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seriousficTitle: The History of the DC Universe (as told by chibis) Part 1
Fandom: Teen Titans
Rating: G
Word Count: 2,649
Characters/Pairings: Chibi!Dick, Chibi!Kory, Chibi!Babs, Chibi!Titans, Chibi!BOP, Chibi!Bats, and Mean Old Mr. Darkseid
Timeline: Inspired by Superman/Batman 51 (the chibi issue) and AIM conversation with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shananagin.
Summary: Kory runs away from home when her older sister Blackfire tries to make her clean up all her stupid friends’ messes, gets into a love triangle with Dick (whose circus acrobat parents fell off of unicycles), and goes to the school dance with a boy her father set her up with.
Kory pouted. Her parents were out of town and now stupid Blackfire was making her go to a sleepover with the Citadel. They had to walk down the street all alone and it was getting dark and scary and she hated it. “But Blackfire, I don’t wanna go!”
Blackfire turned on her, scowling. “You’ll go, you little twerp! We need a slave girl for our party! You’re gonna get us sweets whenever we run out!”
“Oh.” That changed things. “Can I have some?”
“No! Cuz you’re pudgy!” Blackfire pinched her stomach. “Pudgy! Pudgy!”
“I am not! I’m full-figured!”
“Pudgy!”
“Least I don’t have a hatchet face.”
Blackfire’s hand rose to her face. “I don’t have a hatchet face!”
“You do! That’s why everyone likes me better! You’re mean and I’m pretty!”
“We’ll see how pretty you are!” Blackfire grabbed at Kory, who jumped away. “Come back here!”
Kory ran for it, jumping over a white picket fence, a bush. “I’m running away! And when mom and dad get back, you can tell them I left because you were so mean! They’re gonna ground you forever!”
Blackfire watched her go, arms crossed. “Fine! Run away! See if I care! I hope you trip and skin your knee! I hope you bleed!”
Head held high, Blackfire continued onward to her sleepover.
***
How long had Kory been running? It felt like forever. And though it seemed impossible, the night had gotten even darker. She hugged herself for warmth. “Hey! What’re you doing out here?”
She looked up sharply. There was a boy in the tree above her! He was reading short green pants, a tight red T-shirt, and a yellow cape. He hopped down, spinning through the air before he landed on both feet.
“Wow! That was incredible!”
“Thank you, thank you…” the boy stopped bowing and quickly went into a wolfish scowl. “Now what’re you doing out!? Don’t you know it’s late! It’s probably past your bedtime!”
“Hey! You can’t talk that way to me! I’m a princess!”
“Oh, is that so? I’ve got news for you, your highness.” The boy crossed his arms smugly. “This is America. We’re a democracy. We don’t have princesses.”
“Oh no! America! I was trying to get back to Tamaran Street! That’s where my dad and mom live!” She bit one of her long bangs. “They left to go see a movie and put my older sister Blackfire in charge, but she wanted to go to a sleepover with her stupid friends the Gordons.”
“As in Barbara Gordon?” the boy asked, blushing suddenly.
“No, I don’t think so. They’re all boys and really mean. They’re always coming over to Tamaran Street and taking our toys.”
“Blackguards!” the boy cried, jumping up onto a trampoline. “By Gotham, they shall pay for their crimes!” He took a walkie-talkie out of his pocket. “Batman! Come in, Batman! This is Robin!”
“You forgot to say ‘over’, over,” a rough voice grumbled.
“Sorry, sir. Uh, over.”
“That’s alright. What’s the problem, over?”
“I’ve heard reports of mean kids going to Tamaran Street and stealing toys! I’m going to investigate, over.”
“Good luck, Robin. Be careful. The night in Gotham is cold. You might wanna grab a coat.”
“Okay Batman, over.” Robin looked at Kory. “I’m going to take your case! Hold on while I get my detective kit.” He ran into the house whose lawn he’d been hanging around in, then ran back out with a magnifying glass. “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go!”
