![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficTitle: The Unfortunate Sex Dream Solution
Fandom: The Middleman
Timeline: The Vampiric Puppet Lamentation
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 768
Characters/Pairings: Wendy/Lacey
Summary: Lacey needs to 86 her weird sex dreams before it gets any weirder than Noser. Wendy might be able to help.
All through the apartment, not a creature was stirring, except for Lacey Thornfield. Wendy, gripped with a truly epic case of insomnia, watched as she rolled from one side of the bed to the other, occasionally with a slight giggle or a cry of “pillow lips.”
“Well, at least someone’s getting some action,” Wendy mused, pressing a pillow over her head. “Even if it’s just in dreams.”
“Mmm… pillow lips… what the…?” Lacey jerked upright. “Dub-dub, are you still awake?”
Wendy took the pillow off her face. “Maybe. Now I remember why we put our beds in different rooms to begin with.”
“But it’s like having a sleepover every night! Never mind.” Lacey traipsed over in a faded Greenpeace T-shirt and a pair of very becoming panties, to sit on the foot of Wendy’s bed.
Wendy made herself a little throne of pillows. “Another weird dream?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Who was it this time?”
Lacey sighed. “Noser.”
“You had a sex dream about Noser?”
”Yo, Lacey Thornfield, what do I need when I get this feeling?”
“Is it… Sexy healing?”
“Close enough.”
Lacey, miserable, put a hand to the side of her head. “And before that, I had one of Ben.”
”Hey, Lacey, before I make up a break-up video with Wendy, wanna make a sex tape with me?”
“That’s…” Wendy shook her head. “I’ve seen Dario Argento movies that were less horrific than that mental image.”
“And before that… you know that weird lady hanging out with your boss who kept implying I was on the whacky tobacky even though my body’s a temple?”
“Oh, Lacey, no…”
”Come on, powderpuff, I haven’t got all day and your mother Dr. Barbara Thornfield M.D. PhD isn’t going to rebel against herself.”
“God, Lacey, it sounds like the only people you haven’t had sex dreams about are me, my boss, and your mom.”
“I’ve had sex dreams about sexy boss man… while my mom watches… judging silently… always judging…” Lacey looked off into the distance.
“Riiiiight.” Wendy gave Lacey’s thigh a friendly four-fingered tap. “What you need to do is punch reset on your motherboard.”
“I don’t truck with Tron, Dub-Dub. Computers are the bane of modern man’s existence.”
“At the beginning of the month you were a transhumanist.”
“And now I want to live forever with yoga. The technology just isn’t there for humanity to persist as cybernetic organisms. What of the soul, Wendy? The soul?”
“Aww, come here.” Wendy crawled out from under the covers to give Lacey a hug. “These dreams are your subconscious’s way of telling you that it’s time to get over Middle… management, my boss in middle management, and move on to someone new.”
“Oh, okay, that makes sense.” Lacey let a finger down the back of Wendy’s cotton shirt, batting at the tag like a kitten. “Wendy, would you like to… experiment?”
“I take it you don’t mean with new creative mediums.”
“No, sexually, but that first one sounds cool too. Maybe we could just get some charcoal and some big rolls of paper and just go nuts!”
Wendy grabbed Lacey by her hair, two fists bunched in her bangs, and pulled her into a passionate kiss.
“…we should table the charcoal idea for now.”
“Until morning.”
“Or, you know, mid-afternoon.”
“Really? Is that some sort of tantric thing?”
“No, I just thought we might want to get breakfast first.” Lacey looked Wendy over hungrily, trying to decide which naughty bit to expose first, and settled on the pink socks Wendy was wearing to keep warm. “C’mere, spicy lips…”
***
“I had, bar none, the weirdest sex dream last night,” Wendy said, descending onto the kitchen table.
“Oh yeah?” Lacey dug into the pantry, finding several boxes of Captain Crunch waiting to be cut apart for their cardboard coupons but none with actual cereal inside them. “You’ll have to tell me about it sometime. I just keep having the same one over and over and… I mean, I never have sex dreams. Hillary Clinton gets more action than my dream-self.”
“Mmm-hmm. Could you see if we have any cereal under the sink?”
Lacey looked in the cupboard. “Don’t see anything.”
“Look harder. Bend down further. Further. Further.”
“Dub-dub, are you perving on my ass?”
“No.”
“Did you have a sex dream about me and are now dealing with a burgeoning sexual attraction to me through very un-feminist oogling?”
“…no.”
“Wanna make-out?”
“Yes.” Wendy backed up as Lacey cleared everything off the breakfast nook’s table and, in a very considerate kind of way, threw her onto it. “But after, do you want to experiment with charcoal?”
Fandom: The Middleman
Timeline: The Vampiric Puppet Lamentation
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 768
Characters/Pairings: Wendy/Lacey
Summary: Lacey needs to 86 her weird sex dreams before it gets any weirder than Noser. Wendy might be able to help.
All through the apartment, not a creature was stirring, except for Lacey Thornfield. Wendy, gripped with a truly epic case of insomnia, watched as she rolled from one side of the bed to the other, occasionally with a slight giggle or a cry of “pillow lips.”
