The Rules

[seriousfic]

1. All female protagonists of any story (but most especially urban fantasy) must have body issues. In the olden days, the defining characteristic of women was shoes. However, men eventually tumbled to that, and now if you asked Clint Eastwood to write a female character, he'd write that she likes shopping for shoes. Thus, the new way for female characters to be relatable and sympathetic is for them to complain that their breasts aren't large enough.

2. The more femslashable a character is, the more odious her male love interest will be.

3. Any fake folklore must include a sequence where two people change into different forms to conflict with each other.

4. Nobody puts Baby in the corner.