***
It wasn’t as scary, walking back to Tamaran Street with a boy around. Not that she needed a boy to protect her, she just liked the company.
Robin looked really cute in his bat-coat too, although he kept scratching at it. “I won’t catch cold! Here, Kory, you take it!”
“Thanks!” She put it on. It felt nice and toasty from his body heat. “So, what’re you doing up? Don’t your parents’ have a bedtime for you?”
Robin looked at her. “My parents… don’t set bedtimes anymore.”
“Why? What happened?”
“They were acrobats in the circus. One night, a bully named Zucco put a tack on the floor. They were riding a two-person bicycle when… the tack punctured their tire. They fell over. Scraped their knees.”
Kory put her arm around Robin. “I’m so sorry.”
“Batman was there. He knew what it was like to see your family bullied, right in front of you. He took me in, taught me how to fight crime.”
“Can I fight crime with you?”
“You? But you’re just a girl! You need to have special powers to fight crime!”
“Oh yeah? What’re your special powers?”
Robin stood on his head.
“Wow…”
“I know. I’m awesome.” Robin righted himself. “So how’s about it? What’s your power?”
Kory pointed at the street. Her hand glowed green, then a little burst of energy shot from her hand like a firecracker. It scorched the street.
“Wow! Cool! You can definitely be part of our team!”
“Yay!” Kory kissed Robin on the cheek. “I just know we’re going to be best friends!”
***
Two weeks later…
“Karras!” Kory cried, full of dismay. “I have to go to the school dance with Karras!?”
Her father nodded. “His parents are new in town and they want their son to make friends. You’re so social, just take him to the dance and introduce him to your new friends, what’re their names, the Tiny…”
“The Teeny Titans!” Kory insisted. “But what about Dick!? I was going to go to the dance with him!”
“He’ll understand.”
***
“I don’t understand!” Dick said as they walked to the ice cream parlor after school. “You say you like me, then you say you’re taking another boy to the school dance?”
“It doesn’t mean anything. I’ll just dance with him a little, then you and I can dance.”
“No! Taking someone to the school dance is a sacred bond! I won’t let you break it! If you’re going to dance with me, then don’t dance with other people!” Dick crossed his arms. “That’s final!”
“Why are you being so stupid about this!? We just have to walk in together! He probably won’t even want to hang out with me once we’re inside!”
“Oh yeah? What if he wants to hold hands? What if he wants to kiss? Huh!”
“You are being so… ugh! I’m going to the ladies’ room to wash my hands! You’d better do it too, so you don’t get a disease when you eat… though it would serve you right!”
She stormed off in a huff.
“Yeah, you’d better get lots of practice washing your hands!” Dick yelled after her. “So you can wash off his germs when he wants to hold your hand!”
With a ‘hmmph,’ Kory passed into the ladies’ room. Dick scowled as he scrambled up onto a seat. “Soda jerk, one milkshake, large.”
“You sure? If you drink one of those too fast, you could give yourself a headache.”
“Just so long as it takes away the pain…”
Dick was halfway through his milkshake when he heard crying behind him. Barbara Gordon was in one of the booths. Her leg was in a cast from when the Joker had pushed her out of her treehouse. Scuttlebutt was that she would have to spend all summer in a cast. Now she never played with him or Bruce. She just kept talking on the phone with Dinah.
“Hey Babs, what’s wrong?” Dick asked, walking over to her.
“Isn’t it obvious?” She pointed at the cast on her leg. “No one wants to sign my cast. Everyone signed Bruce’s cast after Bane threw that rock at him.”
“Yeah… that was mean. Hey, you can have my milkshake.”
Barbara bit her lip. “How could you give your milkshake to half a woman?”
“I’m full anyway.”
“Thanks,” Barbara said, taking his milkshake and slurping on it.
“Hey, you know, I could sign your cast.”
“What, really?”
