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Not counting the line "Your father was the milk of my organization... but I've learned that even milk goes sour!"
1. After a pointless shot of the Golden Gate Bridge, and to a downright hateful voiceover, we recap Chun-Li growing up being taught kung-fu and piano-playing by her father, until the evil Bison arrives to kidnap Chun-Dad and call Chun-Li a schoolgirl, which is so clever it gets reiterated a million times. And does Chun-Li have a significant necklace that serves as a physical reminder of her love for her father? Of course she does.
2. Chun-Dad at one point sets his hand on fire to fight. That seems counterintuitive.
3. Balrog, played by Michael Clark Duncan, has dialogue that’s 99% evil laughter. At least someone’s having a good time. He also seems to spend an inordinate amount of time relaying messages to his boss. Bison, dude, hire a secretary, don’t have your Scary Black Man do that.
4. Bison (Neal McDonough, best known as the first openly-but-not-really gay character on Star Trek) has the most effeminate accent imaginable. He sounds like a cross between John Travolta playing a Psychlo and what you’d get if Malcolm McDowell were told to play Nelson C. Reilly.
5. After her father’s kidnapping, Chun-Lana grows up to be a concert pianist playing to an audience of lazily-composited green screens. Her dad grows up to be used by Bison for his “connections” in exchange for his daughter’s safety. Considering he’s been held long enough for a little girl to become a concert pianist, those are some long-lasting connections. Doesn’t anyone tell him “screw off, you’ve been declared dead for ten years!”
6. She sees a man getting beaten up on the subway and is the only one to help him in any way. His conspicuous tattoo gets both a Significant Close-Up and a flashback later on. Wouldn’t want all the Ritalin poppers in the audience to forget.
7. Chun-Lana gets one of those ancient scrolls that looks like it might come with an expensive DVD boxset. She has it translated and thought you might think it has some bearing on her decision to live on the streets of Bangkok, I think a late-night viewing of Batman Begins is more likely.
8. Kreuk’s voiceover is the worst of its kind since Harrison Ford’s in Blade Runner. It's firmly of the "tell people what they're seeing happening" school, when it's not mentioning character development they didn't bother to actually put in the script.
9. Needless to say, Chun-Lana is a Super Humanitarian in addition to be a Super Pianist and a Super Fighter, as shown in a painful scene where she has a tearful goodbye with all her servants. Yeah, yeah, stop with the hugging and make with the severance check already.
( Read no further if you don't want to be spoiled for the EPIC STORY of Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li! )
1. After a pointless shot of the Golden Gate Bridge, and to a downright hateful voiceover, we recap Chun-Li growing up being taught kung-fu and piano-playing by her father, until the evil Bison arrives to kidnap Chun-Dad and call Chun-Li a schoolgirl, which is so clever it gets reiterated a million times. And does Chun-Li have a significant necklace that serves as a physical reminder of her love for her father? Of course she does.
2. Chun-Dad at one point sets his hand on fire to fight. That seems counterintuitive.
3. Balrog, played by Michael Clark Duncan, has dialogue that’s 99% evil laughter. At least someone’s having a good time. He also seems to spend an inordinate amount of time relaying messages to his boss. Bison, dude, hire a secretary, don’t have your Scary Black Man do that.
4. Bison (Neal McDonough, best known as the first openly-but-not-really gay character on Star Trek) has the most effeminate accent imaginable. He sounds like a cross between John Travolta playing a Psychlo and what you’d get if Malcolm McDowell were told to play Nelson C. Reilly.
5. After her father’s kidnapping, Chun-Lana grows up to be a concert pianist playing to an audience of lazily-composited green screens. Her dad grows up to be used by Bison for his “connections” in exchange for his daughter’s safety. Considering he’s been held long enough for a little girl to become a concert pianist, those are some long-lasting connections. Doesn’t anyone tell him “screw off, you’ve been declared dead for ten years!”
6. She sees a man getting beaten up on the subway and is the only one to help him in any way. His conspicuous tattoo gets both a Significant Close-Up and a flashback later on. Wouldn’t want all the Ritalin poppers in the audience to forget.
7. Chun-Lana gets one of those ancient scrolls that looks like it might come with an expensive DVD boxset. She has it translated and thought you might think it has some bearing on her decision to live on the streets of Bangkok, I think a late-night viewing of Batman Begins is more likely.
8. Kreuk’s voiceover is the worst of its kind since Harrison Ford’s in Blade Runner. It's firmly of the "tell people what they're seeing happening" school, when it's not mentioning character development they didn't bother to actually put in the script.
9. Needless to say, Chun-Lana is a Super Humanitarian in addition to be a Super Pianist and a Super Fighter, as shown in a painful scene where she has a tearful goodbye with all her servants. Yeah, yeah, stop with the hugging and make with the severance check already.
( Read no further if you don't want to be spoiled for the EPIC STORY of Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li! )
