So I'm sure you've all seen the Prometheus promo video in which Guy Pearce plays Peter Weyland, who will presumably go on to found Weyland-Yutani, the O.G. Evil Mega-Corporation. So I'm wondering, is Alien Vs. Predator, and Lance Henriksen's Charles Bishop Weyland, still in continuity? Because the chronology works out for them to be father and son, uncle and nephew, whatever. Forget this "origins of mankind" bull, I wanna movie about those two.

Fighting crime.

Charles Weyland: We got you, Mendoza. When that hooker testifies against you, you'll be going away for a long time.

Peter Weyland: We are the gods now.

HUBRISSSSSSSS! Part 2

Alternately, I would like to see Peter Weyland, John Hammond from Jurassic Park, and Walter White from Breaking Bad in a sitcom of three hubriseteers trying to make it big and spit in God's eye.

Hammond: We should start a lemonade stand. Children would love a lemonade stand! Some nice cool drinks on a hot day--

Weyland: Once, primitive man waited for God to part the skies and let down the rain. If He did not, they starved. Now, crisp, cool refreshment awaits all for merely a few dollars. We are the gods now.

Walter: A MAN GOES UP TO A LEMONADE STAND AND GETS A COOL BEVERAGE AND YOU THINK OF ME? NO. I AM THE ONE WHO MAKES THE LEMONADE.

And each week, their crazy neighbor Jesus wrecks their schemes. "Guys, come on, your lemonade stand was never going to last ten thousand years."

I'm getting in my decade's allotment of talking about Lucy Liu

Can we please never, under pain of torture, NEVER make the argument that Watson can't be a woman because it "goes against the spirit of Arthur Conan Doyle"? Because I'm going to give it to you straight-up. They already made a Sherlock Holmes TV show that was perfectly faithful and accurate to the source material. Jeremy Brett was in it.


Yes. This is exactly how they looked. Go home everyone.

And it was awesome. But they pretty much did the whole thing. You know how people say that we don't need another Superman movie because the Christopher Reeve Superman was so good? They're wrong--we never really got a Clark/Lois HEA/relationship, or the Fourth World, or the post-Crisis Luthor, etc etc, pick your poison. There's room to redo it. But Sherlock Holmes--they filmed all the stories with a guy who's perfect for the part. They actually filmed it in Britain, back when everything still looked the same as it did in Sherlock Holmes's time period.

So, this isn't a bug, this is a feature. The only reason to do anything with Sherlock Holmes is to take the near-universal concept and toy with it. You can set it in modern times, play up the bromance--but drawing a line at incorporating a woman into things is pretty much sexist on the face, unless you're going to decry the other Sherlock Holmes cinema for including texting and drag queens.


As intended by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Oh God, Justified

Can we go on with the Big Bads making alliances for ten more episodes?

Boyd: Well. Bobby from Supernatural. I do believe you could be a trusted ally.

Quarles: Winona's ex-husband. Excellent. Welcome to the team.

Boyd: Kanye West. Good to have you.

Quarles: Ellen Ripley. Welcome aboard.

Boyd: Luke Cage. Fantastic.

Quarles: The MegaZord. Excellent.

Boyd: Every character played by Leonardo Dicaprio!

Quarles: Every dead wife of every character played by Leonardo Dicaprio!