“Yeah! I just learned to spell my own name last week! Did you know Dick has a C and a K?”
Barbara giggled. “Yeah. I knew that.”
Dick grabbed a crayon from the lunch mat Barbara had been coloring and scrawled his name on Barbara’s cast with artistic precision.
“There! Now everyone will know we’re friends! Forever!”
Barbara smiled. “I wish I could give something to you so people would know you’re my friend too.”
“Hmm… oh, I know!” Dick dug into his backpack and pulled out a heart he’d cut from red construction paper. “Here, I made it in class. You can sign it!”
“Okay!” Barbara took the Valentine from him. “What? Is this Kory’s signature!?”
“Yeah. Look, she signed her name with a little heart!”
“Dick Grayson, you two-timing penisface! Get out of here! I hate you! I hope I never see you again!”
Dick snatched back the Valentine. “Yeah? Well, I hate you too! Have fun playing with Dinah!”
“And you have fun playing with Kory,” she sniffled, “jerk!”
***
The next day, Dick found Scott Free playing inside the jungle gym. The Saturday of the dance was coming up and he still had no one to go with him! If he didn’t find someone soon, he would have to go with a boy like Roy. Then he’d be like one of the girls who couldn’t get a boy to go with them, like Bea and Tora! The only boy who wanted to take Bea to the dance was Guy, so she had to go with Tora. Poor, poor Bea…
“At-ta-ka! At-ta-ka!” Scott shouted, rattling the bars of the gym.
“Scott, you’re sweethearts with Barda, right?”
Scott let loose a dreamy sigh, like cartoon characters did when they had hearts in their eyes. “Yeeah.”
“You gotta talk to her! I know she’s having sleepover with Barbara and Dinah and Zinda all the time, so she needs to put in a good word for me with Babs!”
“Yeah, sure.” Scott took out a pair of handcuffs. “Watch me escape these cuffs!” He put them on, then lowered his arms so they slid off. “Ta-da!”
***
The day rolled on. Dick was so worked up over the whole situation that he roughhoused with Tim when he got home, and they ended up breaking the framed picture of Jason. Alfred sent them both to their rooms without supper. Frames were expensive, after all.
Worst of all was that he could see across the street, the girls were having fun at Barbara’s sleepover. They were probably watching PG movies. He had watched PG movies with Kory once, but only with Kory. They were too scary to watch alone.
Barbara and her girls specialized in playing pranks on bullies. When they had to babysit a little-bittie kid like Misfit or Black Alice, they would all work together to make sure none of them were run roughshod over. Little Barda was particularly effective, with her Mega-Ruler. No one dared risk a spanking from that thing, even though so far Barda had never used it.
***
“You kids stay out of my yard!” Mean Old Mr. Darkseid said, chasing Scott out. His yard was full of baseballs, Frisbees, footballs, Nerf darts, and all kinds of neat stuff that Mean Old Mr. Darkseid never let any of the kids get back. Scott was the only one brave enough to climb over his fence and get their stuff back. And as payment for getting Barda to talk to Barbara about Dick, Dick had to help him.
“Haha, awesome!” Scott cried, pumping his fist. With Dick holding a pillow bag, they’d gotten twice the swag as usual.
“Alright, I’ve done my part,” Dick said, hurdling a lawn gnome carved in Mean Old Mr. Darkseid’s likeness. “Now you tell me what’s going on.”
“Well, Barda was baking a pie with her mom when someone stole it, right off the windowsill! I found her on the kitchen floor, still crying. At first we thought it was Mean Old Mr. Darkseid, but I think our pie thief left a flaming bag of poo on his doorstep. Superman and I are determined to get to the bottom of this! That prankster is going to pay for making Barda cry!” Scott pounded his fist into his palm. “And Mr. Darkseid let Mary Marvel have too much sweets before bedtime. That’s what made her run around pushing everyone over.”
“What about Barbara, Scott? Barbara.”
