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Oct. 22nd, 2010
So we start off with Ollie talking with his publicist (Deputy Jo!), who is discussing an upcoming social event where Ollie will drop in through a skylight in costume before a group of "Green Arrow Girls" dance. "Isn't that a little like Iron Man 2?" Ollie asks. Apparently, comparing himself to JFK did the trick, because Ollie is now beloved (!) by the city of Metropolis. He's opening a museum exhibit on Isis and her eternal love for Osiris, because he misses Chloe so much. Hey, what if that whole Dr. Fate/spy trade/faked death thing was just an elaborate way of dumping him? Admit it, Ollie seems like the clingy type.
Tess shows by to snark at Ollie some -- does she have a job, even? -- and hears Deputy Jo tell Ollie that an amulet has been stolen. But Jo isn't too worried, because the amulet is cursed so that whoever possesses it will spend eternity in hell. I'm sure the insurance companies will love to hear that.
Cut to Lois putting on a hoochie-mama outfit. She later says it's for the Egyptian exhibit opening, which is "themed." Yes, I'm sure all the VIPs and celebrities will be looking like assholes in Egyptian drag. The first step is admitting you have a problem, Lois. Lois practices telling Clark that he's the Blur until she's playing out a dialogue between herself and "Clark." Not mopey enough, Lois. Try getting angry and shouty, that'll nail it. We then see that she has the Isis amulet inside her purse.
So... who stole the amulet? Why did they give it to Lois? Or did Lois steal it in Egypt? If so, why? And how did she get it back to America? Don't the authorities check for this kind of thing? I guess the implication is that while she was with Carter Hall, she accidentally lifted it and just hasn't noticed until now. Yeah. Right. So, great job setting up the premise of your episode, writers.
Theme music, and at the Daily Planet Clark and Lois really like each other, but blah blah. Cat Grant shows up and Lois acts like a complete bitch to her for some reason. Clois go up to the roof to talk about their feelings, and Lois accidentally manages to activate the amulet and get herself possessed. What is this, the tenth time? Lois's body is officially a timeshare now. Fortunately, Isis!Lois is pretty HBIC, and completely shoots down Clark. Always fun. Then she flies off. Clark, your girlfriend has flown before you have.
So, an Egyptian goddess just possessed a lady. Did anyone stop to think about the theological implications of this? Either the Goa'ld are real or the Egyptians got it right. We'd better stop with this Jesus bullshit.
But skipping over that, in Smallville continuity, Isis's soul was imprisoned in the amulet by Set to stop her from putting together her husband, Osiris, of 'eternal love' fame. She managed to get his body back together, but his heart is still missing. And since Osiris became king of the underworld after Set ripped him apart, if Isis does resurrect him, it'll bring about "Hell on Earth." Because the Egyptian afterlife is totally identical to the Christian hell. Actually, according to Egyptian mythology, bad people would have their hearts eaten by a crocodile-god and just cease existing, so if the Egyptian afterlife did merge with the land of the living, we'd just have an influx of cool people. So, y'know, thanks for stopping Marilyn Monroe and Nicola Tesla from being resurrected, Clark.
Oh, and in actual mythology, there was no amulet, Isis did put Osiris back together, and it wasn't his heart that was missing, it was his cock. If the episode had used that, I would've had a lot more fun watching it... so let's just use our imagination on that one, for the sake of dirty jokes.
Ahem... even being possessed by an Egyptian goddess doesn't stop Lois from chasing cock.
Thank you and good night, ladies and gentlemen!
So since Carter Hall is unavailable for some reason... probably Apophis again, that guy never quits... Clark and Ollie turn to Tess for help. She has access to a database Lex put together on... Egyptian artifacts? Yeah, let's go with that. Ignoring Ollie being a little bitch about it, she figures out how to stop Isis.
Meanwhile, Cat Grant was snooping around the museum (how many reporters in real life practice this much breaking and entering?) when Isis broke in to get her junk... or should I say Osiris's junk... so now she thinks Isis is Lois is the Blur. Oh, Cat, believing the simplest explanation is the most likely, on this show? She almost got a picture, but Clark supersped her to a cafe to save her from Isis, losing Lois in the process. Maybe he could've just dumped her outside the room and still had time to confront Isis? Also, Isis!Lois knocked a guard across the room, so even with Tess covering for Lois, hope Cat doesn't ask that guy any questions.
With Osiris's cock in hand... sorry, his heart, Isis goes to get his body, but finds that it's decomposed, so she decides to put Orisis's cock in Clark... his heart, I meant to say his heart. It's evil, and it's whitewashing when you think about it. But with some help from Ollie, Clark is able to break the curse and save Lois.
