BELIEVE IT

[seriousfic]

Look, I know Janeway is popular in femslash circles, but as a Trekkie, it must be said...

Scotty: Cap'n, we're stranded in the Delta Quadrant! It'll take us seventy years to get home!

Music gets dramatic as Kirk scowls at this predicament, go to credits.

One hour later (counting commercials), they're home in time for everyone to laugh when Bones makes a racist joke at Spock's expense.

And Kirk sleeps with Seven, both before and after defeating the Borg with an overenunciated paradox.

ETA:

Scotty: Cap'n, it'll take us seventy years to get home!

Kirk: Damnit, Scotty, can't we go any faster?

Scotty: Aye, sir, I've coaxed a little more speed from me wee bairns and it looks like we'll be back home in three minutes.

Kirk: Excellent work, Mr. Scott. Kirk out.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/thrace_/]

You just know Kirk would make an assimilation joke. "My penis is the hammer assimilation tubule."

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

I should also note, for the record, that Sisko never tried bunching his hands together and hitting the Dominion with two fists at once. Or drop-kicking them. An unfortunately common oversight.

[http://users.livejournal.com/thrace_/]

I could have sworn he did. Bunching your hands together and hitting with two fists at once is like, the only maneuver in the Starfleet personal combat handbook. Unless you have a bat'leth. The drop-kicking, that's where he went wrong. The Jem'Hadar wouldn't have stood for the drop-kicking. Damn them.

[dancinguniverse.livejournal.com]

I won a Kirk vs Picard argument just last night by pointing out that Picard never built a bazooka/cannon out of natural elements.

There's nothing the good captain can't do. Except say no when a woman lifts her skirt.

[pendown.livejournal.com]

Just whatever you do don't calculate Kirk's Mary-Sue rating.

[mymatedave.livejournal.com]

You know that's right.

[rann.livejournal.com]

You forgot the fact where he sweeps in to someone else's society that's functioned perfectly well without him for a few centuries to millennium, walks around with a smug expression and talks to them like precocious, not-too-bright children because they're not just like humans, fucks up said society for the chance to bang the planetary leader's daughter, and leaves both her and ruin in his wake before cheerfully moralizing about how maybe those backwards fools will just get with it and be more like him with a smirk on his face.

Because lord knows I always loved Roddenberry's idea of what a Starfleet captain should be. Janeway may've had her faults, but consistently thinking the Prime Directive ended in "-unless you could get some alien poonanny, then feel free to fuck the place up right proper" wasn't one of 'em.

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

However, Kirk never needed to fuck a hologram.

[rann.livejournal.com]

That's only because he didn't have one.

Kirk would have fucked the Guardian of Forever if it had tits carved on it and the orifice were smaller.

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

If the Guardian of Forever were any smaller, his ENORMOUS BALLS wouldn't have fit when he tea-bagged it.

[rann.livejournal.com]

I believe you mean his ENORMOUS EGO couldn't have handled fucking any smaller an artifact of power.

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

It's not ego if the number of times you've saved the Earth is in the double digits.

[rann.livejournal.com]

So only the Earth counts? Plus I want a list!

[alcimines.livejournal.com]

Kirk: Damnit, Scotty, can't we go any faster?

Scotty: Aye, sir, I've coaxed a little more speed from me wee bairns and it looks like we'll be back home in three minutes.

Thus proving the awesomeness of Scotty. Kirk just sat in the fancy chair, talked to Spock and Bones incessantly, and got laid a lot. Scotty was the guy who really made the important things happen.

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

Ah, but who hired Scotty?

[ladylavinia.livejournal.com]

You forgot the fact where he sweeps in to someone else's society that's functioned perfectly well without him for a few centuries to millennium, walks around with a smug expression and talks to them like precocious, not-too-bright children because they're not just like humans, fucks up said society for the chance to bang the planetary leader's daughter, and leaves both her and ruin in his wake before cheerfully moralizing about how maybe those backwards fools will just get with it and be more like him with a smirk on his face.


Which is one of the reasons why I sometimes detest James T. Kirk.