“Oh. Barbara.” Scott frowned. “You’re not gonna like this, Dick. You sure you wouldn’t rather see me escape from a Chinese finger trap?”
“Just tell me!”
“She’s… holding hands with Dinah.”
“Oh… gosh!” Dick hung his head.
“Apparently, Dinah watched a scary movie with Ollie and this woman got tied up and these guys cut her and all this blood came out… Dinah’s been having nightmares about that, so she and Barbara have been snuggling.”
“Holy broken heart, Scott!… snuggling!” That was even worse! Girls held hands all the time, that was no big deal, but snuggling! Snuggling led to cuddling, cuddling led to hugging, hugging led to kissing, and kissing led to babies! Everyone knew that! “Are they going to get married?”
“I don’t know, man. I’m kinda hesitant to bring up the subject of marriage with Barda. She always gets this weird look in her eyes.” Scott batted his eyelashes. “Ya know?”
That was a good sign. There were rare cases of girls marrying girls, like the time Io had bragged she was going to marry Diana when she grew up, and the ceremony Harley and Ivy had had where they agreed to never play on the see-saw with other people. But maybe Dinah would go back to being Ollie’s sweetheart once he stopped shooting everyone with toy arrows. He was really taking being put in detention hard. He blamed it on the ‘fascists’, whoever they were.
“Why don’t you just go to the dance with Kory?” Scott asked. “She seems to like you.”
Dick shook his head. “We tried going on a play date once, but Raven started crying when we were about to kiss.”
***
“Alright ladies, the studs are here!” Roy said as he arrived with Dick. They’d both dressed in their finest, Roy in a white leisure suit, Dick in a black and blue disco suit. “Come and get it, chocolate and vanilla!”
“I miss my cape,” Dick said. “I feel like everyone’s staring at my butt.”
“No one’s staring at your butt,” Roy assured him.
The school gymnasium had been converted into a big dance hall, with a table for punch and chips. Everyone was dancing and having a good time. Even Bruce was doing the Batusi. Dick felt so alone.
“Hey Dick!” Kory said, running up to him. “Nice butt.”
“Thanks. I like your hair.”
“My mom let me use her shampoo so it would have more bounce. Look!” She flipped her hair.
“Wow, it’s really shiny,” Roy said. “Can I touch it?”
“I don’t know… I’d hate for Dick go get mad at me…”
“I’m sorry I got upset,” Dick said. “I just don’t like the thought of you dancing with other boys.”
“That’s silly. You shouldn’t get jealous over one little dance.”
Barbara rattled over to Dick’s side on crutches. “Hey Dick. One of my informants reported that there’s a huge lizard outside! You wanna go look at it? We can hold hands on the way!”
Kory leaped in-between them. “Back off, loser! He’s my boyfriend and I’m the only one who gets to hold hands with him!” She took Dick’s hand firmly. “See?”
Barbara was heartbroken. “But… Dick… I thought you liked me.”
“I do like you, Babs! I just like Kory too! I like you both!” Dick lifted the hand Kory wasn’t holding. “Why don’t we all hold hands?”
Kory and Barbara’s eyes met. “He does have two hands.”
“Fine,” Barbara said, smiling. “But I get to hold hands with Dinah!”
To be continued in Part 2: A Booboo In The Family.
Fandom: Teen Titans
Rating: G
Word Count: 2,649
Characters/Pairings: Chibi!Dick, Chibi!Kory, Chibi!Babs, Chibi!Titans, Chibi!BOP, Chibi!Bats, and Mean Old Mr. Darkseid
Timeline: Inspired by Superman/Batman 51 (the chibi issue) and AIM conversation with
shananagin.Summary: Kory runs away from home when her older sister Blackfire tries to make her clean up all her stupid friends’ messes, gets into a love triangle with Dick (whose circus acrobat parents fell off of unicycles), and goes to the school dance with a boy her father set her up with.