Cat also gets the best line of the episode (not saying much in a show that used "low-tech laptop" twice, I know. Alliteration is the lowest form of wit, Smallville. Yes, I thought it was puns too). Seeing Isis enacting a "satanic ritual" with Clark tied to an altar, she mutters "I'll never understand liberals." So I guess Cat's a conservative. Which explains why she hates vigilantes, because if there's anyone who would hate a bunch of regular citizens doing things for themselves instead of letting the government handle it, it'd be a Republican.
By the way, the theme this episode, since Clark is thinking of telling Lois his secret, is risking shit for love. In typical Smallville fashion, this means everyone has long drawn-out chats about risking shit for love. Remember, the only subtext on Smallville is what Lois wants to do to hot women. Of course, there is no risk for Clark in telling Lois. He went to the future. He knows everything will work out and that she's trustworthy. He doesn't have to put any faith in her whatsoever. So relationship-fail on that one. Wouldn't it be a little dramatic if she was angry at him for lying to her, or if he saw a future where it was disastrous to tell her his secret and he decided to try to make it work anyway? Forget it, Jake, it's Smallville. Clark tells her and they get to be happy for five seconds until the next angst-bomb drops.
Oh, and in an actually involving storyline, Clark comes to trust Tess and decides to give her the keys to Watchtower. Of course, she didn't do all that much to prove herself (I think even Hitler would say no to hell on Earth) and she probably still has that ends-justify-the-means philosophy, so I wish this episode had been more focused on Tess's redemption rather than Cat Grant's schtick or Clois's bullshit drama. But anyway, Tess actually speeds off to privacy and breaks down into tears at being accepted by Clark. Okay, okay... AWW. I'm here if you need a hug, Tess. Then she goes home and decides to commit herself to the rapidly-aging Lex clone, reading to him from Peter Pan. Double AWW. Can he be Kon-El? Although their's is an interesting and psychologically complex relationship on this show, so you know one of them is going to turn out to be pure evil sooner or later.
On a positive note, I did like the scenes of Clark, Ollie, and Tess working together to save the day instead of indulging in cheap soap opera antics. It's the kind of thing I wish the show would do more of. Buffy had tons of scenes where everyone was getting along to fight the bad guy, and it was still plenty dramatic. Less is more, Smallville. Even if people aren't grousing about their angst every minute of every day, we can still feel bad for them.
Also, if fucking Isis gets an episode during the Darkseid season and Big Barda(/Scott Free!) doesn't, I will cut a bitch. I will cut all the bitches.
Tess shows by to snark at Ollie some -- does she have a job, even? -- and hears Deputy Jo tell Ollie that an amulet has been stolen. But Jo isn't too worried, because the amulet is cursed so that whoever possesses it will spend eternity in hell. I'm sure the insurance companies will love to hear that.
Cut to Lois putting on a hoochie-mama outfit. She later says it's for the Egyptian exhibit opening, which is "themed." Yes, I'm sure all the VIPs and celebrities will be looking like assholes in Egyptian drag. The first step is admitting you have a problem, Lois. Lois practices telling Clark that he's the Blur until she's playing out a dialogue between herself and "Clark." Not mopey enough, Lois. Try getting angry and shouty, that'll nail it. We then see that she has the Isis amulet inside her purse.
So... who stole the amulet? Why did they give it to Lois? Or did Lois steal it in Egypt? If so, why? And how did she get it back to America? Don't the authorities check for this kind of thing? I guess the implication is that while she was with Carter Hall, she accidentally lifted it and just hasn't noticed until now. Yeah. Right. So, great job setting up the premise of your episode, writers.
Theme music, and at the Daily Planet Clark and Lois really like each other, but blah blah. Cat Grant shows up and Lois acts like a complete bitch to her for some reason. Clois go up to the roof to talk about their feelings, and Lois accidentally manages to activate the amulet and get herself possessed. What is this, the tenth time? Lois's body is officially a timeshare now. Fortunately, Isis!Lois is pretty HBIC, and completely shoots down Clark. Always fun. Then she flies off. Clark, your girlfriend has flown before you have.
So, an Egyptian goddess just possessed a lady. Did anyone stop to think about the theological implications of this? Either the Goa'ld are real or the Egyptians got it right. We'd better stop with this Jesus bullshit.
