Taken

[seriousfic]

I just got back from Taken and before I start on the review, I'd like to mention a trailer I saw before the movie. John Cena plays a cop who apprehends a "brilliant killer" (although how brilliant you can be when you get caught by a pro wrestler, and not even the Rock or Mic Foley at that, is lost to me) but in the process the killer's girlfriend is killed. Years later, the killer escapes and, out for revenge, makes John Cena jump through hoops fulfill twelve tasks or he'll detonate various bombs.

When the trailer said "from the director of Die Hard 2" I couldn't help but add "and the plot of Die Hard 3."

But anyone, if you've seen the (awesome) trailer, you probably know what you're in for. I'm happy to report that the movie lives up to it, unlike all those shitty movies that show half their action in the trailer (you can tell The International is going to suck because they literally had to borrow action from other movies to make the trailer. Also, I'm really tired of seeing that boring, generic trailer. Just come out already, movie, so I can not see you!). Liam Neeson gets Aslan on some sex trade ass and boy, does it feel good. In fact, my one real complaint is that the movie is PG-13. When you have scum of the earth like white slavers as the villains, you really wanna see some skulls caved in. If an unrated version comes out, I'm scooping it up like a Wonka Bar with a golden ticket.

Now, this is how you do a Punisher movie. Bad people do bad things, good guy does worse things to them. And Liam Neeson is such a sympathetic, dignified actor that because he cares about his daughter, you care about her and you start rooting for him in earnest. Which means that when some ratshit motherfucker who was part of Operation Piss Off Liam Neeson drives into the wrong end of a bulldozer, you hear the audience say things like "Oooooo score!" Now THAT'S good action movie (although, like I said, it does beg for some gore)!

So, you wanna kill an hour and a half, go see it, have fun, and only pay for the edge of the theater seat because that's all you'll need!

Comments

[black13.livejournal.com]

There is an unrated version. I saw it at a press preview. It rocks massively. And I concur, this is what a Punisher movie should be like.

Although I can't shake my suspicions that Taken is intended as a parody. Neeson said it's a straight actioner, but still... There are too many things off...

[(Anonymous)]

I saw the uncut version a few weeks ago and agreed that for once, the trailers did not let me down. The movie might as well be called:

Liam Neeson Will Fuck You Up: The Motion Picture.

[lurkslikefox.livejournal.com]

I can't help but think that the French tourist board weeps whenever someone mentions this film. 'Come to Paris and become part of our world-famous forced sex trade. All the heroin you can mainline!'

I also loved the fact that he doesn't go to prison at the end, after having killed what seems like most of Paris. I like to think that the only guy left alive is the one driving the sheik's boat, who's just listening to all this mayhem and getting more and more worried...

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

I imagine the French police would immediately surrender upon seeing Liam Neeson.