Kory pouted. Her parents were out of town and now stupid Blackfire was making her go to a sleepover with the Citadel. They had to walk down the street all alone and it was getting dark and scary and she hated it. “But Blackfire, I don’t wanna go!”
Blackfire turned on her, scowling. “You’ll go, you little twerp! We need a slave girl for our party! You’re gonna get us sweets whenever we run out!”
“Oh.” That changed things. “Can I have some?”
“No! Cuz you’re pudgy!” Blackfire pinched her stomach. “Pudgy! Pudgy!”
“I am not! I’m full-figured!”
“Pudgy!”
“Least I don’t have a hatchet face.”
Blackfire’s hand rose to her face. “I don’t have a hatchet face!”
“You do! That’s why everyone likes me better! You’re mean and I’m pretty!”
“We’ll see how pretty you are!” Blackfire grabbed at Kory, who jumped away. “Come back here!”
Kory ran for it, jumping over a white picket fence, a bush. “I’m running away! And when mom and dad get back, you can tell them I left because you were so mean! They’re gonna ground you forever!”
Blackfire watched her go, arms crossed. “Fine! Run away! See if I care! I hope you trip and skin your knee! I hope you bleed!”
Head held high, Blackfire continued onward to her sleepover.
***
How long had Kory been running? It felt like forever. And though it seemed impossible, the night had gotten even darker. She hugged herself for warmth. “Hey! What’re you doing out here?”
She looked up sharply. There was a boy in the tree above her! He was reading short green pants, a tight red T-shirt, and a yellow cape. He hopped down, spinning through the air before he landed on both feet.
“Wow! That was incredible!”
“Thank you, thank you…” the boy stopped bowing and quickly went into a wolfish scowl. “Now what’re you doing out!? Don’t you know it’s late! It’s probably past your bedtime!”
“Hey! You can’t talk that way to me! I’m a princess!”
“Oh, is that so? I’ve got news for you, your highness.” The boy crossed his arms smugly. “This is America. We’re a democracy. We don’t have princesses.”
“Oh no! America! I was trying to get back to Tamaran Street! That’s where my dad and mom live!” She bit one of her long bangs. “They left to go see a movie and put my older sister Blackfire in charge, but she wanted to go to a sleepover with her stupid friends the Gordons.”
“As in Barbara Gordon?” the boy asked, blushing suddenly.
“No, I don’t think so. They’re all boys and really mean. They’re always coming over to Tamaran Street and taking our toys.”
“Blackguards!” the boy cried, jumping up onto a trampoline. “By Gotham, they shall pay for their crimes!” He took a walkie-talkie out of his pocket. “Batman! Come in, Batman! This is Robin!”
“You forgot to say ‘over’, over,” a rough voice grumbled.
“Sorry, sir. Uh, over.”
“That’s alright. What’s the problem, over?”
“I’ve heard reports of mean kids going to Tamaran Street and stealing toys! I’m going to investigate, over.”
“Good luck, Robin. Be careful. The night in Gotham is cold. You might wanna grab a coat.”
“Okay Batman, over.” Robin looked at Kory. “I’m going to take your case! Hold on while I get my detective kit.” He ran into the house whose lawn he’d been hanging around in, then ran back out with a magnifying glass. “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go!”
***
It wasn’t as scary, walking back to Tamaran Street with a boy around. Not that she needed a boy to protect her, she just liked the company.
Robin looked really cute in his bat-coat too, although he kept scratching at it. “I won’t catch cold! Here, Kory, you take it!”
“Thanks!” She put it on. It felt nice and toasty from his body heat. “So, what’re you doing up? Don’t your parents’ have a bedtime for you?”
Robin looked at her. “My parents… don’t set bedtimes anymore.”
“Why? What happened?”
“They were acrobats in the circus. One night, a bully named Zucco put a tack on the floor. They were riding a two-person bicycle when… the tack punctured their tire. They fell over. Scraped their knees.”