But skipping over that, in Smallville continuity, Isis's soul was imprisoned in the amulet by Set to stop her from putting together her husband, Osiris, of 'eternal love' fame. She managed to get his body back together, but his heart is still missing. And since Osiris became king of the underworld after Set ripped him apart, if Isis does resurrect him, it'll bring about "Hell on Earth." Because the Egyptian afterlife is totally identical to the Christian hell. Actually, according to Egyptian mythology, bad people would have their hearts eaten by a crocodile-god and just cease existing, so if the Egyptian afterlife did merge with the land of the living, we'd just have an influx of cool people. So, y'know, thanks for stopping Marilyn Monroe and Nicola Tesla from being resurrected, Clark.
Oh, and in actual mythology, there was no amulet, Isis did put Osiris back together, and it wasn't his heart that was missing, it was his cock. If the episode had used that, I would've had a lot more fun watching it... so let's just use our imagination on that one, for the sake of dirty jokes.
Ahem... even being possessed by an Egyptian goddess doesn't stop Lois from chasing cock.
Thank you and good night, ladies and gentlemen!
So since Carter Hall is unavailable for some reason... probably Apophis again, that guy never quits... Clark and Ollie turn to Tess for help. She has access to a database Lex put together on... Egyptian artifacts? Yeah, let's go with that. Ignoring Ollie being a little bitch about it, she figures out how to stop Isis.
Meanwhile, Cat Grant was snooping around the museum (how many reporters in real life practice this much breaking and entering?) when Isis broke in to get her junk... or should I say Osiris's junk... so now she thinks Isis is Lois is the Blur. Oh, Cat, believing the simplest explanation is the most likely, on this show? She almost got a picture, but Clark supersped her to a cafe to save her from Isis, losing Lois in the process. Maybe he could've just dumped her outside the room and still had time to confront Isis? Also, Isis!Lois knocked a guard across the room, so even with Tess covering for Lois, hope Cat doesn't ask that guy any questions.
With Osiris's cock in hand... sorry, his heart, Isis goes to get his body, but finds that it's decomposed, so she decides to put Orisis's cock in Clark... his heart, I meant to say his heart. It's evil, and it's whitewashing when you think about it. But with some help from Ollie, Clark is able to break the curse and save Lois.
Cat also gets the best line of the episode (not saying much in a show that used "low-tech laptop" twice, I know. Alliteration is the lowest form of wit, Smallville. Yes, I thought it was puns too). Seeing Isis enacting a "satanic ritual" with Clark tied to an altar, she mutters "I'll never understand liberals." So I guess Cat's a conservative. Which explains why she hates vigilantes, because if there's anyone who would hate a bunch of regular citizens doing things for themselves instead of letting the government handle it, it'd be a Republican.
By the way, the theme this episode, since Clark is thinking of telling Lois his secret, is risking shit for love. In typical Smallville fashion, this means everyone has long drawn-out chats about risking shit for love. Remember, the only subtext on Smallville is what Lois wants to do to hot women. Of course, there is no risk for Clark in telling Lois. He went to the future. He knows everything will work out and that she's trustworthy. He doesn't have to put any faith in her whatsoever. So relationship-fail on that one. Wouldn't it be a little dramatic if she was angry at him for lying to her, or if he saw a future where it was disastrous to tell her his secret and he decided to try to make it work anyway? Forget it, Jake, it's Smallville. Clark tells her and they get to be happy for five seconds until the next angst-bomb drops.
Oh, and in an actually involving storyline, Clark comes to trust Tess and decides to give her the keys to Watchtower. Of course, she didn't do all that much to prove herself (I think even Hitler would say no to hell on Earth) and she probably still has that ends-justify-the-means philosophy, so I wish this episode had been more focused on Tess's redemption rather than Cat Grant's schtick or Clois's bullshit drama. But anyway, Tess actually speeds off to privacy and breaks down into tears at being accepted by Clark. Okay, okay... AWW. I'm here if you need a hug, Tess. Then she goes home and decides to commit herself to the rapidly-aging Lex clone, reading to him from Peter Pan. Double AWW. Can he be Kon-El? Although their's is an interesting and psychologically complex relationship on this show, so you know one of them is going to turn out to be pure evil sooner or later.
On a positive note, I did like the scenes of Clark, Ollie, and Tess working together to save the day instead of indulging in cheap soap opera antics. It's the kind of thing I wish the show would do more of. Buffy had tons of scenes where everyone was getting along to fight the bad guy, and it was still plenty dramatic. Less is more, Smallville. Even if people aren't grousing about their angst every minute of every day, we can still feel bad for them.
Also, if fucking Isis gets an episode during the Darkseid season and Big Barda(/Scott Free!) doesn't, I will cut a bitch. I will cut all the bitches.