“Well, at least someone’s getting some action,” Wendy mused, pressing a pillow over her head. “Even if it’s just in dreams.”
“Mmm… pillow lips… what the…?” Lacey jerked upright. “Dub-dub, are you still awake?”
Wendy took the pillow off her face. “Maybe. Now I remember why we put our beds in different rooms to begin with.”
“But it’s like having a sleepover every night! Never mind.” Lacey traipsed over in a faded Greenpeace T-shirt and a pair of very becoming panties, to sit on the foot of Wendy’s bed.
Wendy made herself a little throne of pillows. “Another weird dream?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Who was it this time?”
Lacey sighed. “Noser.”
“You had a sex dream about Noser?”
”Yo, Lacey Thornfield, what do I need when I get this feeling?”
“Is it… Sexy healing?”
“Close enough.”
Lacey, miserable, put a hand to the side of her head. “And before that, I had one of Ben.”
”Hey, Lacey, before I make up a break-up video with Wendy, wanna make a sex tape with me?”
“That’s…” Wendy shook her head. “I’ve seen Dario Argento movies that were less horrific than that mental image.”
“And before that… you know that weird lady hanging out with your boss who kept implying I was on the whacky tobacky even though my body’s a temple?”
“Oh, Lacey, no…”
”Come on, powderpuff, I haven’t got all day and your mother Dr. Barbara Thornfield M.D. PhD isn’t going to rebel against herself.”
“God, Lacey, it sounds like the only people you haven’t had sex dreams about are me, my boss, and your mom.”
“I’ve had sex dreams about sexy boss man… while my mom watches… judging silently… always judging…” Lacey looked off into the distance.
“Riiiiight.” Wendy gave Lacey’s thigh a friendly four-fingered tap. “What you need to do is punch reset on your motherboard.”
“I don’t truck with Tron, Dub-Dub. Computers are the bane of modern man’s existence.”
“At the beginning of the month you were a transhumanist.”
“And now I want to live forever with yoga. The technology just isn’t there for humanity to persist as cybernetic organisms. What of the soul, Wendy? The soul?”
“Aww, come here.” Wendy crawled out from under the covers to give Lacey a hug. “These dreams are your subconscious’s way of telling you that it’s time to get over Middle… management, my boss in middle management, and move on to someone new.”
“Oh, okay, that makes sense.” Lacey let a finger down the back of Wendy’s cotton shirt, batting at the tag like a kitten. “Wendy, would you like to… experiment?”
“I take it you don’t mean with new creative mediums.”
“No, sexually, but that first one sounds cool too. Maybe we could just get some charcoal and some big rolls of paper and just go nuts!”
Wendy grabbed Lacey by her hair, two fists bunched in her bangs, and pulled her into a passionate kiss.
“…we should table the charcoal idea for now.”
“Until morning.”
“Or, you know, mid-afternoon.”
“Really? Is that some sort of tantric thing?”
“No, I just thought we might want to get breakfast first.” Lacey looked Wendy over hungrily, trying to decide which naughty bit to expose first, and settled on the pink socks Wendy was wearing to keep warm. “C’mere, spicy lips…”
***
“I had, bar none, the weirdest sex dream last night,” Wendy said, descending onto the kitchen table.
“Oh yeah?” Lacey dug into the pantry, finding several boxes of Captain Crunch waiting to be cut apart for their cardboard coupons but none with actual cereal inside them. “You’ll have to tell me about it sometime. I just keep having the same one over and over and… I mean, I never have sex dreams. Hillary Clinton gets more action than my dream-self.”
“Mmm-hmm. Could you see if we have any cereal under the sink?”
Lacey looked in the cupboard. “Don’t see anything.”
“Look harder. Bend down further. Further. Further.”
“Dub-dub, are you perving on my ass?”
“No.”
“Did you have a sex dream about me and are now dealing with a burgeoning sexual attraction to me through very un-feminist oogling?”
“…no.”
“Wanna make-out?”
“Yes.” Wendy backed up as Lacey cleared everything off the breakfast nook’s table and, in a very considerate kind of way, threw her onto it. “But after, do you want to experiment with charcoal?”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-08-19 03:25 pm (UTC)That really cracked me up. Anyway, I really enjoyed this and it definately had the same feel as the writing on the show. Good job on this and I really hope you keep it up, cos Wendy and Lacey are so obviously gay for each other it isn't even funny!
It deserves to be fic'd;)
no subject
Date: 2008-08-19 04:37 pm (UTC)“I’ve had sex dreams about sexy boss man… while my mom watches… judging silently… always judging…” Lacey looked off into the distance.
Was my favorite part.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-31 03:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-31 03:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-19 10:05 pm (UTC)The characters seemed slightly off, but the line “I’ve had sex dreams about sexy boss man… while my mom watches… judging silently… always judging…” Lacey looked off into the distance." was perfect.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-19 10:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-20 03:53 pm (UTC)"C’mere, spicy lips…"
Great fic!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 06:02 am (UTC)Nonetheless, this is hilarious and awesome. *heee*
“But after, do you want to experiment with charcoal?”
I love how cute that is!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-24 12:44 pm (UTC)I might just have done myself an injury laughing so hard, but I'm too happy to care.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-18 01:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-10 08:51 am (UTC)