Kory put her arm around Robin. “I’m so sorry.”
“Batman was there. He knew what it was like to see your family bullied, right in front of you. He took me in, taught me how to fight crime.”
“Can I fight crime with you?”
“You? But you’re just a girl! You need to have special powers to fight crime!”
“Oh yeah? What’re your special powers?”
Robin stood on his head.
“Wow…”
“I know. I’m awesome.” Robin righted himself. “So how’s about it? What’s your power?”
Kory pointed at the street. Her hand glowed green, then a little burst of energy shot from her hand like a firecracker. It scorched the street.
“Wow! Cool! You can definitely be part of our team!”
“Yay!” Kory kissed Robin on the cheek. “I just know we’re going to be best friends!”
***
Two weeks later…
“Karras!” Kory cried, full of dismay. “I have to go to the school dance with Karras!?”
Her father nodded. “His parents are new in town and they want their son to make friends. You’re so social, just take him to the dance and introduce him to your new friends, what’re their names, the Tiny…”
“The Teeny Titans!” Kory insisted. “But what about Dick!? I was going to go to the dance with him!”
“He’ll understand.”
***
“I don’t understand!” Dick said as they walked to the ice cream parlor after school. “You say you like me, then you say you’re taking another boy to the school dance?”
“It doesn’t mean anything. I’ll just dance with him a little, then you and I can dance.”
“No! Taking someone to the school dance is a sacred bond! I won’t let you break it! If you’re going to dance with me, then don’t dance with other people!” Dick crossed his arms. “That’s final!”
“Why are you being so stupid about this!? We just have to walk in together! He probably won’t even want to hang out with me once we’re inside!”
“Oh yeah? What if he wants to hold hands? What if he wants to kiss? Huh!”
“You are being so… ugh! I’m going to the ladies’ room to wash my hands! You’d better do it too, so you don’t get a disease when you eat… though it would serve you right!”
She stormed off in a huff.
“Yeah, you’d better get lots of practice washing your hands!” Dick yelled after her. “So you can wash off his germs when he wants to hold your hand!”
With a ‘hmmph,’ Kory passed into the ladies’ room. Dick scowled as he scrambled up onto a seat. “Soda jerk, one milkshake, large.”
“You sure? If you drink one of those too fast, you could give yourself a headache.”
“Just so long as it takes away the pain…”
Dick was halfway through his milkshake when he heard crying behind him. Barbara Gordon was in one of the booths. Her leg was in a cast from when the Joker had pushed her out of her treehouse. Scuttlebutt was that she would have to spend all summer in a cast. Now she never played with him or Bruce. She just kept talking on the phone with Dinah.
“Hey Babs, what’s wrong?” Dick asked, walking over to her.
“Isn’t it obvious?” She pointed at the cast on her leg. “No one wants to sign my cast. Everyone signed Bruce’s cast after Bane threw that rock at him.”
“Yeah… that was mean. Hey, you can have my milkshake.”
Barbara bit her lip. “How could you give your milkshake to half a woman?”
“I’m full anyway.”
“Thanks,” Barbara said, taking his milkshake and slurping on it.
“Hey, you know, I could sign your cast.”
“What, really?”
“Yeah! I just learned to spell my own name last week! Did you know Dick has a C and a K?”
Barbara giggled. “Yeah. I knew that.”
Dick grabbed a crayon from the lunch mat Barbara had been coloring and scrawled his name on Barbara’s cast with artistic precision.
“There! Now everyone will know we’re friends! Forever!”
Barbara smiled. “I wish I could give something to you so people would know you’re my friend too.”
“Hmm… oh, I know!” Dick dug into his backpack and pulled out a heart he’d cut from red construction paper. “Here, I made it in class. You can sign it!”
“Okay!” Barbara took the Valentine from him. “What? Is this Kory’s signature!?”
“Yeah. Look, she signed her name with a little heart!”
“Dick Grayson, you two-timing penisface! Get out of here! I hate you! I hope I never see you again!”
