Glee

Does anyone else have a hard time getting this show? On the one hand, it has some of the best dialogue on TV and the musical numbers aren't bad (I'm a writer, what were you expecting?). On the other hand... you know the old joke that Hollywood would make a movie that's just "Macbeth in space" or "Die Hard in a museum"? The joke being that just because you change the setting, you're not being creative.

Well, Glee is basically Hamlet 2 with singing and Jane Lynch. Yes, it is. It is. You know it is. Which, okay, similar premises, that happens sometimes. Then just this week came along. The ol' Nip/Tuck Julie/Christian/Sean triangle with singing and Jane Lynch (alright, that is pretty cool), and the dialogue wasn't half as clever (it's like we're supposed to care if Teen Liberace finds acceptance), AND they played a Beyonce song four times. Which is three times more than one, in case you were keeping track. And did we really need TWO selfish bitches who we can root for our heroes to cheat on?

Look, Ryan Murphy, this kind of generically transplantable storytelling and shameless lack of creativity is only acceptable in police procedurals, and even then, only when you have a character actor behaving eccentrically. Also, it's kinda weird to vilify a teenage girl for not putting out. Just, you know... weird.

Why I will not be attending any family reunions over the next 20 years.

So I have a medium Double Dave's pizza in the fridge. It is basically the God of pizzas, or at least an angel of pizzas (God would probably be a Big Dave's Buffalo Chicken Pizza with a side of pepperoni rolls). I leave it in overnight, clearly marked as mine by two post-its (one on the inside, to cleverly say "You didn't read the first one, did ya, you tubby commie?"). When I wake up, it's half gone. So I take some to work for lunch, leaving three pieces, and when I get back? One piece left.

My dad is, of course, outraged. After all, I did use the word "bastards" to describe the person or persons responsible for Grand Theft Pizza. He's not used to such salty language. He used to be in the Army.