Dick snatched back the Valentine. “Yeah? Well, I hate you too! Have fun playing with Dinah!”
“And you have fun playing with Kory,” she sniffled, “jerk!”
***
The next day, Dick found Scott Free playing inside the jungle gym. The Saturday of the dance was coming up and he still had no one to go with him! If he didn’t find someone soon, he would have to go with a boy like Roy. Then he’d be like one of the girls who couldn’t get a boy to go with them, like Bea and Tora! The only boy who wanted to take Bea to the dance was Guy, so she had to go with Tora. Poor, poor Bea…
“At-ta-ka! At-ta-ka!” Scott shouted, rattling the bars of the gym.
“Scott, you’re sweethearts with Barda, right?”
Scott let loose a dreamy sigh, like cartoon characters did when they had hearts in their eyes. “Yeeah.”
“You gotta talk to her! I know she’s having sleepover with Barbara and Dinah and Zinda all the time, so she needs to put in a good word for me with Babs!”
“Yeah, sure.” Scott took out a pair of handcuffs. “Watch me escape these cuffs!” He put them on, then lowered his arms so they slid off. “Ta-da!”
***
The day rolled on. Dick was so worked up over the whole situation that he roughhoused with Tim when he got home, and they ended up breaking the framed picture of Jason. Alfred sent them both to their rooms without supper. Frames were expensive, after all.
Worst of all was that he could see across the street, the girls were having fun at Barbara’s sleepover. They were probably watching PG movies. He had watched PG movies with Kory once, but only with Kory. They were too scary to watch alone.
Barbara and her girls specialized in playing pranks on bullies. When they had to babysit a little-bittie kid like Misfit or Black Alice, they would all work together to make sure none of them were run roughshod over. Little Barda was particularly effective, with her Mega-Ruler. No one dared risk a spanking from that thing, even though so far Barda had never used it.
***
“You kids stay out of my yard!” Mean Old Mr. Darkseid said, chasing Scott out. His yard was full of baseballs, Frisbees, footballs, Nerf darts, and all kinds of neat stuff that Mean Old Mr. Darkseid never let any of the kids get back. Scott was the only one brave enough to climb over his fence and get their stuff back. And as payment for getting Barda to talk to Barbara about Dick, Dick had to help him.
“Haha, awesome!” Scott cried, pumping his fist. With Dick holding a pillow bag, they’d gotten twice the swag as usual.
“Alright, I’ve done my part,” Dick said, hurdling a lawn gnome carved in Mean Old Mr. Darkseid’s likeness. “Now you tell me what’s going on.”
“Well, Barda was baking a pie with her mom when someone stole it, right off the windowsill! I found her on the kitchen floor, still crying. At first we thought it was Mean Old Mr. Darkseid, but I think our pie thief left a flaming bag of poo on his doorstep. Superman and I are determined to get to the bottom of this! That prankster is going to pay for making Barda cry!” Scott pounded his fist into his palm. “And Mr. Darkseid let Mary Marvel have too much sweets before bedtime. That’s what made her run around pushing everyone over.”
“What about Barbara, Scott? Barbara.”
“Oh. Barbara.” Scott frowned. “You’re not gonna like this, Dick. You sure you wouldn’t rather see me escape from a Chinese finger trap?”
“Just tell me!”
“She’s… holding hands with Dinah.”
“Oh… gosh!” Dick hung his head.
“Apparently, Dinah watched a scary movie with Ollie and this woman got tied up and these guys cut her and all this blood came out… Dinah’s been having nightmares about that, so she and Barbara have been snuggling.”
“Holy broken heart, Scott!… snuggling!” That was even worse! Girls held hands all the time, that was no big deal, but snuggling! Snuggling led to cuddling, cuddling led to hugging, hugging led to kissing, and kissing led to babies! Everyone knew that! “Are they going to get married?”
“I don’t know, man. I’m kinda hesitant to bring up the subject of marriage with Barda. She always gets this weird look in her eyes.” Scott batted his eyelashes. “Ya know?”
That was a good sign. There were rare cases of girls marrying girls, like the time Io had bragged she was going to marry Diana when she grew up, and the ceremony Harley and Ivy had had where they agreed to never play on the see-saw with other people. But maybe Dinah would go back to being Ollie’s sweetheart once he stopped shooting everyone with toy arrows. He was really taking being put in detention hard. He blamed it on the ‘fascists’, whoever they were.
“Why don’t you just go to the dance with Kory?” Scott asked. “She seems to like you.”
Dick shook his head. “We tried going on a play date once, but Raven started crying when we were about to kiss.”
***
“Alright ladies, the studs are here!” Roy said as he arrived with Dick. They’d both dressed in their finest, Roy in a white leisure suit, Dick in a black and blue disco suit. “Come and get it, chocolate and vanilla!”
“I miss my cape,” Dick said. “I feel like everyone’s staring at my butt.”
“No one’s staring at your butt,” Roy assured him.
The school gymnasium had been converted into a big dance hall, with a table for punch and chips. Everyone was dancing and having a good time. Even Bruce was doing the Batusi. Dick felt so alone.
“Hey Dick!” Kory said, running up to him. “Nice butt.”
“Thanks. I like your hair.”
“My mom let me use her shampoo so it would have more bounce. Look!” She flipped her hair.
“Wow, it’s really shiny,” Roy said. “Can I touch it?”
“I don’t know… I’d hate for Dick go get mad at me…”
“I’m sorry I got upset,” Dick said. “I just don’t like the thought of you dancing with other boys.”
“That’s silly. You shouldn’t get jealous over one little dance.”
Barbara rattled over to Dick’s side on crutches. “Hey Dick. One of my informants reported that there’s a huge lizard outside! You wanna go look at it? We can hold hands on the way!”
Kory leaped in-between them. “Back off, loser! He’s my boyfriend and I’m the only one who gets to hold hands with him!” She took Dick’s hand firmly. “See?”
Barbara was heartbroken. “But… Dick… I thought you liked me.”
“I do like you, Babs! I just like Kory too! I like you both!” Dick lifted the hand Kory wasn’t holding. “Why don’t we all hold hands?”
Kory and Barbara’s eyes met. “He does have two hands.”
“Fine,” Barbara said, smiling. “But I get to hold hands with Dinah!”
To be continued in Part 2: A Booboo In The Family.
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Date: 2008-08-22 01:32 am (UTC)Chibiverse is awesome. Mean old Mr. Darkseid kind of reminds me of Tiny Titans. This is the best of both those strange continuities. XD
Oddly enough, I always wanted to see a JLU episode that introduced Oracle for an episode after Babs suffered a temporary injury. It was a clever way to work Oracle in here.
Hee hee, unicycles. Treehouses. XD
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Date: 2008-08-22 02:07 am (UTC)Unfortunately, or possibly fortunately, the Bat-Embargo prevented them from using Babs in JLU, forcing a rewrite to split Babs's role between Question and Ollie. Of course, this meant that we got the awesome that was the Q/Huntress relationship, so...
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Date: 2008-08-22 01:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 04:30 am (UTC)This was total win. I'd quote bits that were hilarious, but it was all hilarious!
Wonderful.
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Date: 2008-08-22 11:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 04:54 am (UTC)There's going to be more parts? Really, you spoil us XD
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Date: 2008-08-22 05:42 am (UTC)...
It's 200% less rapey.
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Date: 2008-08-22 05:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 07:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 07:16 am (UTC)BATS SAID GRAB A COAT I LOVE YOU FOREVER
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Date: 2008-08-22 11:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 04:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-23 05:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 06:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-03 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-31 06:23 am (UTC)I can not stop laughing.
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Date: 2008-12-29 04:54 am (UTC)